If You’re Going To Start Dating Someone Who Is Bad News, Remember These 9 Things

When I was 25, I started a “relationship” I suspected would end badly (I use quotes because I realized after that it was not, in fact, a relationship). He had serious commitment issues, and he panicked any time talk of the future came up. Did I not think it was a red flag that he was 34 and had never been in a serious relationship? No, I told myself, he’s “misunderstood.” Note to self for future — if you ever describe someone as “misunderstood,” you are probably dating someone who is bad news. It was a real learning experience, and while I don’t regret the experience, I wish I had known a few things ahead of time.

Dating can be risky — you’re entrusting someone with your emotions, and there’s always a chance it could go badly. There are a number of warning signs that someone could be risky to date (otherwise known as “bad news”), such as your friends warning you against it or a track record of short relationships. However, only you know if you truly want to start seeing someone, and you get to choose who to date. People have started beautiful relationships with someone who might have been described as bad news, but it’s always good to be careful.

Read on to find nine things to keep in mind before you start dating someone who is bad news.

1. TAKE YOUR TIME

Don’t rush things with someone who’s bad news. In fact, rushing a relationship is probably not a good strategy in general. “You shouldn’t go all in and become exclusive right away,” matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking Susan Trombetti tells Elite Daily. “You need to be able to evaluate whether or not they can meet your needs to start with instead of jumping in with both feet.” Take your time getting to know someone before committing.

2. DETERMINE WHY THEY’RE BAD NEWS

“Bad news” can mean many different things to different people, and some things may or may not be dealbreakers for you. “Ask yourself what types of behavior are the red flags indicative of,” Trombetti says. Maybe someone doesn’t seem mature enough for a relationship yet or they seem hung up on their ex. Be aware of why they’re bad news before making a decision.

3. BE REALISTIC

Regardless of why they’re bad news, you should be realistic about what their problems might be. If they seem unlikely to commit to moving in together, for example, try not to expect that from them. You can choose to be patient or not, but at the end of the day, it’s your time, and you have to decide if the person you’re dating seems to be valuing it. Additionally, you cannot force someone you’re seeing to become someone they’re not or do something they don’t want to do. Be realistic about whether the relationship is right for you.

4. BE OPEN TO CHANGE

Someone who is bad news may or may not change, but you want to be open to either outcome. “Always remind yourself that people do grow and change,” Trombetti says. “Sometimes, they just need to change their behaviors and not really their personalities which don’t change much.” If the bad-news-partner is making an effort to change, be open to it, and support their work.

5. UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE

Are you someone who seeks out people who are bad news because you enjoying fixing them? “You should always be aware if you have a need to fix someone, or if you think you are the one that’s going to change them,” Trombetti says. “For starters, you can’t change anyone and secondly, you need to check your need to fix someone.” Maybe you’ve consciously decided to date someone who’s bad news so that you can fix them, rather than because you want to be with them, and it might be worth asking if that’s the right choice for you. After all, people are not objects — they can’t be “fixed,” especially not by force of will.

6. BE HONEST WITH YOUR FRIENDS

One of the big challenges of dating someone who is bad news is that your friends might not be supportive. Therefore, it’s always better to give them an honest perspective of the relationship, rather than only highlighting the problems. “They are only getting one-sided information and don’t have the full picture like you,” Trombetti says. If you give your friends full information, they can support you in whatever way you need.

7. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

It’s important to never let your partner stand in the way of taking care of yourself. It’s crucial that you take all steps to make sure you’re mentally healthy. Let’s say someone is bad news because they’re extremely anxious and their anxiety can affect others as well — be aware of this, and make sure you do the self-care necessary to manage your own anxiety.

8. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER

If you’re worried about the relationship, don’t hide that from your partner. In fact, they probably are aware of some of the issues that make them “bad news,” and they may appreciate the chance to talk about it. Never pass predisposed judgment without engaging in an open and honest conversation first. Having the line of dialogue open is critical for a healthy relationship.

9. STAY OPEN ALL POSSIBLE OUTCOMES

Someone may be “bad news” for a particular reason, but that doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person or unworthy of a relationship. However, if their red flags are deal breakers to you, the two of you may just not be a good fit. Stay conscious of whether or not you think the relationship is healthy and bringing you joy, and if it’s not, be open to ending it. Similarly, stay open to the possibility that whatever makes them “bad news” doesn’t make them incompatible with you. Dating is always a risk, and only you can assess if the risk is worth it.

People are people, and no one is perfect. Maybe you’ve met someone you’d describe as “bad news,” but you’d like to date them anyway. It’s OK to start a relationship under uncertainty — you can never really know the future. Just remember to always take care of yourself, and recall these things before starting to date someone with red flags. Remember — a red flag is just a warning, but only you know what makes you happy and healthy in a relationship.

 

 

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Sun Stories: Summer – Astonished – Part 2 – Lets Look at the Science

Summer just told me that she just found out that she’s 6 months pregnant and didn’t know it. She drinks like a Viking, and has been for awhile. The whole 6 months she’s been pregnant.

I pray that the baby will be okay, but let’s take a look at what could happen.

 

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

 

 

What is fetal alcohol syndrome?

Women who drink alcohol during pregnancy can give birth to babies with fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, sometimes known as FASDs. FASD is the umbrella term for a range of disorders. These disorders can be mild or severe and can cause physical and mental birth defects. Types of FASDs include:
fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS)
partial fetal alcohol syndrome
alcohol-related birth defects
alcohol-related neurodevelopment disorder
neurobehavioral disorder associated with prenatal alcohol exposure

FAS is a severe form of the condition. People with FAS may have problems with their vision, hearing, memory, attention span, and abilities to learn and communicate. While the defects vary from one person to another, the damage is often permanent.

 

Causes

What are the causes of fetal alcohol syndrome?

When a pregnant woman drinks alcohol, some of that alcohol easily passes across the placenta to the fetus. The body of a developing fetus doesn’t process alcohol the same way as an adult does. The alcohol is more concentrated in the fetus, and it can prevent enough nutrition and oxygen from getting to the fetus’s vital organs.

Damage can be done in the first few weeks of pregnancy when a woman might not yet know that she is pregnant. The risk increases if the mother is a heavy drinker.

According to many studies, alcohol use appears to be most harmful during the first three months of pregnancy. However, consumption of alcohol any time during pregnancy can be harmful, according to guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

 

Symptoms

What are the symptoms of fetal alcohol syndrome?

Since fetal alcohol syndrome covers a wide range of problems, there are many possible symptoms. The severity of these symptoms ranges from mild to severe, and can include:
a small head
a smooth ridge between the upper lip and nose, small and wide-set eyes, a very thin upper lip, or other abnormal facial features
below average height and weight
hyperactivity
lack of focus
poor coordination
delayed development and problems in thinking, speech, movement, and social skills
poor judgment
problems seeing or hearing
learning disabilities
intellectual disability
heart problems
kidney defects and abnormalities
deformed limbs or fingers
mood swings

 

 

Diagnosis

How is fetal alcohol syndrome diagnosed?

The earlier the diagnosis, the better the outcome. Talk to your doctor if you think your child might have FAS. Let your doctor know if you drank while you were pregnant.

A physical exam of the baby may show a heart murmur or other heart problems. As the baby matures, there may be other signs that help confirm the diagnosis. These include:
slow rate of growth
abnormal facial features or bone growth
hearing and vision problems
slow language acquisition
small head size
poor coordination

To diagnose someone with FAS, the doctor must determine that they have abnormal facial features, slower than normal growth, and central nervous system problems. These nervous system problems could be physical or behavioral. They might present as hyperactivity, lack of coordination or focus, or learning disabilities.

 

Treatments

What are the treatments for fetal alcohol syndrome?

While FAS is incurable, there are treatments for some symptoms. The earlier the diagnosis, the more progress can be made. Depending on the symptoms a child with FAS exhibits, they may need many doctor or specialist visits. Special education and social services can help very young children. For example, speech therapists can work with toddlers to help them learn to talk.

At home

Children with FAS will benefit from a stable and loving home. They can be even more sensitive to disruptions in routine than an average child. Children with FAS are especially likely to develop problems with violence and substance abuse later in life if they are exposed to violence or abuse at home. These children do well with a regular routine, simple rules to follow, and rewards for positive behavior.

Medications

There are no medications that specifically treat FAS. However, several medications may address symptoms.

These medications include:
antidepressants to treat problems with sadness and negativity
stimulants to treat lack of focus, hyperactivity, and other behavioral problems
neuroleptics to treat anxiety and aggression
antianxiety drugs to treat anxiety

Counseling

Behavioral training may also help. For instance, friendship training teaches kids social skills for interacting with their peers. Executive function training may improve skills such as self-control, reasoning, and understanding cause and effect. Children with FAS might also need academic help. For example, a math tutor could help a child who struggles in school.

Parents and siblings might also need help in dealing with the challenges this condition can cause. This help can come through talk therapy or support groups. Parents can also receive parental training tailored to the needs of their children. Parental training teaches you how to best interact with and care for your child.

Alternative treatments

Some parents and their children seek alternative treatments outside of the medical establishment. These include healing practices, such as massage and acupuncture (the placement of thin needles into key body areas). Alternative treatments also include movement techniques, such as exercise or yoga.

Prevention

How can I prevent fetal alcohol syndrome?

You can avoid fetal alcohol syndrome by not drinking alcohol during pregnancy. If you’re a woman with a drinking problem who wants to get pregnant, seek help from a doctor. If you’re a light or social drinker, don’t drink if you think you might become pregnant anytime soon. Remember, the effects of alcohol can make a mark during the first few weeks of a pregnancy. Visit these blogs for more tips and information about fetal alcohol syndrome.

 

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