How Do You Know You Love Someone?

You know the feelings you get when you’re falling for someone new: the butterflies, the constant desire to want to chat or text them and the sudden need to buy a completely new wardrobe just to impress them, even though your wallet totally disagrees with you. When you first start falling for someone, the feelings can get really intense and there’s a sense of excitement that’s hard to describe with words. When you’re beginning to fall in love with someone, the symptoms can feel similar. That’s what makes it so hard to distinguish between love and like, or even infatuation. But according to Maria Sullivan, dating expert and vice president of Dating.com, there are some really clear signs that will let you know you’re not just going through some phase with a new bae, but that this time it might actually be different. You might finally be in love. Here are all the signs you’re falling in love.

1. You’re happy and just a little bit nervous.

When you’re in love, you’re genuinely a happier person. It’s like you’re on a natural high. The thought of spending time with your partner really excites you and just looking at the dozens of selfies of you both together on your phone is enough to put a cheesy smile on your face. But being in love also makes you a tiny bit nervous. You’re anxious for what the future holds, even if you’re not exactly sure what that is. You just know that you want your relationship to last. “Lots of people compare love to something they could not lose or let pass them by, yet the uncertainty of its unknown outcome is exciting,” Maria says.

2. Everything feels new and exciting.

When you’re in love, you’re excited to do things you’ve already done a million times before, just with your partner this time. They’re the first ones you think of when you see a romantic movie preview or when you’re planning to make a quick trip to the nearest fast food place. You’d even be willing to sit through four hours of a sports game, even if you hate sports. Maria says that’s because love sparks a new change in you. “When you’re in love, the basis of your perception changes. I compare it to a feeling of being really awake and excited,” she says. “You have found someone that makes everything feel new and intriguing – even if it’s just sitting on the couch watching TV.”

3. Your relationship feels easy.

Being with your partner isn’t hard work. You don’t have to struggle to find time to spend with them because you literally want to. Even the arguments don’t feel as intense as they do in other relationships. While all couples argue and bicker, when you’re both in love, your priority is your relationship, not your pride. You’re not worried about being the first person to give in or lose the argument because you can’t imagine your life without this person. Even one day apart really feels like forever.

4. This person is on your mind literally all the time.

When you’re in love, your partner is always in the back of your mind. You might have a sudden thought to call them because you haven’t chatted in a few hours or you go into a clothing store with the intention of buying something for yourself and then end up buying something for your partner, too. “Love is determined. When you like someone, you can brush it off and think of other things as you go about your day,” Maria says. When you’re in love, this person is always on your mind, but it isn’t overwhelming. “When you love someone, you are physically, mentally and emotionally impacted at theoretically any/all time(s). It is a calm and secure reality you will consistently crave,” Maria says.

5. You get just a little jealous.

A little bit of jealousy is natural. It’s understandable because you want your partner to be only exclusive to you. Jealousy becomes dangerous when you start obsessing over what your partner’s doing, so much so that you do stuff like look through their phone without them knowing. Going out of your way to find out what your partner’s doing is toxic behavior and might signal you’re not in a healthy relationship.

6. You become more affectionate towards them.

When you’re in love, you’re obviously attracted to your partner, so it’s only natural that you want to be all over them. Whether it’s simply holding hands or turning your cuddling into an intense make out session, you want to be affectionate towards your second half. If you’re completely repulsed by them, then you’re clearly not in love.

7. You want to bring them around your family and friends.

When you’re really into your relationship, you want to bring your partner into all aspects of your life. You want to introduce them to your family and friends with the hope that they’ll really like them because it would hurt you if they didn’t. If you’re introducing your partner to your family and friends, it’s usually because you genuinely want your relationship last.

8. You start feeling a sense of empathy towards your partner.

When you’re in love, you start seeing your bae as an extension of yourself, so when they’re hurt, nervous or really excited about something like getting accepted into a school or program they really wanted, then you experience the same feelings as them. Feeling empathy towards your partner also makes you want to make tiny sacrifices for them, like getting up and going to the store for some soup and medicine when you’re really comfy and don’t want to get up. Small things like that don’t really bother you for the person you love.

9. You’re becoming a better person.

You know you’re in love when being with your second half makes you want to improve yourself in some way, whether it’s setting new goals or having a more positive attitude. Your partner should push you towards becoming better, but not in a way that’s consistently negative. “If a partner isn’t building you up, then you must consider looking elsewhere for love – no matter what other characteristics he or she may have that you are infatuated with,” Maria says. When you’re truly in love with someone, you want your partner to succeed as much as you because you want to create a stable future for the both of you.

10. You start planning for the future.

When you truly love someone, you know that you don’t have plans to let them go any time soon, if ever. So, you start to include them in all your future plans, whether it’s going on vacation or figuring out where you want to live when you’re older. You start thinking of your partner when you’re making big decisions because you want them to be there for it all. When you’re in love, your bae becomes your permanent “plus one.”

 

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I Apologize for the Infraction… But I’m Not Sorry

I’ve been looking after a lot of people lately.

Life is good for me as always. I’ve cut all of the crazy fleas and ticks out of my life.  That’s a relief. Please try it. You may be carrying some people who you no longer need in your life. Think it through. I’ve been writing this blog for a while now. I’ve covered a lot of territory. Many people. Many dates and friends.

I think about my life now. I have my health for now. You never know when that could go. That’s your most precious resource. I have stuff to do. Work at the salon, and the other place. (I don’t want to name them because it’s private for now. Not relevant to this story.) I have much love in my life. Cherie, my daughter, my family and other interests. I’ve learned to compartmentalized my life as I’ve gotten older. I’m not keeping secrets, just protecting people’s hearts. I have good people surrounding me now. That’s always a positive force. No more crazies. That’s too draining and a waste of time. Learn the difference as quick as you can. I have things to look forward to. That’s important too. That carries you forth into tomorrow.

I love my girlfriend Cherie. She’s marriage material. I can’t believe I’m actually saying that but when I’m with her I feel that way. I could grow old with that perfect girl. She’s wonderful. Best woman I’ve ever met. I’ve always been loyal to the women in my life, but I’ve been unfaithful to Cherie several times. It’s not because we’re having problems, it’s because I don’t see her enough.

But I like that. I like having a girl who loves me passionately that I rarely see. That’s just me. I know it sounds awful, but she’s my one and only and I think of her in terms I’ve never felt for any one else.

But I continue to offend.

Maybe if she were around more I’d be more virtuous but I don’t know. I don’t want her around much. I like her once a month delivering the drug I love. Dopamine and endorphins. It’s glorious. I know she’s going to someday be a successful doctor. You may think I’m a piece of shit for having a beautiful girlfriend half my age and cheating on her all of the time.

I’m not getting any younger. I have her right where I want her. The perfect arrangement for me. Finally. Someone that loves me and fucks me back to the stone age every time I see her and is the sweetest, most loyal baby ever.

But I do what I want.

I’m a loyal partner and have always been, but I am not getting any younger. ‘If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with’, the song says.

I should be on my knees thanking God for sending me such a wonderful woman who has gone through so much with life, her ex, her son, school and her family. She never drags me into any of it because she says she doesn’t want to decrease her value to me.

Yea. That’s a real thing in our relationship. The sweet, bright young black girl doesn’t want to look bad in front of her old white boyfriend.

She’s 28 and I’m 55! I’m stunned that she even wants to talk to me let alone let me fuck her. But to be fair because she’s a nymphomaniac and I am a reformed hypersexual, our sex is absolute fire. Cherie is the singular greatest lover I have ever had in my life.

But I’ve offended with Ambria. That was an indiscretion. There were a couple of near misses after her but now there’s Kita, and I absolutely adore her. This has been my track record and I suppose that’s who I am. Nobody’s getting hurt and I’m just sliding down destiny’s rainbow.

At my age that’s a miracle. Most men my age would kill to have what I have. Fuck them. Let them blow their money on cars and stuff. I have a gift that none of those losers have, so they can kiss my ass.

I’ve earned my right to be here and be surrounded by all of the lovely moist women in my life. I love them all equally and differently and I’m honored they want to still meet and old lion like me for a drink occasionally.

I truly love all of the women in my life. I am phicklephilly. The fickle lover that’s fiercely loyal but still a philanderer. But a man who truly loves and respects the women in his life and can retain them as friends without trying to get into their pants like every other loser in this city.

Men miss the point. There’s an ocean of women out there for you. Go ahead and pursue that. I don’t give a shit. That’s your scene. But you’re missing the point. Women are amazing, lovely, fascinating creatures that you should get to know. Try to be a better man and get to know some of them.

Stop trying to stick your dick into every moist hole you encounter. Get to know them. They’re really interesting and fun. Help them with their challenges in life. Reveal the stupid loser mistakes to help them get through their challenges with our species.

Because they don’t understand us either. You’d think they would because we’re such simple assholes but they don’t. You guys are equally mystified by them as well.

Make some friends with women and make them feel safe. I have dozens of women in my life that love and trust me because I am that man they trust and I deliver on that shit every day.

“Oh Charles hooked me up with that job because he knows the general manager and now my life is better and he didn’t try to awkwardly fuck me after that.”

Be that guy.

No fuck that. Never be a guy. Be a MAN.

Mix your life with men and women. You’ll feel more balances with both in your life. Your dudes are easy, but bring some girls in. Ladies are fun, beautiful and cool. Get it straight in your mind that you want to have female friends in you life that you don’t want to stick you dick into.

I know we all want to fuck all of the women we know. I would gladly sleep with pretty much all of the women I know in my life. They’re all young and attractive! But you have to take that moment in your mind and say to yourself, I need to have a pool of dating girls and a different pool of female friends.

Your life will be so much more rich.

I know you struggle with hearing all of their chatter. I get that. Turn your mind. It’s not chatter. It’s her song. She’s beautiful. Let her sing it and be there for her. Your friends could turn into lovers.

But just know in your mind that you have a plan.

You’re going to have a pool of women you’re going to pursue for romance and sex, but hold your crew of friendly ladies close for support.

Because you may need them for support when you lose your love.

Chicks Rule!

(When Alessandra appeared and did the heart thing my brain exploded)

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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