Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 43

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=346

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Here’s How To Have A Long-Distance Open Relationship, According To An Expert

No two relationships are exactly the same. A “normal” relationship can be different for every couple, although I personally have tried to model all of mine off Meredith and Derek in Grey’s Anatomy. (I am single, please don’t ask for details.) For some, normal looks like a long-distance, open relationship, which might not always be easy. But according to a relationship expert, it’s possible to make it work as long as both partners are on the same page about what they want. Still, it does present its own unique challenges. For tips on how to have a long-distance open relationship, I spoke with Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show. Remember: You deserve a love that feels right to you, so Klapow’s insight might be able to provide some guidance.

Keeping communication open, but not too frequent, is important in all relationships, but particularly long-distance open relationships. I’ve personally been in long-distance relationships where I wanted constant communication because I couldn’t see my partner, and it ended up making the relationship more strained. “Communicate often but not constantly,” Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. “Trying to make up the time you are not together by talking, emailing, and texting constantly simply creates a level of expectation that can’t be sustained. Keep it regular but regimented so that communication doesn’t take over your life.”

In open relationships in particular, too much communication might make your partner worry you’re jealous (or vice versa), which could put a strain on the relationship. Be sure to find a communication rhythm that works for both of you, and you’ll likely have a better chance of success in your open long-distance relationship.

Santi Nunez/Stocksy

Self-reflect, and make sure you’re in the relationship for the right reasons. “What often happens is that one partner agrees to the open long-distance relationship in order to hang on to the relationship,” Dr. Klapow says. “If you are going to be long distance, and you are going to agree to date other people, then your relationship is only as deep and committed as your feelings for each other.” This definitely doesn’t have to be your relationship if you don’t want it to be — only you know why you’ve decided to commit to each other. However, if one of you is in the relationship for any reason other than truly wanting to be in that type of relationship, then it might be time to reevaluate. Figure out what made you begin the relationship in the first place, and remember what drew you to your partner.

Have a way to cope with jealousy when it arises, and your long-distance open relationship is more likely to work out. Communication is critical, and if you have a strategy for telling your partner that you’re jealous, you might not feel like you’re keeping a secret from them. There’s nothing wrong with being envious — it’s totally normal, and it’s especially normal if you don’t get to see your partner as much as you’d like. Still, it’s helpful to focus on your own life when jealousy arises. “Do things for you and only for you,” Dr. Klapow says. “Focus on work, or school when you are not with them. Make friends and enjoy them fully, not as a stopgap for the relationship. The stronger your life can be in terms of activities, hobbies, and other people, the healthier you will be.” Putting the focus on your own life can help keep jealousy in check, and being open with your partner can strengthen the relationship.

Brianna Lee/Stocksy

Sometimes, it can be helpful to change the way you think about the relationship. “Don’t try to formalize something that is not formal,” Dr. Klapow says. “An open long-distance relationship in practice means you are dating other people — nothing more and nothing less.” Of course, only you know if your relationship is truly a relationship (and you get to decide what the term “relationship” means to you), but if it’s easier to think of it as something else, be open to that as well. The two of you can be special to each other in whatever way you like, and sometimes the label of “relationship” puts a strain on the dynamic that you have. If you’re committed to being in a relationship, that’s wonderful, but if you’re open to calling it something else to improve your connection, that might help, too.

Long-distance open relationships can succeed, but only you know if the relationship is right for you. If you and your partner are both fully committed and communicating about your needs, and you’re both happy, then the relationship is healthy, and that’s what matters most. Besides, them being long-distance gives you space to live your own life, and the openness allows you to meet other people. So enjoy the relationship, and happy dating!

 

No two relationships are exactly the same. A “normal” relationship can be different for every couple, although I personally have tried to model all of mine off Meredith and Derek in Grey’s Anatomy. (I am single, please don’t ask for details.) For some, normal looks like a long-distance, open relationship, which might not always be easy. But according to a relationship expert, it’s possible to make it work as long as both partners are on the same page about what they want. Still, it does present its own unique challenges. For tips on how to have a long-distance open relationship, I spoke with Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show. Remember: You deserve a love that feels right to you, so Klapow’s insight might be able to provide some guidance.

Keeping communication open, but not too frequent, is important in all relationships, but particularly long-distance open relationships. I’ve personally been in long-distance relationships where I wanted constant communication because I couldn’t see my partner, and it ended up making the relationship more strained. “Communicate often but not constantly,” Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. “Trying to make up the time you are not together by talking, emailing, and texting constantly simply creates a level of expectation that can’t be sustained. Keep it regular but regimented so that communication doesn’t take over your life.”

In open relationships in particular, too much communication might make your partner worry you’re jealous (or vice versa), which could put a strain on the relationship. Be sure to find a communication rhythm that works for both of you, and you’ll likely have a better chance of success in your open long-distance relationship.

Santi Nunez/Stocksy

Self-reflect, and make sure you’re in the relationship for the right reasons. “What often happens is that one partner agrees to the open long-distance relationship in order to hang on to the relationship,” Dr. Klapow says. “If you are going to be long distance, and you are going to agree to date other people, then your relationship is only as deep and committed as your feelings for each other.” This definitely doesn’t have to be your relationship if you don’t want it to be — only you know why you’ve decided to commit to each other. However, if one of you is in the relationship for any reason other than truly wanting to be in that type of relationship, then it might be time to reevaluate. Figure out what made you begin the relationship in the first place, and remember what drew you to your partner.

Have a way to cope with jealousy when it arises, and your long-distance open relationship is more likely to work out. Communication is critical, and if you have a strategy for telling your partner that you’re jealous, you might not feel like you’re keeping a secret from them. There’s nothing wrong with being envious — it’s totally normal, and it’s especially normal if you don’t get to see your partner as much as you’d like. Still, it’s helpful to focus on your own life when jealousy arises. “Do things for you and only for you,” Dr. Klapow says. “Focus on work, or school when you are not with them. Make friends and enjoy them fully, not as a stopgap for the relationship. The stronger your life can be in terms of activities, hobbies, and other people, the healthier you will be.” Putting the focus on your own life can help keep jealousy in check, and being open with your partner can strengthen the relationship.

Brianna Lee/Stocksy

Sometimes, it can be helpful to change the way you think about the relationship. “Don’t try to formalize something that is not formal,” Dr. Klapow says. “An open long-distance relationship in practice means you are dating other people — nothing more and nothing less.” Of course, only you know if your relationship is truly a relationship (and you get to decide what the term “relationship” means to you), but if it’s easier to think of it as something else, be open to that as well. The two of you can be special to each other in whatever way you like, and sometimes the label of “relationship” puts a strain on the dynamic that you have. If you’re committed to being in a relationship, that’s wonderful, but if you’re open to calling it something else to improve your connection, that might help, too.

Long-distance open relationships can succeed, but only you know if the relationship is right for you. If you and your partner are both fully committed and communicating about your needs, and you’re both happy, then the relationship is healthy, and that’s what matters most. Besides, them being long-distance gives you space to live your own life, and the openness allows you to meet other people. So enjoy the relationship, and happy dating!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Kita – Chapter 42 – Yellow Fever

While baby’s away in Florida, she’s been on my mind and I’ve been thinking about my attraction to women. Asian women in particular. I love all women of all races but find Asian women especially bewitching.

These days you can’t get anywhere with out someone being called out for having yellow fever. Lets talk about what it means honestly, without resorting to ugly name-calling that usually comes out of discussions around this subject.

The term’s been around for a while and is similar to the derisory term Jungle Fever to describe white women who are attracted to black men. That term has largely disappeared but the term Yellow Fever has really sunk in and become a well-known term not used exclusively by Asian women, although most of them are no doubt aware of the phenomenon.

Let’s be 100% clear on one thing: the Interracial Asian/Caucasian couples which are so frequent these days are the total opposite of the cliche of the THAI bride (typically married to an older western man, usually unattractive and with limited options),since the women are from the same backgrounds, similarly educated, etc. Unfortunately, people still have the idea that western men are exploiting so-called submissive Asian women?

Unfortunately the submissive Asian woman is largely a result of Confucian culture in which women are raised to respect men and follow orders from them. No doubt there are some men who will find this behavior attractive and this may be the reason why they are more taken by Asian women.

It must be admitted here that many men find American society to be incredibly rights based and libertarian. you can’t say or do anything without someone being offended. This has truly had a terrible effect on relationships, with 1 in 3 marriages ending in divorce.

I’d be prepared to bet that most women in modern interracial relationships are more intelligent and better-educated than their western male partners. Far from being submissive, most Asian women are very assertive, they simply have a different approach to dealing with say, their frustration and anger than most other women do. I don’t now how effective shouting is but most kinds of women still feel that this is the way to deal with relationship problems.

I’ve been spending time with Asian women for the last few years. I guess success breeds success because I’m making more and more friends with girls who happen to be Asian women. The thing is I know what I’m dealing with and it’s all very reassuring for me. I find that these women enjoy the same things I do and we are culturally similar in spite of being from very different countries I did some internet research on ‘yellow fever’ and it seems most people using it are some women who feel that men shouldn’t be attracted to them. And yet, what is a man supposed to do? When I was younger, I was attracted by blonde women who had long lega (because this was what society held up as a beauty ideal). So I went after these women, even though I was disappointed when I found out that they weren’t what I had expected.  In life, you must go after what you want in order to be happy. Being around these women makes me happy and I’m in no mind to stop, despite what some people would no doubt put down to an unnatural fixation.

According to an article on the Harvard Crimson, ‘There is nothing wrong with being a white man who is attracted to Asian women. Many times, it is a subconscious desire that you can’t really control anyway.’

And the article was written by an Asian woman, Nian Hu,

So there you have it.

So Yellow Fever be damned, here’s a song by one hit wonder, Yello.

I miss Kita!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly  twitter: @phicklephilly