Quarantine and chill: How New Yorkers are Mating and Dating during Coronavirus

In fair Corona, where we lay our scene, Juliet is prepping for a hot pandemic lockdown.

“Condoms, a bunch of sex toys . . . also, a mask — but not for coronavirus purposes,” says Mal, 41, reading off her quarantine shopping list.

The Lower East Sider, who declined to share her last name for privacy reasons, tells The Post that she has great sexpectations for the guy she’s been seeing during this viral outbreak. She thinks the next few weeks will be like those after the 9/11 attacks, when she and her then-boyfriend holed up in an apartment for several steamy days.

“We were stuck inside . . . and it was fantastic,” she says. “I felt safer with him.”

Coronavirus panic may be driving locals indoors, but it’s not killing their mojos. It just means they have to get craftier about canoodling — whether they’re single or partnered. That means setting up dates in less-crowded places (to gel with recommendations from the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention), swapping face-to-face liaisons for sexy texts and cuffing a crush for a potentially lengthy quarantine.

Jason Lynn, 24, is trying to lock down his corona cling — fast.

“I’m working the DMs,” says the single financial adviser, who lives in North Jersey. “It’s been quiet . . . Everyone’s very cautious.”

But if his company tells him to work from home, he hopes to shack up with someone specific: a Connecticut girl he’s been seeing. Ideally, “in her place,” far away from the germy city.

“It would be heaven to be stuck with her for two weeks,” says Lynn, who’s been stocking up on protection of all kinds: disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer and condoms. He’s envisioning Netflix and chill sessions — a “Narcos” binge watch with plenty of nooky interludes.

“I’d get to really know her,” he says.

Meanwhile, New Yorkers with long-distance lovers are trying to figure out how to connect.

Things are extra complicated for Westchester County resident Isabel Baer and her boyfriend Adam Konig, who works for Microsoft in Seattle, since both live in COVID-19 hotspots.

Enlarge ImageIsabel Baer and Adam Konig.
Isabel Baer and Adam Konig.Isabel Baer

“I was supposed to go visit him, but then we both got freaked out,” says Baer, 21, a former political campaign staffer. She and Konig, 23, have been together for a year and a half, and long-distance for eight months. “If domestic flights get cancelled for months, I’d be really upset.”

For now, they’re rerouting. This weekend, the two plan to spend their monthly visit in Konig’s hometown of Dallas.

“He’s nervous that I’m going to bring coronavirus to Dallas and be patient zero in Texas, but I don’t have symptoms and I’m not sick,” says Baer, who says they’ve been keeping the love alive through FaceTime. “I don’t want to get hysterical.”

Enlarge ImageIsabel Baer and Adam Konig.
Isabel Baer and Adam Konig.Isabel Baer

In the local swingers scene, people are mourning the unsexy side effects of crowd control.

“Play parties hosted at private venues or houses that me and my partners frequently visit have been empty the past two weeks,” says Tim, a technology firm executive who declined to share his last name for privacy reasons.

The 33-year-old from Hoboken, NJ, gets the reasoning — “I wouldn’t want to get anyone sick” — but says it’s “frustrating,” and says his dating life has been “significantly” impacted by the outbreak.

While some sex parties in the city are reportedly staying open — and incorporating “extra soap and sanitizer” into their gatherings — organizers of the regular “orgies” and “fetish parties” Tim attends have told him that “they might be cancelling the upcoming two months in advance,” he says. “They [don’t] want to continue until the whole scare dies down.”

Like Baer and Konig, Tim has a tech-centric backup plan for the worst-case scenario.

“I would look into video sessions with cam girls,” he says.

Going digital has emotional perks, too.

“There’s a sense that you’ve been speaking to someone longer, so you could invite them over because you kind of already know them,” says Mal.

As for married couples? Things are less lusty in that corner. The virus is causing friction between partners — and not the fun kind.

“I wanted to prepare as early as possible just to make sure we were covered, and my husband wasn’t being helpful,” Vanessa, a 30-year-old mom from Harlem, tells The Post. “He still gets annoyed at me when I tell him to wash his hands properly.”

But optimists like Mal hope that lovers will use the opportunity to reignite their relationships. In her case, she’s excited to take things to the next level with her hopeful corona cling. Although they’ve been on a few dates, they aren’t official, she says — but all the craziness has inspired her to have The Talk with him.

“We’re going to have that discussion soon,” she says, “because I’ll want to be quarantined at my place.”

 

 

The 3 main reasons couples break up, according to science

f you’ve ever been unsure about whether to leave a relationship, or have witnessed a friend spend years in an unhappy partnership without making that final break, then you’ll know deciding to split can be a long and drawn-out process.

Now, a team of scientists from the University of Utah has sought to pinpoint the factors that determine whether we stay or go, Stylist reports.

And, based on the results, it looks like the main reasons for leaving are the same, whether you are married or not…

‘Most of the research on breakups has been predictive, trying to predict whether a couple stays together or not, but we don’t know much about the decision process — what are the specific relationship pros and cons that people are weighing out,’ explained lead researcher Samantha Joel in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science.

To discover the key factors involved in deciding to break up or stay together, the team asked anonymous volunteers open-ended questions about relationships, from which they identified 23 reasons why we end things and 27 factors that make us stay.

The top three things that make us leave? Issues with a partner’s personality, a breach of trust and a partner’s withdrawal.

Photo credit: Giphy

However, when it came to deciding whether to remain in a relationship, things differed between those who were married and those who weren’t.

Couples who were dating (for an average of two years) listed more positive reasons for staying with their partner, including emotional intimacy and their other half’s personality.

Those who were married, meanwhile, were, err, a little more practical…

The key reasons to stay committed were a sense of investment, family responsibilities and a fear of uncertainty. Hmm, who said romance was dead?

The team concluded that getting out of a relationship is much harder than getting into one in the first place.

‘Breaking up can be a really difficult decision,’ said Joel. ‘You can look at a relationship from outside and say “you have some really unsolvable problems, you should break up”, but from the inside that is a really difficult thing to do and the longer you’ve been in a relationship, the harder it seems to be.’

She added: ‘Humans fall in love for a reason. From an evolutionary perspective, for our ancestors finding a partner may have been more important than finding the right partner. It might be easier to get into relationships than to get back out of them.’

 

 

Eileen – Chapter 9 – I Don’t Want To Be Alone

So Eileen is supposed to start taking Saturdays, because Achilles wants to be off on the weekends. (See: Achilles – The Bronze God)

I get it. When I was in the rat race I too wanted to be free on the weekends.

You open the salon everyday for ten years and do the same thing over and over but it brings you riches with little effort.

The bane of your existence is your staff. They always suck. A bunch of hungover teenage girls that get sick and call out on a regular basis. You had three tanning salons and you told me you closed the other two because “It was this headache times three.”

Until I came along.

Achilles, you’ve had a renaissance for the last two years because of me.

We’ve had our staffing challenges. Girls calling out because they’ve been kicked out of their halfway houses for drinking. Girls busted for cocaine and could’t come in because they were in jail. Dudes we liked that stole money from you.

Even Summer folded at the end. I loved her. I love her still. But her life has changed as we all know now.

But in the Spring of this year you have the best of the best.

Me. The corporate reject that’s done with the rat race and embraces your business and loves the salon.

The guy who buys detergent and hand soap and toilet paper from the dollar store when needed without direction. Your ultimate employee. A guy that loves the company and always does the extra to maintain it.

An aspect you’ve never known here at the salon.

Dusting off the shelves and the lotions and the bed’s hoods on a regular basis.

Have you become spoiled Achilles with your charge?

Is that possible?

When I came here two years ago I was absolutely clueless on everything here. All I knew was it was extra money under the table and I was surrounded by tan, fit, slender young women every night.

I wanted to be busy and I really felt a great connection with Achilles and it was an amazing match.

He once told me that the reason he hired me was my personality. It took me forever to learn the system but once I did I became the master of the salon.

Like in every job I’ve ever had I was always the overachiever and become number one. (Due to low self esteem and my father)

So it looks like I only took the job in banking to escape the long crazy hours of retail, and please my father.

But here I am, free from banking and my later waste, Advertising.

I’ve found that I can work at a job and murder it but when it comes to the weekends, I’m just bored and nervous. Now I work on the weekends and love it.

I’ve lived my whole life working jobs like everyone else when we dread Sunday night when we have to think of the bullshit that’s about to happen this week.

I killed that.

You have to find a job that you look forward to. Find a job where you can’t wait to see your co-workers.

Do something you enjoy. Life is short, fleeting and fragile.

Sunday would come and I was fearful of the Monday Morning Kickoff Meeting, The Wednesday Sales Meeting, and the Thursday One on One.

All Bullshit.

I quit that company and the asshole who conceived that concept was fired and is still out of work.

My sister Janice said to me: “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”

She got it dead on.

That clown that came into my last company I worked for that I had respect for and destroyed the sales department. He coddled loser account managers, brought in mental patients and drug addicts and failed on an epic level.

But I love the guy. I would totally have a drink with my last manager, but he is a “run for the hills” type of manager so that’s why we’ve all moved on.

So sad. A nice man, but an absolute failure and a bad hire that destroys companies.

So that guy is just basically a bad bitch I needed to cut from my life.

Like all of the others.

 

So here I am. Abandoning the rat race. Working at a tanning salon. I suddenly have the best staff ever.

Amelia and Eileen.

I need Eileen to work on Saturday because Achilles need his weekends off.

“Can you be with me on Saturday?”

I’m not getting paid for it but I feel like I have to do it. (I run it by Achilles and he blows me off)

I’m going to come in on Saturday and just be present for Eileen so she’s not twisting in the wind by herself.

If I were Achilles, I would have paid his finest employee to coach our girl, but no.

We’re already on strike 12 with Megasun but I understand.

There’s a new plan to move forward in Rittenhouse.

I get up, shower and spend the entire Saturday with Eileen at the salon.

I’m supposed to be off.

 

Achilles has been so fucked over by everyone in his life he can’t see integrity anymore.

Sadly this is leaking into all of his relationships.

The right thing to do would have been to pay me for looking after Eileen.

Achilles, why didn’t you do that? We’re in our busy season. We’re making a thousand dollars a day. What happened to you?

We just need tons of toilet paper, laundry detergent and eye wear,… why are we running out of everything in or busiest season?

We’re killing it with the best staff we’ve ever had in the history of the company.

Why are you slacking?

I worked Saturday with lovely Eileen for free. it was an incredible money day and she did great.

You should have paid your lead guy, but again you went cheap and squandered your greatest resource.

The high point of the day is when I went to a local pizza place called “& Pizza” a block away. I was so proud of Eileen’s performance I again was happy to reward her with free food and drinks. (I take care of my employees, Achilles)

I went there to grab a pizza and some drinks.

I didn’t know I was talking to the manager when I was being my usual enthusiastic, social self. I talked to her about our business and offered a free tan card. I do that occasionally, and it always results in the person buying a package.

When I went to pay for the food and drinks she said it was all on her. I was stunned and amazed. Just another case of being a good neighbor and business professional that’s resulted in still another glorious hookup.

It made my day and Eileen was delighted.

It’s what I do, but I’m so happy that it reinforced that I need to do more work in the hospitality/small business community of this city.

I have another plan that I’m working on.

My friend Duncan once said:’ Charles, you’ll never go hungry. You have a gift.”