Stashing Might Be The Worst Dating Trend Yet

You might have been ghosted, breadcrumbed, or paperclipped. But have you ever been stashed? Even if you haven’t heard the term, you might be familiar with the experience. “Stashing” is what you call it when you date someone who’s happy to spend time with you one-on-one — but they never introduce you to their friends or family. More often than not, their social media profiles don’t show any evidence that you exist. Used in a sentence, you’d tell your friend, “It’s been two months and I haven’t met a single one of his friends yet. I think he’s stashing me.”

 

Stashing is insidious because it’s pretty normal to focus on one-on-one time when you first start dating. Early on, you probably don’t think twice about this behavior. But as time goes on, your partner’s excuses for keeping your relationship weirdly private start to get more far-fetched.

His parents are in town but they’re too busy to see you because they’ve… got to go shopping. You can’t meet her friends because she doesn’t have a plus one… to happy hour. When you post a cute photo of the pair of you to your main Instagram grid, they simply share an Instagram Story that shows the bottle of wine you’re sharing… and they tag their local wine shop, but not you.

We have Metro UK writer Ellen Scott to thank for coining this oh-so-useful dating term back in 2017. Her definition: “Stashing is a super fun dating trend in which someone is dating someone else, but has decided to hide them away from everyone in their life… A victim of stashing is hidden from every other part of the stasher’s life – from their tagged photos to their casual chats with their parents. Why? Because that way, they’re able to pretend that they’re not really dating the person they’re stashing, meaning they can justify getting with other people, doing whatever they fancy, and being generally inconsiderate and awful.”

The term clearly resonated, because it was quickly covered by Cosmopolitan, the New York Post, and even the Today Show. And today, the behavior, if not the word, is getting new attention thanks to a TikTok trend. In it, people lip sync to a 2016 parody song by comedy rap duo Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson, “Questions Part 3,” while scrolling through an Instagram feed (often a celebrity’s, but sometimes someone they’re actually involved with).

The song begins: “I just think it’s funny, we’ve been talking for so long but no one knows I exist / I was scrolling through your IG, why we ain’t got no pics / You tryna keep us a secret, why you ain’t posting me? / Oh I get it, you don’t want your other hoes to see.” Sounds like stashing, all right.

While being stashed can make you suspect your partner is dating other people and trying to keep you in the dark, it is possible something less nefarious is going on. Maybe your partner just moved to your city and they don’t have many friends or family nearby to introduce you to in the first place.

Still, if you think you’re being “stashed” and it bothers you, ask your partner about it. Say something like, “I’d love to meet your friends,” and see how they respond. Think of it as something like the define the relationship talk. While it’s probably nerve-wracking to have the conversation, in the end, at least you’ll know where you stand. And if that doesn’t work, you can always make a TikTok about it.

 

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How To Spot An Alcoholic: Signs Of Problem Drinking

An alcohol addicted individual cannot operate without it; what is more, they are no longer in control of it, instead, booze takes command over them.

To stop them from spiraling down into their dependency, you need to recognize alcoholic tendencies immediately. By doing so, they will reduce harm to both the physical and social facets of someone’s existence.

A problem drinker does not always have the physical ability or cognitive precision to realize their initial symptoms of alcohol addiction, let alone put a stop to them. Many abusers will go to fantastic lengths to hide their drinking.

It’s worth saying that drinkers are nowhere near as good at hiding their drinking as they think. Chewing gum never really covers up the smell of alcohol on the breath!

 

Not As Clever As They Think!

It lands on us to identify the actual clues of alcohol addiction and the alcoholic activity habits they display. Only then can we help somebody eliminate this harmful substance addiction.

Having alcoholic drinks available is an expected component of most parties and get-togethers.

Consuming alcohol within ‘safe’ limits, for that reason, should logically bring no intrinsic injury and should generally not trigger problems. However, if taken a step further, drinking alcohol can become a harmful routine and needs to be cut short.

Specific symptoms and signs can assist individuals to identify if the individual they know could be coping with alcohol addiction.

The Habits of The Problem Drinker:

1. Getting drunk often, daily or in binges.
2. Experiencing regular and generally painful hangovers.
3. Feeling regretful or embarrassed regarding their drinking.
4. Frequently requiring an alcoholic beverage to unwind or feel better.
5. Memory problems and blackouts.
6. Losing the capacity to regulate the number of drinks.
7. Experiencing withdrawal when they can’t get a drink or go cold-turkey.

Physical Indicators Of A Problem Drinker

Apart from the behavioral habits the individual may have, there are physical indicators of alcohol addiction which typically help to identify an alcohol abuser quickly.

Physical indicators that can help in identifying an alcoholic consist of:

1. Slurred speech
2. Falling over or stumbling
3. Impeded reflexes
4. Complaints of abdominal discomfort
5. Throwing up
6. Queasiness
7. Inflammation of the skin

Problem Drinking Epidemic

How To Spot An Alcoholic 10 Warning Signs

An individual who is dealing with an alcohol abuse challenge will the majority of the times fit into the framework of the 10 warning signs of alcohol addiction. These signs and symptoms vary from physical to attitudinal clues which adversely impact a person’s individual and professional daily life.

The following checklist isn’t definitive but can present you with advice on how to spot an alcoholic.

How to spot an alcoholic? Here’s what they are most likely to do:

Skipping Family Obligations

A mysterious absence from work decreased efficiency, and disregard of home duties by an otherwise responsible person are indications that the man or woman perhaps does not have the physical stamina or psychological focus to carry out his/her normal responsibilities.

This is not always because of an alcohol abuse issue but is typically a good starting point for recognizing one.

Consuming Alcohol in Risky Situations

Frequently, a person will maintain their alcohol consumption routines even in circumstances they understand present an enhanced risk to themselves and those around. Consuming alcohol while or before driving a vehicle, for instance, is among such scenarios.

 

Combining booze with illegal substances like marijuana and heroin or prescribed medications are also scenarios which serve as indications of alcoholism. Appreciating the risks is an indicator that the individual is prepared to take chances for the sake of satisfying their alcohol consumption addiction.

This maligning alcoholic conduct may be frightening for family and loved ones observing its materialization.

 

We are drinking too much

Displaying Unusual Mood Swings

Alcohol abuser can have inexplicable emotional state fluctuations throughout the inception of withdrawal symptoms. Abrupt and unusual mood swings in a steady man or woman or somebody who does not struggle with mood afflictions might suggest the initial stage of alcohol addiction.

If an individual displays alcohol withdrawal signs and symptoms, it is quite likely that she or he has been consuming alcohol for quite a long time.

Lying About Alcohol Use

This suggests that the individual knows his/her drinking routines are troublesome or unusual but is attempting to hide them or play them down. This is among the most powerful indications of alcoholism.

The problem for any liar is the more they lie the more lies they have to remember. It’s often very easy to trip up a liar who is forced to keep compounding the narrative.

Showing a High Resistance to Alcohol Consumption

This is an indication of persistent drinking or full-on alcoholism. The individual not only consumes more but also presents the signs and symptoms of resistance to alcohol when compared to his/her friends.

 

Their system has become used to having an elevated level of alcohol in the bloodstream.

 

Displaying the Physical Indications of Alcohol Addiction

These will be more substantial problems like those noted above. An alcohol abuser is also less likely to care about aesthetics with a flushed-looking skin, shivering hands, and reddish or mottled skin being the common tangible indications of alcohol addiction.

Weight gain and sloppy appearance go hand in hand with bloodshot eyes and pallid skin tone.

Being Incapable of Sustaining A Loving Relationship

Decreased consideration to their significant other, deceptive conduct or deceit, and worries over financial resources take a toll on romantic relationships.

If an individual is not able to stop drinking for the sake of saving their marriage, it is clear that she or he values drinking greater than the happiness of their significant other.

Alcoholic tendencies in relationships is an excellent way to identify a way of alcoholic reasoning.

Getting into Trouble with the Police

If regular confrontations with the police on charges of operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol, breach of the peace, or ruinous behavior in an intoxicated state cannot keep an individual away from drinking, what can? This kind of a mindset securely she or he focuses on drinking over daily life, security, and appropriate societal conduct.

When an individual is manipulated by problem drinking their decision-making capabilities end up being damaged, as well.

Drinking at Improper or Abnormal Moments

Alcohol withdrawal is uncomfortable and painful plus they know they can stop that pain at any point with a simple drink.

Even when an individual wishes to stop drinking, the discomfort may be intolerable, and they find short-term release in their next alcoholic beverage. When it comes to many problem drinkers, these signs and symptoms begin to materialize within a day of having the final drink.

For that reason, people affected by more severe drug addiction have a tendency to consume alcohol in abnormal periods of the day. Early mornings or afternoons are a few of these abnormal times of the day.

Not every one of the above-mentioned alcohol addiction indicators might appear altogether. As a matter of fact, a few may never show up at all.

So if you observe somebody who is displaying unusual alcohol consumption habits which are regularly landing that person in trouble, encourage them to get specialist support.

When these indications appear, it is a clear mark that drinking has already begun to impact the body and the mind and actions of the person.

 

The biggest tip I can give you when it comes to how to spot an alcoholic is to trust your gut! If you suspect it, the chances are you are right.

 

How to spot an alcoholic

How The Stop Drinking Expert Can Help

Spotting an alcoholic is one point, but extending a helping hand is the action that requires courage.

Challenging somebody about an alcohol issue may be a difficult thing to do, particularly if the alcoholic is in deep denial about their dependency. In such an issue, it is essential to consider the impact you will have made to somebody’s life.

It may be a life-saving thing that you do for them.

You should approach the person carefully and use reassuring words to make them feel comfortable, letting them understand they are not the only one in this battle. Send them a copy of my book ‘Alcohol Lied To Me‘ or even better have them attend the daily free quit drinking webinar.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Love Notes

My band was playing a gig at a local bar in Santa Monica. When you do some regular shows at a place you get to know the staff. This one waitress, I don’t know how old she was but she didn’t even look 18. She would always come and chat with me between sets. I think her name was Faye.

This went on whenever we got to play there. It went on for a few months. But one night she hands me a note after her shift and tells me not to read it until she was gone.

Well, I thought a note was a bit weird since that was grade school stuff but whatever. I open the note and it says things like:

“I love you. I want to be with you. You’re beautiful. We need to have children together even though I’m only 16, and it just prattled on and on. An overly attached girlfriend has nothing on this chick.

I used to get lots of phone numbers scrawled on napkins, notes and letters occasionally, but it was nothing like this. The next night, she asks sheepishly if I’ve read her note and I said yes but I wasn’t really looking for a relationship at the time. Her face lost all expression for a second and then she smiled and said something to the effect of ‘No worries, I thought I’d try’ and we continued playing there without incident.

That night, when I left the venue there were about 10 notes taped to my VW mini bus. Long notes too! I have no clue how she wrote this much in a day. The notes said things like ‘I hate you, you’re a fucking asshole, I hope you die’ and other notes said things like ‘I’m sorry for writing that note that called you an asshole. I really like you and want to be with you ❤ ❤ <3’

She would then try luring me with innuendos. When she was on her break she would do things like bring these long cucumbers out from the kitchen, come up and say things like ‘Do you think this pickle is for lunch or personal pleasure?’

She would also still put notes all over my van.

Eventually, after a few months she completely lost interest in me and started chasing a guitarist in another band that would play there on occasion.

Oh, my broken heart!

 

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