Itchy and Snatchy

I’ve had my fair share of bad dates and am so glad to be happy in a relationship for the moment but there is always a story to tell.

I talked to her a few times and got a general idea of who she was and things she liked so we agreed to go out. I picked her up and she asked me to take her to Target to get a baby shower gift.

Hmmm… odd request but okay. The entire time I’m in Target with her she’s complimenting my looks. Now I know I’m not a bad-looking dude but this girl was making me out to be Tom Cruise or something. The red flags start waving.

We leave and go to dinner. A steak house. We sit and chit-chat. She says she’s starving. So the server comes and takes our order. She orders a burger.

I’m like, hey you can order a steak, get whatever you want.

She says nope I want a burger. Okay. No biggie. I order my steak and we wait.

Conversation was mild and flowing. No real red flags until dinner came. She looks at my steak and says, oh wow I should have ordered a steak that looks so good.

Hmmm… ok I told you that, but whatever. I take a bite and she won’t touch her burger. It just sits there for a few minutes.

Here’s where things get weird. She starts laughing hysterically and points behind me and says look at that guy over there. Naturally I turn around and see nothing. I turn back and she has bare hand grabbed my steak and has it in her mouth taking a large bite out of it. She tosses is back on my plate and licks her fingers. I’m pretty shocked at this point and ready for dinner to be over. You’d think that’s not too crazy.

Oh, it gets worse.

So I’m done with the steak. She proceeds to inhale her burger. She,s a very petite girl so I’m amazed. Then she starts scratching herself. Like she’s itching. She’s scratching between her legs and it’s getting more vigorous.

I ask if she’s okay, and she says she thinks she’s got a yeast infection. She said it pretty loud and if people didn’t turn their heads at the steak part they are now and it gets quiet. She is scratching really hard now. I’m signaling the waiter for the check.

She asks if I can take her to the store for some Vagisil. At this point I’m ready for some candid cameras to come out and tell me I’m Punk’d.

I pay quickly and we get in my car.

I drive back towards her place and she says she’s not ready to go home but needs to stop and get some Vagisil. I pull into a grocery store in front of her apartment and park. She gets out and looks back and asks if I’m coming in too. I say no and will wait in the car. As soon as she walks in I left.

She called me 4 hours later asking where I went. Never talked to her again.

She’s dubbed “crazy steak girl.”

 

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Author: phicklephilly

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