Louisiana Man Drowns During Underwater Proposal At Island Resort
A married man making a pass at a single woman no longer shocks the world, and just that, speaks volumes for itself. No, we’re not making a generalization here, and we absolutely believe that good, loyal men still exist. However, having said that, they are a rare find, and with all the evolution in terms of lifestyle and relationships in the modern day–it’s safe (and disheartening) to say that the concept of monogamy is heading speedily towards extinction.
Ask around you, at least one out of three women has been approached by a “family man,” who uses one of the many tricks up his sleeve to convince her he’s genuinely fallen head over heels. Obviously, when they try to pull off something like this, there has to be some groundwork and research that ultimately informs them of how big a risk is involved in this wild adventure that they’re seeking, and so, they mostly start out by trying to evaluate a woman’s psyche. While some put it down to how their wives make them miserable with all the nagging and nitpicking, some might even be audacious enough to reveal that they aren’t having marital problems as such, but simply couldn’t help themselves from being struck by Cupid’s (problematic) arrow. Whatever the route they take, the objective is the same – for you to believe them, feel flattered in some way, and show them a sign of reciprocation.
If you’re wondering how we’ve managed to come to such a hard-hitting conclusion, ladies, we’ve done some thorough research, which involved a survey that was as worrying as it was intriguing. We spoke to five women, who admitted to being approached by married men. They shared the one reason that their respective acquaintances used as a justification for their actions.
2. “I work out regularly, and have quite a few buddies at the gym. One guy, in particular, was always over enthusiastic when it came to his interactions with me and quite openly displayed his interest. At first, I thought it was all playful fun, and would brush it off by teasing him that I’d tell his wife (he had told me he was married) and get him into trouble. One day, things went a little too far, when he began texting me out of the blue, saying he got my number from another female friend at the gym. His messages began to get more and more sexual in nature, almost like he was testing the waters to see how I’d receive this. I instantly responded with an insult, asking him to have some shame. Clearly not having any, he suggested that there was no harm in some fun and that no one had to know. I blocked him and we never spoke again.” – Jayashree Singhal, Mumbai
3. “Even though I’ve experienced this several times, one of the most striking episodes, because of how blatant it was, was when I was introduced to my friend’s husband during a house party. My friend, who was also my colleague, invited me over to her home, where she was throwing a house warming party. On my arrival, she introduced me to her hubby and mother-in-law, who seemed jolly and warm, and before I knew it, I blended in and was having a good time. Mid-party, I got up to go the loo and found myself lost in the corridor of the four-bedroom apartment, looking for the washroom. While everyone else was in the hall, my friend’s husband appeared out of nowhere and asked if I needed anything. I told him I was just looking for the washroom, and he guided me. Just as I was about to head in that direction, I felt him put his arm around my waist, as he leaned in and whispered – “X (wife’s name) has hot friends, I must say!” I was too shocked to react and rushed for the loo. I left soon after. The next day, he added me on social media and flooded my “others” folder with apologetic messages, that went from, “I didn’t mean to come across as a creep, I was just being honest” to “My marriage is on the rocks.” I’ve declined every invite to my friend’s home since then.” – Anonymous
4. “There’s this colleague of mine, who has been working with me for the past two years. I know he’s married because we sit right next to each other, and he often talks about his wife – lovingly, at that. However, I won’t deny, he also has a reputation of a flirt, who smooth-talks his way through life. Never did I imagine he’d try it with me, though. A few months ago, I was having a bad day at work and asked him if he’d be up for a quick walk to the nearby store, where I could buy an ice-cream. He agreed, and we took that walk. On the way, he asked me about why I was feeling upset, and we ended up sitting at a local tea-stall, where I informed him about my recent breakup, and about how I was feeling a bit disillusioned with love. Taking the opportunity, he quickly began to make direct passes at me, “jokingly” stating that after marriage, his sex life has become boring. He briefed me about why it’s better to date married men, elaborating the supposed positives like, “you don’t have to deal with any household drama and you only get the fun, exciting parts of them” and also how relationships like these cause a stronger desire that leads to better sex. Post that day, he relentlessly tried to convince me that I should secretly see him, and we could have this roaring affair that would solve both his and my purpose – until I found somebody I’d like to take things forward with.” – Anonymous
5. “I befriended this guy a few years ago, and while I don’t want to go over how, when and where we met – to protect his identity and mine, I’d just like to say that everything he expressed was so well worded, there’s no chance I could’ve thought it to be lies. From telling me how he’d always dreamt of girl who looks, talks and behaves like me, to saying how his relationship with his wife is nothing more than a “duty,” his affection and interest in me seemed beyond genuine. Whenever he’d speak of his marriage, he’d tell me how sex is merely a chore and that he feels “trapped.” He’d make me believe that he’s extremely helpless about his situation, and wants nothing more from me than my company. It wasn’t long before I realized that this was baggage I didn’t need in my life, and I cut him off.” – Anonymous
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
If the legends are to be believed, a rock star’s day is two hours of playing music and 22 hours of sex, drugs and worshiping Satan. Are the legends true, though? We assembled the most unsettling myths and, wearing elbow-length rubber gloves, took a closer look.
Stevie Nicks Rides the White Horse
The legend: Stevie Nicks, easily the most bangable member of Fleetwood Mac, was at one time so tolerant to the effects of cocaine use that in order to achieve a healthy, atomic-grade high she had to have it blown up her rectum.
Why it grosses us out: Because people who snort cocaine nasally spend approximately 90 percent of their time wiping their constantly running noses. If the legend is true, things don’t look good for that awesome dragon chair she’s sitting on.
Why we still hope it’s true: Aside from giving us reason to discuss Stevie Nicks’ ass in social situations, it would be the most hardcore thing anyone’s done with their body since that dude at Lollapalooza hung a bowling ball off his dong.
Shoving cocaine up your ass is extra-strength crazy, unless of course it’s your source of livelihood (apologies to any drug mules who may have been offended). As an added bonus, it could be considered an anthropological throwback to the Mayans, who used to imbibe alcohol through their rectal lining via beer douches. Tastes great and less filling! Not that you’ll notice.
Yeah, but is it: Nicks most certainly blew the blow, and it is biologically feasible that one could get high by reverse-farting cocaine, but we still find the claim pretty dubious. She has publicly denied it, which could be taken as proof either way. If someone at work started spreading a rumor that at last year’ Christmas party, you snorted cocaine through your sphincter, would you dignify it with an on-the-record denial?
As far as the official record is concerned, the field remains wide open for a phicklephilly reader brave enough to claim the title “first person to take cocaine anally.” Get to it!
KISS’ Comic Book Petri Dish
The legend: KISS, in one of the more ridiculous marketing gimmicks of the last 50 years, mixed vials of their own blood into the red ink used to color the blood for the first issue of Marvel’s KISS comic series.
Why it grosses us out: KISS isn’t exactly the model of sexual restraint. Their blood would probably be more valuable at a clinic documenting the evolution of various strands of STDs since the ’70s, and less valuable staining our finger tips. We’ll stick with our Whitesnake coloring book, thank you very much.
Why we still hope it’s true: No one does zany, goofy, ultimately innocuous horror like KISS, and what better manifestation of that than mixing their blood with comic book ink? Yes, they’re bleeding, but at some point that blood is going to be mixed with the palm-sweat of a thousand chubby sixteen-year-olds as they read about Ace and Gene battling space-pirates with their righteous riffs.
Really, the only way this can be considered hardcore is if you assume-as we do-that the blood was not extracted by a needle, but rather sopped up from the floor after the guys rolled in bacon fat and waded through a trough of alligators.
Yeah, but is it: Absolutely. KISS flew to Marvel’s inking facility in between tour stops and dumped vials of blood into the red-ink vat. Not only is there a picture of it happening, but it was witnessed by a notary public and subject to a signed contract. Comic fans are apparently very particular about the validity of their blood-infused inks. You can now rest assured that if you see someone licking a KISS comic, they are either a vampire or a huge freak.
Mick Jagger’s Goes to Mars
The legend: Mick “the rooster” Jagger was caught during a drug bust eating a Mars Bar from between the legs of Marianne Faithfull, as well as nude in bed with effeminate rocker David Bowie. And, he was caught by Bowie’s wife, no less.
Why we still hope it’s true: We like our rockers like we like our parents: androgynous and sex-crazed. Jagger eating a candy bar out of someone’s cooch is alright, but ultimately just another entry in the pantheon of “rockers have so much sex they get bored with it and do crazy shit” stories. Add in some Bowie-humping, though, and you’ve got rock-legend magic.
The only thing that could make it better would be if Prince had filmed the whole thing and the tape leaked to the Internet, revealing Bowie in full makeup and demanding to be called “Major Tom.” We can dream, can’t we?
Yeah, but is it: In a happy twist of fate for lovers of bizarre celebrity behavior, the Mars Bar bit is a definite no, but the Bowie-banging may actually have some truth to it. Police did bust in on Jagger and Faithfull looking for drugs, but reported no sexual activity other than the fact that Faithfull was naked except for a large blanket. By rock standards, she might as well have been in a burka.
As for the latter incident, Bowie’s wife detailed it on an episode of Joan Rivers’ radio show, but later claimed that the men weren’t having sex, just nude in bed, which, you know, is totally normal.
Frank Zappa Eats Poo
The legend: Misanthropic hermit and erstwhile experimental rocker/composer Frank Zappa got in an onstage gross-out contest with friend Captain Beefheart, in which Beefheart took a dump onstage. Zappa then promptly won the contest–and put Ozzy Osborne’ bat stunt to shame– by scooping up a handful of poop and popping it in his mouth.
Why it grosses us out: Because it’ the most disgusting thing you could possibly do, other than eating two pieces of shit.
Why we still hope it’ true: OK, we kind of don’t, since we like Frank Zappa and it would force us to lose a healthy amount of respect for the guy. But, his notoriously bizarre musical style, and the fact that he named his kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen, doesn’t help his case much.
Put that guy in front of a crowd, goaded on by a competition and under pressure to perform, and who knows what he’s capable of? As anyone who’s watched Fear Factor knows, people will eat a lot of crazy shit for very little compensation. Of course, this would be the first time the phrase “eating crazy shit” was used so literally.
Yeah, but is it: Despite strident and persistent claims from fans who “totally saw it happen,” it almost certainly didn’t. Zappa was actually boringly conservative for a rambling guitar rocker and was one of the most vocal anti-drug performers of his time. When asked directly about the incident, Zappa said, “I never took a shit on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, N.C.”
Marilyn Manson Gets Flexible
The legend: Marilyn Manson, who decided getting breast implants and being an ordained priest in the Church of Satan didn’t make him creepy enough, had his lowest set of ribs removed so he could perform autofellatio (That’ where you blow yourself. Read a book, dammit.).
Why it grosses us out: There’ basically nothing Marilyn Manson can do that wouldn’t make us uncomfortable. Also, this myth requires that you acknowledge the existence of Marilyn Manson’ penis, which we’re assuming bares its fangs and writhes around like a snake when exposed to daylight.
Why we still hope it’ true: We, uh … have this friend that’ worried he’ going to break his neck, and we think it would just make things easier on “ÃÂ¦ our friend if this “ÃÂ¦ Oh hell, it does not make you gay if you try it to yourself. Ok?
Yeah, but is it: A thorough investigation into the matter, conducted only for the purposes of this article, proved that there is no evidence of a successful rib-removal surgery in all of the Western world. Of course, that doesn’t take into account the Eastern world, as well as any surgery attempts that aren’t on record. Also, medical research conducted for this article, and only for this article, reveal that it would actually be more helpful to remove a vertebrate.
Rod Stewart Gets Pumped
The legend: Rod Stewart passed out at an after party and had to get his stomach pumped after ingesting a gallon of semen.
Why it grosses us out: A gallon of semen? We can’t even get through a gallon of milk without throwing up.
Why we still hope it’ true: The Rod Stewart-semen-stomach-pump story blazed a path for the same rumor to be applied to countless modern pop stars. There was Jon Bon Jovi, various members of New Kids on the Block and, more recently, Justin Timberlake.
So, either blowing thousands of dudes is a proud tradition passed down from one pop star generation to the next, or there is an intergenerational tendency among American men to imagine popular male musicians with dicks in their mouths. We’ll take the option where Jon Bon Jovi’ the creep and we’re just doing our jobs reporting the gruesome facts.
Yeah, but is it: It’ almost definitely false, though Rod isn’t helping his case with his denials. In a Rolling Stone interview Stewart commented, “It was so laughable, it never really hurt me. What could it have been? A fleet of fucking sailors? Or, footballers?” They cut the quote off there, but we’re assuming Stewart continued naming the professions of all of the different people he didn’t blow to get that much semen in his stomach.
Led Zeppelin’s Mud Shark
The legend: While staying at the Edgewater Hotel in 1969-a hotel that allows guests to fish from their room balconies-Led Zeppelin caught a mud shark and then proceeded to use it sexually on a bound groupie. Exactly how is a matter for grim speculation only.
Why it grosses us out: Because it sounds like an even more disturbing version of the most disturbing scene in A Clockwork Orange. It also, for whatever reason, makes us acknowledge the existence of Marilyn Manson’ dick again.
Why we still hope it’ true: The way we heard it, the chick was totally into it, which helps undercut the “Oh, my God, that’s horrific” factor. Still, a shark? And, you thought that little pussy-riding prop you brought home to spice things up was “edgy.” Try introducing Jaws to your significant other’s privates and see if one or both of you doesn’t end up taking a trip to the emergency room.
This legend is also appealing because it takes some of the sting out of realizing your favorite rock band is singing primarily about Lord of the Rings characters. Zep aren’t nerds, man! Zep boned a chick with a fucking shark!
Yeah, but is it: Sort of, but in a stripped-down, pathetic kind of way. The widely accepted “true version” of the legend is that the band’s road manager Richard Cole caught a red snapper, and, as the groupie in question was a natural red-head, made the inevitable lame joke and applied the fish to her crimson honeypot. Legend also has it that John Bonham was present, but otherwise engaged in a rousing game of Dungeons and Dragons.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.