Dating Goals For 2020, According To 11 People

It’s the start of a new decade, baby, and that means coming at dating and relationships with some extra intentionality. While New Year’s resolutions can look different for everyone (and you don’t need to change yourself just because another 365 days have passed), thinking about some dating goals for 2020 can help you feel empowered and inspired as your mix and mingle your way through the year.

From expressing your needs to working through healthy conflict, creating and maintaining a relationship with someone can take a lot of work. Though movies may depict dating as serendipitous (think: meeting someone in a coffee shop and running off into the sunset while a Norah Jones song plays in the background), in real life, connecting with someone you care about can mean putting yourself out there and constantly striving to maintain an open mind. While it’s important to check in with yourself all year long, the start of a new year can be an extra special moment to look back at past relationships and think about how you want to move forward in your love life.

I asked 10 people about their romantic goals for 2020, and what they said will have you dating more deliberately for the rest of the decade.

woman in a cafe drinking coffee
Shutterstock

1. Date Someone Who Goes To Therapy

This year I want to find a nice person with shared interests, who asks me questions and texts me first, reciprocates my kindnesses, is emotionally available, and goes to therapy. That’s my goal.

— R.J., 27

2. Be Single

Honestly, my ‘dating goal’ is to not date for a while in 2020. In the past, I’ve gone from relationship to relationship, and I haven’t taken time to just be with myself and see what I really want. This year I want to try being single for a while or see people casually without getting so emotionally invested.

— Charli, 23

3. Pour My Heart Into It

2020 is the year of eager boyfriend energy. I want to be an eager boyfriend. Literally, all I want is someone to accept gifts from me and to kiss my face in public. I want to love fully and really show up for people.

— Sarah, 26

4. Embrace My Independence

I guess my serious goal is to gain independence within my relationship. Because I’m dating my best friend, we can get a bit insular, really ‘us against the world,’ and the reality is we both need other friendships outside our workplace and our romantic relationship. I want to value my friendships the same way I value my romantic relationship.

— Luna, 23

5. Be Unashamed Of Vulnerability

My dating goal for 2020 is to be unashamed of my vulnerability and allow myself to be indulgent in my emotions. Basically, I’m trying to get my heart broken in 2020. LOL, but actually? To really feel every moment of my relationships without fear.

— Kaylee, 21

Portrait of a beautiful woman walking in the beach
Shutterstock

6. Know When Something Isn’t Working Out

I tend to stick around in relationships that I’m not really happy in because I think, ‘What if I’m not really giving them a chance?’ I think my ‘goal’ for 2020 is to be better at balancing my intuition around feeling like a person or situation isn’t right for me.

— Lyndee, 30

7. Go On More Memorable Dates

My goal is to go on more memorable dates with people, even if we’re not ‘seriously’ dating yet. You don’t need to be seriously committed to someone to have a fun night out or go on a unique date that isn’t drinks or dinner. I want to bring more people flowers and make more people playlists. I want to go on hikes and road trips and do fun things with the people I’m casually seeing.

— Campbell, 22

8. Advocate For My Needs

I want to learn how to better advocate for my own emotional needs instead of only prioritizing my partner’s, or the people I’m seeing. I love how much I care about people, and I think it’s really special that I can be so attentive, but I need to make sure my own needs are getting met as well.

— Georgia, 25

9. Use More Lube

Use more lube. 2020 is the year to use. More. Lube. By that, I really mean, I want to communicate better during sex. Say if something hurts. Say if I’m not into it. Prioritize my body and comfort.

— Rebecca, 23

10. Heal From My Breakup

My dating goal for 2020 is to allow myself time to heal from my breakup, to be patient, and if I happen to meet someone I like, to take things slow and not rush into something just to fill the void of my breakup. And to remember to have fun!

— Shell, 28

11. Stop Trying To Force Things

I think my biggest goal for dating or anything relationship-wise is to remember that you can only control what you do. I want to stop bending over backward for people and working so hard just to get a kernel of attention from someone. It can be tricky to remember in the moment when you have a crush on someone, but if you have to try so hard just to get their attention, it’s just not going to be worth it. You don’t need to force anything.

— Jenna, 28

 

 

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7 Ways To Tell Someone Has Real Feelings For You, According To Experts

One of the toughest parts about dating is investing your time and energy into a building a relationship with someone who may not be as invested as you. It’s not always easy to tell if someone is sincere and has real feelings for you or if they’re just playing around. But according to experts, there are some things you can watch out for.

“Pay twice as much attention to how someone treats you than what they say,” Christine Scott-Hudson, psychotherapist and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells Bustle. “Anybody can say they love you, but behavior doesn’t lie. If someone says they value you, but their actions indicate otherwise, trust their behavior.”

For instance, someone who is serious about you will always make time for you no matter what. As Kate O’Connor, professional matchmaker and dating expert with It’s Just Lunch D.C., tells Bustle, having a packed schedule and being busy is not really an excuse.

“They could be stringing you along while dating other people, or they’re simply not interested in making room for you in their life,” O’Connor says. “And don’t be fooled by someone who takes the time to send you a quick text or DM throughout the day. Those two seconds of flirting may seem sweet on the surface, but it doesn’t make up for the lack of real time spent together.”

It’s one thing to be with someone who’s into you, and it’s another to be with someone who actually has feelings for you. Here’s how to tell if it’s the latter, according to experts.

1. They Do Thoughtful Things For You Just Because

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

When someone is serious about you, they’ll display a level of selflessness that you won’t always get with someone who’s into you for more shallow reasons. For instance, they’ll do nice things for you because they know it’ll make you happy, not because they want something in return. “You might’ve said something about your dog being sick, and the next thing you know, they’ve bought chew toys, medication or even consulted their veterinarian pal for you,” Cherlyn Chong, breakup recovery and dating specialist, tells Bustle. “This is a person who doesn’t want credit or validation from you, they just want to make things better and see you smile again.”

2. They Care About What’s Going On In Your Life

“Being friendly is one thing, but consistently having tons of conversations is another,” Celia Schweyer, dating expert at Dating Scout, tells Bustle. A person who has real feelings for you will want to stay up-to-date on what’s happening in your life. If you’re not in contact throughout the day, they’ll make it a point to check in just to see how you’re doing. They’re always there for you if you need to vent, and they’re more than happy to give advice if you ask. They’ll also find a way to turn simple small talk into a full-blown conversation. A person who makes this kind of effort not only likes you, but actually cares about you.

3. They Make You Feel Like What You Say Really Matters To Them

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

“You can tell that someone has real feelings for you if whenever you talk, you feel like they appreciate everything you say and do,” Celia Schweyer, dating expert at Dating Scout, tells Bustle. For instance, when you’re having a conversation face-to-face, they’ll try to make eye contact as much as possible. They’ll put any distractions away and keep their focus on you. When you talk about something, they’ll ask thoughtful follow-up questions or offer up comments that let you know they’re paying attention. “It might feel like they’re clinging on to every word you say,” Schweyer says. They just have a way of making you feel like everything you say is important.

4. They Remember The Details

Sometimes the signs of someone having real feelings for you can be subtle. According to Schweyer, someone who’s serious about you will remember the details. They’ll never forget basic things like your birthday or your favorite food. They’ll also make note of the small things you say in passing like wanting to check out the newest restaurant in town. You’ll know they’re really into you if they take it a step further and actually do something about the knowledge they have. For instance, if you did mention wanting to try out that new restaurant, they’ll make it happen on your next date night.

5. They’re Open And Honest With You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

When someone is sincere about their feelings for you, they’ll have no problem sharing their life with you. They’ll open up about their insecurities, fears, and dreams for the future. “When someone opens up to you and you know it wasn’t easy for them to speak out, that’s a sign they have real feelings for you,” Schweyer says. “They want you to know that they trust you, and that you can trust them in return.” They’re allowing you to see their true self in hopes that you’ll accept them despite any flaws or shortcomings. This is how you build intimacy and connection.

6. They Respect Your Boundaries

In order to have a healthy relationship, it’s important to know that your partner respects you. As life and dating coach, Treva Brandon Scharf, tells Bustle, someone who truly has feelings for you will always take “no” for an answer without question. They’ll never try to push, force, manipulate, or pressure you in any way. “They’ll respect your decisions and your boundaries,” Scharf says. “If you say ‘no’ to something you’re not comfortable with, they honor it.” Your comfort and happiness means way more to them than whatever it is they want in the moment.

7. They’re Consistent And Follow Through On Their Word

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“The best signs someone has real feelings for you are consistency and follow-through,” Elizabeth Stone, love coach and founder of Attract the One tells, Bustle. When someone wants you in their life, they’ll make you a priority. They’ll be consistent with their communication, and make plans with you and follow through. If they can’t make it for whatever reason, they’ll apologize and set a new date. “When people are truly interested, your time and communication with them begins to cut through the other noise in their life,” Stone says. “They want more of you — to know more, experience more and spend more of their resources (time, energy, etc.) on you.” You’ll never have to question their interest.

While it’s always nice to hear that someone likes you, actions do speak louder than words. If the person you’re with does any of these things, you can trust that their feelings for you are real.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Alicia – Chapter 4 – I Have To Do This Now

I really want to go to lunch with a girl from behind bulletproof glass. She handles my money. I like that. Alicia always seemed quiet and sullen, but I loved that pretty face and the hair on her forearms. (I know, but to be it shows super feminine independence to me. In an age where every girl I know has been affected by the porn industry and all of the loser guys in the world that think that hair is gross. Alicia is cool with her pretty arm hair.) Unique always drives me wild.

It’s the differences in women that affect me. It’s your unique signature. Most women are all the same now. No hair below the eyebrows. Why?

The hair on your body is your maturity. It has function and symbolism. You’re an adult. You’re beautiful. Leave your stuff alone.

But sadly women won’t. They will yield to what foolish men want. A bunch of idiots that watch porn everyday and see bald pussies to get the better shot of sexy, clear genital shots has become the norm. It’s so sad.

Women should look like adult women. I don’t mean crazy unruly hippy bushes, But leave it! The hair is supposed to be there.

I grew up in an age when all women had it. You hit puberty and the hair is there. Us too! I keep my instrument trimmed so he doesn’t look like Gandalf from The Lord of The Rings (That’s a real thing at my age)

But ladies, leave it. Why bend to the porn industry and a bunch of loser guys that think that hair is gross because they’ve been jerking off everyday to bald pussies on their phones for the last 10 years?

It’s total bullshit and just another manipulation of women and their bodies. But you’re all bald now. It’s just stupid nonsense.

But when I saw Alicia’s arms it lit me up. I don’t know anything about her and she may very well shave her box for whatever reason, but when I saw her arms I had hope. Not to sleep with her, but that she was comfortable with her body and a solid girl.

Most men (boys) today would be grossed out by that but I found her natural freedom incredibly attractive. I wanted to get to know her. Even if it were just for lunch.

My partner Achilles at the salon and gym thinks I’m a fool for spending all of this money on girls on all of these dates but I’m enjoying all of the stories I’m getting. I also love the company of all of these interesting ladies.

After my conversation with Alicia where it certainly felt like the tables had turned, I really made an effort to find her french toast.

I talked to clients and friends and did my research on Yelp and I came up empty handed.

Everything was too far away and breakfast ended before Alicia’s 11am lunch. I searched far and wide and came up with nothing.

How was I going to get the one thing Alicia wanted without taking her to a shitty diner that served breakfast all day? That’s now a cool first date especially with a special girl like Alicia.

I had to get creative.

I went to Square 1682 that was the host to my first date with my girlfriend Cherie. It’s my favorite bar in the city and a very accommodating spot for my desires.

I stopped in today looking for the chef, because he was instrumental in saving my first date with Cherie. We’ve been together for a year and a half so maybe its good he wasn’t there. I don’t want him to think I was cheating. It’s just lunch with a teller that handles my money.

I know it looks bad.

I walk in and go to the kitchen and ask for the chef. They tell me he’s not there but the guy there I’m talking to tells me he’s the General Manager and he remembers me from Monday when I was there with my buddy Church.

That’s good. He knows I’m a regular and there is a connection.

I tell him my dilemma about Alicia’s 11am lunch and how she like french toast and how two weeks ago I had it and it’s slamming.

He gives me his business card and asks that I email him the day I’m coming with my client.

I tell him I know that breakfast ends at 10:30 and that you can’t get french toast after that, but he says he’ll make that happen for us.

Now I have a story for this blog and I get to take sweet Alicia to lunch for what she wants.

Now I just have to sell this to her when I deposit my next check on Monday and get her number.

We have reached critical mass!

I never dreamed this would happen.

I’ve had phicklephilly feelings for her for the last two years.

To sit across a table and have lunch with this aloof pretty girl that I phicklephilly love will be amazing.

I can’t wait to learn about her life.

I’m going in there Monday with my deposit and a mission.

It’s game time, Alicia.

I adore you and I can’t believe we’re actually going to meet. It proves to me that ANYTHING is possible.

To my friends… If I have this kind of mad game you all need to step up.

I’l help you!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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