Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
Stop directing all your pre-date energy to your looks.
A friend of mine almost canceled a date with a guy because she woke up with a zit. She came over to my apartment freaking out: “How big is it? Is it all you can see when you look at me? Should I make up an excuse to cancel?”
If you’re like many women who follow dating advice, the number one thing you focus on before a date is what you look like. What should I wear? Should I have my hair up? Down? Half up? Would wearing heals be sexy or look too high maintenance?
But all that effort may be best spent elsewhere, because, more than likely, what you look like isn’t going to be the “make it or break it” factor of whether or not a guy likes you.
Think about it: if he was attracted enough to be going on a date with you in the first place, it’s not your looks that are in question as he’s getting to know you. And part of learning how to get a guy to like you is understanding that!
Instead, on your first few dates he’s thinking: Do we have things to talk about? Do I enjoy spending time with her? Do I think she’s intelligent? Does she seem cool? Would she fit into my life? He’s probably not thinking, “Oh… she was just a little hotter last time I saw her.” Hard to believe, but it’s the truth.
How do I know? Because I traveled around the country and interviewed over 1,000 guys about sex, love, and dating for my book Are All Guys A**holes?. Here is what they said when I asked them: “What things turn you off on a date?”
The things you talk about on a date are a guy’s chance to get to know who you are. So it’s not all that surprising that bad conversation was one of the top complaints guys listed. Bad conversation includes girls who talk too little, too much, only talk about themselves, or divulge way too much. (Usually, what guys considered “too much” was talking about ex-boyfriends, ex-hookups, or your deepest emotional drama.)
Guys also didn’t enjoy talking to a girl who seemed to have no sense of what was going on in the world and could only talk about superficial things (i.e., celebrity gossip). All in all, they wanted the date conversation to flow like a “tennis match” with both parties contributing, and asking about each other.
When we think about guys, we tend to conjure up images of beer guzzling, burping, farting, or a whole host of other “uncivilized” traits. So it might surprise you to see “bad manners” on a list of dating turn-offs.
But they’re not talking about using the wrong fork, putting your elbows on the table, or using the word “sucks.” The bad manners that turn guys off include being rude to the wait staff, checking your phone, just expecting a guy to pay, and not saying thank you when he does.
Although the definition of a “bad personality or attitude” will vary from one guy to another, many guys complained about girls who were braggy, materialistic, had no sense of humor, or seemed dumb.
The “other” category included getting too drunk, smoking, and general incompatibilities. Some guys in this category mentioned physical things, but what may be surprising is that those physical things almost always had to do with your mouth.
Bad breath, dirty teeth, and chewing with your mouth open were all things that turned guys off! Ironically, with all the time that we may spend getting ready for a date, probably the best investment is a good toothbrush and some mouthwash.
When a guy takes you out on a date, he’s looking for the full package! He already knows what you look like. (Even if it’s a blind date, there was likely some pre-meet-up Facebook stalking.)
Sure, you want to look nice, but don’t be overly stressed about it. Maybe you’re not having a good hair day, but don’t let that ruin your mood on the date, because it’s your mood that a guy is going to be paying attention to. What you look like on a date just isn’t as important as you might imagine!
Knowing this, when my friend tried to cancel her date because of a zit, I told her she was ridiculous, and that the act of canceling would do way more to turn him off than a blemish on her face. And besides, the zit wasn’t actually that big, and restaurants are dark.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Met a girl through a friend, she asked me out. We go on a date where we quickly figure out we have NOTHING in common, and for most of the date she seems annoyed at pretty much everything I say. I write it off. Two days later, she calls me up and says, “Hey, let’s meet up, I know a good bar near your place.”
Confused, because I really thought we had zero chemistry, I decide to go.
Same thing, no chemistry at all. She clearly doesn’t like me and seems to be doing a very bad job of hiding it. She does order me lots of drinks though. She wants to come back to my place, but even through my drunken haze, I think better of it and say no.
Spider-sense was definitely tingling that night.
So a couple of days after that, she calls me again, and says “Let’s go for a walk and get lunch.” She’s hot, and I’m still kicking myself for saying no to apparently getting hate fucked the other night, so I decide to see what’s up. We’re walking through this park, and I just come out with it, “Jessica, you clearly don’t like me, why do you keep calling me to hang out?”
Turns out, she wanted a baby, she wanted a guy who would be willing to give up his paternity rights and let her be a single mother, and she thought I came from good genetic stock. For real, here are some snippets of the conversation that I can remember:
Her: For example, you have a good sense of humor.
Me: You hate my sense of humor.
Her: Yes, but I like that you have one. You seem smart too.
Me: A smart person would never agree to this.
Her: Don’t be mean, I want a baby, what’s wrong with that?
Me: What makes you think I want to be a dad again?
Her: That’s what I’m hoping, that you don’t.
Me: Are you serious?
Her: Yes, I’ll let you do whatever you want, as long as you come inside me without a condom.
Her: I’m not kidding. We’ll meet up when I’m ovulating, we fuck a few times, and then if we don’t get lucky, I’ll see you in a month.
Me: [Jaw agape]
Her: What? Most guys would love that idea.
I have never noped the fuck out of a situation with more nope and less fuck before. Stayed far away. I heard through the same friend that introduced me that she was pregnant around a year later, and I saw her around once a few years after that with a little girl. She seemed happy, but not as happy as me for avoiding that drama train wreck.
I didn’t just dodge a bullet.
I think it qualifies for cruise missile status.