If You’re Single & Lonely, Here Are 3 Valid Reasons You’re Not Truly Alone

When you are freshly single, it takes time to readjust to being in a singular relationship with yourself. You never stopped being with yourself, but your other partner might have been a distraction from this primary relationship — the only one that is guaranteed to last the length of your entire life. But being single doesn’t mean you’re alone, because you are a part of the universe. That fact remains true whether you are with someone or without.

If you don’t want to be alone anymore, then look around you. Start taking stock of the ways in which you are far from being on your own. Every day, you are surrounded by people. Your world is absolutely crowded with them, even if you’ve never taken the time to note their presence: the barista, your Uber driver, the person you sit next to on the train. You don’t even have to strike up a conversation with them to know that you are experiencing the same thing at any given moment.

If you choose to focus on your loneliness, rather than falling in love with your solitude, more singleness will follow. Instead, put extra strength and nourishment in your connections, even the fleeting ones. Soon, you’ll see all of these reasons why being single doesn’t mean you are on your own.

1. You’ll Always Be Your Own Best Companion

At any given time, the only person who can give you what you want is you. Want roses just because? Give them to yourself. Want a fancy dinner? Get the ingredients. Nobody is stopping you, and in fact, you are the only person who can make your dreams a reality.

There’s no love that any one person can give you that you aren’t able to give yourself. Even if you aren’t able to replenish your heart at the moment, you can reach out to the people who will. There’s no point to love, just love itself. You can keep loving long after a person has left your life — by pouring your love into yourself and into the people around you. The emotion only replenishes itself the more of it you give.

2. Nobody Will Ever Know You Completely

You’re the only person who will know yourself totally, but even the process of finding yourself is a journey that will unfold over the course of your lifetime. You are always coming back to yourself, again and again, and each encounter you have with any other person (not just romantically) will only open you up to new layers of discovery.

With that being said, I find it astounding that we expect to meet people who will know us completely. Even a soulmate relationship means recognizing an aspect of yourself in the other. It’s the “other” that’s important here. You can be with your soulmate, but you also have to be with the unknown.

You’re not alone just because nobody knows you completely. You are simply in the process of discovering yourself. And the more you surround yourself with all types of people — not just a partner — the more you’ll come to know yourself.

3. You Can Take Comfort In Both Friends And Strangers

Being single is an opportunity for you to explore all the different forms of connection the world has to offer you. From joking with strangers to sleepovers with friends to confessions shared with new lovers to happy hour drinks with your co-workers, there are different layers and levels of connection that are waiting to be discovered.

If you’re newly single, it might seem unfair. It might seem like you wanted to discover more with this other person, and now, you are being robbed of your opportunity. The truth of this concern is a matter of your perception. It could be that they had to leave so that your life had more room for the person who is meant to come into it. You’ll just have to wait and see.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Sun Stories: Aishah – The Wages of Fear – Chapter 2

A few days go by and once again lovely Aishah returns. Of course I remember her name and I greet her and make a fuss over her. I ask her how school is going and what’s up for the holiday. She says she’s going home to see her folks in North Jersey then off to Costa Rica for the winter break.

I send her to the Cadillac in room 6 this time. Let’s see what happens this time.

A few minutes pass and the bed lid squeaks closed. The bulbs light and her session had begun. I’m doing my thing around the salon and I’m coming out from the back room with some towels when I hear the familiar squeak of the hood on the Caddy, (We call it the Cadillac because when it’s closed it looks like the front of an old Caddy.

OPEN

CLOSED

The bed must be open or at least partially for that much light to stream forth from the room. I decide to ask her if everything’s okay with the unit when she comes out.

A few minutes later and hot Aishah appears. She’s waving goodbye and I motion her over. I gotta find out what’s going on.

“Aishah, got a sec?”

She nods smiling, she approaches. “Yea. What’s up?”

“I noticed when you’re in tanning during your session, a lot of light is coming out of the room. It’s as if the hood of the bed is open. Do you have any questions about the machines?”

I see a nervous fear wash across her lovely visage. She takes a deep breath and drops her gaze to the floor.

“You alright?”

Aishah looks back up at me. “I’m so embarrassed. You’re going to think I’m crazy. It’s so silly.”

“We’re all professionals here. Whatever is happening I’m sure I can help. What’s up?”

“Okay. Here goes… I have really bad claustrophobia. Like… really bad.”

“Okay. That’s more common than you’d think. Please don’t be embarrassed about it, dear.”

“It’s just an awful feeling. Like, I know I really need to tan, so I go in and breathe and lie on the bed and just wait. I try to stay calm. The bulbs come on, and I slowly close the lid. I try to just chill and breathe. I try to think of anything else, but in a few minutes I start to really panic. Like trembling with fear. I have to push the hood up immediately just so I can breathe.”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry Aishah. That’s why you don’t do the stand up units.”

“Oh no! That’s an even smaller space. I could never. I’d run out of the room.”

“Well between now and the next time you come in maybe we can think of some ideas to get you tan and not scare the hell out of you in doing so!”

“That would be nice. I’ll try to come up with something as well. I’m so claustrophobic I don’t even like how I feel when I close and lock the doors on the room. It’s like I’m locked in a tiny room and then in a box with the lid closed. It feels like I’m being buried alive in a crypt.”

“Holy shit. That is scary!”

“Yea, it really is. If I ever had to go into one of those MRI machines I’d jump out a window! But I do feel better talking to you about it though. (takes my hand in hers) I really appreciate you taking the time to ask me if I was okay. That really means a lot to me.”

“Yea. Don’t worry. We’ll come up with something to help make you feel better.”

“Okay. Well until next time. (She smiles weakly and walks out the door.)

 

This poor girl. I never thought about it before but that’s a new one for me. I’ve heard people say that they do get a little claustrophobic in the stand ups. But not this bad where some one is literally having a panic attack. I kind of like cozy places. Probably because of my anxiety and depression. To be in a small womb like space. It always feels safer to me. Just the opposite for poor Aishah. She feels trapped like a frightened animal in a cage.

We’ll figure something out. We always do. I need to do some research.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am &12pm EST.

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