January is unofficially considered ‘divorce month’ in legal circles due to a peak in filings. Here’s a divorce lawyer’s advice on how to survive your own separation.

Matrimonial attorneys across the nation have prepared for this January, when divorce filings peak. Unofficially dubbed “divorce month” in legal circles nationwide, there’s a variety of reasons why couples have historically chosen to separate after the holidays — and a number of ways for clients to cope.

The phrase “divorce month” became so prevalent in matrimonial law that, in 2016, a study from the University of Washington was conducted to see if there was any statistical evidence to back up the anecdotes. Researchers examined divorce filings from 2001 to 2015 in the state of Washington and determined that filings did indeed increase in January, compared to December.

Ohio, Minnesota, Florida, and Arizona were also found to exhibit similar patterns; according to Google Trends, the topic of “divorce” peaked the week of January 6 through 12. But while divorce filings spike in January, couples begin their search for legal resources during the holidays when many attorneys are out of office.

On Pinterest, searches for “divorce party” rose an average of 21% from December to January in 2019. This interest is confirmed in matrimonial law offices, where the last two weeks of December are often the busiest of the year as attorneys prepare for the influx of filings.

But why the increase in the first place? For many, the new year often reminds us that we need a fresh start. This is particularly common in unhealthy relationships and dead-end marriages, where couples may decide the best resolution is to part ways. It’s also important to remember that winter and summer holidays are culturally important times for families with children, and filing for divorce during them may be seen as inappropriate.

Other troubled marriages may see the holidays as a time to patch things up, with hopes that things will improve. People often raise their expectations during the holidays, despite past troubles in their relationship. Coupled with an expectation for positive change at the new year, many couples attempt to stick it out through the holidays.

But for others, the University of Washington study found the holidays to be exhausting and emotionally demanding, exposing cracks in their marriages. According to the report, “the consistent pattern in filings, the researchers believe, reflects the disillusionment unhappy spouses feel when the holidays don’t live up to expectations.”

But anyone considering divorce should always remember that fear of separation and holiday tunnel vision are never rational reasons to stay in toxic relationships. While most clients fear divorce, very few ever regret going through with it. In the end, all parties end up happier and better off, and the experience becomes liberating.

Sometimes couples are advised by tax professionals to delay filing until the new year. In most instances, filing jointly as married can help couples take advantage of tax breaks before separation. Attorneys may also advise clients to wait until the new year to take advantage of or avoid new legislation, such as The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, which enacted new tax rules regarding alimony payments.

In divorces finalized after January 1, 2019, spousal support can no longer be deducted from taxes. And for those receiving alimony, spousal support is no longer considered taxable income. This significantly increases the burden on the individual paying alimony and ultimately means more money for the government.

So before making an appointment with an attorney in January, there are a few things couples should consider. First of all, it’s not uncommon for couples considering separation to simply be victims of holiday stress. Take some time to reflect upon your relationship and determine if it is really worth salvaging. If both partners agree it’s time to move on, it’s typically in everyone’s best interest to proceed with commencing the divorce process.

If you do decide to proceed with divorce, don’t be afraid to ask your therapist, attorney, or a support group for help, and be sure to make time for self-care and positive thoughts. The holidays are a stressful time, and the New Year can bring much needed clarity, regardless of your ultimate decision.

During the separation process, your attorney will help you decide how to best reach your financial and parenting goals. As previously noted, they will consider, among other things, the tax implications of your decision and potential new legislation that may take effect in the new year.

When clients decide to begin the divorce process, we advise that they should explore therapy as early as possible. There is no longer a stigma attached, and you cannot afford to neglect your feelings — negative emotions and hurt feelings can cloud judgment. Therapy can help you prioritize your thoughts, providing you with a trustworthy third party while separating knee-jerk emotional reactions from what’s best for you, your children, and your future.

Clients should also reach out to their attorneys for as much information on the process as possible. The more they know about the legal process, the less stressful it’s likely to be. Lawyers can also give advice on how to reach support communities, as well as ways to best proceed emotionally.

We recommend staying off social media, and urge clients not to use it to air grievances. Avoid following your spouse’s feeds too closely so that you can stay focused on ending your marriage as quickly and equitably as possible.

Practice self-care instead. Make sure you’re eating right, exercising, and taking time for your own recreation. Twenty minutes of exercise a day goes a long way in helping clients cope by lowering anxiety and stress and helps to deter depression and negative emotions.

A healthy social life is another excellent way to maintain positive thoughts. Focus on staying out of the tunnel vision divorce can cause and remember that life will go on. Many clients fear the end of the process the most, but, once it’s over, the vast majority of them experience instant relief and go on to happier relationships.

If your marriage is putting pressure on you this holiday season, just know you’re not alone should you make the decision to file for divorce. The holidays can be a stressful time, but remember that in addition to your attorney, therapists and other wellness providers can be great resources.

Overall, take your time and do what’s right for you. And, once you make your final call, don’t look back.

 

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How to Make Him Want You Sexually: 13 of the Hottest Tricks

You’ve secretly drooled over him, but now it’s time the tables turned. Learn how to make him want you sexually. What’s the trick? Keep reading.

I was always more like the girl that was called “one of the guys.” But then something happened, and one of my male friends ended up being into me. It was a big step for me. So, if you’re thinking to yourself, yeah, but that will never happen to me. It can happen, and it will. You just need to use these tips to understand how to make him want you sexually the next time you’re near a guy you want.

You have no idea how many years I’ve spent gawking over guys who wouldn’t even look at me. Literally, they paid more attention to the trees around me. But back then, I wasn’t really what you would say attractive. I was cute, that’s for sure, but I wasn’t the girl all the guys were staring at.

How to make him want you sexually

When we like a guy, we like them hard. We day-dream about them, spend our nights texting our friends, and creeping their social media *don’t act like you don’t do it*. But that doesn’t get us anywhere. I mean, talking to your friends about him may end up with him finding out through someone.

The chances are he has no idea you like him. Unless you’re like me and eye stalk them until you get dizzy. What can I say, I’m one talented and highly invested woman when it comes to men. But at some point, something needs to happen. Actually, at this point, anything needs to happen.

Now, follow these 13 tricks for how to make him want you sexually. Voila, it’s his turn to want you.

#1 You can make the first move. There’s this idea that women should wait around for men to make the first move, but screw that. Why don’t you go up to him and ask him out? Or be the first one to make a flirtatious comment? You don’t need to wait for him to want you, show him that you want him and see what happens.

#2 Be a tease. Men like to chase; they’re like dogs. Think of yourself as the ball. You just can’t sit there and wait, make him run a bit after you. If you want to make him think of you sexually, you’ll need to tease him and play with his ego *gently, of course*.

#3 Show off your personality. Girl, you have a shining personality, and he needs to see it. Yes, men are visual and get turned on by the female body, but personality can also take you a long way. I don’t have large breasts or a big ass, but I do just fine with men. Why? Because I’m friendly, open, and talkative. I make men feel relaxed and comfortable around me.

#4 But do let him look. As I said, men are visual. They get turned on by what they see. This doesn’t mean you need to dress up in heels and a short skirt though. If he’s checking you out, don’t hide yourself. If you want him to want you sexually, then let him take you all in with his eyes.

#5 Flirt. If you want to make him want you, you’re going to need to create a spark. This is where flirting comes into play. Flirting is what you do to create sexual tension between two people. And once you have chemistry, that’s where he starts to see you as something more than just a friend.

#6 Be touchy. Now, don’t throw yourself on him. It’s too much and can be a huge turn-off. But when you’re talking to him or when he’s making a joke, don’t be afraid to touch him. You can lightly touch his arm, shoulder, or his leg. Mix the physical contact with flirting, and you have a deadly combination.

#7 Play a little hard to get. Now, he’s not climbing Mount Everest, so, you don’t need to be that hard to get. But you should make him work for it. If you’re too available, it won’t hold the same significance for him than if you were a challenge. He needs to know you’re worth it, and by making him work a little hard, he’ll see it.

#8 Use your eyes. Eye contact is huge, and people often ignore their importance. But in reality, we use our eyes to communicate with people every day. Be flirtatious with your eyes. Hold the contact for a little longer than normal; it’ll show him that you’re interested in him.

#9 Don’t show too much skin. Of course, if you like showing skin then that’s fine, but sometimes showing less skin can be more sexually arousing for men. You’re not giving him everything he wants right there. He needs to use his imagination which builds up the sexual tension.

#10 Find common interests. If you want him to be sexually into you, see if you have things in common. Being sexually interested in someone is more than just the sex, it’s usually much deeper than that. Laugh together, have a deep conversation, and build a connection. People don’t usually have sex first and then get to know each other. It’s usually the other way around.

#11 Show him you have options. Don’t treat him like he’s the only guy who wants you because we all know that’s not true. He needs to see that other guys want you too. Once he notices that there’s competition, he’ll try harder to get your attention, and that will only make him want you more.

#12 Show confidence. Do you know what’s sexy? A woman with confidence. I swear, you could be wearing a potato sack, but if you wear it with confidence, there’s no way you won’t catch his eye. Confidence is key when it comes to making a man want you sexually. Own it, girl!

#13 Reward him. This doesn’t mean you must sleep with him right away. But you can reward him by letting him take you out on a date, for example. Don’t worry, the sex will come. But if you want something serious, I wouldn’t rush into it just yet.

 

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Alicia – Chapter 2 – I’m Determined

I go into the credit union today and my love is there. Alicia is at her post and not doing anything. This is nuts. It’s almost like I’m creating scenarios for the blog.

But I feel like after three years there is a comfort in my literary work and how I much I enjoy creating new stories. I love to work and be busy, but there’s always something wonderful that snakes its way into my life to drive me forward to write new material.

There are so many old stories and a rich catalog of history that I’m very busy telling those tales. But I love that there’s always a new kink in the armor to get me going again with fresh material.

I’ve written about quiet Alicia and the mystery of my favorite teller but I’m going to press forward with her to see if I can get a story from her.

It really comes down to she always seems to do my deposits and those fuzzy forearms that are some sort of sexual trigger for me. It’s nuts, but she’s just another fascinating character in the phicklephilly universe.

Normally the world would be grossed out by her hair. I love her arms and love that she bares them all of the time. In a world of a bunch of insecure guys that have only learned about women through pornography where every thing is shaved to be technically ready for porn cameras for more detail, it has changed the culture.

I hate that.

It’s foolish. Let women rule their own bodies.

I can’t believe I’m talking about body hair and a teller at my credit union.

But I fancy her, so I’m going to see what happens until they lock me up for inappropriate behavior.

I go in with a cash deposit. It’s about a week after my last one, so all good. This one pale girl says, “Next member.”

I ignore her and go to Alicia.

Arms are bare and furry as ever. I love her and her fuzz. She doesn’t cover them and doesn’t shave or wax them. I love my Alicia.

“Last time I was in here you looked like you were headed out to lunch.”

“I was.”

“Where do you normally go to lunch?” I said through the three-inch thick bullet proof glass.

“I usually bring my lunch in, but if not I go downstairs to Suburban or Wawa.”

“Do you ever go to the Comcast food court?” (Which is God)

“No. I’ve never been there. I hear they have a lot of great food there. Like seafood and everything.”

This tells me Alicia comes into work everyday and does her job and has a very simple life. Sandwiches and a conservative life. I find this attractive and think about my crazy idea of a note.

Do I ask her out to lunch with a note? I’ve already laid the groundwork about how passing a note to a teller is a robbery.

I may do it.

I have to think on this.

It’s original and fun.

I have to be careful because she could be in a relationship and that could be a wall. But I think I’m going to try for the blog.  I’ve loved Alicia in a phicklephilly way for so long I have to do it.

It’s a teller from the credit union entertaining a good client. She should do it. I wrote good reviews about this place and I’ll write more for her.

I could use that as a tool. I know it’s wrong but it’ll be great for her.

I need to structure my deposits so I can see her more.

I’m doing this.

It’s just lunch.

I’m going to make this happen.

As my father used to say “I’m determined.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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