One of the most frustrating aspects of dating is the fact that both men and women don’t always say exactly what they’re feeling precisely when they feel it. But, thank bejesus, at least we can pick up on some helpful cues.
In fact, unconscious body language signals can be extremely telling, says Patti Wood, a body language expert with more than 30 years of experience and author of Success Signals, A Guide to Reading Body Language. You can figure out what a guy is thinking, or how much he’s into you, by the way he moves when he’s around you.
In the early stages of a new relationship (like when you first meet an online date), look for the following body language signs to confirm that a guy is totally into you:
1. His pupils are huge. Either you’re in a super-dark place, or this subtle signal means he’s into you. “Dilation is a brain response that occurs when you like and are attracted to something,” Wood says.
2. His eyebrows raise up when he sees you. “If you likes you and he likes what he sees as soon as he sees you, he wants more of you and soon the aperture of his eyes increases, making his eyebrows raise,” Wood says. This also means that he’s interested in whatever you’re saying.
3. He shows you his front teeth when he smiles. “Guys stop smiling like this around the age of 5 — unless they’re really happy,” Wood says. He might not show off a toothy grin while casually flirting, but on a really awesome date when he’s having loads of fun? Look for teeth: “When he feels really happy, he’s not covering that up,” Wood says.
4. He smiles above the mouth. Real smiles extend well beyond the mouth: They lift the forehead and give you slightly squinty eyes. If his smile involves his whole face, it means you’re genuinely affecting him in a good way.
5. He licks his lips in a cute (not creepy) way. When you’re attracted to someone, your mouth produces extra saliva, Wood says. In response, he might quickly lick his lips or press them together. (Slower = creepster.
6. He locks eyes with your face — not your eyes. You might think that a guy who is totally enamored by you will find it hard to peel his eyes away. But now that everyone is used to being glued to their phones, nonstop eye contact can make people feel uncomfortable. So, new rule: If he spends about 80 percent of your interaction looking from your eyes to your nose and lips, he’s into you, Wood says.
7. He takes a deep breath when he sees you. Yes, men do require oxygen. But when he subconsciously takes a deep breath — he’ll pull in his stomach and puff out his chest — it’s a subconscious way to make his upper body look broader and his waist look smaller, two qualities that make him look more fit and (from an evolutionary perspective) more desirable, Wood says. In other words, he’s into you and he’s trying to attract you.
8. The moment he sees you, he wants to touch you or really look at you.“What someone does as soon as they come through the door says a lot about what’s important to them,” Wood says. He won’t just walk in to your place and settle down without a hug, kiss, or long glance first.
9. He leans toward you when you talk. In a noisy bar, this sign might not hold much weight, but when he can physically hear you perfectly well and leans in anyway, it means he’s interested in what you have to say — and you, in general.
10. He puts his hands on his hips with his elbows out to the sides. This stance takes up more space than standing with his arms against your sides, so this is a male power signal, Wood says. They use it to show physical superiority over other men. In this situation, and if he’s angled toward you, it means he’s seeking attention from you.
12. He sits with his legs spread. This exposes his man parts, which are full of sensitive nerve endings. It’s a vulnerable position that could mean he’s willing to put himself out there (literally and emotionally) to get to know you. (Or, he could just be manspreading, tbh.)
13. He angles his pelvis toward you. Because it’s an overtly sexual body part, it often signals sexual interest—or lack thereof, Wood says. If he moves his hips away from you, it’s probably the latter.
14. He points his toes toward you. Feet are involved in the fight-or-flight response that kicks in when you’re in danger, so they’re largely controlled by the unconscious mind—and can be very telling in social interactions. “The feet tend to point where the heart wants to go,” Wood says. Of course, timing is super important here: If you’re talking to a guy who seems interested, you touch his arm, and then see his feet angle away from you, the context says he’s no longer interested.
15. He crosses his legs. If he crosses them in a way that turns his torso and upper body away from you, he might be disinterested. But if he crosses his legs away and turns the rest of his body toward you, it could just mean that he’s shy. But this depends on the guy.
16. He shuffles toward you while you’re talking. Duh, he obviously wants to get closer to you.
17. He talks to you without facing you. While this might be a sign he’s keeping his options open, Wood says, don’t rush to judge a great conversationalist just because he chats you up while he’s looking elsewhere. If he makes an effort to find a common thread or asks you lots of questions, his body language may reflect his personality (shy), and he could actually be totally enthralled by you.
18. He touches his throat. The throat represents communication and vulnerability, says Wood says. If he reaches up to touch it during your interaction, he’s interested in you and worried about coming across well. But again, context can play a key role: If you’re talking to a player, a throat touch could signal dishonesty. So feel him out, and look for other signs on this list before you go reassure him.
19. When he holds your hand, he presses his palm against yours. This kind of full-on hand-holding signifies a desire to connect. The same goes for interlocking fingers. On the other hand, an arched palm means he’s scared or may be holding something back.
20. He grazes your forearm while he’s talking. The message is loud and clear: He wants your attention, be it to impress you or to make sure you’re listening — because he wants to be heard.
22. He sits side-by-side with you as often as he can. Even if you have a comfy armchair next to your tiny couch, he’s opting to squeeze next to you instead. If you’re at a restaurant that has booths, he won’t shy away from sitting on the same side instead of across from you. This is symbolic of him being on the same “team” as you, says Wood.
23. He plays with his glass. Wood says this can be a sign of nervousness — or attraction. A caress could suggest he wants to touch you.
24. His voice changes into a slower, sweeter tone. According to Wood, by doing this, he’s showing you he can let down his guard and be vulnerable with you.
25. He minimizes interruptions and distractions. Beyond just putting his phone away when he’s with you (the absolute lowest bar of courtesy on a date), he resists interjecting your story to comment on the football game playing behind you or the Cajun fries being too spicy. However, even if he does interrupt you (we’re all human!), an interested guy will quickly apologize and touch you to make the effort to reconnect with you, Wood says.
26. He treats your possessions with respect. Even if does everything to make you feel like a queen on a first date, pay attention to how he handles your stuff. Does he throw you your jacket instead of hand it to you? Does he grab gum from your purse and then drop it on the floor? Wood says that reckless treatment of your things reveals the amount of respect he has for you (it also gives you a clear picture of what it’d be like if you lived together).
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