Kellie – Mormon Date

Years ago I asked this cute hostess for her number one day when I went out to lunch.

I called her a couple days later and she sounded confused. She asks me if I live in Utah. Strange. Apparently the area code is very similar to my phone number. She says she’s in Utah with her friends. I thought that was strange since it was mid-week and I had just seen her two days before. She tells me she’s going away for a Mormon retreat.

(Strike one.)

She calls me back a few days later when she’s back home. She’s a student working two jobs so she’s busy, but we arrange a date. The day of she cancels because she finds out she has to work. So we get to talking more.. she asks how old I am. I was 24… she says “Oh good, that’ll make my Mom happy” and I ask how old she is. “How old do you think I am??” Great.. that’s not good. I tell her she looks like 21-22 and she says she’s 18.

(Strike two!)

So I ask why her Mom would be happy that I’m so much older and she says the last guy she dated was 30-something. O…K… We arrange to meet the following Sunday.

She calls me a few days later. Tells me she got sent home from work because she looks sickly. She has a herpes sore that has erupted.

(Strike three!)

This isn’t good. She’s also complained about the kind of crap high schoolers complain about (parents, living at home, stupid friends). But.. at this point I might as well go through with it.

The day before the date she tells me “So I’m Mormon and I take it seriously, and one of the things is we don’t spend money on Sunday. I’m a stickler for it too.” I’m thinking cheap date! I’m also thinking. what in the hell are we going to do?? I can’t take her to dinner.. or to a movie.. or out for a drink. What happens if I need to stop for gas? Sheesh!

At this point.. why am I doing this? She’s 18, Mormon, has herpes, and we can’t go anywhere so that pretty much precludes anything good happening. But. we’ve dragged it out for two weeks, I might as well have the experience.

On Sunday I go to her house and knock on the door. This super young-looking girl answers and I’m thinking shit!!! I really underestimated her age!!

It’s her 14-year-old sister. Which gives way to meeting her parents. Awkward. Hi. I’m not going to rape and pillage your hot daughter because she’s Mormon and won’t allow it.

Finally she comes downstairs. She’s really good-looking, but looks really young when she’s not in her work clothes. We drive to the beach and walk around for a few hours. Turns out she’s a little wild.. likes riding motorcycles.. got herpes from an older guy with a motorcycle. But she complains about the kind of high school crap you don’t want to listen to when you’re my age. Then she tells me her feet are tired and she’d like to do something else. We’re in her hood so I ask her for suggestions, since it has to be free. The best she could come up with was watching a movie at her house. With her parents hawking over us? Yeah.. I don’t think so. I drive back to her house and walk her to her door. Who happens to be there?

Her pastor! So I get to meet her pastor. Good god! This is just a first date!

It wasn’t an awful experience.. but it just kept getting worse before the date.

 

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Author: phicklephilly

Copyright © 2016 by Phicklephilly All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. All stories and characters are based on real people and events. The names and images have been changed to protect their privacy. Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, we’ll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation!”

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