My Husband Has Admitted To Having Feelings For A Woman At Work, But Says He Still Loves Me. Should I Worry?

Here’s a post from on of my female followers. I thought it was worth sharing.

If I had to name the most common place where infidelity happens, it would be at the work place. I would say that the vast majority of the correspondence that I get about cheating and affairs happen in a work place setting. And I often hear from people who are concerned about a relationship that they see forming at their spouse’s job.

I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I had a strong suspicion that my husband was developing feelings for a woman at his work every time I saw the two of them together. I also couldn’t help but notice that he constantly talked about her and often mentioned them having lunch together, sometimes without others present. When I confronted him about this, at first he denied that anything was wrong. He said that they were just colleagues who had a lot of projects together. But later, I found some texts from her that were very flirty in nature. So, once again, I confronted him and he continued to deny everything. But this time, I continued to press him and eventually, he broke down and admitted that he had “strong romantic feelings” for this woman, but insisted that he still loved me and was committed to our marriage and therefore, would never act on his feelings. My husband has never lied to me, so I want to believe him. But in the back of my mind, I wonder if I should be worried about this. It’s not a good sign when your husband admits to having romantic feelings for someone else. So what should I do about this? Am I right to worry?”

I believe that the wife was right to feel concerned. From all of the correspondence that I get that outline affairs (even only emotional ones) at work, I can tell you that feelings that aren’t even acted upon can absolutely seriously harm your marriage. Not only that, but it’s not at all uncommon for people to eventually act upon these feelings even when they never intended to do so. And finally, sometimes people will insist that they only have feelings, when in fact they are trying to spare the feelings of their spouse by denying an affair (emotional or physical) that actually does exist.

Sometimes when I share my feelings on this, I’m accused of being paranoid or distrustful. But, I think that I’d rather someone be paranoid but proactive than being trusting but later very sorry when they’re trying to recover from full-fledged infidelity. It’s easier to prevent an affair than to recover from one, in my experience and opinion.

What To Do When Your Husband Admits To Having Feelings For Someone Else, But Denies Acting On These Feelings: This is only my opinion from my own experience, but I believe that just sitting back and hoping for the best is a mistake that I see happening over and over again. You can still make every attempt to believe and trust your spouse while being proactive about saving and safe guarding your marriage. When your husband has admitted to feeling romantic and loving toward someone else (who he sees and interacts with on a close and personal level every day,) then my feeling is that you are justified in taking action.

One suggestion might be to see if your husband can stop having to work so closely with her. Can he transfer, move to another department or partner with someone else? This may sound drastic, but again it’s usually much easier to prevent infidelity than the heal or recover from it. And, if you get resistance from your husband, then this will give you some important clues as to how he really feels and how invested he is in any close relationship with her.

Another thing that you will want to consider is strengthening and safe guarding your marriage. You want to make sure that things are very good at home so that he won’t have any reason to lament his marriage or talk about what it lacks with this other woman. You want to make it so that the two of you are as connected as you can possibly be. And, it’s certainly not a bad idea to swing by and have lunch with him as much as you possibly can. After all, when he’s having lunch with you, he won’t be meeting with her and she will see that your marriage is his reality and that it is solid and still very much in tact.

You also might want to look at where your marriage is vulnerable. Many women will deny that there are issues or problems, but I would argue that if your husband is developing feelings for someone else, then there are likely issues somewhere. There are likely vulnerabilities that you may not have considered or noticed, but which are most certainly coming into play. And again, if your husband is resistant to exploring these issues to strengthen your marriage, this might be indicative or what is truly going on with him and how deep his commitment really is to her or to you and your marriage. Because men will sometimes say words of reassurance, only to lack the actions to follow them through in the end.

This is not always the case, of course. Sometimes, a husband will do exactly what you’ve asked of him and the relationship or feelings for the other woman will fizzle out once you prioritize your marriage. However, to answer the question posed, yes, I do feel that there are plenty of reasons to worry, be concerned, or at least pay attention when your husband admits having feelings for someone else, even if he swears he’d never act on them. In my view, it’s better to be concerned and to take swift action than to vow not to worry, only to regret it later.

I know from experience that it’s easier to strengthen your marriage than it is to recover from an affair. My husband was unfaithful during the course of his job and I just didn’t see it coming. Since you have a warning and a head’s up, you don’t need to allow this to happen to you.

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

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10 Signs A Man Is Ready to Give You His Heart

“A priceless moment is when the person that you have fallen in love with, looks you right in the eyes to tell you that they have fallen in love with you.” – Unknown

Men can be hard to figure out sometimes, especially if you’re trying to figure out how he feels about you. Society has deemed that men should talk less about their feelings, and can often shame them for being too emotional. But, all the same, men do things like fall in love – and when they do, women are often left wondering how they feel about them!

It can be difficult to tell the difference between a guy who is genuinely falling in love, a guy who is just being friendly, and a guy who just wants in your pants. Thankfully, here are some tried and true methods for figuring out whether or not he’s falling for you.

 

1. HE WANTS TO TALK ON THE PHONE

Like, all the time. Guys who are just your friend or who just want something from you tend to go a more indirect route, like texting or DMing. But when a guy wants to spend his free time talking to you on the phone, it’s a sure sign that he’s got some feelings for you, and they’re very sweet indeed! It’s a sign that he wants to hear your voice, which is always romantic.

2. HE USES PET NAMES

When a guy is falling for you, he’s going to use pet names – but something that’s a little more original. He might call you something special, like a pet name that’s more of an inside joke between the two of you. He wants to set you apart from all the other people in his life. Sex expert and author of the ‘Good In Bed’ series Ian Kerner says, “Names like honey, baby, babe, sweetheart (etc.) connote a special intimacy that’s reserved for your significant other.”

3. HE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU SAY

This could be about anything – he remembers what your opinion on a certain movie is, or what kind of food you like at a certain restaurant. This is a sign that he’s both listening, and he values your opinions on things. Not only that, but when the topic comes up again, he’s able to remember your exact words.

4. HE MAKES UP EXCUSES TO TALK TO YOU

Whether it’s on the phone, or through text or social media, he’s always finding reasons to pay you a little bit of extra attention. When you post a new selfie on Instagram, he’s always the first one in the comments. He always has something interesting to share with you via text, or he’s always finding reasons to drop by and have a chat. He just can’t get enough of you!

5. HE’S CHIVALROUS

A lot of people think that chivalry is dead, but with him, it’s alive and well. He’s always making sure that you’re comfortable. He’ll do everything from holding doors open for you, to pulling out your chair, to making sure that the temperature in the room is just right. If you’re cold, he’ll probably even offer you his jacket. He wants to make sure that you’re feeling good, and will go to great lengths to ensure it.

6. WHEN HE SEES YOU, HIS WHOLE FACE LIGHTS UP

You’ve probably experienced having your whole face light up before – it’s something you can physically feel happening to you, and it’s not altogether voluntary! The same thing happens to him when he sees you from across the room, or walking toward him down the street. He can’t stop the light in his eyes or the big, dopey, love-struck grin when he sees you.

7. HE BRINGS YOU GIFTS

Relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr says, “If he’s given you a nice piece of jewelery then he’s seriously committed to your relationship. Men just don’t give the good stuff unless you mean something special.”

The gifts that he brings you don’t always have to be expensive or extravagant. In fact, he’ll most likely bring you little things, but often. Perhaps he learns your coffee order, and brings it to you in the morning.

Or, maybe he brings you a book that you mentioned wanting to read – or even a book that he just thinks you might like! It’s the little things that count, and a guy who pays attention enough to know what you like is a guy who’s falling for you.

8. HE’S PROTECTIVE OF YOU

A guy who’s falling in love with you will want to make sure that you feel safe and secure wherever you go together. He’ll often walk you home and right up to your door, or wait in the car outside to make sure you get in safe. He’ll hold your hand when you walk through a crowd, or guide you with a hand on the back of your shoulders.

9. HE’S GENUINELY INTERESTED IN YOU

He wants to know what you have to say about everything! No topic of conversation is off limits for you two. Not only that, but no topic of conversation seems too boring for him to engage in. He’ll be happy to listen to you talk about your favorite TV show, or how awful your co-workers have been that week. Whatever it is, he’s always interested in what you have to say.

10. HE’S PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE

A guy who isn’t interested in the long haul isn’t likely to make plans more than a couple of weeks in advance. On the other hand, when a guy is falling for you, he’s going to be making plans three or four months into the future. It means that he’s seeing you in his future plans, and wants you to be there with him every step of the way.

Like online dating expert Julie Spira mentions, “While the conversation might not include ring shopping, if he’s suggesting things he wants to do in the future, such as a weekend away, going with him to a concert, or even discussing relationship goals, he’s a guy that sees you by his side.”

Sure, sometimes guys are hard to get to talk about their feelings – but actions always speak louder than words! A guy who is acting like this is most certainly falling in love, even if he has a hard time saying it. Learning to read his affection in the things that he does will make it much easier to figure out a guy’s intentions.

 

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