Is cheating justified in a loveless relationship or marriage?

Here is another one from one of my female followers:
For example: if a person is not getting attention and feels ignored.
It happens in conservative Asian families like in arranged marriages.
Divorce is a taboo in many societies.
Also, the definition of cheating is also different for different people, something to consider when answering the question.

The scenario in my head is a housewife feels ignored and she starts flirting with a male friend through messages and calls because she feels tired from a robotic life.

I am personally happy in my long distant relationship even though my boyfriend is recovering from the fight and break we had on 30th March.

He was convincing me to live in a joint family after marriage since he is a mama’s boy…

He said he will build a room in his parents’ house and then he will give room and house away to his parents to build a house on his father’s land.

I wanted him to build a house on his father’s land in the first place.

 

One point to be noted – in some countries, women are not financially independent. They are treated like a burden by their parents, brothers and sister-in-laws. Sometimes, even when women are not happy, their parents tell them not to come back. This causes a lot of women to commit suicide. In one case, a man didn’t accept his daughter for 2 and a half years. Wife’s parents were not being supportive, as a result she threw her baby in the ocean and tried to drown herself. She is jailed now.

No, cheating is never a good thing, no matter the situation.

This is something about arranged marriages that I can’t understand where divorces are out of the question. If you’re not in a relationship with someone you truly love; who you can imagine your life with, why are you with them in the first place? It’ll feel like a forced partnership where you haven’t invested enough time with your significant other to find out if they are compatible for you or not. This in time can build up a lot of resentment if there’s differences that can tear the relationship apart.

Regarding your question though, cheating even in a loveless relationship/marriage SHOULDN’T be justified because you’ve already made the commitment to be devoted to your lover for as long as you two are together. If you believe nothing will improve over time in a relationship/marriage after trying to compromise/fix the problem (s) at hand, be the mature one here to simply walk away from the relationship/marriage to find someone who’ll make you feel alive and loved at the same time! I understand that relationships can be unpredictable at times but it’s absolutely important to understand what the best course of action is regarding a loveless relationship/marriage. Just imagine how many people you can hurt in the process if you went behind your lover’s back, even if they don’t feel romantic/passion towards you anymore.

I don’t know why people are so afraid to break up or file for divorce if the relationship isn’t getting any better. Isn’t it better to find happiness with a person who’ll passionately love you unconditionally instead of tolerating a relationship you feel bitter about?

  • It’s very sweet that he loves his parents so much but I can see the problem here where you want to have privacy with just him and no one else involved. He’ll have to come to the realization that he’s not going to be with his parents all the time; that quality time between you and him is more likely going to happen here. I can understand why you’d think him building an extra room at his parent’s house would be a waste of time and money, due to being too attached to his family. I hope this doesn’t become a deal breaker in the relationship because it sounds like you love him very much, with just this one problem in mind conflicting the relationship

  • I do love him very much and I am glad I sound like that in the comments.
    The bit that triggered me was when he said he will build a room in his parents’ house and then he will give that room and house away to his parents, kind of shocked me. He didn’t word his phrases properly. He should have said, first I will build a new house on my father’s land and then I will move out. However, since he is the youngest son, there is a chance he will get the entire house. The entire thing is a mystery. My mom told me to stop thinking about it.

  • People cheat because they are afraid of something like being alone/poor. Deal with the real cause instead of trying to milk symptoms.

    And because cheaters operate out of fear they end up lying to get what they want from lots of people, not just their spouse. They also need to make their spouse seem evil/horrible to make themselves look better. It’s a slippery slope.

    Let’s say you cheated, found a guy you love & left your husband for him. That new guy has 1,000,000 reasons to never trust you too.

    Anyhow, in your culture you have a LOT to lose if you get caught cheating, right? I would not risk my life or lifelong reputation for sex. I’d find a way to move to another country and start over if I really hated my life.

    • the best comment ever, this one is getting selected, it makes sense to see a 45 year old wise person wrote this. Since I am a Pakistani and a Muslim, I do agree that consequences of cheating will be huge for a girl. It is a big thing for girls in Asian, Muslim, religious and conservative families. It can ruin her reputation and everyday will hate her, she will not be able to face anyone without being frowned upon. People will look at her like she is dirt especially older women. People will not marry her sister or her daughter, and they will be taunted too.

      I do agree that the new partner will not trust or respect the woman, in fact, he might even taunt her, I didn’t think about that even though I have seen that in dramas. So, I guess it is better to talk or to break up instead of playing mind games instead of making yourself look bad.

    • The other problem is that if you look at stories about women (or men) who were killed by their spouse (in every culture) usually the victim was too trusting and the killer (s) use that to get them. So if I were you I would not even talk about it with the guy till you’re in a safe country & never go back to the unsafe one. Ever.

    • Pakistan is a safe country. Media brainwashes people but India is unsafe.

Dating should have NEVER had premarital sex in it at all. So people just asked for problems like this. In marriage, the answer is still a NO. Marriage is about SEX. NOT your happiness. If you two are not having sex, TALK about it. Be intentional, go get counseling, go get a health exam if this is medical related. Make an ultimatum if there is porn abuse involved in the marriage. The only justified answer to divorce is somebody is sexually unfaithful. So somebody had sex with another, and you were faithful throughout your marriage, you’re not just free to get your divorce, you are free to marry another.

 

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