5 Signs A Broken Relationship Is Still Worth Saving

5 Signs A Broken Relationship Is Still Worth Saving

How could you know if your broken relationship with your partner is worth saving? Is there a sure sign of things being beyond repair? We will look at some of the symptoms of broken relationships that can be revived, and some advice on how to save your relationship.

You and your partner have had your ups and downs, but lately it seems like you’re in a deep one. Not every crisis has to mean the end of a partnership though. All of the time that you’ve put into this pairing is an investment that you want to see a return on. Don’t walk out yet if your broken relationship is still worth saving.

1. YOU STILL TRUST YOUR PARTNER

There cannot be intimacy without trust and there cannot be a good trusting connection without open communication. Open communication is not about nagging or criticism; it is about expressing your feelings so you can both get what you need, and hopefully, what you want from the relationship. If sex has declined, it’s not the end of your relationship. You can still have intimacy without intercourse through touching, and that might build enough trust to lead to being able to have more sex.

2. YOU’VE SURVIVED CHALLENGES WITH RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER

Coming through the fire has made you stronger, not weaker, and your love for each other can still be enough to save the relationship. Read below about the power of touch and positive communication to heal your relationship. You’ve been through some hardships, but you’ve made it through the rough parts by each others’ side.

How your partner handles stress is a great determination of their character and it reveals a lot about them to you. If you survived a challenge and can look at your partner with respect for their courage, composure, and ability to find humor, you are a lucky person because your broken relationship is still worth saving.

3. YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF LOVE TO HEAL

Love is one of the most powerful forces on the planet, and we don’t use it as much as we should. Give hugs, kisses, gentle shoulder rubs, and caresses to your partner as often as you think about wanting to do it. Physical contact helps stimulate the release of oxytocin and that makes couples bond more strongly.

Oxytocin is called ‘The Cuddle Hormone’ for a reason. It helps mother and child bonding, as well as romantic couple bonding. Oxytocin may also help with healing, literal wounds in the body, and with emotional ones also, so hug it out. Researchers looked at couples and their levels of oxytocin while they talked. They found that positive communication patterns where couples could be upbeat with each other had the highest blood levels of oxytocin. The study also found that higher oxytocin levels had the power to heal. You can literally heal your broken heart with oxytocin.

4. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ALSO PLAYED A ROLE IN WHATEVER BROKE THE RELATIONSHIP

Maybe you did nothing wrong, but you didn’t believe yourself worthy of love, so you couldn’t truly receive the love that your partner was giving you. Relationshiprules.com has a great way of putting this; ‘open yourself to embrace the fact that the other person is truly and actually madly in love with you and is ready to cross any physical or emotional barrier for you. This moment of clarity is the reality of every strong relationship.’

How can you fix whatever is broken if you won’t acknowledge that it needs to be fixed? There are two people in every relationship and both contribute to the health and security of the partnership. Neither one of you is blameless but neither one of you is completely to blame either. If you say nothing else, say these four sentences to your partner often; ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘Please forgive me.’ ‘Thank you.’ ‘I love you.’

5. IMAGINE YOURSELF SEPARATED

Are you happy or sad thinking about breaking up with your partner? If you are happy, you will be smiling as you think about it. If you’re not smiling, it’s a sign that your broken relationship is still worth saving. A breakup can lead to a major depressive disorder or depression, which is a terrible consequence for your mental and physical health.

Researchers looked at when depression was most likely to develop for teenagers. They found that ‘The severing of a romantic relationship in the past year may set the stage, or at least one stage, for developing MDD (major depressive disorder).’ Depression can kill and it is nothing to brush off. Extreme sadness is common for people going through romantic relationship difficulties. If you feel depressed, seek help sooner rather than later.

 

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Ambria – Chapter 14 – Atlantic City – Part 2

I know what’s going to happen over the next two days. I’m ready, and I hope it goes well and our chemistry continues in a brief domestic space. I am going to her place. I’ve never been there before. I don’t know what to suspect. But I can handle it. It’s a couple of days in Atlantic City with a beautiful young woman. How bad is my life?

I’m munching my sandwich in the Jeep and the trip is rolling along. It’s late, but I don’t care.

“I need a drink after this day.”

“Sounds like a plan, Ambria.”

We finally pull into the parking lot of the Ritz Carlton Residences in AC. This place is glorious. Such history. The summer heat has been upon us in the city for the last week, but as I roll down the window, I catch the vivid fragrance of the sweet sea air. The seashore has been part of my being since childhood, and even though I have just rolled into the dying sin city of the east coast, I smile and breathe deeply. I had forgotten as hot as the city gets it’s always cooler at the shore. That’s part of the reason people come to the seashore. The cool breeze is wonderful.

It’s glorious.

I’m alive.

We park and unload her Jeep. We’re like every other tourist at this moment. Tired, and hauling our gear up to our room. I’m happy to be here. She’s relieved we’re finally here after a long day for both of us. Ambria, says hello to the staff as we make our way to the elevator.

The Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company announced its intention to build a hotel in Atlantic City in 1911. The Ritz-Carlton was designed by New York architect Charles D. Wetmore and constructed by the Thompson-Starrett CompanyOpened on June 21, 1921, it was erected at a cost of $6,250,000 (almost $70 million in 2010 dollars), less than the original $8 million projected. Located at the end of Iowa Avenue, the building has 131 feet of Boardwalk frontageis 222 ft (68 m) tall, and has 18 stories.

At the building’s dedication, hotel president Richard Harris stated “We are out to do business with the average American citizen without regard to race, religion or politics”. But the Ritz-Carlton soon became a haunt for the well-off, the hotel exuding wealth and status. Many features were state-of-the-art or unique among hotels at the time. They included fresh and salt-water faucets for both hot and cold water in each room, an on-site artesian well for spring water, pantries on each landing to speed room service, and elevators with walls of rubber and floors of cork so that bathers’ could bypass the lobby.

The hotel’s restaurants were the Ritz, the Trellis Room, and the Ritz Grill, an outdoor dining terrace overlooking the ocean, and a merry-go-round shaped bar. The Maude Earl Room, a writing room adjoining the parlor, housed rare and antique art.

During the Depression in 1937 the owners defaulted on the mortgage and the Ritz Carlton was reorganized under bankruptcy. The hotel was one of many in the city to be used as military barracks for soldiers in training and recuperation during World War II. After the war it was sold to Schine Hotels in the 1940s and then to Sheraton Hotels in 1959, becoming The Sheraton Ritz-CarltonThe Ritz was converted to an apartment hotel in June 1969. In 1978, an investor group purchased the building intending to convert it to a hotel and casino. However, unfavorable publicity linking it to the Abscam investigation ended that plan. Senator Harrison A. Williams (D-N.J.) told an undercover FBI agent that he could help save the investors $30 million by allowing them to renovate the existing property, rather than building a new one. Williams’ wife was a paid consultant and shareholder in Hardwicke Companies, the majority investor in the project, and Williams expected to receive a $1 million finder’s fee for helping arrange financing for the project. Williams was later convicted on unrelated charges. In 1982, approximately $25 million was spent converting it to 322 residences and six commercial suites, of which some are full-time residences and others are vacation homes. At the same time, the newly re-established Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company paid the building’s owners to abandon use of the Ritz-Carlton name, to avoid confusion with their hotels. The building has operated since then as The Ritz Condominiums.

We get to the room and it’s perfect. A classic seashore efficiency. I think if Lorelei didn’t live with me in Rittenhouse, if I could find a place like this, I’d do it. I walk through the door, and the air conditioning is already on. To my left is a big row of closets. Plenty of storage. To my right is a sweet little kitchenette. Refrigerator, microwave mounted to the cabinetry, a stove, sink, cutlery drawers and lower cabinets for whatever else. There’s a cream-colored convertible sofa. The queen-sized bed is off to my right against the wall beyond the kitchenette.

There is an easy chair to my left which looks really comfy, and is parked in front of a 36″ flat screen TV. By the window is a little table with two chairs. I open the blinds and from her window I have a lovely northern view of the boardwalk and the Atlantic Ocean.

This place is absolutely perfect.

“What made you choose a place in AC?”

“Well we both know that Atlantic City is struggling right now so I got this place for a song and this is a town that enjoys adult fun and I don’t like kids.”

“Good call.”

I start mixing the cocktails. This place is great. I make myself a vodka club, and she says make her a screwdriver.

“Do you want a single or a double and do you want straight up or rocks?”

“Use my crazy flavored vodka and just put the OJ in for color”

Ok. Baby wants to get her drunk on.

That happens and we have a wonderful time. I think about how the first time I kissed Ambria. When We really kissed passionately outside the Ranstead Room.

That girlfriend kiss.

Ambria told me that night that she was a giver and a pleaser. She’s a nurse, I get it. I told her I wanted to give to her first and I did that after a few drinks that first night. I’m assuming her squeals of delight were a positive review.

 

 

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What Men Should Know About Women Before They Make a Move

Here’s another great pot from one of my female followers. Thank you! I thought it was worth sharing.

Enjoy!

 

Women…we are beautiful creatures, because we make this world beautiful and colorful.

What men should know about women before they make a move

Men believe that we are from another planet, since our thoughts and characters are completely different from each other. And they are kind of right…

Women do not know what it means to be “normal”.

We just know what it means to be “ourselves”. Some men (and maybe even most men) do not know how to build a happy and lasting relationship with women. What is the reason?

They prefer to look at our beautiful surfaces, but not on our souls. They do not know what we are on the inside.

Moreover, they do not want to know us better. Too difficult for them.

What men should know about women before they make a move

What does a woman need?

Every woman wants to love and be loved. Love gives us wings… and we do not want anyone to break them.

We want reciprocity in a relationship with a man – spiritual, physical, mental.

We do not want to be used by men in their own interests.

We want pure love, but not a one night stand.

Do you know what our mistake is? We all are too gullible. Therefore, many women make mistakes, linking their lives with the wrong men. We open up, but they break our wings… A woman is ready to love wholeheartedly and give everything to her man. If you are a player, you do not deserve to be with this woman.

To be with a woman is not so difficult, you just need to swim in the same flow with her. You must be her own supporter and defender.

You must listen to her… even her crazy stories. Every woman dreams of her own superhero. So what’s stopping you from becoming it? Just feel her love, and let her feel your love too. Be her Superman.

All women are unique. But we are bound by one thing – we want to be loved and happy. We are not pets that do not live their own lives. We should not justify your expectations, men. We are who we are. Just try to see something more than a beautiful surface. And you will be happy.

What men should know about women before they make a move

“Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed-up soul” – Unknown.

We all should want everyone to know and experience true love. It is out there for everyone and until it knocks on your door we are here to remind you that you deserve the best love! You can help us spread this love by sharing this with those around you and letting us know what you think in the comments below.

 

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Ambria – Chapter 13 – Atlantic City – Part I

I got a text from Ambria on Friday asking if I would still be willing to be her “travel companion” to AC on Sunday evening.

I told her that I certainly was.

I worked at the salon on Sunday, (like always) and finished around 4:30. I had a bag packed and was ready to go. But then I remembered that Ambria wouldn’t get done until 7:30. She told me she asked if she could skip out a little early, but that was a no go.

So I stopped at the liquor store and picked up some party favors for the next two days. I put them into my bag and went home. I figured if she didn’t get done until 7:30 she wouldn’t get to down to Philly until 8:30.  So what was I supposed to do for the next 3 hours? Netflix and cocktails?

Done.

So I settled in front of my laptop and lit a cig. I burned a candle and opened the windows so as to not smoke out the place. I was a little nervous about going to the shore for two days with Ambria. I liked her well enough and thought she was a chill girl. But I was just having some initial mission jitters. I knew a little alcohol would knock the edge off of that problem. It would also pass the time so it wouldn’t feel like I was waiting as long as I thought I’d be.

I didn’t get a text from her until 9:30! It was going to be a long night. She pulls up in her Jeep a block away and I hop in with my bag. She apologizes for being so late, but I have a decent buzz on and I’m fine with it all.

She tells me she likes to take the Black Horse Pike to AC and I’m a fan. Like the rest of the world I take the Atlantic City Expressway and the Garden State Parkway only because they are fastest and shortest route to the shore points, but I like this better because we’re in no rush even at this late hour. It’s Sunday, so all of the tourists already took off to the shore on Thursday night or Friday, so there shouldn’t be any traffic. The traffic is always the worst part of going to the shore, hands down. If you leave when everybody else goes it’s a nightmare. If you come back when everybody comes back to Philly, second nightmare. Just endless tail lights for miles. Too many cars and not enough road.

But like I said, it’s late now and everybody’s already down there so we should be good. Ambria looks beautiful and I’m happy to see my baby. It’s a cool Jeep and she handles it well. It’s a stick and I dig a girl who can handle a 5 speed. She’s a good driver and I’m very calm and happy.

She says she likes taking the old routes to the shore because you can always stop along the way. Stretch your legs, hit a Wawa or a diner and most important, a liquor store for treats.

She tells me last night was a late night at the hospital and she barely had time to go to the store and pack, but she tells me she’s good. She has a bottle of Chardonnay, (Which she bought for me because she knows that’s what I drink when I’m with her) I like that. She also has a bottle of some sort of crazy mango/peach flavored vodka that’s like 70 proof and shit I never drink. But girls like that stuff.

I tell her I’ve packed a 1.75 bottle of Platinum 7X Vodka and a liter of club soda, so we have nothing to worry about in the booze department. Ambria is happy that I’ve brought party favors.

It’s been a very long time since I went to the shore this way on these “back roads” but I dig all the sites. All of the old roadside places, and a million places to stop if you want anything from fresh fruit at a stand to fast food, or a crazy diner. I dig Americana so I’m delighted by this route.

We stop at a Wawa on the way and both hit the restroom. I need to eat, so I get a sandwich, chips, a soda and some Tastycakes. (A Philly tradition!) She grabs a coffee and a bag of ice. I love this girl.

We’re back on the road and the time is passing just right. I’m happy to be with her and grateful to be on this journey with lovely Ambria.

I think about what’s happening here. I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend, Cherie for 8 months. I love her very much. I know our schedules are crazy busy and conflicted. She has so much on her plate right now, I’m sure she’s stressed out. I actually hope she’s doing something fun for the 4th of July with friends and family as the red Jeep rolls towards its destination. The destination that was inevitable. Did I start seeing Ambria to fill in the blanks when I can’t be with my love, Cherie?

No. I’m fine with my relationship with Cherie. I did this because I write a dating blog and I could. But Ambria isn’t just another suck date that I’m bored out of my mind going out with. I really like Ambria. I love them both equally in different ways.

I know when she asked me what I was doing for Independence Day she had a plan. I’ve known it for a while. We talked about sex and our mutual attraction on our second date at El Rey and the Ranstead Room. That was some hot magic. There was real chemistry there. But I told her I wanted to wait and get to know her, but she had already made up her mind. That’s what a woman does. They know. Once a woman makes up her mind that you’re a candidate, it’s not a matter of if, it’s just a matter of when.

Traffic is light. The highway before me is wide open. Like lovely Ambria’s caramel thighs in the coming days. (No pun intended)  I sort of don’t have a choice here. Once I agreed to being her “traveling companion” this holiday weekend, I committed to following through what she has been wanting for so long. Once I agreed to this two-day jaunt I knew we would consummate our relationship. It was an opportunity for her to make the sex happen.

She made jokes earlier in the week about me staying at her condo at the beach with her. Her sleeping in her bed and me crashing on her couch. Funny, but I knew she had already decided and planned on this happening some time ago. And don’t get me wrong here, I am far from the victim here.

You can’t rape the willing.

 

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Ever get that feeling??!!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

Do you ever get that feeling that something that happened was absolutely meant to happen or you meet someone that you just know deep in your gut you were meant to meet that person?? It happens to me, not all the time but often enough for me not to ignore it, particularly as it pertains […]

via Ever get that feeling??!!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

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4 Red Flags Of Emotional Abuse In A Relationship That You Might Not Spot At First

 

Here’s another contribution by one of my female followers. Always informative.

I’ve been lucky enough to never have had partner put their hands on me. I came from a family where the threat of physical violence was always there and so I swore that if I ever found myself in another physically abusive relationship, I would leave it immediately. It was my red line in the sand. However, when it came to emotional abuse, as it turned out, I wasn’t as prepared; I didn’t know how to spot the red flags of an emotionally abusive relationship. Some might be obvious, but others are much more subtle — but every bit as damaging.

I’ve had a partner who messed with my head by repeating a cycle of love-bombing and withdrawing so that I never could feel secure. And one whose gaslighting twisted up my psyche so hard, it took months of therapy to feel like myself again. And another partner who constantly critiqued my body from head to toe, out of “love” and “concern” — which was absolute bullshit. None of these behaviors were as glaring as, say, a slap or a push, but the lingering emotional scars were just as real. Fortunately, all of these relationships ended and with each one I learned new important lessons that would serve me as I moved forward and found better partners.

If any of this sounds familiar, or you suspect you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, here’s what you should be looking out for.

 

1. Your partner is casually manipulative.

Manipulation — a technique in which someone uses dishonest or misleading means of getting what they want — plays a big role in emotionally abusive relationships.

Because emotional abuse stems ultimately from a place of selfishness and entitlement, they are less inclined to compromise, and manipulation is the best way to get what they want regardless of the effect it has on their partner.

“Manipulation is second nature to emotionally abusive partners,” warns relationship expert and matchmaker Alessandra Conti of Matchmakers In The City. “It is just the way that they are used to communicating so that they are not held accountable for their actions.”

One of the most common forms of manipulation is gaslighting, which is when someone manipulates you into questioning your own sanity. “When a [partner] makes you second-guess your interactions with them, or makes you feel guilty for something that was objectively their fault, you may have a seasoned emotional abuser on your hands.”

One of the ways that this manifests is that you may begin blaming yourself for everything wrong in the relationship. If this is happening, Conti says it’s time to take step back and recognize that your partner may actually intentionally “planting these unsettling emotions within your psyche.”

 

2. Your partner feels entitled to all of your time.

It’s totally natural to want to spend a lot of time with your partner, especially early on in the relationship when it seems impossible that you could ever get enough of each other. But that becomes a problem when you need to do other things or just would like a little space and your partner finds that unacceptable. They may insist you spend time with them or guilt you into abandoning other plans. This isn’t love, it’s control, and it’s totally unhealthy for the relationship.

“Having your own autonomy is so critical to not only your overall happiness, but for your relationship’s as well,” explains Kali Rogers, a licensed therapist and founder of Blush Online Life Coaching.

So don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and having time for yourself. Anyone who doesn’t accept that is not a partner who makes your needs and happiness a priority.

 

3. Their “passion” makes you feel bad about yourself.

Passion is something we crave and want in a relationship. It makes your feel alive, wanted, and reaffirmed. However, sometimes unhealthy things can hide behind a veneer of “passion.” There are so many examples of false passion in movies and books like Fifty Shades or Twilight that it’s easy to confusion obsession and control for passion. But here’s how you tell the difference. Passion feels good. If it doesn’t, it ain’t passion, it’s abuse.

But what does that mean in practice? Conti gives the following example: “He loves me so much, and that is why he freaks out at me if a guy looks at me when I am walking down the street. Or he loves me so much and that is why he tells me that I look like a slut when I am wearing a dress.” Jealousy is not a compliment.

 

4. They frequently put you (or your friends and family) down.

Emotional abusers tend to undermine their partners. Their thinking is the lower your self-esteem is, the easier it is to maintain control of you. Conti explains, “When your SO makes underhanded, negative comments about your weight or physical appearance, or highlights your weaknesses consistently, they are attempting to tear you down so that you will become dependent on their praise and assurances. These little comments will often be offset by compliments, which can be a total mind game.”

Along these same lines, emotional abusers will also target your friends and family, or anyone in your support system. Relationship coach Monica Parikh of School of Love NYC says the do this because “the goal is to isolate you from your support network, making you an easy target for emotional manipulation and abuse.” It’s a highly effective one-two punch of undermining your self-esteem and distancing you from anyone who could offer support and bolster your self-worth.

Here’s how to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship.

While all of the things your abusive partner does to keep you in an abusive partner’s control can make it seem impossible to get out of the situation, it’s not. You can get out. You are strong enough and you deserve better.

YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH AND YOU DESERVE BETTER.

If you’ve come to the realization that your relationship is emotionally abusive, Conti advises that it’s time to seek the help of a professional. “Research the different therapists within your healthcare plan, and select one that is nearby and commit to going and being brutally honest about your situation,“ she says. But if going to a therapist isn’t an option for you, don’t worry you, still have options. “You can also call your local church, temple, etc. where they can usually provide you with local organizations who will help you for free,” adds Conti.

The National Domestic Abuse Violence Hotline is a toll-free, 24/7 service that can connect you to a trained advocate. Dial 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to reach help via the phone or use their live chat.

Most importantly, you need to consider your safety. While not all emotionally abusive partners will become physically dangerous, it’s a possbility you should be aware of. Conti advises protecting yourself by “alerting your friends and family about your situation, and if you have a trusted neighbor, you can even let them know that you are going through a breakup, just so they can be an extra set of eyes.”

Ending a relationship is never easy, especially with an emotionally abusive partner, but you can do it. You deserve better and the first step in achieving that is believing and setting yourself free.

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Tales of Rock – Lori Maddox – Part 2

MICHAEL OCHS ARCHIVES/GETTY IMAGES
COURTESY OF LORI MATTIX

 

 

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