The Chauffeur

One of the worst dates I’ve ever gone on was all my fault.

I met a girl on tinder who I had been talking to for a while. She always flaked on me last minute or would randomly start ignoring me. We tried a few times, but she always bailed so I just gave up.

Finally she reached out again to meet up and said she wasn’t over an ex or something but now she was so I agreed.

Anyway, a little back story, I had been out of the country for over a year traveling so when I got back to the USA I moved in with my parents and basically didn’t have any clothes except the few I bought when I got back as the rest were in a storage unit.

I throw all my clothes in the wash after work to be ready for my date. About 1.5 hours later I went to take them out of the wash and throw them in the dryer, and noticed the washing machine was still filled with water. I didn’t know what to do so I just picked out the outfit I wanted and threw it in the dryer. . . they were soaked.

She took and Uber to the bar where we were meeting and literally texted me that she was there and I hadn’t even left them house yet. I was only like 7 minutes away and just blamed not being able to find my keys or something, and that I would just be a few minutes late. I didn’t want to cancel the whole time because I finally got a date with her but literally my clothes were still sooooo soggy and damp.

Whatever, I threw them on. Now the situation gets worse.

Can’t find my wallet ANYWHERE. I panic and leave without it. Thankfully my friend is manager of the bar so I give him a call to make sure I can pay another time. He says no problem and will let the bartender know.

I drive to the bar holding my shirt out the window in my wet jeans and boxers. I see her and she gets up to give me a hug and I have to explain why I’m wet, she laughs, thinks its funny, whatever.

Finally we are ready to leave, and the bartender gives me the check. WTF that wasn’t supposed to happen. I stall for a bit and then see my friend is finished her shift. . . yes she works there too lol, I didn’t tell my date any of this though. I tell my date I knew those people over by (where my friend was having an after shift drink with her other server friends) and I was going to say hi before we left. I discreetly toss my friend the check and say I’ll explain later. Perfect, crisis averted.

Now we leave the bar and I ask her if I can give her a ride home instead of Ubering, she agrees. I get in the car and notice I have little fuel. . . but no worries I read even when it hits 0 you can still go for a while. Of course she lives in like the furthest point of the town from where we are. It’s like up these winding hills in the middle of the woods. Of course, my car comes to a halt. That was a difficult one to explain, and finally I just had to admit I couldn’t find my wallet but I didn’t want to cancel the date and now my car is out of gas.

No worries, I go to call a Lyft, as that’s the only ride share app I have. Of course, we’re in such a remote area there aren’t any, not to mention its late. Can’t download Uber because I don’t have a credit card on me so she has to call one. We have to awkwardly wait for soooo long. Even worse, the first 2 gas stations we go to are closed. Finally we get to a Wawa that’s open. We go in and by a gas canister and I had to turn to her for payment. She gets us that and fills it with gas. We go to get in the Uber and he won’t let me in with a gas can.

We finally get back to my car still sitting in the middle of the road because I don’t know how to put it in neutral to move it when the car is not on. I drive her to her house and before I leave she hands be $10 for gas to get myself home.

My wallet was swimming in the washing machine. What a night…

I got a second date.

 

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Author: phicklephilly

Copyright © 2016 by Phicklephilly All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. All stories and characters are based on real people and events. The names and images have been changed to protect their privacy. Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, we’ll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation!”

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