The Coronavirus Epidemic Has Made Dating Even More Complicated

Sajmun Sachdev, a 36-year-old single woman in Montreal, was messaging with a promising match from the dating app Hinge. The guy had two desirable traits: a six pack and a job. And he’d asked her out — the only guy to do so in months. But one thing was worrying her: He had joked that he didn’t know if his headaches were from a concussion he got in China recently or a symptom of covid-19, the illness caused by the new coronavirus.

 

Excuse me. Did you say you’ve been in China recently?!

 

Conveniently, he canceled their date, claiming he was too busy and hasn’t tried to reschedule. Sachdev was relieved. “I’m not sure that this is totally worth it,” Sachdev recalled thinking, in a phone interview last week. “There must be someone else I can meet.”

People do fall in love through online dating, which is now the most popular way for couples to meet. But often they match but don’t message. Or they message but never meet up. Or they make plans but then cancel. Or they make plans, then unmatch and never show up. Or they make plans, date for a bit and then disappear without an explanation.

Now, coronavirus fears have further complicated this hotbed of flakiness. Dating apps are serving up reminders to wash your hands; profiles and first messages are full of coronavirus references; one dating coach suggested ways to avoid touching during that initial greeting. For many, the fear of the coronavirus is real. But in dating, it’s hard to know when people are using it as yet another reason to discard one another before they’ve even met.

 

“I don’t think anyone really wants to rush meeting in person, given everything,” says Meghan Lloyd, a 28-year-old woman in San Francisco who’s been in a few suspiciously drawn-out conversations, without being asked out. “We’re just chatting longer than is usual.” She’s also hesitant to meet up, asking herself: “Do I like this guy enough to risk catching coronavirus?”

Being well-traveled, like Sachdev’s match, is usually something singles brag about in their dating-app profiles, noting how many countries or continents they’ve visited, or suggesting that you help plan their next trip. Now Hinge profiles say things such as: We should match if you haven’t been to Italy. Comedian Nicole Byer, who hosts the “Why Won’t You Date Me?” podcast, tweeted that she’d been talking to a man on Tinder who unmatched her after she said she’d been traveling.

nicole byer

@nicolebyer

I was talking to a man on tinder and I told him I was traveling and he said “with this corona virus!?” Then unmatched me

Dating is maybe the most fun thing I’ve ever done.

Other daters use the prospect of self-quarantine as a chance to get sequestered with someone. “Let’s meet before the Coronavirus gets really bad” says one Hinge profile, where the dater touted himself as “fully stocked” with Purell and items from Trader Joe’s.

Evan Maeda, a 26-year-old man in San Francisco, says he’s seen lots of Tinder and Bumble bios seeking partners to help ride out the apocalypse. Since his demographic isn’t at high risk, most of the references are lighthearted. “I’ve never been able to fully read the sarcasm on dating apps — until now,” Maeda says. He’s even using the outbreak as an icebreaker. “How are we feeling about this coronavirus stuff?” has become Maeda’s version of that 2017 pickup line “I’m going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?”

The virus even has a fake dating profile floating around. (Hometown: Wuhan, China. Bio: “I love being outdoors, crowded places and food markets.” Turnoffs: Masks and goggles). “Saturday Night Live” combined coronavirus anxiety with Netflix viewers’ “Love Is Blind” obsession to conjure up a reality-TV dating scenario where singles dated while in separate pods — and while sick and hooked up to IVs. Some people even find the doom and gloom arousing: Coronavirus-themed porn has gone viral on Pornhub, Vice reports.

Apps are promoting good hygiene as good dating strategy. Last week, Hinge tweeted that singles should wash their hands before stealing a date’s fries. On Instagram, the dating app proclaimed that “washing your hands is hot.” Tinder has interrupted users’ swiping to deliver PSAs saying protecting yourself from the coronavirus was more important than dating. Avoid touching your face, Tinder cautioned, but the dating app conveniently didn’t say anything about touching someone else’s. With your lips.

And daters are definitely still doing that.

On Thursday night, 37-year-old Xavier Garcia was among the many singles at the Washington bar Green Zone who told The Post that they’re not being more cautious about making a move. “If I want to kiss someone, it doesn’t matter,” he said while standing next to a woman he had already kissed. “I’m not going to ask anyone: Do you have coronavirus?”

Emily Menge, 26, said she hadn’t thought about the coronavirus’s potential effect on her dating life until she had a nightmare that she was patient zero in Washington — and that the virus had spread because she’d kissed two men. “My mother was very disappointed,” she recalls. In Menge’s waking life, she is dating two men and at the moment everyone is healthy. But that doesn’t stop her and her friends from wondering: Should I be more careful? Should I stop making out with people in bars?

 

Menge and her friends haven’t resolved to change their behavior. “We’re going to get it anyway,” she posits. Though she does think coronavirus references in dating profiles have become a good litmus test for whether someone is paying attention. “If people update their profiles, it shows if they’re reading the news or not.”

Rachel DeAlto, the chief dating expert for Match, says that the virus is actually an opportunity to be more discerning. DeAlto suggests doing pre-dates on FaceTime or Skype before meeting, to get a sense of whether a connection is really worth leaving the house. In times where people are hunkered down — such as snowstorms — Match and other dating sites have reported surges in traffic. Coronavirus self-quarantines could have a similar effect.

Francesca Hogi, a dating coach in Los Angeles, says she hasn’t noticed her clients being too concerned about in-person meetings. But if someone is, Hogi advises that they talk about it with their date before that awkward hello. They could send a text saying something like “I’m really excited to meet you, but let’s not shake hands.” Perhaps daters might put their hands over their hearts in a contact-free salute to their dates. (Hogi doesn’t think fist bumps are good for first dates; they set more of a buddy tone.) She also suggests modeling good hygiene by putting on hand sanitizer together.

Sometimes the coronavirus is preventing people from meeting up not because they’re sick but because the virus is putting their work lives into overdrive. Or at least that’s what they claim.

For over a month, Michael Garofola, a 39-year-old attorney and former “Bachelorette” contestant in New York, has been trying to schedule a first date with a woman he met on Raya, the celebrity dating app. She keeps canceling because of work conflicts, he says, and, last week, she again had to postpone because the coronavirus’s effect on commerce kept her in the office late. But he hasn’t given up hope that they’ll eventually meet.

“All I can do is continue to wash my hands every day and wait to hear back,” Garofola says, “without washing my hands of her.”

 

 

Special Report: False Claims of Nationwide Lockdown for COVID-19

The National Security Council is warning Americans of a “FAKE” rumor circulating on social media that falsely claims President Donald Trump will impose a nationwide “mandatory quarantine.” President Donald Trump said his administration “may look at certain areas,” but it is not considering anything that would affect the whole country “at this time.”

A rumor inciting Americans to “stock up” on two weeks of supplies, claiming a “mandatory” nationwide quarantine will soon be implemented in response to the COVID-19 pandemic, has been circulating online. It’s false.

The rumor started as a text message and migrated to social media as a screenshot meme, claiming: “within 48 to 72 Hours… The president will order a two week mandatory quarantine for the nation. Stock up on whatever you guys need to make sure you have a two week supply of everything. Please forward to your network.”

Different versions of the rumor attribute this misinformation to various sources, including “military friends,” the “DC mayor,” and “a physician at the Clev. Clinic.”

Each version is false.

The White House’s National Security Council addressed the claim in a statement on Twitter, saying: “Text message rumors of a national #quarantine are FAKE. There is no national lockdown.”

NSC

@WHNSC

Text message rumors of a national are FAKE. There is no national lockdown. @CDCgov has and will continue to post the latest guidance on .

19.3K people are talking about this

President Donald Trump also rejected the idea that his administration is considering a “nationwide lockdown.” When asked about it by a reporter on March 16, Trump said: “We may look at certain areas, certain hot spots as they call them.” But, he added, “at this moment,” they are not considering anything that would affect the whole country.

The day before, Trump had urged Americans not to panic. Following a call with the CEOs of more than a dozen major grocers and food suppliers on March 15, he said that the U.S. supply chains are “powerful” and “[t]here’s no need for anybody in the country to hoard essential food supplies.”

The only thing the rumor gets right is its reference to the Stafford Act, which Trump invoked when he declared a national emergency on March 13. Before making the false claim about the mandatory quarantine, it says: “within 48 to 72 Hours the president will evoke what is called the Stafford act.”

However, Trump’s use of that federal disaster relief law actually allows for the Federal Emergency Management Agency to help state and local governments dealing with the outbreak.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has recommended that organizers cancel events that host more than 50 attendees. It also has suggested strategies that communities can implement to slow the spread of the virus that causes COVID-19, but there is currently no federally mandated “quarantine.”

 

 

How To Move On After Letting Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

A broken heart doesn’t have to break you…

When it comes time to a break up with someone, it’s not easy, even if they don’t love you anymore. If you’re trying to move on and get over the emotions and pain of a breakup when you’re still in love with your ex, it’s even harder.

But the truth is, as difficult as it may be, embracing your ability to move on after a breakup and start over fresh is important.

Are you struggling after letting go of someone who doesn’t love you back?

Have you walked away from someone you loved because you know they don’t love you?

Do you know that you did the right thing but are you still struggling with the pain and self-doubt? I get it.

Here are 6 tips for moving on after ending a relationship with the person you still love:

1. Don’t trick yourself into playing the victim.

Eight years ago, my husband walked out on me for his college girlfriend. We’d been married for twenty years, and I was devastated. I raged on about how he could do this to me, to our children? I was angry and sad and out for revenge.

And then a friend gently reminded me that my story was perhaps a little bit off track. Yes, he had walked out on me and that was completely unacceptable. But we had been really, really unhappy for a long time. Our kids were headed off to school and neither one of us knew if we were ready to reconnect.

It was entirely possible that we would have ended up divorced anyway.

Keeping in mind, that I wasn’t a victim but a partner in a marriage that slowly fell apart, I was able to accept the end of our relationship. The “leaving me for someone else without even trying” piece still stings, but the truth is that our marriage was most likely doomed and I’m way better off. He’s her problem now.

2. Make a list of every reason why you need to leave them behind.

When you have to walk away from someone you love, make a list — a list of all of the reasons you to walk away from that person.

When you spend time with someone, you’re regularly exposed to the things that remind you to walk away. When you finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into your memory.

They get replaced in the forefront of your mind with the good things, times, and everything you loved about that person. And with the good things at the front of your mind, you’re vulnerable to returning to the relationship causing you pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from the person that you love.

Keep that list close and refer to it when you’re missing him. You left this relationship for a reason. Keep those reasons in mind daily going forward.

3. Go no contact immediately after separating.

I know you think that you need “closure” at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I’m here to tell you that closure is a myth. Closure is really just one last chance to spend time with and talk to the person you still love.

Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, why couldn’t you make it work as a couple?

So, when you’ve decided the relationship is over, cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he’ll be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It’s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle — the circle you decided you’re determined to break yourself out of.

So, go no contact right away. It will make the process way easier!

4. Do something new and exciting.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space — do something with it.

For instance, say a woman broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn’t commit to her. She was devastated.

To deal with this pain, she decided to do something she’d always wanted: Writing.

She started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, and the way she felt with him gone from her life.

It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles.

As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don’t waste it!

5. Make sure to comfort yourself.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone, and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox for a massage. I had nothing to do, so I bought it and I made an appointment. That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table, and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I needed to help me move forward.

From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage.

6. Believe your love is out there for you.

I find this to be the number one obstacle when you’re breaking up with someone who doesn’t love you: Believing you’ll never find love again.

Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren’t making them happy don’t leave because they believe there will never be another person for them.

That if they break up with this person, they’ll be alone forever!

But that just isn’t true. There are many, many fish in the sea, and there is one for you.

Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn’t love you then you won’t find that person.

But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with said person, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.

Moving on after letting go of someone who doesn’t love you back is a very hard thing to do. You still love them but you know that you must let them go because of the pain they are causing you. It will be difficult but it is possible!

Make sure that your break up story is a true one. I can promise you that your guy is out there! You will find him if you can let go and find yourself again!

 

 

California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Dillon – The Girl That Just Couldn’t Hold It

I’ve told many people this story, and while I tend to find it rather funny, not a single person I’ve told can come up with a more ridiculous and awful experience.

We were each around 18-19 years old.  A friend of mine worked at a local arcade, and that’s where I met Dillon.

She lived about a half hour away and was in Los Angeles with a friend to do some shopping. We started to hang out and, of course, fell madly in love with each other. A few months later, I was still living at my apartment  but I kept a lot of my stuff at Dillon’s Mom’s house. I’m surprised Dillon didn’t get pregnant. Seriously. You’re going to let an 19-year-old boy hang at your house while he’s dating your daughter and you work all day? I must be sterile. Needless to say, things were going fine until…

One afternoon, we were having sex, and I smelled something foul. Not quite sure what it was, I asked her if she could smell it, too.

“Nope.”

Back to the pogo stick. After finishing, she rolled off, and I began to get up. Until I saw it. A mess of brown funk on my apple bag.

“What. The. Fuck. You fucking shit on me?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Well, what the fuck is that?”

“Maybe you shit on yourself.”

(Anger rising, nausea increasing.)

“My asshole is on the other side of my body.”

(Hurling is imminent, running to the bathroom.)

After showering for about a week, I went home. A few days passed with zero contact between the two of us — she would call, I would avoid the situation. Until she decided to call my house at three in the morning.

“You better come and get your shit out of my house or it’s going out with the trash tomorrow.” Define irony: The girl who pooped on me telling me to get my shit out of her house.

My buddy and I headed over there, blissfully unaware of the insanity that awaited.

We pull up, and she’s standing at the door, salivating. She runs out of the house, spewing a deluge of obscenities and insults toward my manhood. My buddy and I begin to load his car with my belongings. Neighbors are waking up, turning on their porch lights and wondering what all the screaming is about. I was in hell.

At one point, I had a suitcase with clothes in it, and after carrying it to the car, I put it down to rearrange some things in the trunk. She seized the opportunity to go max-crazy by picking up the suitcase and hurling it down the street like a discus. Unsatisfied with her weak toss, she followed the suitcase down the avenue, picked it up a second time and once again heaved it further away from my friend’s car. Mind you, she never stopped cursing my existence while this mini-Olympics unfolded.

Then, things went berserk.

She ran into her house, screaming and crying and completely losing her shit. Her poor mother just stood there, watching the madness unfold.

I was outside at the time, but I watched her through a window in the kitchen as she opened a bottle of pills and took a swig. My friend sat in the driver’s seat of my VW minibus, pleading with me to just get in the car so we could leave. I should have listened.

Not only did she down a mouthful of pills, but she grabbed a big knife and came blasting through the screen door toward me. All around the mulberry bush I ran, being chased by an insane 18-year-old girl who wanted to filet me. Thankfully, she lost her footing and fell down, allowing me a tiny crevice of freedom. I hopped into my van, and we sped off towards sanity and safety.

I never went back to her house for the rest of my stuff and didn’t hear from her for quite some time. I found out through mutual friends that she had, in fact, tried to kill herself with the pills and ended up in the loony bin at the local hospital.

A few months later, I got a call from one of my former co-workers. After chatting for a few minutes, he asked me if my story of defecation was real.

“Of course it is.Why would I lie about some girl pooping on me?”

“I was just wondering, cause a buddy of mine says that he banged Dillon at a party, and she apparently did the same thing to him.”

Sounds like someone needs a new O-ring.

Poor thing…

 

 

Getting Connected CoVid-19 Style

via Getting Connected CoVid-19 Style