this happened several years ago.
My friends had been trying to get me on Tinder for a while. I wasn’t really into it but because I wasn’t dating anyone at the time but I decided to download the app. Pretty quickly I matched with this girl that I thought was really cute and started chatting with her. Now there were some red flags I should have noticed such as that she was pretty immature for her age and one of the main people she hung out with was around 13 to 14.
But I thought oh well, it’s probably not a big deal and I made plans to meet up with her. This was pretty early in my dating experience so I didn’t really know much about making good plans, so I just asked her what there was to do in her town (it was about an hour away from the city where I live). She told me just to meet her on her college campus. Cool, I thought, we can walk around and go to a Starbucks.
I get there and I wondered if I was at the right place because it looked like a high school, turns out it was some sort of small town community college building. The building was standalone, there was no other buildings and the floor was black and white checkered tile so you get the idea it was basically a high school.
When I got there, I asked her about it, but she said let’s just sit and talk in this student lounge. She sat down, pulled out her laptop, and asked me to help her on her homework.
Background: I had told her that I was majoring AND a tutor in a certain field, which she also happened to be majoring in, and she told me she needed some help. I was pretty passionate about this field so I told her I could help her a little bit. We’d FaceTimed once and I gave her a couple minutes of help, but I was of the understanding that when we met up we were going to be getting to know each other and not doing any homework.
I tried to explain the concepts to her but she said forget it and opened up a timed test and asked me to help her with that. I tried to explain it, but the simplest concepts went over her head and I ended up slowly doing it for her, a fact that I was not happy about and I told her so. She’s like, yeah I know you’re doing it for me and that’s okay. I was like, no it’s not. Then she started stroking my legs and arms and I told her that I couldn’t focus on helping her when she was doing that. She stopped touching me for a couple minutes but was soon back to doing it again. At this point I’m just trying to finish the test and get out of there, and finally the time runs out and she got a 40% on the test largely because I’d been spending most of my time trying to explain concepts and I thought she’d be angry, but she was really happy. She told me wow, I usually only get half that score!
At this point I was ready to leave, but she followed me out to the car (her car was next to mine) and basically the first thing she told me was that she was not a virgin and she thought I wouldn’t want to date her and would think she was filthy because of that. I told her that it didn’t really matter to me at all whether she was a virgin or not and then I don’t remember how the conversation went but I left soon after that. I should have told her I wasn’t interested in going out again right there but I knew how virginity is something that is overly prized in some Christian circles (which she was obviously a part of) and I didn’t want to reinforce her thinking that people thought less of her because she wasn’t one so I didn’t say anything then. I also considered trying to go out again, at that time I thought that I was being overly picky with women and I just needed to give them more chances.
That night, she told me to let her know if I didn’t want to MARRY her right away and not to lead her on and that really tipped the scales that I needed to say something right away. I called her on the phone the next day and told her I didn’t want to go out again, and I told her it was because we didn’t share any interests. To which she replied that we absolutely didn’t need to share any, we could go out and do our own thing and then come home to each other every night. I told her that to me the most important thing in a relationship was being able to share conversations and experiences and she tried to convince me that it wasn’t.
I don’t know a good way to wrap up the story besides that she was angry and we didn’t really talk again. I could have definitely benefited by more experience in this situation, but still, it was the first and only time I’ve ever been asked to do homework on a date so it was pretty memorable.
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