The Older Adult’s Guide to the New World of Marijuana

Metabolism slows with age, so you may feel high for longer. It is also important to take current medications into consideration.

Baby Boomers, the generation born between 1946-1964, are circling back to marijuana, becoming known as “Boomerangers”. This group of older adults are giving themselves permission to enjoy old and new ways of consuming cannabis, both recreationally and for the management of pain, anxiety and insomnia. But today’s cannabis products are undoubtedly more potent than the weaker “grass” they may have experimented with in their younger years.

Marijuana of the 1960s and 70s likely had THC levels of 2-3%, while strains found in the modern dispensary average well over 10%. So tread lightly to prevent potential anxiety, paranoia or physical instability. Plan your cannabis experimentations when you are free of other obligations and comfortable in your pleasantly prepared environment, and avoid consuming too much for your first time back in a crowded environment such as a concert.

Entering a dispensary in a legalized state can be like walking into a candy store. Find a high quality dispensary with a knowledgeable budtender, someone who speaks the new cannabis language, and can walk you through the wide assortment of choices and ways to consume the plant.

It helps to know what effects you are looking to experience, as well as ones you would like to avoid. “Indica” strains are often experienced as physically sedating, ideal for relaxing or before bed. “Sativa” strains tend to provide invigorating, uplifting cerebral effects that pair well with physical activity, social gatherings, and creative endeavors. “Hybrids” are a blend of both.

  • Flower refers to the actual green bud of the marijuana plant, which can be consumed in a pipe, bong or joint. Most dispensaries sell conveniently pre-rolled joints.
  • Vaporizers do not combust the cannabis, but rather use lower heat to create vapor from the flower before inhaled. Portable vaporizers, which come in all shapes and sizes, have become popular for their ease of use, portability and discrete nature.
  • Concentrate pens or vape pens have pre-loaded cannabis extract. They come in a many flavors and offer various experiential benefits.
  • Edibles are an alternative to smoking or vaping, and the varieties of goodies are endless. Be aware of dosage; you can always take more but you can’t take less. There are food-based treats as well as sublingual edibles such as juices, tinctures and lozenges.
  • Concentrates, which can be much stronger than flower, are best in small doses. Methods of consuming concentrates include dabbing or applying topicals, non-psychoactive lotions that provide beneficial cannabinoids.

Metabolism slows with age, so you may feel high for longer. It is also important to take current medications into consideration; Xanax or Valium can interact with marijuana to cause intense lethargy, and mixing with Prozac can cause irritability and restlessness.

Marijuana is contraindicated for those with heart conditions, so consult your doctor before you consume any cannabis products.

 

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What Women Want!

 

The age-old, stereotypical statement overheard in a group of women often goes something like “he just doesn’t get it” or “why can’t men just understand what we need?” Unfortunately, men (and women) aren’t mindreaders, but the fundamental differences between men and women can get in the way of happy and successful relationships. So, how exactly do we overcome this and what is it that women REALLY want? We try to find out!

The general consensus is that “men are from Mars and women are from Venus.” Men and women are inherently different, yes, but when it comes down to it, we are actually all ‘made up of the same parts, organized in different ways’ [to really get a thorough understanding of women sexually, read more of Emily Nagoski’s work. You won’t regret it!].

So, let’s break it down on what women really want, right from relationship dynamics to sex:

Women want to feel heard… but really, truly heard

Active listening doesn’t just involve nodding and responding with an ‘uhhuh’ while you keep watching TV. The first step in active listening is eye contact (basic right?). Then, it requires verbal and non-verbal cues of acknowledgment. The next step is something that actually doesn’t come easily to men or women – validation and empathy.

What this means is that instead of the usual ‘how do we fix this’ approach that is inherent in most men’s wiring; it’s an approach of listening and trying to really come to grips with how she might feel. For example, if she tells you she’s having trouble with a co-worker, it’s unlikely that she wants you to fix it. What would probably make her feel a lot better is if she heard things from you like “that sounds tough” and “I would also feel that way.”

This means you give her patience, understanding and kindness too. You let her feel her feelings (even if you don’t get them) and you acknowledge them and try to put yourself in her shoes. Unfortunately, this is not a skill we’re taught at school, and in my work with men and women, I often spend a lot of time teaching men how to offer empathy to their girls.

Women want to feel like they matter

This one may require a little detective work, as every woman is different in the way that she feels that she matters to a man. So, what worked for your ex may not work for your current lady. For example, one woman may feel like she matters to you when you tell her you’ll do the washing up after dinner, and another when you tell her that you’ve canceled a late work meeting so you could spend the evening with her instead. Ask her what makes her feel appreciated and that she matters to you, and then do it consistently! It might be something you can say rather than do.

A really great way to figure this out together is to do the 5 Languages of Love test, which is available online [created by Dr. Gary Chapman]. Most couples talk in a completely different language, so it often requires a little more effort to speak your partner’s language when it’s not your default. Doing little things for her to show her you appreciate her, in her language, goes a very long way.

Women want to feel wanted in ways other than sex

This is a massive one for most women. Of course there is a great deal of importance in adult relationships placed on sex for a couple, but what so often happens is that one partner initiates sex to feel close whereas the other partner pulls away because they don’t ‘need’ sex to feel close, and they would prefer simple touches and affection rather than anything sexual. I’ve seen couples over and over where the girl won’t even be affectionate because she’s worried he’ll think she’s keen for sex – even when she’s desperate for affection. Sex becomes this experience that creates difficult territory in the relationship. So, put energy into making her feel special outside of the bedroom, consistently. Foreplay is actually any intimate experience that takes place between couples. This could be you placing your arm around her in a movie, or you telling a group of people you’re with something you appreciate about her. A little goes a long way outside of the bedroom, and she needs to feel wanted by you for other reasons aside from just sex!

Women want you to make the effort

At the beginning of a relationship, we’re all about the effort. Effort in making time to see each other, effort in planning special things to do, effort in complimenting each other and being on our ‘best behavior’ (i.e. not farting in front of her). But when we start to get comfortable and domestic life with all its routines is established, we slowly fall out of making this effort. We stop complimenting each other, we stop dressing up for dinners out, and we start to show our real selves more and more. This, unfortunately, does not do anything for desire and feeling wanted. Relationships take effort, and they always will.

Happy couples are constantly working on their relationships and doing small things consistently. And this includes making an effort to make each other feel special and wanted. Tell her you want to plan date nights and take her out or compliment her regularly so she doesn’t get suspicious of a compliment out of the blue and think it’s out of character for you. Make her feel like she matters to you all the time; not just when she asks or it’s a special occasion.

Women want to feel like equals

In relationships, women want to feel like an equal, like they matter and their opinion matters as much as their man’s does. They want to be included, asked their opinion and given the opportunity to engage. So in a group, ask her what she thinks and don’t dismiss it. Women want to know that you respect them and value what their input, so make sure that if you’re in a group of men, you’re the one standing up for her!

A very interesting fact, however, is that research has found that most women prefer to have their partners be dominant in bed, and to play a more submissive role. This is of course not true for every woman, but for most women, they prefer to feel that their male partner is in charge, and taking control. Research shows that women enjoy the fantasy and experience of being dominated. But before suddenly taking on this role, start slow and ask her what turns her on or what she would like. Asking will also go a long way in helping her feel that her sexual needs matter to you.

Women want vulnerability

“Men don’t cry” is a very outdated, stereotypical thing to say. Men do cry – they are human beings too after all. Men and women may experience emotion in a different way but that doesn’t mean a man constantly has to live up to the “macho” ideal others place on him. Showing emotion to your girl is important and helpful – assuming that the emotion you’re showing her isn’t destructive or abusive. When you’re sad, tell her and let her know how she can help. If you’re feeling stressed out or anxious, reach for her and get her to support you. Connecting on this level is a way of developing deeper emotional intimacy.

Women want moral integrity

Unlike many cultures around the world where men have multiple partners or wives and it’s seen as the norm, or even in cultures where infidelity is expected, American culture is not one of them! Having a girl [or 3!] on the side while calling your main squeeze ‘the One’ is not something any woman appreciates. Women want to know that they matter enough to you that you respect them. And what that means is that if you agree to be exclusive and deem yourselves in a relationship, that it means it’s just the two of you.

No flirting with others on the side, no swiping right on the sly. Respect is fundamental to any successful and happy relationship. Without it, couples may be in constant conflict and struggle to get the relationship to go anywhere. It leaves room for abuse and toxicity to develop. If you’ve discussed dating other people or having an open relationship, then go right ahead. But for most girls, they want to be your only one.

Women want to know you can own your sh*t

Moral integrity also includes honesty, trustworthiness and responsibility for your own actions. If you’ve done something, own it. Take responsibility for it. Ask how you can make it up to her rather than apologizing and then negating it with “but you did this…” If she’s upset and telling you you’ve done something that would probably also be upsetting to say, your sister or best girlfriend, own it! She wants to know you can own it, but also that you’ve really gotten what she’s upset about.

So instead of just apologizing, try to follow the apology with your understanding of why she’s upset. For example, “I’m sorry you’re mad” isn’t going to go down well. “I’m sorry you’re mad. I should’ve let you know I was running late because I know you worry” will help repair things in the moment and help her feel you respect her and recognize why she’s upset.

Women don’t want to feel pressured during sex

Women often tell me that they feel they should be having orgasms and wanting sex more. And when I ask why, they often say it’s because their partner wants them to. Pressure, expectations and sex are the worst possible combination. As soon as we feel pressured to do something or be something sexually, it causes anxiety, and anxiety decreases our ability to function sexually.

This is particularly true for women during sex, and when she feels like she can’t achieve something (e.g. an orgasm) she will feel worse about herself and the situation. Approach sex as something you’re excited to share with her; no matter the ending. Make it an experience that feels exciting, not full of expectations and anxiety. Tell her that her sexual needs matter to you, but that she doesn’t need to feel that anything is expected.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Cherie – Chapter 64 – Unsteady

It’s so hard now. But it’s not.

Cherie is incredibly frustrated sexually.

After her chilly behavior last time I saw her she’s warmed up to a boil.

I actually don’t like this behavior.

She’s pissed at me and is very reserved and then when we work it out she’s angry, frustrated and horny.

I can’t see her for two weeks and there’s nothing I can do about it. Why say it if there’s NOTHING I can do to satisfy you for two weeks?

It’s just nonsense.

We met up two weeks ago but she was on shark week and she won’t let this shark swim, because I would. I have never minded if a girl was a her period. If she was willing to be with me I was always happy to accommodate. Just low self-esteem and happy to have sex.

I’ve always been okay with the human condition and anomaly. I learned it early from my dad from all of the books he made me read.

I’m really fine with all human functionality no matter how gross. I’ve always adored women and I find no aspect of them gross. I embrace their strength to deal with the monthly aches and pains of sloughing off the walls of their uterus as another precious egg goes to waste.

Men have millions of sperm their whole life. Women on the other hand are born with a finite number of eggs and that’s it. That’s why the clock starts to chime in their late twenties. It’s just human nature.

I totally get it. That’s why my last three relationships ended.

They just needed to settle on some guys that were willing to commit to them for the rest of their lives and roll the dice of marriage and parenthood.

I’ve already been to that table in the casino of life and I lost big time. I won a beautiful daughter that I absolutely adore but it cost me a fortune in money and pain for decades. I will never go through it again.

 

I had taken her to the movies and did everything I could to warm her to me but she was chilly again.

She later texted me and apologized for being cold to me.

I’ve done all that I can to be sweet to her.

I called her and we spoke on the phone and I did everything to iron it out.

I think it worked, because we seemed to be back in gear again.

She was supposed to come down in two weeks. I knew what I needed to do to satisfy her and re-connect.

There were texts and sweet words. I knew we’d be fine if I could just get there and satisfy her.

Achilles called me Friday night and asked if I could work on my day off from 11 to 1pm. I checked with Cherie and she said she wouldn’t be down until 2pm so I told him yes. He had two new clients coming in for the gym so that would be great and we need that. I told him it would be fine. I’d see Cherie after that when she came down and make love to her like she was the last woman on Earth.

I’m texting Cherie and it’s all good.

But then she says the Saab is shaking. I don’t know what that means but it can’t be good.

She says she’s worried about the car and that it could be its end. That’s not good. But she says that she could possibly borrow her folks car and come down.

I’m fine with all of this and tell Achilles that I can stay the afternoon if he needs me on Saturday.

Achilles trained his new clients and it went well. But the best part was, for the first time in many months we got to just hang out. I worked until 3pm before I clocked out.

Cherie said she’d be down by 6:30.

So I basically spent the day with Achilles and we got to talk and have a fun day together. We’re remodeling the bathroom so we were focused on that. A father and son team came in and bought the two urinals we don’t need. They plugged the pipes and took the two units and cleaned up.

We want to clear the space and put a shower in there for the gym so it was perfect.

It felt like the old days just hanging with my friend and working at the salon on a Saturday during the busy season with nothing to do other than take good care of my beloved that night for a few hours.

I actually for the first time told him about Cherie. Normally we are pretty private about our romantic lives but I figured it was time.

He said it sounded like the perfect relationship for me.

Which it is.

A beautiful fit girl who’s so sweet and sexual and isn’t around all the time. I know that may seem alien to some of you, but I have so many failed relationships, this life with Cherie has been perfect for me. The very best.

Distance. Time. Lust. Satisfaction. Love. Distance. Distance. Time. I really love her and the dynamic.

What man wouldn’t want a hot young wanton woman to come see you and tear you to pieces and then leave? Then you can go back to your life of work and social life with out the trappings of the clingy relationship.

Even my female friends agree this is the perfect relationship for me.

I adore Cherie. She’s truly the apex of any woman I’ve ever know. But will it work long-term?

Probably not based on my past but I have to try. I’ve done everything I can to sustain this relationship but lately it’s been strained.

I get a text in the afternoon that her son’s father has bailed on spending time with him today.

That’s not good, but I really don’t know the full scope of the situation up there in Pottstown, 40 miles away.

I spend the whole day with Achilles and we actually have a great day just hanging and working at the salon together just like old times. I clocked out at 3 but continue to work for free until closing.

I’m just happy we can hang and work and chat.

I finally go home. I clean up the house and make everything fresh for the arrival of my love.

I text her.

“How are things going?”

“I’m ready to jump off a ledge these kids are making me lose my mind.”

“I thought you were coming down at 6:30.”

“OMG. no, I said I might be able to because of my kid. his dad canceled so I don’t have a babysitter.”

“Oh fuck. I’m sorry honey.”

“OMG it’s my fault WTF I’m an idiot.”

So I cracked open a bottle of Burnett’s and some club soda and watched Netflix.

*Sigh. I don’t know if Cherie and I are going to make it.

We both work so much I don’t know if this love can sustain itself.

I love her so…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly