WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WANTS: HALEY KALIL

“They say nice guys never win, but I strongly disagree. Nothing is more attractive than a humble, kindhearted man with an amazing sense of humor.”

Anyone who has already perused the 2019 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue will no doubt recognize Haley Kalil.

The smoldering SI Swim rookie and wife of Houston Texans offensive tackle Matt Kalil is one of 16 breakout stars who grace the latest bikini annual.

But before Kalil was shot by top photographer Yu Tsai, the small-town stunner from Minnesota excelled in the academics, having graduated summa cum laude from St. Cloud State University with a double degree in medical biology and psychology long before SI came calling.

“I studied biomedical sciences and psychology in college. I worked in the hospital and an immunology lab until Sports Illustrated Swimsuit held an open casting call on Instagram,” she tells Maxim.

“I submitted a video, and bam! My life was changed forever! I went from doing single cell suspensions in no makeup and a lab coat to shooting on the beaches of Africa for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.”

The future couldn’t be brighter for this brainy beauty. Read on to learn about Kalil’s celeb crushes, dream date, pervasive love of Taco Bell and more.

How can a man catch your attention?

A funny guy wins the girl every time. They say nice guys never win, but I strongly disagree. Nothing is more attractive than a humble, kindhearted man with an amazing sense of humor.

What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

“Do you do karate? Because your body is KICKING.” I hate to say it, but I laughed.

How do you let a man know you’re interested?

If a woman is interested, you will know. She will want to spend time with you. She will want to text you back. She will want to tell you about her life. If she’s not taking the time to do those things…sorry man, she’s just not that into you.

Tell us about your ideal date.

I don’t like anything too fancy. I love just walking around NYC on a beautiful summer night talking about anything and everything. Maybe stopping at a little diner to eat French toast at 1 a.m. Throw in an epic escape room and I’m sold!

What about a man turns you on the most?

I think intelligence is sexy. Nothing is sexier than a man that can code an entire software update or solve a nearly impossible synthesis problem in organic chemistry.

When do you feel sexiest?

I feel the sexiest when I’m surrounded by the people I love. Whether that’s while I’m in a tight dress with some killer makeup or in my sweatpants stuffing Thai food into my face. I gain confidence from being surrounded the people who care about me…and confidence makes me feel sexy.

Who’s your biggest celebrity crush?

My male crush would be Ryan Reynolds. I mean, have you seen Deadpool? ‘Nuff said! The dude is funny as can be! And my female crush would be Angelina Jolie. She’s gorgeous, accomplished, and a total boss.

What’s on your favorite music playlist?

I’m such a stereotype, I listen to the “new releases” on iTunes music. Don’t judge me though…they’ve got some JAMS on there.

Do you have a favorite athlete or sports team?

Matt Kalil. He’s a beast. Best NFL player there is. Quite a babe, too!

What fashion brands do you like the best?

I don’t like spending tons of money on clothing because I’d much rather spend it on my HBO subscription and Postmates. So Forever 21 is my go-to for less expensive clothing that’s cute and fits well!

What’s your favorite meal?

Taco Bell. A chicken and cheese quesadilla with extra jalapeño sauce, two Chipotle Chicken Grillers, a soft-shell beef taco, cinnamon twists, and a large Sierra Mist. It’s heaven on earth.

What’s your favorite thing to do in the bedroom?

Sleep.

And what should a man never do in the bedroom?

There’s a lot of things you shouldn’t do in the bedroom. Don’t try to fry a chicken with a flame thrower. Don’t fill your bed with 800 ping pong balls. I mean, the list goes on and on…

Ha, we see what you did there. Have any sexy fantasies?

Eating Taco Bell in my pajamas while watching reruns of South Park. That’s about the sexiest thing I can think of.

Lastly, what’s your guiltiest pleasure?

Ordering hundreds of dollars of Postmates from a restaurant that literally right down the street because I don’t want to get out of bed.

For more, follow Haley on Instagram.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Tales of Rock – 5 False facts about classic rock artists you always thought were true

It’s pretty easy for a rumor to become fact in the public eye, especially if that rumor involves somebody famous—like a classic rock star—and it might have been even easier before the internet, when we had the good folks at Snopes to help us debunk the bad stuff. Think about it, and it’s easy to understand why so many false facts about your parents’ favorite rockers persist. All the following stories have one thing in common: none are the slightest bit true.

1. Keith Richards, heroin vampire

5 False facts about classic rock artists you always thought were true

Of all the rock stars you’d expect to have died long ago, Keith Richards has to be tops on the list. He’s taken seemingly every drug there is, yet he survives and thrives at 74 years young.

That’s utterly baffling to a lot of people, so some have concocted their own theories as to how. One of the more popular (and inane) posits that in 1973, the Rolling Stones guitarist needed to kick heroin in time for a major European tour, so he traveled to Switzerland and had all of his blood–as in, every single drop–replaced, immediately curing himself of his addiction in the bargain.

This is, of course, completely asinine. Yet as Snopes explains, the crazy myth spread thanks to the most official of sources: Richards himself. Apparently, the rocker had gone to Switzerland for an experimental blood purification process—not blood replacement—but quickly grew tired of reporters asking him about it, so he chose to play with their heads, telling them he just got all-new blood and asking them, “How do you like my blood change?” He apparently played the joke too straight, because enough people bought into it that decades later, Richards still has the reputation of a guy who changes blood as easily as Dracula moving on to a new victim.

2. Stevie Nicks, all about that (cocaine) bass

5 False facts about classic rock artists you always thought were true

Stories of rock stars abusing drugs are almost as old as drugs themselves, and while plenty are true, others are pure conjecture. The story of Stevie Nicks’ backside meeting cocaine is 100 percent the latter.

As the story goes, Nicks, a heavy cocaine user, had snorted so much of the stuff it had eaten a big hole through her nose. Unable to snort properly anymore, she did what any true addict would: find a new way to get her fix. According to legend, the Fleetwood Mac front woman started having cocaine shot up her butt by a presumably very well-paid assistant. It’s perhaps the ultimate in rock star excess—if it were true, anyway. And Nicks herself has gone on record as saying it isn’t.

In a 2001 interview with Q, Nicks refuted the coke-bum myth, saying “Of course that never, ever happened. That is an absurd statement. It’s not true.” At the same time, she did admit to the hole in her nose, which she quipped was big enough for her to slip a belt through.

But while the myth had her refusing to quit cocaine in spite of the hole in her nose, the truth is…she refused to to quit cocaine in spite of the hole in her nose. She just kept on snorting—at least until she finished her 1986 Rock a Little tour, at which point she finally hit (ahem) bottom and went to rehab.

3. Gene Simmons, beef licker

5 False facts about classic rock artists you always thought were true

Even people who can’t stand Kiss are at least impressed with Gene Simmons’ super-long tongue. He can flick it well below his chin—which, combined with his “Demon” makeup, makes him look plain otherworldly. Surely such a monstrous liquid-lapper couldn’t be natural, right? Thus was born the myth that Simmons once had a normal human tongue, but underwent an operation to have it replaced with a cow’s.

As Snopes points out, there isn’t one part of this rumor that isn’t absolutely ridiculous. For one thing, a tongue transplant wasn’t really possible in the 1960s or ’70s, which is when Simmons would have needed to get it done. Besides, even if it were, a cow’s tongue would look preposterous in a human mouth. A cow tongue can weigh well over a pound and a half and stretch to the length of a good-sized cutting board. If this rumor was true, Simmons would probably have broken his neck decades ago.

Simmons is aware of the rumor and appears greatly amused by it. Really, who wouldn’t be? But in his autobiography Kiss and Make-Up, he set the record straight: it’s a human tongue, and it’s served him well. Clearly, cows are only required when Gene craves a burger.

4. Pink Floyd and the (yellow brick) road not taken

5 False facts about classic rock artists you always thought were true

Dark Side of the Moon is one of the greatest albums ever. The Wizard of Oz is one of the greatest movies ever. And according to popular legend, their powers combined make both even greater: Apparently, if you play Moon and Oz at the same time by starting the album at the MGM lion’s third roar, they sync up perfectly, because Pink Floyd is just that incredible of a band.

As it turns out, Pink Floyd is only kind of incredible. The Wizard of Oz thing (popularly called “Dark Side of the Rainbow”) has been tested many times, and they don’t really sync up at all. Maybe a few moments work, like when (as Goldmine reports) Dorothy has a vision of Kansas as Floyd’s “Time” sings “Home, home again/I like to be there when I can,” but it’s entirely coincidental. Drummer Nick Mason officially debunked the myth in 2010, telling the BBC, “The Tin Man, and the Straw Man, and all the rest of it, had absolutely zero to do with [Moon].”

So how did this absurd rumor even start? Well, according to Little White Lies, it appears to have originated on a ’90s Internet forum dedicated to Floyd. That, combined with a viral 1995 article that details how to access the synchronicity, gave the myth enough life to survive the band laughing it off, and years of people trying it out and learning nothing except that Oz is a better film when you can hear Dorothy speak.

(On a side note, people also think that you can sync Rush’s 2112 album up with Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.)

5. Phil Collins’ fictitious quest for justice

5 False facts about classic rock artists you always thought were true

When song lyrics go vague, fans are forced to come up with their own meanings. The prevailing interpretation of Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” might be the most bonkers theory ever dreamed up, but its sheer implausibility hasn’t stopped people from believing it to this day.

As described by Snopes, the myth goes that Collins wrote “Tonight” after witnessing a man who could’ve saved someone from drowning, but didn’t. Disgusted, Collins spent years tracking the man down—and once he did, he sent the guilty party a free front-row ticket to one of his shows. Once he saw the man, Collins started playing “In the Air Tonight,” which called out the non-hero with the lines “Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand / I’ve seen your face before my friend, but I don’t know if you know who I am / Well I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes / So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you’ve been / It’s all been a pack of lies.”

Eventually, Collins supposedly even had a spotlight aimed at the guy, exposing and humiliating him in front of thousands. That’s pretty hardcore, especially for the man who gave us “Sussudio.”

An interesting story, but it’s totally false. Such a scenario would basically be impossible, and even if it did happen, how would everybody else at the show even know what was happening? Collins discussed the real meaning behind the song during an appearance on The Tonight Show, and naturally, it wound up being completely unrelated to drowning. Basically, Collins was going through a divorce, he was angry, and the song was a reflection of his anger. That’s all, folks. Eminem lied to you.

 

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