Guy Stops Drinking Alcohol, Shows How Much Sobriety Changed Him In 3 Years

I LOVE this guy!

Giving up your vices and guilty pleasures can lead to a happier and healthier life that’s full of purpose. Even though you might not see the changes day-to-day when you give up drinking alcohol, they’re very apparent to others. One of the things that can keep you motivated is documenting the changes and looking at the photos side by side.

Well, one man has made the phrase ‘one day at a time’ fit both his fight with alcoholism and documenting his journey through sobriety. These last three years, Kenny D. has taken snaps of how he looked when he quit alcohol at key stages in his journey of sobriety. The changes within the first month are already huge and he is almost unrecognizable in the final pictures.

“I took a picture of myself the day I got my first sobriety coin, 24 hours sober. I felt so ill and I looked so bad, I wanted to remember it so I wouldn’t forget. The day I got my 30-day coin, I thought my look had changed drastically so I took another selfie,” Kenny told Bored Panda, talking about the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) sobriety coins given to alcoholics who stay sober for a certain amount of time.

Scroll down for Bored Panda’s full and exclusive in-depth interview with Kenny who got back his life, regained his health, and discovered new depths in his character by giving up drinking. For more powerful Bored Panda posts about sobriety and how much people change when they give up alcohol or drugs, check out these articles here, here, here, and here.

Kenny went sober three years ago. When he took his first photo, he was feeling awful

“I liked showing my family and friends the side-by-side of 24 hours and 30 days to show the change,” Kenny said. “Of course, they were skeptical because I had spent the last several years terrorizing my family and friends while I was drunk. So I kept them to myself mostly for the first year, but I always took a selfie every time I got a coin. On my one-year anniversary, I took my picture and posted a side by side on Reddit and called it the Progression of Sobriety. I thought it would just be something uplifting for people to see, I had no idea I would get the kind of response that I did. The post was flooded with comments from people asking me about alcoholism and how I stopped drinking. Asking how they can stop or how to help their own friends or family stop. And a ton of good positive kudos and congrats for my transformation. So after the first year, I felt like I’d make it a bit of a tradition to post my progress on my Sobriety birthday on November 2. I also keep with the tradition of taking it in my bathroom just for continuity. Year two was last year and this year was year three.”

Barely a month later, he was looking and feeling much better

Kenny revealed how much of a problem drinking became for him, as well as how it brought him to the edge. “I started drinking in college. But it didn’t become a real problem until about 10 years ago. I began drinking often and always to excess. I discovered at one point that I could not control the amount I drank once I had taken the first drink. I could not drink without getting drunk. So I decided to quit. I would last a few days, a few weeks, a few months, one time for a year. Always with relapses in between. By 2016, I had gotten to the point that I would get drunk every day. I drank 12–24 drinks a day and I was blacking out 3–4 times a week. I knew I had a problem but I didn’t know what to do. I used to stand in the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror and wish I wasn’t a drunk. I would wonder how I got this way. Sometimes I was just indifferent to whether I lived or died. I just wanted it to be over and I didn’t care how,” he explained the pit of despair he was in just several years ago.

Kenny kept up being sober with the help of the 12 step program, loved ones, and AA members

“The last time I drank, I had a week of vacation and I had bought myself a case of beer and was going to ration it for the week. 3–4 beers a night,” Kenny went into detail about how he finally got sober. “The first night after I put my son to bed, I opened my first beer. That was at 8 p.m. By 11 p.m., I had drunk 19 beers. Something inside me said, ‘Kenny, your life is no longer manageable.’”

He also fixed his diet and started exercising

“A friend of mine had gotten sober a year before and I did the only thing I could think to do. I reached out for help. I texted her and told her I had a problem and I needed help. The next morning, she picked me up and drove me to my first 12-step meeting and I’ve been sober ever since.”

Kenny took a photo every time he got a new AA sobriety chip

Kenny was also very open about the greatest challenges that he faced after he got sober three years ago. “My greatest challenge was the working of the 12 steps. 12 step recovery is a complete overhaul of your life. It is a fact-finding and fact-facing process. It caused me to face how I felt about other people and to clean up the mess I had made in my life while I was drinking. All I wanted to do was to stop drinking and to get my life back. I had no idea that I would get a whole new life that was full of more joy, happiness, and freedom than I could have possibly imagined.”

The man was completely open about how much drinking alcohol affected him

He continued: “The biggest difference between myself now and three years ago is that today I live my life by a set of spiritual principles. From morning to night, I run all of my decisions through a sort of spiritual filter. I do my best to not be resentful or spiteful or angry, though I am human and I have a tendency to forget sometimes. I’m not a saint. If I have a problem that I can’t tackle with stuff in my normal spiritual toolkit, I get on the phone to my sponsor or another alcoholic-in-recovery.”

Previously, Kenny couldn’t control himself when it came to alcohol

“There is always somebody around to help, I just have to reach out. The most difficult part about living with such success in sobriety for me is avoiding what they call ‘resting on your laurels.’ Getting complacent and going back to my old way of doing things. I get over it by going to lots of meetings as often as I can, working with other alcoholics, and practicing the spiritual principles in all of my affairs.”

Kenny used to drink 12-24 drinks each night…

“In my personal life, I’ve become an avid reader, I love to learn new things and read nonfiction and biographies. I’ve recently begun painting and that has opened up a whole new part of my brain that I didn’t know existed,” Kenny said about his newfound passions.

…and he used to lose consciousness three or four nights each week while drinking

“And as you can see from the pictures, I’ve lost 75 pounds (34 kilograms) since I got sober. I eat much cleaner and I exercise now. My favorite form of exercise is DDP Yoga. Awesome program and it completely changed my whole perspective on exercise and healthy living. Three years into sobriety, every day is an awesome day and I can’t wait to experience the next awesome thing or meet the next awesome person whom I can learn something from.”

Kenny was officially three years sober on November 2

People were very supportive of Kenny’s journey

                                                    You look fantastic, man!
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Amelia – Chapter 4 – Double Agent

It’s Monday and we’re busy as hell. I’m cranking the counter at the salon and Amelia is running around cleaning beds.

Tis the season at the salon. We are in full swing and Amelia is stepping up to the challenge.

April through July is insane in here and that’s why she’s here. I’m grateful and we’re working well as a team.

New people are signing up and the regulars are rolling in. It is non-stop mayhem. This is the busy season. I’m so happy to have Amelia here now. She’s great as I’ve written before. But she’s on top of the cleaning and the laundry. She’s what I need. I must keep the customer service up.

Waves of clients come in to tan. We get hit with three waves of people. Non-stop tanning. We feel the urgency and it makes us want to tan ourselves.

We agree that when this crazy night ends we’re going tanning, which is fun.

I have been a die-hard slave to this place for two years and haven’t tanned in two months.

I hired Amelia and Eileen. Part of their deal is they get to tan for free as long as they’re employed. Both girls have jumped on the tanning wagon. I realized I couldn’t be the pale old white guy and dove into tanning with great vigor.

I started tanning like a maniac and love the results. I’m getting brown as a penny, and I’m even using a sticker to track my progress.

I hope Cherie appreciates the white heart on my pubic mound. Because that’s where it is.

Yea, I did that. A sweet white heart above my angry cock, but we are talking about my 24 year old co-worker so lets tap the brakes on tanning.

I really like working with Nicole. I actually like her better than Eileen. She’s older, and more mature and just so much greater depth that her teenage counterpart.

Plus, I spend more days with Nicole and I just like her better. I feel I can be honest with her the more I know her.

Amelia wants to start dating again.

She’s new to the city and lives in a studio with her cat. (Not good. As we know at phicklephilly!)

But if you’ve followed her series, she’s great and there’s so much hope and growth here.

She gives me a great reveal during our conversations.

“So you’re back on Bumble. That’s good.”

“I matched with this person but she seems like high maintenance.”

“You like Garret but…”

“What happened to your last relationship?”

“She didn’t trust me.”

“Wait. What?”

“I’m bisexual.”

“So is my sort of girlfriend.”

“Cool. Yea she fucked me over. We were together two years and have been split for nine months.”

“I’m sorry. So you’re even on both buckets. Your next love could be a guy or a girl?

“Yes.”

“Does your family know?”

“No.”

8th child in an Irish Catholic family based in central Pennsylvania.

Here’s a lovely girl that I absolutely adore. I love working with her. I love her work ethic in all that she does. I love her honesty and integrity.

I’m fascinated by the blessing that’s come upon our salon with these two wonderful women.

As much as I love Eileen as my hire and her savvy on the computer and her obvious beauty, I love Amelia more.

We’ve had some intimate conversations. I told her things about me. (No idea why but kind of love it.)

She told me she’s bisexual.

I instantly loved that.

Amelia is such a great employee and a wonderful person. We spoke about this at length and I’m glad she trusted me enough to confide.

I wish I knew more people like Amelia.

An elegant woman who was completely okay with her sexuality and able to love everyone.

I’m fascinated by her but do not look upon her as an oddity. A beautiful woman, born into a family of ten. They all have dark hair and baby daughter Amelia is blonde and blue-eyed.

And she’s kind of gay.

We’re all kind of gay. We just refuse to accept it.

But our Amelia has decided to tell me about her journey and I’m honored that she trusts me enough to tell her story.

I’d never do anything to hurt her or her reputation. (I’ve already told her some crazy gay shit from my childhood and she may even hook me up with a hot, passable TS)

A blog post I will celebrate on every social media site!

That’ll be amazing.

But after all of this… We went to Square 1682.

Church was there. He’s on point with burgers and insane drink recommendations. (See: Church – Brand Ambassador)

Amelia had a Sazerac and sipped a bit of it and I got her calamari.

I plowed three Chardonnays with ice like I always do and my favorite bartender Roman was on point. (See: Roman – Rock n Roll Bartender)

The night was good and its good for Church to talk to real girls. That’s all I bring. Fresh, nice girls that are fun to talk to. Church needs the practice .

Amelia’s cocktail, calamari, and my 3 Chardonnays all equal to $12 bucks. Total hookup.

I send Amelia home and tell her I got it because it’s all free. She loves this and for the first time feels the power that is the CHAZ.

We were in the salon tonight and she’s already talking about making a date for Gran Cafe La Aquila for the gelato.

Amelia wants this.

I know so much more about Amelia now. She’s equal for boys and girls. I look forward to more adventures.

It seems insane but phicklephilly writes itself…

 

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Dating Tips – How to Date a Chinese Woman

Being in a relationship with a Chinese woman is completely different from dating one from another culture. Now, you might be wondering, why is that? Well, in the Chinese culture, expectations are extremely higher and it is taken seriously from the beginning. For example, being honest and respectful are some of the things that are highly appreciated

If you have just started dating a Chinese girl or if you might be in a relationship with one soon, you might feel a little bit overwhelmed – mostly because her culture and values might be completely different from yours. And if you are in this situation, this article has you covered. The text below will feature some tips that you should follow when dating a Chinese woman. Let’s take a closer look:

1. Be Daring, But Learn to Listen When Needed

SOURCE:INDIATODAY.IN

As previously mentioned, the Chinese culture has different expectations from a man. For example, they expect a man to be the one that will call the woman out on a date. And, if you choose to do that, ensure that you show respect towards her and that you are polite. Of course, once she accepts the invitation, she will also expect you to pay for anything that you will be doing.

You should not talk too much during the date, and you should ensure that you ask her enough questions about herself, and naturally, you will want to listen to what she has to say. Like every other woman, she will expect you to be respectful of her thoughts, as well as feelings, and you should know that they do not like men who talk too much or ones that are constantly bragging.

2. They Express Feelings Differently

You might think that it is weird at the beginning, however, Chinese women will not express their feelings often. They will probably show their affections through their actions and not through their words. For example, they might help you choose clothes for an important meeting or they will take care of you when you are ill. This is how they will express their emotions, especially since they might be a bit shy. However, when she gains trust in you, she will let you know how she really feels.

SOURCE:10GREATEST.COM

3. They Are Extremely Family-Oriented

If you have been with her for some time, you will be required to meet her family – especially her mother and father. The family approval is something that is extremely important and you should try to leave a good first impression. First of all, you should buy a gift, however, you will also need to be careful, because gifts are quite symbolic in China. If you get the wrong one, you will probably not be “approved” by the family.

Opt for something that is special and unique. For example, if you know that they enjoy sports activities, then you can opt for some special food that they enjoy. When finally meeting the parents, remember to stay polite, respectful, and hones – after all, every parent only wants the best things for their kid, no matter how old they are.

4. Your Intentions Should Be Clear

Absolutely all Chinese women look for a partner that will provide stability, and they will also take dating you seriously – especially if they enjoy spending a lot of time with you. You should talk with your partner early on about what you hope will come out of the relationship. For example, they never look for a relationship that will last several days. They want someone who is seriously interested in spending their future with them. There are websites such as Best Brides that can help you connect with Chinese women easily.

5. Although They Look For Stability, You Should Not Rush Things Up

As mentioned in the previous tip, stability is something most Chinese women look for, as well as for your intentions to be clear from the start. However, like everything else in life, you should not rush everything. By taking things slowly, you will be able to gain her trust, so, instead of taking her out to a nightclub, opt for something a bit more casual such as going for a walk or going to a coffee shop for a cup of tea or coffee. This will make her a bit more comfortable.

6. Being Humble is a Virtue

Chinese people consider a person to be quite intelligent if they are silent and calm. Hence, instead of always being talkative and outgoing, you should try to stay modest – at least when you are meeting her parents. That is why Chinese women will prefer if you take them out at a place that is not overcrowded and noisy.

7. They Are Quite Loyal

SOURCE:STEEMIT.COM

Dating a Chinese woman means that you will not have to worry about her cheating on you, especially since it goes against their culture – which is a line that they do not want to cross. Reputation is everything in Asian countries, hence, try not to damage her reputation by cheating on her.

8. You Should Be Honest And Direct About Things

As you already know, if you want a relationship to work, you will need to be open to each other, as well as honest. However, Chinese women will take that to a completely different level. If she sees that something is wrong with you, she will immediately ask you what is going on. Also, they will have no problem with telling you that you have something between your teeth or that your t-shirt is stained from ketchup. This can be quite good and you will never have to worry that she is hiding something from you.

Conclusion

The one thing you should remember is that each and every person is different, no matter what country they come from. And, although Chinese women have the same value and virtues, the tips mentioned above do not have to apply to every Chinese woman you meet. Hence, before fully implementing any of the tips above, make sure that you get to know her a bit.

By following the tips from this article, you will be able to make your relationship with a Chinese girl flourish! Not only will you be able to improve the connection between the two of you, but you will also be able to make her happier by knowing what you should and should not do.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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17 Clever Insults to Keep Cretins Out of Your Life

Try them out on your friends!

 

  • 2
    People - I'll bet you're the kind of guy who sets fireworks off in the middle of the day so they're .easier to see.

  • 3
    Dish - You're like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

  • 4
    Clothing - You're not pretty enough to be that stupid.

  • 5
    Text - Look at you, standing there with your elbow half way up your arm/and your teeth in wigh ide your mouth.

  • 6
    Text - If I wanted to kill myself, l'd climb up your ego.and jump to your lO 60 80 100 120 140 IQ

  • 7
    Text - Tenvy everyone you have never met.

  • 8
    Talent show - brought to you by FOR THE TATHERNE would love to insult you but rt Come I'm afraid I won't do it as well as nature did.

  • 9
    Text - Somewhere out there, there's a tree whose single purpose on edrth is to replace the oxygen you waste... Go find it and apologize.

  • 10
    Incandescent light bulb - You're not the brightest bulb in the box, butyou are the sharpest.

  • 11
    Text - EUSO Not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

  • 12
    Text - I can only explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.

  • 13
    Performance - Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parentş.

  • 14
    Submarine - You're about as useful as a screen door in a submarine.

  • 15
    Helmet - Go get your helmet and wait in the car. 10 Ue

  • 16
    Text - Like Ron Swanson oncesaid, just call them the wrong name. It lets them know that you do not care enough about them to remember what their name is.

  • 17
    Wicker - Cupcake. Nobody likes being called cupcake when they're pissed off.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Sun Stories: Jazmin – Guess Girl – Chapter 8

I went back up to the counter and thought about what just happened.

That was fantastic. I loved doing my favorite thing to a girl I really like.

I can only pray that it doesn’t get weird. I don’t think she’s going to say anything.

After a few minutes, The door to room 9 opens and Jazmin begins to walk up the hallway towards me. I see her in my peripheral but don’t look up from the computer on the counter. I just felt that it would be wrong to look at her as she approached. I don’t know what’s going on in her head at this point.

“Thank you, Charles. You have brought me a new joy in my life. A joy I have never experienced before. I now know how that girl Kita feels. (See: Kita – Reckoning, and Double Dip) I have shared in that joy and a special gift.”

“I’m happy I could help you Jaz. I’m glad it went as well as it did.”

“Is Kita your girlfriend?”

“No. She’s a student at Drexel I became close with her from coming here.”

“Do you always do that with her?”

“No. That was a one time thing. We dated a little bit, but she’s a sweet, confused girl. I hadn’t seen or heard from her for a month while she was on winter break. She came back and it was a moment of passion and we slipped. ”

“She’s cute and fit but I don’t understand why a Chinese girl would want to be so tan all of the time and dye her hair blonde. It all seems unnatural.”

“I agree, Jaz, and between you and me, it’s pretty obvious she tans too much. But I shouldn’t talk about other clients based on what just happened between us.”

“You can never speak of it.”

 

“I’m a vault of secrets, Jazmin.”

 

“That’s good, Charles. Because you must be silent in regard to what we did.”

“Not a word. Ever. To anyone. I promise.”

“Thank you. Although it was beyond anything I could have imagined, I need to ensure your discretion.”

“Never happened.”

 

I’m good at this. I’ve kept secrets for decades. My father taught me well.

 

“So you’re not in love with this girl, Kita?”

“No. I just focused on her because she was so enthusiastic about tanning and that’s what we did here. She’s the perfect client. Tan and cute.”

“Did things ever go further than what I saw?”

“No. That was a celebratory slip. (Bold-faced lie) I took her to lunch and dinner and there were kisses, but I always felt like I was trying to show her what dating should look like. She was always hanging out with these shitty boys. She spent hours here hanging out. I would counsel her on why these relationships didn’t work.”

“She sounds like a foolish girl.”

“She is, but she’s just young and lacking in experience. We’ve all been there Jaz.”

“True.” (She smiles and I feel the warm knowing of her reaction)

“Do you love her?”

“I had strong feelings for her because she’s so adorable, cute, and Asian and she actually spent time with me. I liked taking her on dates and giving her presents. But, no…. I don’t love her.”

“So she was like your sugarbaby.” (smiles)

“Yea. But she didn’t even realize it while it was happening.”

“That seems so selfish.”

“Yea, but she’s so young she didn’t realize. She was basically being treated awful by these losers and she keeps coming back for more. I counsel her but she keeps making the same mistakes over and over like every young person. But the sad part is, she never realizes that everything I did for her is exactly what a boy should do to court her. Completely blew it. She never got it. Just young foolish behavior.”

“Just young girls. Are you bitter?”

“Not in the slightest, because to be honest with you Jazmin, I don’t really care anymore. I just enjoy the attention and the company all of these girls.”

“But doesn’t that leave you with an emptiness that these girls never fulfill your heart?”

“At my age, I just love the attention. I get my energy from people and have cut all of the crazy people from my life, so it’s simple and I just enjoy their company.”

(Jaz doesn’t know that I have an amazing girlfriend and that I am just doing all of this for the blog)

“Well, I hope I don’t end up as one of the crazies in your life, Charles.”

“That’ll never happen, Jazmin. You’re a lovely woman and hopefully I won’t be arrested.”

 

She laughs. “How could I ever imprison a man that has shown me the way to myself?”

 

 

 

What Your Favorite Color Reveals About Your Sexual Style (According To Science!)

Did you know the color someone wears may reflect something significant about the psychology underlying his or her personality traits and sexual preferences?

That’s right, according to color psychology, the color of your favorite clothes gives people clues not only about your basic personality, but about your sexual personality as well!

What does your favorite color say about you sexually?

Well, It depends …

Look for your favorite color below to find out what color psychology reveals about your sexual personality.

Red

Red is energizing and exciting, a call to action for lovers who like to initiate and engage fully. It connotes confidence and passion and can produce feelings of craving, whether for food or sex. Red lovers are easily aroused and once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish.

Natural explorers, red lovers can also be impulsive and not too concerned with detail, so make sure your sex is safe and consensual!

Black

Dressed all in black? You might prefer kinky sex. Black connotes mystery and hidden charms, but also hidden agendas. Many lovers of black clothes are masochistic or sadistic in nature and love the dynamic of serious power play in the bedroom.

When you put on a pair of black leather pants or boots, don’t you automatically feel wilder? Black can be perceived as powerful and unfriendly, but it also exudes sophistication and elegance, often the choice for high society events. It creates a barrier between ourselves and the world around us which allows us to protect our secrets.

Gray

Gray connotes a lack of emotion. Unable to commit to the mystery of black or the illumination of white, people who prefer gray aren’t quite sure what they get excited about. It’s a solid and stable color that promotes logic and reason instead of passion.

Men who wear gray might look at sex as a way of relieving tension and women might be focused on having sex to procreate or accommodate their partner.

While gray can be formal and elegant, it’s not glamorous or attention-seeking in any way. Conservative and self-sufficient, a gray wearer may find themselves lonely from shutting down their emotions when it comes to new relationships.

Blue

Affectionate and exuding inner peace, people who love blue make wonderful sex partners, sensitive to their partner’s needs, and invested in making love into a fine art. With honesty, trust and loyalty as defining qualities, blue lovers are ‘givers’ who like to build strong relationships and bask in the glory of a successful union.

Not quick to judge or change, they may need to get some expert advice and think things over at first (like a new sexual request or fantasy), but when they commit, they go all the way with a passion that goes much deeper than lust.

Pink

Combining the passion of red with the purity of white, pink is all about unconditional love, romance and intimate caring. Pink can alleviate anger, aggression and resentment, but beware that it also connotes naivete and inexperience, which is why paired with a stronger color like black, it becomes subversive and twice as sexy.

Pink lovers embrace sensuality and are likely to spend time indulging their bodies with massage or baths, inviting you to join them on their journey of self-love and nurturing. Sex can be wild, but it’s always fulfilling, as pink lovers won’t rest until each partner is satisfied.

Orange

Orange is cheerful and enthusiastic, emphasizing the intuition and ‘gut feelings’ we all possess. Highly adventurous and extroverted, wearers of orange not only lean toward sexual fantasies but making those fantasies come true!

While impulsive and risk-taking, orange also connotes great communication and positive spirit. You can count on someone who loves the color orange to engage with you in conversation and steer it into spirited new directions, right up until you’re undressing each other.

Expect an assertive, intuitive lover who values foreplay as much as sex, and could venture into ‘naughty’ behavior if the instinct is there.

Yellow

Yellow is creative and independent, the choice for people who communicate well and love to indulge new and exciting ideas, like new sexual positions, sexual fantasies or sex outdoors.

Complications often come along with yellow, whether it’s the need for an additional sexual partner, or another ‘appetite’ demanding attention. Satisfying the yellow personality involves a lot of spontaneity (think quickies!) and coming up with new relationship patterns so things never get dull.

Purple

Lovers of purple or violet have the energetic qualities of red combined with the trusting stamina of blue, making them giving lovers with a strong charismatic pull. Highly sensitive and compassionate, they indulge bodily desires frequently and with great variation of intensity, so expect a lover who can enjoy a quickie just as much as a big production.

Spiritual people often lost in the world of imagination, purple lovers are also great candidates for sexual fantasy and role play, getting caught up in everything from the sexy story to the details of the costumes. Remember their need to stand out in a crowd, and be rewarded for their individuality.

Green

Green wearers balance the mental clarity of yellow and the emotional depth of blue. They know the type of partner they’re looking for and are willing to commit fully when they find it. They love to observe, finding voyeuristic fantasies extremely erotic, sometimes even in groups, as green-lovers are also known to be excellent hosts who value prosperity and abundance.

Greens are not action-oriented and do not like to take risks, but their sexual generosity is unparalleled when they feel safe and loved, and their relationship loyalty is rock solid.

Brown

Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep, sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. Down-to-earth and extremely loyal, browns may be fearful of losing ‘control’ during sex which can be overcome with intensely intimate foreplay that ensures there is all the time and privacy in the world for emotions to blossom.

You can’t say, “I love you” often enough to a lover of brown. Security and loyalty are paramount, with a strong desire to build relationships toward a larger goal of family or permanent partnership.

White

White is pure and cleansing, connoting youth and innocence, and in turn, an innocent or sometimes dismissive view of sexuality. White lovers crave simplicity, which can either manifest as an uncomplicated casual relationship or the reliable routine of marriage.

With a tendency for fanatical perfection, whites can sometimes be prudish, not wanting any of their physical ‘flaws’ to be seen in the light. They would rather hide any imperfections and present a ‘perfect’ exterior. It may be a challenge for them to openly communicate sexual needs and desires.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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What Should You Do When You Hook Up With A Friend’s Ex? Experts Say It Can Get Messy

Call it “Friend Code” or whatever else fits your fancy — it seems like there’s an unwritten law about staying away from your friend’s exes. Of course, sometimes, life just happens, and people fall for each other. Whether you’ve been in love with someone for a while or got caught up in the heat of a moment, knowing what you should do when you hook up with a friend’s ex can help you navigate an innately messy situation a little more mindfully.

“There’s no one way to handle this. It really depends on the people, personalities, and feelings involved,” dating coach and dating app expert Meredith Golden tells Elite Daily. “No one likes to hurt someone’s feelings, and no one likes having their feelings hurt or feeling betrayed [by a friend].”

As Meredith shares, the first step in moving forward can be thinking about the relationship your friend had with their ex. Did they go on a couple of awkward dates and realize they were better off as friends? Did they seriously date for three years until your friend caught the ex cheating? Knowing how serious the relationship was, and moreover, how it affected your friend can help you move forward in the most compassionate way possible.

Woman hugging her depressed friend at home, closeup. Young girl supporting her crying girlfriend. Friendship consoling and care, copy space
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“If you hooked up with your college roommate’s boyfriend from seventh grade, this probably isn’t going to cause heartbreak,” Golden says. “If you hooked with [your best friend’s] first love, this is a very different scenario.”

If your friend dated the ex a while ago or they’re clearly over the breakup, they may be able to move on with ease. However, if the ex really hurt your friend or it’s clear your friend is still in love with them, coming clean about the hookup may take a lot of time and care.

“It comes down to righting a wrong, so to speak,” Golden says. “Put yourself in your friend’s shoes.” You know your friend, and you know the best ways to communicate with them. Whether you ask your friend to talk in person or give them a phone call, Golden shares to think about how you would feel if your friend hooked up with your ex.

In addition to thinking about your friend’s relationship with their ex, Golden suggests considering the nature of your relationship with your friend. “It also depends on how close the friendship is,” Golden says. “If it’s someone who you were once really close with but now only talk to once a year, this is different than your [current] ride-or-die friendship.” If you and your friend aren’t super close, or if you haven’t talked in a while, chances are you’ll address the hookup differently than you would with your all-time BFF. While there’s no cut-and-dry answer for how to move forward, Golden emphasizes being as empathetic as possible.

Golden also shares that it can be helpful to think of your intentions with the hookup. Was it a late-night, one-time thing that is never going to happen again? Have you secretly been in love with the ex the whole time and waiting for this to happen?

Thinking about where you and the ex stand after the hookup can help you get through the awkwardness. “Would your friend want to know?” Golden says. “This should guide the aftermath.” If you kissed your friend’s ex because it was Mardi Gras, and it honestly didn’t mean anything, and you’re literally never going to see them again, it may be easier to forget the hookup ever happened. Of course, if you’re starting to have feelings for a friend’s ex or you want to make the hookup a relationship, it may be helpful to talk to them about it before anything more happens.

“The right thing to do would be to discuss this thoroughly with your friend,” Trina Leckie, host of the Breakup BOOST podcast, tells Elite Daily. “If you care about your friendship, you will respect your friend and their feelings.”

Shot of pretty young woman supporting and comforting her sad friend while sitting on the sofa at home.
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Leckie adds that if your friend didn’t have strong feelings for their ex or dated the ex a long time ago, they might be totally OK with you shooting your shot. “The only way this would be acceptable is if your friend actually encouraged you to do this before you took the step to get involved with them on any level,” Leckie says. “But it absolutely needs to be ‘approved’ by your friend in advance.” While you can do whatever feels right for you and your love life, if maintaining your friendship is important to you, it’s essential to keep your friend in the loop.

Listen, your love life is yours. You get to decide who you hook up with, along with where, when, and how. While no one is allowed to make you feel judged or ashamed for consensually hooking up with another adult, if you got frisky with your friend’s ex, putting yourself in their shoes may help you all move forward.

 

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