Haley – Rusty Lawn Mower

Matched with a moderately attractive girl. We talked for a few days before deciding to get dinner and a movie.

I picked her up and we headed to the sushi restaurant we had decided on earlier. She’s dead silent the whole ride, only breaking it to whisper one word responses to my small talk. This should be a red flag but I just chalked it up to nerves.

At dinner, she immediately orders a glass of wine. By immediately, I mean we hadn’t even sat down yet. This would normally not be a problem at all but we had just talked about how neither of us really drink much. But, again I chalk it up to her nerves.

After her 3rd glass of wine in 20 minutes I start to get pretty nervous. She doesn’t seem to be affected by the wine yet though. This is where I wanted to end the date, but being a silly optimist, I had already bought the movie tickets online.

She seems way less nervous now, she’s actually talking and we had decent conversation on the way to the theater. I begin to think maybe this date will turn around.

But as soon as we get in the theater she heads straight for the bar and orders a full Solo cup sized glass of wine. I mentally check out at this point.

During the movie, it becomes apparent that she is absolutely shit faced. About 20 minutes in, she gets up to go to the bathroom and comes back with another full solo cup of wine. She starts sloppily trying to make out with the side of my face despite me pushing her away. The theater is completely packed, by the way. This goes back and forth for a few minutes until I put on my most serious face and gave her a stern NO.

Her reaction? She starts hysterically crying, asking why I don’t want her, just making a big scene that culminates with her saying she loves me. I looked her dead in the eye and said, “You don’t even know me.” After what seemed like ten minutes of crying, I finally get her to calm down and she almost immediately passes out. I was ecstatic when I realized she was asleep. My nightmare is almost over.

Then I begin to hear what can only be described as a rusty lawn mower with sleep apnea. She’s snoring. And it’s LOUD. I could feel my seat vibrate each time she exhaled. Flicking her ear every few minutes was enough to keep her snoring at bay.

On the ride back to drop her off, she changed my radio presets, sung (terribly) to every song, and fell asleep. It was a 10 minute drive.

I finally got to her house and dropped her off.

Tinder is great though, I met my current girlfriend, Cherie on it and our first date is one of my favorite memories ever.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly       Facebook: phicklephilly     twitter: @phicklephilly

Author: phicklephilly

Copyright © 2016 by Phicklephilly All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. All stories and characters are based on real people and events. The names and images have been changed to protect their privacy. Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, we’ll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s