What Is White Clawing? This Dating Trend Is More Common Than You Think

Dating in 2020 is a minefield, y’all — between orbiting, breadcrumbing, Gatsbying, and good ol’ fashioned ghosting, there’s a multitude of potential hazards you could run into while trying to meet “The One” (or at least the one for right now). The latest term to wrap your mind around is White Clawing, and it’s probably something you’ve already practiced at least once. What is White Clawing? This trend refers to dating someone exclusively for their dazzling good looks — even if you find them to be dull AF. It’s named after the popular spiked seltzer brand, which many might agree seems enticing on the surface, but actually tastes pretty bland and flavorless once you start sipping it.

If you’ve White Clawed before, you’re not alone. In fact, a 2019 Plenty of Fish survey of 1,000 app users (age 18 to 50) revealed that over a quarter of singles have done this, and 42% of them know someone who’s done this.

According to Fran Greene, licensed clinical social worker and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting, White Clawing is incredibly common because being with someone who’s good looking makes you feel more attractive, especially if you’re even a tad insecure. It makes sense, too — because having a hot date to bring to your cousin’s wedding or your office holiday party can be quite the ego boost.

What is white clawing? You've probably done it before.
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“While I didn’t know the name for it at the time, I’ve definitely White Clawed before,” says Hannah, 26. “The worst was the time I dated this very handsome, extremely tall guy with a cute Australian accent for five months. He was so boring, we had nothing in common, and he made straight-up rude comments under the guise of being ‘funny.’ (He was not funny.) When I introduced him to my friends, though, they didn’t notice any of his bad traits… one kept whispering behind his back, ‘OMG, he’s so hot.'”

It’s also worth noting that there often tends to be an element of denial to White Clawing — at least in the initial stages of dating. Even though deep down you know you don’t actually like your date’s personality, you tell yourself you need to give them a real chance simply because you aren’t willing to surrender your enviable arm candy.

“Often, the person who is White Clawing actually tries to convince themselves they are into their date when they truly are not,” adds Greene.

Rebound relationships are meant to make you feel better after a breakup, and often don't last as a result.
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“It’s tough to admit this, but I White Clawed one guy for a full six months,” Rachel, 30, tells Elite Daily. “He was a successful entrepreneur and former college football player — but his sense of humor and idea of fun couldn’t have been further from mine, and all in all we wanted very different things out of life. It took unexpectedly meeting someone I actually clicked with to help me face the reality of the situation — I finally stopped kidding myself, realized I was into him for all the wrong reasons, and promptly ended it.”

While someone can resort to White Clawing for any number of reasons depending on their unique circumstances, Greene notes that it’s a particularly common practice among daters who feel more secure when they’re with someone than they do when they’re single. If they’re eager to avoid being alone, they might be more likely more willing or able to overlook the fact that someone isn’t actually a good match for them simply because they’re a whole snack. Greene also notes that White Clawing is common after a breakup that triggered certain insecurities.

“Dating someone who looks good confirms to the person who’s been dumped that there is hope that someone attractive will be attracted to them,” she explains.

Clearly, White Clawing is super common, but is it ethical to keep dating someone that you don’t actually have the potential for a real connection with beyond physical attraction? According to Greene, it all comes down to being vocal about your intentions to avoid leading your date on. Letting them know from the get-go that you’re only interested in casual dating allows you to ensure you’re on the same page. If you’re not, and they’re seeking a serious relationship with future potential, you can prevent minimize hurt feelings by compassionately ending it and moving on.

“Anytime you deceive someone to serve your own needs, it’s unfair to the other person,” adds Greene.

What is white clawing? Dating someone purely because they're physically attractive,, even if you hate their personality.
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Beyond thinking about the other person’s emotional well-being, Greene also recommends considering your own. Is White Clawing fulfilling all of your needs, or are you “settling” for a small fragment of what you’re truly looking for?

“If finding the love of your life is your goal, you will waste precious time by focusing on someone’s looks and not what makes a relationship work for a life together,” she explains. “As time goes on, the thrill of the good looks will disappear and the lack of connection will shine through — and disappointment will rear its ugly head. You can only deny your true feelings for so long.”

There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with White Clawing — between two consenting individuals, that is. Making it clear that you’re only interested in a physical relationship gives your date the opportunity to assess their own desires and feelings, so you can ensure that your connection is mutually fulfilling. However, if you know deep down that you actually want more than White Clawing can offer you, or that your date does, then remember this: You’re not doing either of you any favors by pursuing a relationship that’s likely going nowhere. It’s time to ask yourself: Is a White Claw going to quench your thirst? Or, are you craving something a little more complex?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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8 Types Of Guys Women Avoid

You may not realize it, but your behavior on a single date could be what’s keeping you from landing another.

Women are often frustrated by men who have no idea how to treat them properly, and once they’ve dealt with one or two of these guys, they often make mental notes to avoid similar ones in the future.

Even if you’re not the worst of the worst, exhibiting pretty unpleasant traits will get you written off from the get-go. Want to boost your chances in the dating game? Here are eight types of guy you should try not to be (and how to fix things if the description sounds a little too familiar).

1. Arguers

Why? Talking to them is an exhausting chore

Under the right circumstances, arguing can be fun for everyone involved. That’s the premise of debate clubs, more or less, but it can happen outside of a structured scenario, too. A good conversation with intense back-and-forth and logical pirouettes can leave both parties impressed with the other’s intellect, even if they never reach an agreement.

However, arguing is only fun if both people are on the same page, and there are tons of guys out there who missed the memo. If your preferred mode of flirtation is correcting women about stuff, challenging them to debates and asking them to prove you wrong, you’re just pissing them off.

How to Fix It: Don’t argue with a woman unless you know her well enough to know she’s up for the debate. That also means refraining from making your entire social media personality “guy who picks fights with women in the comments.” Nobody likes that guy, and he’s definitely single.

2. Braggarts

Why? They’re too self-obsessed to treat anyone else with respect

Want to guarantee you’ll never get a second date? Spend the whole first date bragging about yourself. That might sound like a silly proposition, but it’s something that guys manage to pull off all too often. Men are often taught that the way to woo women is to impress them, leaving them to talk about how awesome they think they are.

Problem is, sitting there while someone shouts about their list of accomplishments really boring. Women can often spot these guys a mile away, but if they mistakenly end up on a date with one, it won’t lead to a second one (and it might even get cancelled mid-date).

How to Fix It: So you’ve got lots to be proud of — that’s awesome! But even more impressive than that is asking them questions, too. A guy with not much going on who makes his date feel special will have better luck nine times out of ten than a super-successful guy who makes his date feel invisible.

3. Mopers

Why? They’re too focused on their own problems to help you with yours

Lots of shy guys tell themselves that they’re better than the braggarts, only to go and make the exact same mistake — dominating the conversation. Just because you’re not football-captain material doesn’t mean you can’t still end up making the other person feel invisible. Yes, it gets boring listening to a guy who can’t stop being self-deprecating.

Women might initially fall for mopers thinking that they’re more sensitive than their macho peers, only to discover that having to listen to a sad-sack complain all the time isn’t any better than listening to a bodybuilder brag about his personal bests all the time. If every conversation comes back to your feelings, that’s going to get old real soon.

How to Fix It: Having feelings, and being able to express them, is a great thing. But you need to leave room in the conversation for moments of levity, too — and if you don’t feel up for supplying them, maybe you should let her do it.

4. Creeps

Why? They’re too obsessed with sex to see her as a full person

Sex talk too early on on a date is almost certainly going to creep a woman out. Even women with high sex drives are usually on high alert for guys who can’t pretend to be a gentleman for even one date, let alone a few minutes of conversation on a dating app.

The reality of the situation is, the majority of women have a host of bad experiences with being sexually objectified (or worse) by gross and pervy guys by their 20s, and if you do something to remind them of those creeps, you’re quickly going to get classified as one, too.

How to Fix It: So you’re horny — big whoop. Hold your tongue in the early going until your crush shows you how she wants to talk about sex. And if she doesn’t? Well, maybe that’s a sign that she doesn’t want to talk about sex with you, pal.

5. Liars

Why? If they’ll lie about small things, what won’t they lie about?

Lying is pretty common practice in human communication, but if you don’t know how to differentiate between little white lies done in the name of politeness and more dangerous lies done to cover up unpleasant realities, you’re going to start burning bridges pretty quickly.

It might be tempting to lie to make yourself seem more impressive, or to make certain interactions simpler, but starting a pattern of lies in a dating context is likely to lead to a bad outcome sooner or later once your untruths start to come to light.

How to Fix It: Come to terms with what you’re lying about. Are you ashamed? Are you afraid? Are you jealous? Being honest might feel scary in the short term, but if you can get over the hurdle of admitting something you’re a little bit ashamed of, you’ll feel a lot stronger in the long run.

6. Jerks

Why? It’s only a matter of time before the cruelty comes out

Lots of guys think they’re alpha males, when they’re actually just bullies. If your stock in trade is throwing your weight around, making sure other people know how big and bad you are, you’re going to earn a reputation as a jerk among people of all genders. As a result, women might be especially unwilling to give you the time of day.

Sure, it can be freeing to dispense with social niceties and “tell it like it is,” but if you get in a pattern of being cruel to other people, women will start avoiding you, guaranteed.

How to Fix It: You need to recognize that being aggressive isn’t the desirable trait that you were taught it was. It might feel strange to be polite, deferential and let other people take the spotlight, but the emotional maturity that comes with being flexible, willing to compromise and comfortable in your skin is dead sexy, and women will see that.

7. Stalkers

Why? Guys who can’t take no for an answer are terrifying

Lots of guys grow up thinking that persistence is a sexy quality, or at least a valuable and desirable one. And yes, refusing to settle for failure can be great in lots of ways — persistent guys might be more likely to get a job, a promotion or to make significant gains in areas of personal growth or success.

But persistence in a romantic context is rarely likely to lead to success. If she says she’s not interested but you still keep on messaging her, it’s more likely to lead to you being labeled creepy, dangerous or worse.

Ignoring signals that a woman isn’t interested in you and pursuing her nonetheless isn’t romantic, it’s stalking. And if you can’t take “no” for an answer, that’s a really bad sign. How can any woman trust a guy who’s going to ignore her desires and decide what he wants is more important?

How to Fix It: Learning to back off and accept that you can’t always get what you want might mean you lose out on someone you’re crazy about right now, but that maturity will mean you’ll have a much better shot with your future crushes.

8. Sexists

Why? Would you date someone who thought of you as sub-human?

Some guys don’t realize that they hate women. They spend their lives talking to other men, watching movies about men made by men, reading books and articles by men, and only find women interesting when they need a date or a hookup.

If you don’t respect women, women will be able to tell. They’ll hear the jokes you tell, they’ll see the company you keep, they’ll read your comments. And they’ll avoid you like the plague.

How to Fix It: It’s not easy to stop being a sexist necessarily, but it is possible. Start by doing some soul-searching — try to recognize why you don’t respect women as much as men. Consider therapy. Talk to the women in your life about this. Once you start down that path, you’ll realize that fewer and fewer of them want to avoid you.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Zoe – Chapter 2 – The Real Deal

So, I know I have been creating all of this drama at the salon with who’s going to be my number 1. I’ve done this my whole life. I could walk the mall with my friend Spinner, and we always had to choose our favorite girl that we saw that day.

That was 15 years ago, but I’ve always carried that with me. I’ve cut all of the bad drama agents from my life that have been so well documented in this blog. But at the salon I have always had a top 10, a top 5 and a number 1.

It’s silly I know, but when you have no drama or pain in your life you sometimes create little fun games for things to make the job you’re in more interesting.

If you’ve been following phicklephilly, you’ll know that I’m always searching for my number 1.

It means nothing, but it keeps my active mind amused. I’ve had so many, and they come and go for different reasons. (All ridiculous but fun)

Michelle once said I only pick my top 10 because they are the prettiest girls that come in the salon. (In the beginning, she was absolutely right) but now my little game is about attendance and attentiveness. Kita turned into something else, Delaney failed, and Anastasia, has hope.

But I think my new list will include just great people I really like and have fun talking to.

But I think about these things.

I no longer am sitting in a cubicle, wearing a silly suit and tie, and going to meetings. I no longer sell products and services that have zero value to unwitting clients. I offer real solutions to customers and make them happy.

It’s a brand new day to be out of the rat race and it is exciting.

Most people buy into the American dream and do what we all did. Go to college, become a debtor, (prisoner/slave) get an internship for little money. Pay back your student loans for decades. Work you’re ass off for some shitty company with shitty managers and be stressed out all of the time to earn a decent paycheck. All the while being exhausted working on your next relationship hoping you can find a good mate to marry, settle down with, and/or marry and have a kid with.

The American dream.

Total bullshit.

But… it’s what we’ve been taught, so that’s what we did, and continue to do.

That lie is still alive today.

I see today that many people don’t like to work.

Work is the foundation of human existence.

If you hate what you’re doing or the people you work with, quit. Go do something else. Everybody thinks they need to make a bunch of money.

We’ve all been taught that Louie Vitton bags, Coach bags and Mercedes Benz and a big house and everything else are signs of success. All lies.

None of it will make you happy in your heart.

I’ve had it all and none of it made me happy.

It’s all bullshit.

You know what’s important?

Your health.

Good people and/or family in your life.

Having something to do everyday that makes you happy and helps others.

To love and be loved. (Hard one)

Something to look forward to every day.

Forgive everyone. Why should you drink the poison hoping your enemies die? They don’t care. Let it go. No one should live rent free in your head.

Ever.

Life is too short.

Zoe is a lovely girl.

She’s smart, sweet and has a great sense of humor.

I am always playing my “Who’s my new number one game” with myself.

It’s fun, because I have no drama from any crazies in my life anymore but I enjoy picking the best of the best in every aspect of my life for fun.

But after all of the girls that have come through here, Zoe has been consistent.

I’ll tell you why she’s the apex of this little exercise.

Zoe comes in on a consistent basis.

She’s always sweet and fun to be around.

I’ve upsold her to the premium package and she deserves it.

She listens to my stories and genuinely loves them.

She laughs at all of my jokes.

She always asks what’s going on with me and wants to hear any new crazy stories I have.

No one else cares what’s going on with this Leo.

She’s a beautiful, sweet woman, that is as attractive as her wonderful disposition and personality.

I decided that after all of this time she went from Top 10, to Top 5 to Number 1.

We both know it’s all a silly game, but it holds a certain weight.

Zoe, has been going to Temple University for two years and working as a server at a local watering hole. But recently she got an internship at a corporation that works with government, politics and non profits.

I’m proud of her and she’s making her way.

I decided that i wanted to do something for her, because I consider her a part of our businesses’ core family. (Even Achilles likes her, so that’s good, because he’s a curmudgeon)

When she would come in I would greet her as Top 5.

Zoe giggled (Love her giggle) and would be happy she was special.

Then I greeted her as Top 3.

Finally, after all of the failings of all of my other candidates, I decided that sweet Zoe should be my number 1.

It’s a meaningless title, but it means something to me. (And hopefully to her, because she’s clearly my favorite.)

Zoe is actually flattered (I think) by the title and I really mean it because she’s just so darn nice.)

I embrace this and decide to do what I’ve always done for my Number 1’s (Even though they haven’t deserved it, but again it’s all about me) I get Zoe her favorite tanning lotion. We don’t even carry it anymore but I need to get the best for my Number 1.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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