If You’re On Dating Apps But Not Into Casual Hookups, Here’s What To Write On Your Profile

Fortunately, dating apps have made connecting with like-minded singles easier than ever before. However, if you’re not looking for a casual encounter, making your intentions known might seem like the best way to get the most out of your matches. That’s why anyone who’s on dating apps but not into casual hookups has probably considered how to communicate this without it coming off as too “intense.”

Although it’s definitely a good idea to be honest, online dating coach and dating profile writer Eric Resnick recommends avoiding the use of language that could dissuade people from contacting you. “Writing that you aren’t looking for a hookup is defensive language,” Resnick tells Elite Daily. “It makes you sound like you aren’t going to trust the intentions of anyone who contacts you, regardless of what they may actually be.”

Finding matches who are on the same page isn’t always easy, and ultimately, it’s up to you to decide which approach you’re most comfortable with. “Being honest may scare away a potential match and you have to decide if that is a risk you are willing to take,” prominent couples’ therapist Dr. Gary Brown tells Elite Daily. Thankfully, both Dr. Brown and Resnick agree that keeping your profile focused on what you are looking for instead of what you aren’t is a good place to start.

“If you aren’t looking for a hookup, don’t talk about hookups,” says Resnick. “Talk about the type of person you want to meet and the type of relationship you want to find. Don’t say you are looking for someone to rush you down the aisle or to have a baby with, but be honest about the type of relationship you’re looking for.” Even though it may seem like adding a disclaimer against casual encounters will help sort through incompatible candidates, according to Resnick, casual sex seekers will probably still reach out. There’s not much you can do to avoid that. “The people who just want a hookup are going to message you anyways,” explains Resnick. “For them, it’s a numbers game.”

To anyone looking for something more meaningful than a fling, Dr. Brown recommends casting a wide net and not limiting yourself to dating apps that have an overtly casual implication. If it still seems like you’ve been getting attention from people who are almost always looking for casual sex, Resnick says it’s also important to consider your profile photos.

Resnick suggests avoiding photos that are overtly sexual in nature. “On dating apps, people are going to look at your pics more than anything and those pics tell a story,” he says. “Make sure they’re telling the story you want to tell.”

Figuring out the most effective way to present yourself on dating apps can be tricky. That said, the results you get are oftentimes dependent on crafting an image of yourself that’s in line with the type of relationship you’re looking for. That’s why staying true to yourself while also focusing on the kind of relationship you’re hoping to find is key.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 58 – Valentine’s Day

Cherie doesn’t realize her value to the tired, old, broken down man who is honored with her presence every time she shows up again to be with him.

As you know I have been in a relationship with Cherie for over two years now. I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend, but I’m fickle. She lives far away and I hardly ever see her. I know that’s not a reason for my infidelity and my little dalliances.

Phicklephilly isn’t going to write itself, and I am what I am. Nobody got hurt.

I love Cherie and nothing is changing. I’m living my life and she’s going to medical school to become a doctor. We rock, and I love being with her more than anybody I’ve ever been with.

Valentine’s Day was looming and I didn’t know what to do. I sent her a dozen roses on her birthday back in November and that was an expensive gift. They start you out at ProFlowers at a low price and then there’s the extras. The vase, candy, crazy delivery charges. You go from $19 to $70 in five seconds.

It’s why they’re in business.

So I did that, and Valentine’s Day was coming up on me like a homeless person asking for change.

I knew I had to do something different and was feeling stressed about it as the days counted down.

I asked Achilles what he was doing. (See: Achilles – 50th Birthday) He said probably just a nice dinner with his lady.

I knew because of our schedules I wouldn’t be seeing lovely Cherie. But I needed to do something.

What if due to my indecision, I told her that I had a gift for her, but I wanted to give it to her in person?

That would buy me some time and I could do something cool with her. Dave and Buster’s? Movie? Sephora gift card? Sexy underwear?

I was lost, but I needed to come up with something and fast.

There was a long period between our last meeting and she was a little frosty to me and I could feel the separation. Even when we were having sex. She liked it but she wasn’t emotionally engaged.

It was just a release.

She even told me after in texts that I had to work hard to get back in her good graces.

I secretly kind of liked that she enjoyed the sex but was going to make me work for her heart. Cherie is a wonderful woman and I couldn’t forsake her. She’s been hurt in the past and I needed to step up and work on the relationship however how distant.

The day is approaching and I’m being barraged with offers from Proflowers and I finally yield to their endless emails.

I open one of then and there’s a beautiful floral bouquet of spring flowers for $40. Vase and delivery included. A clear money grab but an opportunity for yours truly.

I click on it and the bouquet looks absolutely gorgeous. Just do it. I’m at my desk at home and they’ve got me. I pull out the credit card and swipe right.

I get to write a card to go with the flowers.

“Cherie, You are the light of my life. I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

I crack off the order to her address after double checking to make sure it’s correct because I’m half in the bag when I do it. I even run the sentiment by my daughter Lorelei and she approves.

 

Valentine’s Day comes and I’m at the salon. I picked up a bag of Hershey’s Kisses to dump in a basket on the counter for the girls to munch. We love our customers, so I thought it’d be appropriate. Achilles doesn’t give a shit because he just sees it as more candy wrapper trash. But me coming from a corporate sales background, I know these little things work.

I know Cherie’s in school all day and then works at the hospital after that. She won’t be home for a while. Probably gone for the day, poor thing.

We text our little Happy Valentine’s day emojis to each other and it’s fine. I don’t know at this point where she fully is mentally or emotionally with our relationship at this moment.

The day and night pass and I’m home on my laptop watching Netflix when I get the text at 10pm.

Wait…

Let me give you the earlier texts first…..

ME: “How’s your day going?”

“OMG just shoot me. I’m over it already. My doctor was like 2 hours late because he got stuck at the nursery for an emergency. How are you?”

“I’m doing well. Just having some lunch. Thinking of you.”

“I inhaled my lunch during a meeting. I hate meetings at lunch because I already pig out so I don’t need to inhale more than I already do. I wish I were with my Valentine.”

“You’re beautiful and I love you and I wish I were with my Valentine.”

 

So the whole day went by and we were both super busy. I was sitting at my computer watching Netflix at 10pm on Valentine’s Day and I got the following text:

“I love you soooo much baby. You are the best. I just got home and I’m so grateful to have a boyfriend that gives me flowers and tells me I’m the light of his life. I’m beyond in love and adore you so much! (Heart, Heart eyes, and kiss blowing emojis)

That token on that day changed everything.

Any virtual doghouse I could have been in vanished in that instant.

Cherie is a survivor. A girl that doesn’t want anything. She wants to do it all on her own. She’s been hurt in the past.

So have I.

Cherie’s accustomed to struggling and facing adversity at every turn.

I sent her flowers with a few key strokes on Valentine’s day. That gesture has bridged any gap that has occurred between us in the last six months.

She knows I love her. She knows I care deeply for her. She expects nothing but pain and failure in her life and yet, pretty flowers show up her house from the man who knows she is the one. The only one.

Cherie doesn’t realize her value to the tired, old, broken down man who is honored with her presence every time she shows up again to be with him.

A man who morally doesn’t deserve such a wonderful woman.

But a man who will try to always continue to evolve and do better.

A man who will learn to appreciate what a loving, giving, generous soul he has in his life.

Even if their encounters are brief.

 

Cherie and I are trying to set up a meeting very soon and I think the flowers have accelerated it.

Learn from me gentlemen!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly