Women Who Do These 9 Things Don’t Get Played By Men

Ever.

If you really want to know how to get a guy to like you and find true love, the only way to make that happen is by dating with an open heart.

But I know what you’ve been through.

You’re tired of investing time and energy in the wrong men, only to end up frustrated, hurt, and empty-handed again and again.

You’ve worked hard to finally find peace and a sense of happiness in your life, so there’s no way you’re going to let someone come into your life and mess it all up.

And yet … you don’t want to give up on the possibility of finding your one true love.

You want to meet the right man — someone who makes you feel challenged, inspired and adored. But understandably, you’re scared.

After everything you’ve been through, you’re not sure which dating tips to follow in order to keep from getting played or wasting valuable time.

How do you put yourself “out there” and open yourself up to love while also protecting your heart and the peace you’ve worked so hard to cultivate in your life?

The answer lies in openness coupled with boundaries. Yes, it’s possible!

If you want to know how to get a guy to like you for you and finally find true love, here are 9 things you can do to make sure it’s safe to be vulnerable opening your heart again when dating.

1. Avoid guys with obviously low self-esteem.

If he doesn’t love and value himself, he probably can’t love and value you in a healthy way.

Find someone with high self-esteem. This is so important.

2. Make sure his values regarding family and relationships match yours.

Take a close look at the life he has created. Does he have healthy long-lasting relationships with friends and family? Does he have his finances and responsibilities in order?

Does he have a good relationship with the ex and kids? Make sure his life is running smoothly before you invite him into yours.

3. Don’t accept his bad behavior.

Think about the behaviors that hurt you in past relationships, and write them down. Was your ex passive-aggressive, negative, critical, non-communicative, or cold?

If your current beau is repeating some of the same behaviors, ask him to stop. If he can’t (or won’t), move on. You deserve to be treated beautifully.​

4. Pay attention to what he does not what he says).

His actions show that he cares about you, more so than his words.

Does he make time for you and stay connected when he’s not with you? Does he make promises and then follow through?

A boyfriend who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind will someday be a husband who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind.

5. Make sure he includes you in all aspects of his life.

Over time, he should start to include you in every aspect of his life, without exception. He welcomes you in his home and office. He invites you to spend time with his friends and family. And he’s proud to show you off!

If he’s excited to have you in his life and wants to include you in every aspect of it, he’s a keeper.

6. Be sure he’s into you.

If a man’s into you, he’ll make you a priority. He’ll ask to spend time with you consistently, and he’ll tell you what he likes about you.

You won’t have to wonder how he feels or wait anxiously for his call.

Bottom line — if he’s into you, you’ll know it. And if he’s not, go find someone who is.

7. Advocate for yourself.

If something is bothering you, tell him. If he dismisses your feelings or gets defensive, that’s a red flag.

Only date someone who’s able to assess his own behavior and make changes when necessary. Date a man who owns up to his mistakes and who values your feelings (and do the same for him).

8. Wait to have sex (the right one will wait!).

Sex is awesome, and I’m all for it. But when you’re serious about finding “the one”, it’s a good idea to wait. Waiting until you’re in a relationship gives the two of you time to create emotional intimacy first, which is a smart strategy.

If the man you’re dating is genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he’s more concerned about sex and not you, then he doesn’t respect that boundary.

9. Make sure you feel relaxed and happy when you’re with him.

If you feel stressed, anxious or have to walk on eggshells when you’re dating, something’s wrong. Trust your gut and keep track of how you feel. If there are more bad days than good ones, it might be time to move on.

When you’re in the right relationship, you’ll feel happy, relaxed and comfortable. I hear this from happy couples all the time!

With strong boundaries and high expectations, you’ll know when it’s safe to open your heart.

And when you’re all in — when you’re authentic, generous, warm and loving — that’s when love will show up. That’s when the magic will happen.

 

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When He Ghosts You And Comes Back, Here’s Exactly How To Respond

A guy who just ghosted me has recently risen from the dead. After three weeks of not talking (he allegedly was on vacation, but due to my social media sleuthing, I found out that he had only been gone for a few days), he randomly texted me and decided to ask me out again. When it comes to flaky, inconsistent men, what are you supposed to do when he ghosts you and comes back? To me, this is a phenomenon that we shouldn’t let slide. And oh, I should mention that before this guy texted me, he friend-requested me on Facebook, and when I didn’t accept his offer, then he put in the effort to contact me.

This actually seems to be a frequent phenomenon. Recently, another guy I went on a date with NINE months ago texted me saying, “Hey, sorry it took me a while to text you again.” A while? It’s almost been a year since we’ve talked. I could have carried a baby in the time since we’ve had our last date! He had a lot of nerve.

Ghosting is bad enough. But when someone comes back into your life, hungry for your flesh again once you’ve already mourned the loss of them, it sucks even more. When it comes to dating, I’m a big believer in not taking anyone’s bullsh*t and in setting boundaries early to prevent people from walking all over you. So here is how to respond when the person who ghosted you ends up zombieing you.

1. Figure out what you want.

Ali Segel

Obviously, when the guy I was seeing pretended to be out of town, didn’t contact me for two weeks, and then casually showed up in my life again, I took it to the group text. I mean, this was crazy! Is that what dating is now? Not in my world.

I like to live in a mind space where I believe that chivalry is not dead and that people treat one another with honesty, kindness, and respect. If you’re already lying, ignoring me, and/or putting me on the back burner in the dating phase of our relationship, then how are you going to treat me when we’re actually exclusive and committed? Probably even worse.

So the first thing I did was establish what I wanted, and it was certainly not him and whatever game he was playing. From there, I could proceed accordingly.

2. Set boundaries and be explicit.

Typically, if someone I am interested in texts me, I will respond quickly. Maybe too quickly. Somehow, I have the ability to respond even before they text me. It’s a superpower maybe. But anyway, people will treat you how you treat yourself and how you show them you want to be treated, and much of this is through establishing clear boundaries with your partner.

If it’s not OK with you that someone disappears for long periods of time and then re-enters your life, then let them know that. No one is a mindreader, and people likely need explicit direction on what behavior you approve and disapprove of. It’s the best way to ultimately get what you want, and only good things come from a reasonable boundary. People will either step up or step out of your life once you set it.

3. Stick up for yourself.

Portrait of a mixed race couple riding on tandem bicycle outdoors near the sea

Shutterstock

I didn’t answer the guy who texted me nine months after our date. He can read into my lack of response for himself. But when it came to the person I’ve been dating who waited two weeks to text me and then asked me out again, I decided to be explicit, set a boundary, and stuck up for myself.

I told him that when I’m being pursued romantically, I expect more attention, honesty, and communication than what exists in our burgeoning relationship. Because of that, I told him I didn’t think we should see one another anymore. He asked if he could do better and if I would give it another shot with him, and that’s something I’m still considering. But to be honest, I don’t know if I want to date someone whom I have to teach how to date. I’m 31, and I feel a little bit too old for that.

So if you’ve been ghosted and then zombied, know that you’re not alone. Apparently, it’s a phenomenon that just happens now. But it’s a phenomenon that you can stop in your own dating life if you refuse to put up with it. So if someone does that to you, let them know why it’s not OK clearly, explicitly, and without anger. It’ll probably be a great lesson for both you and that person.

 

 

Cherie – Chapter 67 – Circling The Drain

“Can we stop this nonsense and reconnect Cherie? I miss you terribly and we need to talk.”

“We do need to talk but honestly I don’t have the time for anything right now I’m exhausted to no end with life and my son is having a serious mental health crisis so I’m swamped.”

“Cherie, I love you and I miss you and I sensed that there was something going on. I’m really suffering without you but what can I do to help you?”

“I know I’ve been thinking about you too but my plate is full right now and I’m just doing the best I can.”

“Me too. The last two weeks have been killing me. It’s been so busy but there is something that has been hurting me more. How much I miss you and how sad I’ve been through this.”

“I’m sorry I should have been more caring or at least put effort into checking on you.”

“I’m crushed with work and all I want to do is kiss you and take you to the movies and have time with you. I’m sorry I’ve failed you, Cherie. I’m sorry Cherie. I miss you.”

“No it’s not you I’m just not in a great space and you just happen to be busy with work.”

“I’m working so hard, but I don’t want to lose you.”

“It’s a tough time right now I’m just exhausted I can’t keep my eyes open.

“I love you.”

” I just tried to call you. Seriously, Cherie, I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“I love and  I’m sorry but I can’t talk right now I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Later”

“Okay. text me.”

“Please Cherie.”