Why Do Couples Split Shortly After Getting Married?

Many different factors go into whether a marriage lasts or not. It’s no surprise that the amount of time you date before getting married can affect how long your marriage actually lasts. Trust, intimacy, and a deep connection take time to develop. If you’ve only been dating someone for a few months, you also can’t get a sense of whether they’re someone who will stick by you through thick and thin. But does dating for a longer time before getting married guarantee that your marriage will last? According to experts, not necessarily.

A 2015 study published in the journal Economic Inquiry found that couples who dated for one to two years before getting married were less likely to get divorced than those who only dated for one. The odds were even better for those who dated for three or more years. Another study published in the journal Family Relations also found a link between the amount of time a couple dated and their level of satisfaction with their marriage. People who dated longer were more likely to say they had a happy marriage.

If you’ve been with your partner for years and you’re already living together, marriage may seem like the next big step. But being with your partner for three, five, or even 10 years won’t guarantee you that your marriage will last. Sometimes long-term couples will find themselves seeking a divorce shortly after getting married.

So where does it all go wrong? According to experts, there is one key reason behind why this happens.

Couples Get Married For All The Wrong Reasons

Bored unhappy girlfriend listening to African American boyfriend in cafe, bad first impression and date concept, multiracial couple having sitting at table, talking, having problem in relationships

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“People get divorced shortly after marriage when one or both partners believe that simply being married will change an underlying problem,” Lara Friedrich, Psy.D., licensed psychologist who specializes in working with engaged couples and newlyweds, tells Bustle. “But marriage won’t magically make problems go away.”

For instance, if your partner is emotionally immature, getting married won’t automatically change that. If they have a history of cheating, being married may not suddenly make them faithful. If your relationship is already struggling, marriage isn’t going to make it go away.

“A ceremony, a party, and legal recognition aren’t enough to shift a problematic long-term dynamic,” Friedrich says. “When someone holds out hope that being married will change their partner in some way and that change doesn’t happen, it can lead to the realization that the relationship is no longer viable.”

You should also take more time to think about whether marriage is right for your relationship if you’re only doing it because you’re feeling outside pressure or for financial or practical reasons. Marriage isn’t for every couple and divorce is not easy.

The Best Way To Avoid A Divorce

Lesbian couple sitting together chatting

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Before you decide to take that next big step, it’s important to communicate. According to Friedrich, you can talk about your expectations for what you want the marriage to look like. It can also be helpful to talk through your experiences growing up, and what you may have witnessed in your parent’s relationship.

“You may be surprised to learn that you hold very different views about what it means to be married,” Friedrich says. “This could relate to gender roles, finances, religion, and parenting, to name a few. Getting clear on these values first is a great way to set up your marriage for success, no matter how long you’ve been together.”

If you do want to get married but there are lingering issues in the relationship, you may even want to consider premarital counseling.

As Raymond Hekmat, divorce consultant and attorney, tells Bustle, couples who go to counseling typically have a stronger foundation in their marriage. They’re forced to have the important and uncomfortable conversations about finances and their expectations from each other in the the marriage.

“From there, partners end up talking more about the practicality of their marriage because they’re more open and honest with one another,” Hekmat says. “This creates a beautiful intimacy between couples prior to getting married.”

Unfortunately, being in a long-term relationship doesn’t make you immune to divorce. Some couples will be together for years and then realize after months that marriage really isn’t for them. Before you get married, it’s important to have an honest conversation with your partner about why you want it and what you expect out of it. If you’re both on the same page and it feels like the right time, you’ll be off to a good start.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

If he is the right guy, he will treat you with respect. If he doesn’t he simply is not the guy for you.

Love is simply not enough to maintain a relationship – a foundation of mutual respect is equally, or perhaps, more important. A disrespectful spouse can disturb the healthy dynamics of a relationship. If he does not respect you, he does not deserve you. Remember those disrespectful relationships (the ones without respect) are never able to survive the test of time. Every couple has arguments and fights, but sorting the differences respectfully is the only way to save your relationship. If he disrespects you then the signs are always there.

What does respect mean in a relationship?

Respect in a relationship does not amount to subjugation of one partner by the other. It actually means admiring one another and understanding each other in such a way that differences of opinions do not disrupt the health of the relationship. Both the partners are able to appreciate one another’s perspective on life and do not impose anything on each other, because the relationship is characterised by mutual respect.

There are signs he disrespects you
Always arguing and disrespecting Image source

Why do men disrespect women?

First, let us not assume that all men disrespect women, as that will be our biggest mistake and sometimes circumstances are such that men might unintentionally disrespect women. Now after this clarification, we can give a snippet of the reasons which prompt disrespectful behaviour in a man towards a woman.

  • Those men who have issues of self-esteem and who think they are superior to others end up disrespecting females
  • Some may have suffered at the hands of a mother, ex-girlfriend or a lady in their lives, because of which they fail to respect other women
  • There are some men who might have never been in a relationship and do not genuinely know how to deal with women, so it seems as though they are disrespecting them

If you are in a relationship with a man who falls in any of these categories, then you must be aware of the signs of disrespect that your partner might exhibit, so that you can tackle the situation accordingly.

13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

When your boyfriend/husband shows you respect, you will feel treasured, important and dignified. However, if your man disrespects you, then you will feel exactly the opposite. We give you 13 signs which will convince you that he does not respect you and definitely does not deserve you. It can be a suffocating experience to be with someone who is controlling in nature. Infact, a relationship marked with disrespect soon turns abusive. Once convinced, you can decide for yourself whether you want to keep swallowing your pride and continue the relationship or keep your dignity intact by walking out of the relationship.

1. You doubt your potential because of him

Instead of being confident in what you do or say, you keep doubting your potential. This is because your boyfriend or husband has instilled that doubt in you by disregarding your thoughts and opinions. You keep questioning your dreams, your future and your life all day long, which is a sign that your partner is not supportive and probably disrespects you.

2. He seems distracted when you talk to him

Whenever you get the opportunity to talk to him, you do so enthusiastically and expect him to pay attention to you. But if you often notice that he seems distracted when you talk to him and he hardly seems interested to hear your opinions, then it means he is failing to respect you. Getting your husband listen to you seems like a mammoth task because he clearly is not interested in you. This is downright disrespectful behaviour.

There are signs he disrespects you
Being bored Image source

3. Your boyfriend does not keep his promises

A disrespectful man will not make any efforts to keep his promises to you and will disappoint you again and again. He will keep forgetting things you had told him to do, like calling you back when he is free or meeting you somewhere. All this is enough to give you the signal that you cannot depend on him and you are probably not that important in his life.

4. He makes fun of your professional goals and dreams

No matter how absurd and weird your dreams and profession are, your partner is supposed to encourage you. If your man is making fun of your career and goals in life, then he is being selfish and has no right to judge you. He is disrespecting you by not valuing your vocation.

5. You hardly have any personal space and time

At times, if he surprises you by visiting your workplace or when you are out with friends, it is okay. But if he does this way too often and keeps continuous tabs on you, then there is something definitely wrong with him. Your man might actually not respect you enough to trust you and give you your personal space and time. This is a sign he disrespects you.

6. He exhibits narcissistic tendencies

His desires, needs and wishes take top priority in his life and he is willing to do all in his power to ensure that his wants are fulfilled. The centre of his universe is himself and he does not bother about how he behaves with you. Your partner admires himself and considers you to be inferior to him. Living with a narcissistic spouse can screw your happiness and peace in no time.

7. Your boyfriend does not apologise

When it comes to apologising to you for his mistakes, he is absolutely stubborn. He does not admit his mistakes and probably starts blaming you for everything that is wrong. In order to avoid any criticism from your side, he will keep making lame excuses to convince you that he is not wrong.

8. He becomes super secretive around you

In a relationship, it is extremely essential that both partners remain honest to one another. Then only will the relationship last long. But if you find your boyfriend keeping secrets from you and perhaps even lying to you, then it is a sign of disrespect and you must not tolerate this.

There are signs he disrespects you
Being Secretive Image source

9. You are forced to transform yourself

Making smaller changes in your life to ensure compatibility with your man is a good thing to do. On the other hand, transforming yourself completely and forgetting who you really are as a person just to please your partner is something serious. It means he is not valuing you and you are also disregarding yourself. Everything in a relationship is not worth compromising on.

10. He looks down on you in front of other people

As a partner, he should make sure that only your good qualities and positive attitude is highlighted in front of the other people. But if your man does not pay attention to you, looks down upon you, portrays you as a stupid person and acts as if you embarrass him in front of others, then he definitely does not respect you. He is one selfish spouse and he does not deserve your love and care.

11. There is lack of commitment from his side

When problems arise in your relationship, you do all you can to sort them out, because you value your relationship. However, your man will not show genuine commitment to the relationship but lets things pass, because the relationship and you are not his priority. It seems that you give your 100%, but he does not even give his 10% to make the relationship work smoothly.

12. Your boyfriend does not hesitate to give silent treatment to you

Giving you silent treatment means not respecting you enough to share with you the cause of resentment and to give you an opportunity to clear the misunderstanding. By exhibiting this disrespectful man behaviour, he tries to manipulate and control you according to his wishes.

sad couple sitting
Having a no talk moment Image source

13. He flirts with others in front of you

You should get the hint that your man does not respect you truly when he flirts with other females in front of you. Even if he jokingly mentions being attracted to someone else, you must know that it is impolite and your feelings probably do not matter to him any more.

If you are facing disrespect in your relationship, then talk about it with your partner. If he willingly listens to you and agrees to improve himself, then there are chances of saving your relationship. However, if he becomes defensive and disregards your concern, then he does not deserve you and you must be prepared to move on. Be in a relationship with someone who respects who you are, encourages you to become a better human being and deserves you, and not with someone who controls and inhibits your growth.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

If he is the right guy, he will treat you with respect. If he doesn’t he simply is not the guy for you.

Love is simply not enough to maintain a relationship – a foundation of mutual respect is equally, or perhaps, more important. A disrespectful spouse can disturb the healthy dynamics of a relationship. If he does not respect you, he does not deserve you. Remember those disrespectful relationships (the ones without respect) are never able to survive the test of time. Every couple has arguments and fights, but sorting the differences respectfully is the only way to save your relationship. If he disrespects you then the signs are always there.

What does respect mean in a relationship?

Respect in a relationship does not amount to subjugation of one partner by the other. It actually means admiring one another and understanding each other in such a way that differences of opinions do not disrupt the health of the relationship. Both the partners are able to appreciate one another’s perspective on life and do not impose anything on each other, because the relationship is characterized by mutual respect.

There are signs he disrespects you

Why do men disrespect women?

First, let us not assume that all men disrespect women, as that will be our biggest mistake and sometimes circumstances are such that men might unintentionally disrespect women. Now after this clarification, we can give a snippet of the reasons which prompt disrespectful behavior in a man towards a woman.

  • Those men who have issues of self-esteem and who think they are superior to others end up disrespecting females
  • Some may have suffered at the hands of a mother, ex-girlfriend or a lady in their lives, because of which they fail to respect other women
  • There are some men who might have never been in a relationship and do not genuinely know how to deal with women, so it seems as though they are disrespecting them

If you are in a relationship with a man who falls in any of these categories, then you must be aware of the signs of disrespect that your partner might exhibit, so that you can tackle the situation accordingly.

13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

When your boyfriend/husband shows you respect, you will feel treasured, important and dignified. However, if your man disrespects you, then you will feel exactly the opposite. We give you 13 signs which will convince you that he does not respect you and definitely does not deserve you. It can be a suffocating experience to be with someone who is controlling in nature. In fact, a relationship marked with disrespect soon turns abusive. Once convinced, you can decide for yourself whether you want to keep swallowing your pride and continue the relationship or keep your dignity intact by walking out of the relationship.

1. You doubt your potential because of him

Instead of being confident in what you do or say, you keep doubting your potential. This is because your boyfriend or husband has instilled that doubt in you by disregarding your thoughts and opinions. You keep questioning your dreams, your future and your life all day long, which is a sign that your partner is not supportive and probably disrespects you.

2. He seems distracted when you talk to him

Whenever you get the opportunity to talk to him, you do so enthusiastically and expect him to pay attention to you. But if you often notice that he seems distracted when you talk to him and he hardly seems interested to hear your opinions, then it means he is failing to respect you. Getting your husband listen to you seems like a mammoth task because he clearly is not interested in you. This is downright disrespectful behavior.

There are signs he disrespects you

3. Your boyfriend does not keep his promises

A disrespectful man will not make any efforts to keep his promises to you and will disappoint you again and again. He will keep forgetting things you had told him to do, like calling you back when he is free or meeting you somewhere. All this is enough to give you the signal that you cannot depend on him and you are probably not that important in his life.

4. He makes fun of your professional goals and dreams

No matter how absurd and weird your dreams and profession are, your partner is supposed to encourage you. If your man is making fun of your career and goals in life, then he is being selfish and has no right to judge you. He is disrespecting you by not valuing your vocation.

5. You hardly have any personal space and time

At times, if he surprises you by visiting your workplace or when you are out with friends, it is okay. But if he does this way too often and keeps continuous tabs on you, then there is something definitely wrong with him. Your man might actually not respect you enough to trust you and give you your personal space and time. This is a sign he disrespects you.

6. He exhibits narcissistic tendencies

His desires, needs and wishes take top priority in his life and he is willing to do all in his power to ensure that his wants are fulfilled. The center of his universe is himself and he does not bother about how he behaves with you. Your partner admires himself and considers you to be inferior to him. Living with a narcissistic spouse can screw your happiness and peace in no time.

7. Your boyfriend does not apologize

When it comes to apologizing to you for his mistakes, he is absolutely stubborn. He does not admit his mistakes and probably starts blaming you for everything that is wrong. In order to avoid any criticism from your side, he will keep making lame excuses to convince you that he is not wrong.

8. He becomes super secretive around you

In a relationship, it is extremely essential that both partners remain honest to one another. Then only will the relationship last long. But if you find your boyfriend keeping secrets from you and perhaps even lying to you, then it is a sign of disrespect and you must not tolerate this.

There are signs he disrespects you

9. You are forced to transform yourself

Making smaller changes in your life to ensure compatibility with your man is a good thing to do. On the other hand, transforming yourself completely and forgetting who you really are as a person just to please your partner is something serious. It means he is not valuing you and you are also disregarding yourself. Everything in a relationship is not worth compromising on.

10. He looks down on you in front of other people

As a partner, he should make sure that only your good qualities and positive attitude is highlighted in front of the other people. But if your man does not pay attention to you, looks down upon you, portrays you as a stupid person and acts as if you embarrass him in front of others, then he definitely does not respect you. He is one selfish spouse and he does not deserve your love and care.

11. There is lack of commitment from his side

When problems arise in your relationship, you do all you can to sort them out, because you value your relationship. However, your man will not show genuine commitment to the relationship but lets things pass, because the relationship and you are not his priority. It seems that you give your 100%, but he does not even give his 10% to make the relationship work smoothly.

12. Your boyfriend does not hesitate to give silent treatment to you

Giving you silent treatment means not respecting you enough to share with you the cause of resentment and to give you an opportunity to clear the misunderstanding. By exhibiting this disrespectful man behavior, he tries to manipulate and control you according to his wishes.

sad couple sitting

13. He flirts with others in front of you

You should get the hint that your man does not respect you truly when he flirts with other females in front of you. Even if he jokingly mentions being attracted to someone else, you must know that it is impolite and your feelings probably do not matter to him any more.

If you are facing disrespect in your relationship, then talk about it with your partner. If he willingly listens to you and agrees to improve himself, then there are chances of saving your relationship. However, if he becomes defensive and disregards your concern, then he does not deserve you and you must be prepared to move on. Be in a relationship with someone who respects who you are, encourages you to become a better human being and deserves you, and not with someone who controls and inhibits your growth.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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