Stories and thoughts from my life here in Philadelphia
Should You Hook Up On The First Date? Experts Say It’s Up To You
Imagine this: You’re on a first date that’s going extremely well. You’re having a good time, you’re comfortable, and you’re super attracted to the person you’re out with. A special connection on a first date doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it can feel like some sort of supernatural gift from the universe. At that point, you might just be tempted to jump your date’s bones right then and there. We’ve all been there, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling like you want to get freaky ASAP. But, should you hook up on the first date? Well, according to experts, it really depends on what you’re looking for and what you want.
For instance, “if you seek sexual connection, pleasure, adventure — if you seek sex for itself with this person,” then “the sex doesn’t carry the weight of other priorities or needs,” Good Vibrations staff sexologist, Carol Queen tells Elite Daily. “That doesn’t mean it can’t mesh with those later but it can be engaged in more lightly if not connected to certain ideas about morality or relationship.”
But, are you doomed for a potential future relationship with this person if you hook up on the first date?
Now, that isn’t to say that having sex on the first date automatically makes you closer, but it also doesn’t have to be a bad thing. “It doesn’t make you more compatible — pay attention to all the other elements of their personality and how it meshes with yours to determine if this person is relationship-appropriate with you, and vice versa,” Queen continues. “But the doom scenario really only comes into play when the person believes it’s not really OK to have sex on the first date — then they go ahead and have sex anyway because why not, but in their book of rules it takes you out of the running.”
And if you do think you might want a relationship with this person, and they turn out to no longer be interested in you after you hook up, Queen says not to stress. “Sex-positive frisky people shouldn’t mourn the loss of a potential relationship with someone like that,” she explains. “You are not compatible with them!”
At the end of the day, the decision of whether or not to hook up on the first date is one only you can make. “Enjoying casual sex is a choice like so many other sexual choices: engaging in kinky play, enjoying porn, sex with toys, sex with the lights on!” Queen explains. “And what matters is you are clear about what you want, what your boundaries are, you can communicate about that, you know what safety protocols you need to master, and you seek out people who are compatible.” Only you know that’s best for you. Maybe it’s having sex on the first date, and maybe it’s waiting a week, a month, or a year. It’s your call, and whatever you want to do, it’s about you and your partner.
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