14 Women Describe the Moment They Knew They Were Bisexual

Bisexuality isn’t an exact science. The experience for one individual may look very different than the experience of another. So what exactly does it mean to be bisexual? According to the Human Rights Campaign, a bisexual person is someone who can be attracted to more than one gender.

However, while some people who are attracted to multiple genders may identify as bisexual, others may instead identify as pansexual, queer, fluid, or not label themselves at all.

“It’s really different for everyone,” says LGBTQ expert Kryss Shane, LMSW. “Some people who identify as bisexual might have always been romantically or sexually attracted to people of multiple genders; Some people who identify as bisexual maybe prefer pornography or in-real-life sexual encounters with people of multiple genders.”

To be clear though, there’s no sort of checklist that can determine whether or not you’re bisexual. But to help, here are 14 women’s stories on the moment they knew they were bisexual and how they embraced their identity.

1. “I knew I was bisexual when I was 15. I had curious thoughts about women for years, but thought it was just me wanting to be friends with them. When I was younger though, I was a big Glee fan, and that show introduced a lot of female relationships that I hadn’t seen before. I think just being exposed to those really popular pairings made me realize that I wanted what I was seeing, but was also still equally boy-crazy. Once I realized I wanted a dog and a picket white fence with a girl, that’s when I really knew I was truly bisexual.” —Michelle O., 23.

2. “At 24, I met a girl and found myself not only fantasizing about kissing her, but actually dating her too. You know, like waking up with her in the morning, cuddling on the sofa, etc. I remember standing and looking at her talking to a friend when I realized that I would not make an exception for her, I was just bisexual.” —Christin H., 33.

3. “I was probably 12 when I realized I had feelings for both men and women. However, I didn’t understand what that feeling was. I was always very intimidated by other girls in my grade, and I never understood why—but looking back, it was definitely because I was attracted to them and shoved that to the side. My senior year of college though, I was crushing hard on one of my friends and it was very apparent to me what that actually meant.” —Laurel F., 24

4. “I don’t know if there was a specific moment… it was more a short period of time in which I realized I had my first crush on a girl—but in a way that I thought was normal until I understood not all people felt that way.” —Lauren R., 21

5. “I identified as straight until I was 29. There was one summer when I developed a crush on three women, and one of them ended up being my first girlfriend. We dated for three years. I didn’t really label my sexuality at that point, but knew I wasn’t straight anymore. After that relationship, I dated somebody who was trans and non-binary, so I started learning more about bisexuality and started to embrace that I’m attracted to people of many genders.” —Cally I, 35

6. “I realized at probably 13 that I might like girls when my best friend at the time got her first boyfriend and I felt so heartbroken and jealous. I always just accepted that I could be attracted to both men and women, and haven’t questioned it since!” —Samantha R., 25

7. “I knew deep down that I was bisexual since puberty, as I was fantasizing about women—even though I had always been attracted to boys from a very early age. So when I got to high school, I started experimenting with girls. Throughout school, I was hazed by other gay friends of mine that insisted I was a lesbian, but I knew I wasn’t. Eventually, I met my now husband. Coming out to him was the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most liberating.” —Becky B., 27

8. “I was 20 or 21 when I came to terms with it. I was on a bus and a hot girl came on and I thought, ‘I’m probably gay, that’s it.’ Then a hot guy came on and I was like, ‘Woah, pretty sure lesbians are not this attracted to men.’ So then came the light bulb moment where I realized I was bi and there was no explanation needed.” —Lorenna L., 23

9. “I always had boyfriends when I was younger, but I think that was because I knew that’s what girls were supposed to do. I’ve definitely always liked men and women, but I didn’t realize my feelings toward women until my friends bought me a Paris Hilton CD and when I saw her on the cover, I was like, ‘Oh, shit, I like girls too.'” —Laura C., 23

10. “I went to an all girl’s school and in 8th grade, I was standing in line behind one of my best friends for a Halloween haunted house. She was dressed as Michael Jackson in a white dress shirt and black pants. I felt incredibly attracted to her and realized in that moment I liked girls as much as guys.” —Jayne S., 33

11. “I fell in love with a woman at 18, but I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea that all my dating relationships up to that point were merely compulsory. Realizing that neither the straight, nor the gay/lesbian labels fit me was my first experience as a member of a marginalized group. Then, I joined a community for bisexual women and the group shaped me personally and professionally. My first marriage was to a man and my second and now current marriage is with a woman.” —Alison B., 45

12. “There wasn’t one specific moment when I realized I was bisexual, but I think I realized it when I was 17. I had been dating this guy, but I found myself clinging to his best friend. She and I would make out occasionally, but I told myself it was just to get the attention of guys around us. Eventually, I realized I had a crush on her. When I look back at that moment, I felt relief. I finally had a word to describe the way I adored other women when I was younger.” —Abbey B., 22

13. “There were hints throughout my life—my love the The L Word, my involvement in gay rights, the way I couldn’t keep my eyes to myself when I was at the beach and girls were in bikinis. I was finally able to admit to myself when I went to a strip club and sat at the rack and was like, ‘Yup, I’m bi.’ I made an OkCupid profile shortly after and then started coming out to my friends and family.” —Tabby T., 30

14. “I first knew I was bisexual when I was 17. I was supposed to visit my friend at her house on the weekend and she called me to tell me who was going. She told me her twin sister was bringing her girlfriend, but I was a little surprised to know she had a girlfriend. I asked my friend about it because I had always known her sister to be the ‘boy crazy’ type, and she nonchalantly said her sister was bisexual. I thought about the conversation all week and realized that was the word I had been looking for my whole life.” —Sam G., 21

 

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Lovely Lauren – The Most Beautiful Bartender I Ever Met – Part 3 – The Interview

Phicklephilly: What’s your favorite movie?

 

Lauren: Almost Famous.

 

Phicklephilly: Good one. Have you created any signature drinks at Stratus?

 

Lauren: Yes. i brought a grapefruit gin fizz to stratus. I love to make it for our clients. It’s deliciocious.  You should let me make you one, Charles.

 

Phicklephilly: Let’s make that happen, Lauren.

 

Lauren: Sounds good, Charles. (smiles)

 

Phicklephilly: What brought you to Stratus, Lauren?

 

Lauren: I was working at another venue and someone scouted me on Facebook and they hire me.

 

Phicklephilly: You had mentioned Nursing in our initial meetings.

 

Lauren: I’m not going there.

Phicklephilly: Let’s quickly and deftly switch gears here, dear. What are your thoughts on the world of mixology?

 

Lauren: I’ve never referred to myself as a mixologist, not that I don’t get creative behind the bar. There are so many aspects…. technical, personality, and creativity. When I think of the word mixology i just think of mixing drinks. I’m a bartender and being a mixologist is only a small part of what I do on a daily basis.

 

Phicklephilly: Which do you prefer?

 

Lauren: Bartender for sure.

 

Phicklephilly: How has the job changed since you began, Lauren?

Lauren: When I first started there were new technical things I had to learn. But now I can focus on the more creative and elegant aspects of my job.

 

Phicklephilly: How have you changed since you started?

 

Lauren: Oh, I was really naive at first. I definitely never realized that it’ a whole show. I was always affable but every part of the job i a performanance. The more I do it the more I see it as a career. I’ve met so many people that are on so many levels of the industry.

 

Phicklephilly: What do you see trending now in the way of drinking?

 

Lauren: Oh my gosh….Fireball! We don’t serve it but the kids love it!

 

Phicklephilly: Best customer?

 

Lauren: Best is on a Friday night. They know what they want, the money is out and we make it happen. Weekdays… social… try new drinks. I love a client that wants to try new things!

Phicklephilly: Worst?

 

Lauren: Someone snapping in my face: “what’s your cheapest and strongest drink?”

 

Phicklephilly: Ooh brutal. What’s the bst tip  you ever got?

 

Lauren: I was bartendeing with another employee and she didn’t want the table. It was outside on the deck and I took it. It was was my first ever. The bill was $50 and the tip was $300!!!

 

Phicklephilly: Have you served any celebrities?

 

Lauren: Yes. Several athletes. I don’t remember their names. I once served Lynyrd Skynyrd and Bad Company at Stratus.

 

Phicklephilly: Nice! Where can we find you on the other side of the rail?

Lauren: Morgan’s Pier down on the river. Outdoor, sunny skies and by the water. Very chill and a fun place to be in the summer. I also like North Shore Beach. Again, it’s a low key bar with a pool in the city where I can chill and relax.

 

Phicklephilly: What’s your favorite color?

 

Lauren: Purple. I’ve always felt purple, but when it comes to clothes, I love the color black.

Phicklephilly: Black is slimmimg, not that you need it.

 

Lauren. You’re funny.

 

Phicklephilly: Who is your favorite actor/actress?

 

Lauren: No idea, but again, Lucille Ball.

 

Phicklephilly: She is and was amazing. The first of her kind. What’s your favorite beer, wine and cocktail?

Lauren: Victory Summer Love, Yards Saison, and Savignion Blanc. It’s so light and refreshing!

 

Phicklephilly: I LOVE Victory Summer Love in Spring and Summer too!”

 

Lauren: It’s SO good!

 

Phicklephilly: Do you consider yourself a salesperson at Stratus?

 

Lauren: I would consider myself an honest person. I will stand behind something I truly feel is great. If you don’t like what I made for you, I’ll make you something else.

 

Phicklephilly: What’s your favorite food?

 

Lauren: Sushi. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

 

Phicklephilly: Have you ever had to memorize a load of drinks?

 

Lauren: Every night, Charles.

 

Phicklephilly: What is the most stressful… worst job you’ve ever had?

Lauren: Working at a nightclub where I had keys and it was just a crazy scene. (I should have gone deeper here)

 

Phicklephilly: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

 

Lauren: Hopefully with a college degree and in a career I’m passionate about.

 

Phicklephilly: Who is your role model?

 

Lauren: Lucille Ball. (Wow… again)

 

Phicklephilly: What’s your super power, Lauren?

 

Lauren: If looks could kill… I have an evil look.

 

Phicklephilly: Okay… I get that.

 

Lauren: What’s yours…? (giggles)

 

Phicklephilly: Turning alcohol into regret.

 

lauren: Ha ha ha You are killing me, Charles!

 

Phicklephily: It’swhat I do, dear. What’s your spirit animal?

 

Lauren: Definitely a dog. I love to cuddle but I still have the power to bite your head off.

 

Phicklephilly: Noted… What’s your dream destination?

 

Lauren: New Zealand!

 

Charles: Is there other life in the universe?

 

Lauren: If it’s happening here on earth, I feel that it must be happening somewhere else too.

 

Phicklephilly: How lucky are you, and why?

 

Lauren: I feel extremely lucky andhave gotten opportunities that people have been kind enough to grant me. I am very grateful. I feel very fortunate, Charles.

 

Phicklephilly: Are you a hunter or a gatherer?

 

Lauren: A gatherer. (I should have expanded on this one too)

 

Phicklephilly: Desert Island. You can only bring 3 things. What do you do?

 

Lauren: I would have to bring my friend Liza who I’ve known forever. She works for NASA. Jiro from Jiro dreams of sushi so he could make me the best sushi. Oh and lots of razors…. because I hate being hairy. (Again… I should have delved deeper here)

 

PhicklephillY: Do you like cereal? If you were a box of cereal, what would you be, Lauren?

 

Lauren: Honey Bunch of Oats! Because you get so many flavors in one box. So many variations, and when you get to the root of it… that’s me.

 

Phicklephilly: Best human trait?

 

Lauren: The will to survive. (Could have done so much better on this one)

 

Phicklephilly:  You’re the new addition to the crayon box. What color are you?

 

Lauren: Oh course, purple, Charles. You asked me that already. ha ha

 

Phicklephilly: Movie about you. Who plays you, and why?

 

Lauren: Oh, Lindsay Lohan. Have you seen Georgia Rule?

 

Phicklephilly: ha ha okay… yes.  What’s the funniest thing that happened to you lately?

 

Lauren: Yea… I went to a musical festival. I ended up in lying in a blow up baby pool full of stuffed animals. No water, dude.

 

Phicklephilly: hahhah ha that’s insane. have you ever been on a boat?

 

Lauren: Yes! I went kayaking last week. It was one of the most fun days of my life!

 

And it ends there…. I think I could have gone so much deeper, but it was her first and my first interview. It was never published so it go buried. But I believed that it was always good and she was a lovely girl so I’m very pleased to immortalize Lauren forever here on Phicklephilly.

I think she’s married and lives in New York now.

Lucky guy!

 

What a lovely girl!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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