Another Life – Chapter 11

Uncle Ray was really considerate. He and his girlfriend Karen offered me a place to stay. I truly appreciated their generosity. Their apartment wasn’t big enough for three, but they put me up while I looked for a place.

Real estate prices were nothing like they are now – but neither were wages. The problem was simple: I couldn’t afford a one-bedroom anywhere near the garage. But I didn’t want to give up the best job I’d ever had.

I was really surprised when my cousin’s girlfriend called me.

– “Hey dickweed.” she said.

– “Laurie?”

– “The one and only.” she said. “Listen, I heard through the grapevine that you’re looking for new digs.”

– “Wow.” I said. “Word travels fast.”

– “So it’s true?” said Laurie. “Hey – Ron and I are at the Lion.” That was a pub, not too far from the garage where I worked. “Can you meet us there? Like, now?”

I rode my bike, wondering if Laurie really did have a solution to my problem. She and Ron were already there. I’d always liked the Lion. It was typical English pub: dark wood, a great selection of beers on tap, dartboards, and a collection of eccentric regulars.

– “Good timing.” said Ron. We were about to go have a look.”

– “A look? At what?”

– “At the apartment we’re thinking of renting.” said Laurie. “Ronnie and me, plus Rose – but it’s a four-bedroom. Split the rent four ways instead of three, and it’s a bargain.”

– “You’re kidding me.” I said. I had met Laurie’s friend: Rose was a big girl, but nice. If this was possible, it could solve my immediate problem.

I didn’t even order a pint. Ronnie and Laurie drained theirs, and we walked around the corner – two blocks away.

It was a massive old house – the ground floor was now a lawyer’s office. The second floor was for rent. There was a door on the side, which led to a set of stairs, completely separate from the first-floor office.

The landlord was waiting, and took us in. The house was old, but it did have some character. The stairs led into a good-sized kitchen, with a sloping ceiling. There were two bedrooms at the back of the house, with a small bathroom between them.

The main bathroom was on the other side of the kitchen, opposite another bedroom. The last bedroom was a bit bigger, and there was a living room, with a small balcony, overlooking the street.

I had never looked at a place with a mind to renting it before, but Laurie was no fool. She quizzed the landlord about utilities, noise during the day, parking, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

The landlord informed us that no pets were allowed.

– “He’s not a pet.” said Ronnie. “He’s my cousin.”

I was more concerned about how clean it was, and the water pressure in the shower (excellent). On top of that, I was trying to picture how four people could live together, without driving each other nuts.

Ronnie asked the most important question. “How much?”

The price was ridiculous – for one person. Split four ways, it was incredibly cheap. We excused ourselves, and went to talk it over.

– “Whaddya think, Joe?” said Laurie. “Could you handle living with us? And Rose?”

– “Could you guys live with me?”

I was already sold. It was two blocks from the Lion, and exactly six blocks, in the opposite direction, from Uncle Ray’s garage. I had to get out of my house – and here was a heaven-sent solution.

“Thank you, Laurie. Thanks, Ron. This looks great. Count me in.”


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Susan – Oh, That Personality

This happened a few years ago. We start talking online and move to text. By all means she appears normal. She has a job working in daycare, very pleasant, and even sends me full body pics as she is chubby and in her words “didn’t want me to be disappointed. Then we set to meet…

We pick a place, and as soon as I get there, literally the first thing out of her mouth is, “Oh good, you are not a creepy black guy.” I’m just thinking WTF, you know did I hear correctly, so good chance she is racist. But, being an idiot I continue along with the date. We go inside and when she takes off her coat, man is she heavier than her pics by at least 30 pounds. I’m trying to make conversation when she tells me if I want to see something on her Facebook. I say sure, the thing on her Facebook is one of her friends singing and playing guitar. Not bad you say, but nope she then proceeds to mock and ridicule her friend laughing loudly at her “poor” playing and singing saying she sucks. This went on for 5 minutes. So, she is apparently a nasty person for no reason.

Then she tells me how she’s a recovering opioid addict and routinely gets shots. Not just that but her parents sent her to the city as it is the best at treating addiction. Then she of course calls her mom a bitch because she took down her Led Zeppelin posters in her room. In addition, repeatedly while looking at the menu, when she sees something that she doesn’t like or when I made a suggestion, she would point to her mouth doing this blarrhhhh mimicking vomiting. Folks, she is 32 years old yet acting like a bratty petulant child.

It just continues from there. She could not put down her phone and preferred to go on her Pinterest trying to get me to look at cakes for her upcoming birthday. When songs would play she would hold her phone, see what it was and loudly sing obnoxiously. When I would try to make chit-chat, she would segway into some sort of bashing on someone she knew. Also, technically had no job at a daycare since she was offered said job but never officially started and thus was unemployed. She also threatened to sue her old employer for some wrong done and since her daddy is a lawyer she can do it. (again she is 32 years old and still relying on mommy and daddy who also pay her rent.) In addition, she orders more food even though she had that gastric bypass and knowingly will not be able to finish it.

The entire date lasted 60 minutes since I did the “I have a work thing”. I was so glad to be rid of this self-entitled, rude, mean excuse of a person. I have never met anyone that awful before. She wanted a second date too, yeah… hell no to that. I applaud her for getting addiction in some form of control, but she really needs to work on her crap personality especially when she complained about not being able to find anyone, how people ghost her, and try to use her.


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