7 Reasons Not to Make Your Relationship ‘Facebook Official’

“Life has never been more documented and less lived.”

Dating has certainly changed since the pre-Facebook age. Online dating is perplexing, Tinder can be humiliating, and Facebook can ruin a relationship. Technology has only made it easier for people to commit all kinds of social faux pas, like ghosting somebody after a series of great dates. In this era of internet-centric dating, making a new relationship “Facebook official” is an established milestone for new couples. But is officially declaring your relationship status on the world’s most popular social network actually a good idea?

Making a relationship “Facebook official” is a milestone that occurs on a nebulous timeline (usually sometime after the first few dates, or at whatever point one person in the relationship asks the other whether it’s time to update their relationship statuses on Facebook). But after that, everything else is a little less clear. Why does everyone feel compelled to declare their relationship status for all their high school friends and college acquaintances to see? And are there any compelling reasons that you and your significant other should link your Facebook profiles together?

There may be some arguments to be made for making your relationship official on the social network. (There are a few studies that suggest that people who post their relationship status on Facebook are more likely to feel committed to the relationship than people who don’t declare their relationship status.) But in our book, you really don’t need to officially declare your relationship, new or old, on the world’s largest social network. Read on to check out the reasons why you don’t have to make your relationship “Facebook official,” no matter what your college-aged self would have to say about the matter.

 

1. You may want to keep some of your personal information private

Your relationship status isn’t on our list of things you shouldn’t post on Facebook. Sharing the fact that you’re dating your new girlfriend or boyfriend won’t jeopardize your security online. It also won’t give online advertisers any valuable insight into the kinds of products and services that you may be likely to purchase. And it probably won’t alarm the relatives, colleagues, or college acquaintances who are among your Facebook friends.

But anyone who actually hangs out with you in real life probably knows whom you’re dating, or will within a few weeks of the relationship beginning. So unless you’re trying to broadcast your romantic success to the Facebook acquaintances you don’t really talk to (just don’t), you don’t really need to officially change your relationship status on Facebook, or publicly display it all.

 

2. Making your relationship “Facebook official” won’t make you more committed

For every study that finds that people who make their relationships “Facebook official” are more committed to that relationship, there’s another study that finds that people who feel the need to post about their relationship status online feel less secure about their romantic commitments or less confident about their partner’s feelings in the relationship.

Simply sharing your relationship status on Facebook won’t make you or your partner more committed to the relationship, and it probably won’t make you feel more secure in the relationship, either. If you regard sharing your relationship status on Facebook as an important step in a serious relationship, then it may make you happy to officially declare it on Facebook. But don’t expect that little “in a relationship” field on your profile to magically make you happier, more secure, or more committed to your partner.

 

3. Declaring your relationship on Facebook won’t make your relationship better

This is the ultimate in stating the obvious, but hear us out. People get a little obsessed with the idea of projecting the perfect image online. That may work just fine with things like your apartment, since everybody knows that you just slid the basket of dirty laundry out of the frame before snapping a photo, but it doesn’t work as well with things like your love life.

If you’re in a relationship that you’re really not that excited about, or dating somebody that you know isn’t a great match, it’s not going to make that partnership any better if you announce it on Facebook. Sure, it may be nice to upload a cute photo or two and get some likes, but that’s a very short-term emotional boost that ultimately won’t make you and your partner any more compatible or any better at communicating with one another.

 

4. Your photos will probably make your relationship obvious, anyway

If you regularly share photos and other posts on Facebook, intentionally and directly declaring your relationship is probably unnecessary. Photos of you and your partner together will likely make it obvious that you’re dating. And if your photos aren’t particularly prolific or unambiguous, the kinds of posts that you and your girlfriend or boyfriend share are likely to give you away.

There are plenty of people, both single and in long-term relationships, who don’t bother to directly declare their relationship statuses. If you’re an active Facebook user, your usage of the social network will likely make it obvious whom you spend your time with. So when you go from single to being in a relationship, your photos will likely make that obvious enough to your Facebook friends without an official declaration of your relationship status.

 

5. Declaring your relationship makes it easy to overshare

So, you’ve told everybody on Facebook about your new boyfriend or girlfriend. It may not seem like it, but that move may just pave the way for over sharing in your near future. You probably have those Facebook friends who post petty details about fights with their significant others, or post almost everyday about whatever sweet thing their partner has done for them. That kind of oversharing is pretty easy to do once you think that Facebook is a good place to share those details.

It’s probably better for your relationship, and for the sanity of your Facebook friends, if you don’t think of Facebook as the kind of place where it’s appropriate to share details about the things that your partner has done or said. An occasional post — the kind of post that you wouldn’t mind your family seeing — is no problem. But continually updating the world on how your day-to-day life with your partner is going may be a little too much to share.

 

6. Making things official opens the door for commentary

 

Even if you avoid the tendency to overshare, sharing posts that are specifically and pointedly about your relationship opens the whole thing up for comments. Facebook allows the friends of both parties to comment on a status declaring a new relationship. And all of those comments are something that you probably want to avoid if at all possible.

Most of the comments will be innocuous, and perhaps a little sweet. Others will be from sort-of friends asking for all kinds of details that you probably don’t want to share. And even worse, out-of-touch relatives may comment and ask about what happened to the last guy or girl you dated. Do you really need a better reason to hold off on making your relationship “Facebook official”?

 

7. Breaking up is more of a hassle when the relationship is official on Facebook

It’s usually not productive to think about how things might end when they’ve just begun. But if you need a final reason not to make your relationship “Facebook official,” just think about the obnoxious News Feed story that Facebook will automatically generate if/when you need to change your relationship status back to “single.”

If you thought that the comments people make when you post about a new relationship are obnoxious, you don’t even want to know how annoying people are when Facebook tells them that you broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Expect to avoid questions that you don’t really want to answer and to get all kinds of concerned messages from people who are worried about you (or at least pretend to be).

I went big on Facebook when I was in a short relationship with Annabelle. (See: Annabelle – Nice To Meet You) When Annabelle dumped me it was devastating, but what made it  worse was that my 5000 followers on Facebook knew it the moment it happened. I vowed that day to never use social media again except to promote this blog.

I never look at social media anymore. It’s worthless. I don’t care about what you’re having for lunch, your vacation, or least of all your damn kids.

It’s all a waste of time. Life has never been more documented and less lived.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Sun Stories – Mike – Really Dude?

We hired a girl named Caitlin to take Jill’s shifts. She’s a nice girl and does a good job, but she runs track and field at college and her schedule for practices is changing so we lost her after a few weeks.

Achilles meets this guy Mike. He came into the salon to tan one day. He’s a mountain of a man. Admits to Achilles that he uses steroids to get that huge.

Achilles is chatting with him about the fitness center we’re opening soon and Mike tells him he’s a certified personal trainer. So Achilles hires him to work at the salon, and when the gym opens he can work there.

Perfect. A muscle dude that said he’d be here to run the classes and could make some real income from the personal training. People pay big bucks for that stuff. This is a great opportunity for Mike.

I stop in one Saturday just to escape the heat. I chat a bit with Mike and he seems like a really nice guy. I even spoke to him about a business opportunity I was thinking about and he gave me good advice having had experience in a similar business. So all good.

Everything seems to be going well. We’ve recovered nicely after Trish’s cocaine arrest, Jill’s alcoholic meltdown, and Caitlin’s track re-scheduling.

But two weeks later, Achilles calls me. “I’m going to have to fire, Mike.”

“What happened?”

“He’s stealing money from me.”

“Stealing?”

“Yea. There’s almost no cash transactions on the nights he works and I’m just starting to see a pattern. I don’t think he knows the level at which we can track everything on the computer.”

“Aww dude. I’m sorry. We just can’t catch a break lately.”

“I know. Come in and we’ll have lunch today and figure out what to do.”

The next day when confronted with the crime, of course Mike denied any wrong doing to the point where Achilles almost believed him. But once Achilles dug deeper and examined all of the records in the system there was no doubt in his mind that Mike had been skimming cash from the register.

I hear that steroids are expensive.

Anyway, we fired his thieving ass and banned him from ever coming to the salon again.

Guess who’s working all the shifts everyday for a while?

That’s right! Me. At least Achilles and I know that the people who work here are trustworthy and dependable. Because it’s down to the two of us!

 

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8 Tips To Improve Husband And Wife Relationships

As you spend time nurturing and caring your newborn, it is important not to overlook your relationship with your spouse. Your relationship with your husband or wife might start to take a toll if both parties do not make any effort to sustain the relationship.

Here are eight tips how you can improve your relationship:

 

1. Have weekly ‘relationship dates’

Reserve a few hours each week to go on a date. Such dates do not have to be fanciful or expensive. A simple activity such as packing a picnic or taking a walk down the beach is good enough. Spend time to talk about what is going on in your life, where both of your relationship is heading, or resolve past issues.

 

2. Ensure you have your partner’s attention before talking about an important issue

Simply ask, “Is this a good time for us to talk?” This will ascertain the fact that you are being heard. Avoid holding a conversation when your partner’s mind is on something else. Schedule a time when both of you will be able to give each other undivided attention. However, in times of crisis, it is crucial to drop everything at hand and be prepared to listen.

 

3. Give in on the little things

Ever heard the saying: “Don’t sweat the small stuff, and remember, it’s all small stuff”? With the arrival of your baby, your attention and priorities have changed, and there are bigger things at stake. Consider reading Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love (by Richard Carlson and his wife of 14 years, Kristine) for their simple and stress-free approach to love.

 

4. Find ways to say ‘I love you’ without saying the actual words

Random acts of kindness go a long way in demonstrating your love to your partner. Simple acts such as setting the coffee machine to brew, making lunch or opening the car door goes a long way. You can always be nice without reason.

 

5. Saying “I love you”

It might sound like an oxymoron comparing to point number 4, however I assure you, it isn’t. Besides being kind and considerate, it is always nice to remind and assure your spouse of your love. The saying, “Love not expressed is love not received,” rings true. If you want your spouse to know about your affection, speak it and show it.

 

6. Communicate your feelings in a loving, constructive way

If you do not wish to hurt your partner, refrain from speaking your feelings out of hurt or anger. I assure you that you are not doing your partner a favour, or yourself. Instead, the grudges you nurse or resentment you harbour is only poison that will kill your relationship over time. Find a way to communicate openly and amicably.

 

7. Fight fair

It is inevitable that conflicts will arise. Do not get caught up in the bickering game and leave it without any concrete solutions. The solution is to resolve a conflict in a positive, constructive manner. Never threaten the relationship. Don’t call each other names or belittle each other. Resolve issues before going to sleep, or agree to disagree.

 

8. Act romantic and you will feel romantic

Do not wait for the right “mood” to be romantic. Set the scene, be receptive to touch, and you will be surprised at how your desire will arise naturally. Part of being romantic has to do with understanding the way you like to be romanced, while the other part is just being open to possibilities.

With these tips, may your household continue to be one of love.

Thanks for reading this article. And please like this article if this is helpful.

Keep smiling. 🙂

 

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Sun Sories: Trish – Trail of Destruction

I come home from work the other day, and Trish is in my living room chatting with my daughter Lorelei.

I’ve cooled to Trish since her arrest, but my daughter likes her and they hang out sometimes at the house. Trish lives in the apartment below us, so I need to be civil.

Trish is telling the story of her cocaine arrest to Lorelei. How she got a small fine, has to attend some classes and has to do community service. I guess its because it was her first offense and she doesn’t have a record.

“Yea, it’s been a wake up call for me.”

“Well that’s good.”

“My community service is over at the senior center helping the old folks. I really like them!”

“Maybe you’ve found your calling.”

“How is Jill making out at the salon?”

“We fired her.”

“What happened?”

“One day she was supposed to work and she didn’t show up.”

“Wow. I just saw her earlier in the week. I was upset about my arrest and I went to the salon and then we went out together.”

“What did you guys end up doing?”

“Just went out for a few drinks. I wanted to go home after a couple but she said she was heading for another bar.”

“What? When was that?”

“Monday night. Why?”

“Oh my God. No….”

“What?”

“You were with Jill when she got blackout drunk and was subsequently kicked out of her sober halfway house!”

“What?”

“She didn’t show up for work at the salon the next day because she was looking for a place to live!”

“But she wasn’t drunk when she was with me.”

“But you said she left you and was headed to another bar. You were there that Saturday before when she was sitting in the salon and said, “I can’t just have one drink. I have to keep going and then I want to go out. I can’t stop.”

“Oh fuck. So I’m the catalyst that made her relapse?”

“Looks that way.”

“Shit.”

“Anyway, I’m going to go to my room and watch my show. I’ll be through for some ice periodically. Night girls.”

 

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7 Reasons Why Late Marriages Are More Successful Than Early Ones!

7 REASONS WHY LATE MARRIAGES ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EARLY ONES!!!

Everyone is looking for their love. Unfortunately, many relationships end. It happens because the pressure of social stereotypes can become stronger than real desires, and people hurry to get married not to create a family but because of fleeting feelings and the fear of being alone.

We invite you to make an objective assessment of whether you’re ready to build a strong relationship or not using these 7 factors.

7 REASONS WHY LATE MARRIAGES ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EARLY ONES!!!

7. Love helps with self-development.

A mature person never stops working on themselves, and love only gives strength. They’re not afraid to change their point of view and are ready to admit their drawbacks. They can be understanding and attentive. 2 loving people will always try to be better for a prosperous relationship.

If a partner wants you to accept them as they are and suggests you put up with their bad habits, your relationship won’t develop, and you will become strangers to each other.

7 REASONS WHY LATE MARRIAGES ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EARLY ONES!!!

6. First of all, to love means to give

A self-sustained person doesn’t look for inspiration in their partner and doesn’t try to fulfill the emptiness in their soul with them. Everything is vice versa: they try to share what they have. Infantile people try only to be loved, and they give no more effort to love. In his book The Road Less Traveled, psychologist Morgan Peck calls such a painful addiction “a form of antilove.”

Don’t be surprised if a partner that always gets what they want leaves you all alone when you face problems.

7 REASONS WHY LATE MARRIAGES ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EARLY ONES!!!

5. One of the main aspects of love is willpower

Those famous words from marriage vows say that we should always be by each other’s side: in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, and so on. These words imply that people who want to start a family understand that love isn’t just about feelings but that it’s a binding and considered decision.

The components of a mature relationship are common goals, a sincere desire to be together, and focusing your attention and energy on one and the same person — even if there are temptations and hesitations.

If after each argument you pack your bags and remember your ex, you should think about how long this relationship will last.

7 REASONS WHY LATE MARRIAGES ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EARLY ONES!!!

4. Love is work.

Being patient with a partner’s habits and features, being attentive… All these things might sound boring, and they’re always exhausting and effort-consuming, but it’s the foundation of a harmonious relationship. If you want to strengthen your love, you have to work hard.

If you hold on to your hurt, it may break out all of a sudden, and your relationship can be ruined.

7 REASONS WHY LATE MARRIAGES ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EARLY ONES!!!

3. Love is responsibility.

Responsibility is a feature that distinguishes an adult from a child. You can use the same indicator regarding your relationship: is it mature or not? It’s great when you have someone to rely on, isn’t it? And are you ready to be that reliable person? Yes, such a method implies serious obligations, but it also strengthens your relationship and makes it real.

That’s why if your partner says, “There is no difference. It changes nothing!” it may be a sign that they’re not ready for a long-term relationship.

7 REASONS WHY LATE MARRIAGES ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EARLY ONES!!!

A mature person has already built their goals and found themselves, which is why they’re ready to respect someone else’s interests. Such a relationship is free from pressure: the partners give freedom to each other and always try to reach a compromise.

People who are only preoccupied with their own interests aren’t ready to listen, understand, or admit to anything.

7 REASONS WHY LATE MARRIAGES ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EARLY ONES!!!

Hurt and disappointment are normal things in our life, and even our beloved can’t always protect us. We have to be brave to face difficulties, and we shouldn’t complain or blame anyone. In this case, the relationship will be strong and profound.

Psychologists believe that if we understand and accept these 7 principles, we can really build a great relationship. They advise us to slow down with marriage if we feel that we or our partner might not be ready. You’d be better off devoting your precious time to your hobbies, dreams, and personal growth instead of recovering from a painful breakup.

 

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A Unique Gift – Chapter 1

Hey…. Check this out. Trying something new.

Thoughts?

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=80

 

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Sun Stories: Jill – Trish’s Replacement – Whoops!

It’s the Tuesday morning after the whole Saturday catastrophe. What was supposed to be Trish’s last day turned into me having to work her whole shift because she got locked up for cocaine possession.

I’m working at my desk when the phone rings. It’s Achilles. I’m thinking, what now?

He tells me he checked online about activity at the salon and there wasn’t any. It’s 11am. Normally he works during the day, but he asked Jill to take his shift this morning because he had some things he needed to do. He goes on to tell me that he called the salon and that there was no answer, and then he called Jill and asked her what was going on.

Her response was, “I’m looking for a place to live.”

Here we go again.

I spring into action and head to the salon. Looks like I’ll be working from whenever I can get the place open to closing today.

On the way there I’m thinking, if Trish had been able to contact Achilles or myself Saturday morning and said she couldn’t work we would have been fine with it. But she was in jail and probably didn’t have her phone on her. Don’t you get one phone call when you’re arrested? If she had gotten one call, that’s the one call she should have made. We wouldn’t have even cared if she had murdered somebody. Just let us know you can’t come in so we can cover your shift.

I wonder what happened with Jill? Couldn’t she have simply called or texted Achilles or myself that she wouldn’t be able to work today? We wouldn’t care if she was homeless, or even if she had murdered somebody. Just call or text Achilles or myself so we can cover your shift! This is the second incidence of this in the last three days!

I get to the salon and open the doors. There are several women sitting on the steps just like on Saturday. I tell them we’ve had some staffing challenges lately. I apologize for the late opening and tell them I’ll take care of them all and everybody gets to tan right now. Our clients for the most part are all really nice people.

I later find out from Achilles that Jill had gone out and gotten blackout drunk Monday night and was kicked out of the halfway house she was living in. So she’s relapsed with her alcoholism.

You are typically kicked out of a sober house when you relapse; but that doesn’t mean you can’t come back to the house or live in another one. If you’ve relapsed, then living in a halfway house is exactly what you need for your recovery right now. If you want to achieve sobriety, go to a halfway house and make a commitment there and don’t leave until you’ve finished it and are sober!

If you or a loved one are struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135.

Poor Jill. She was doing such a good job at the salon. I hope she gets the professional help she needs to be okay.

But… If you don’t show up for work, we have to fire you. So Jill has gone the way of Trish. Now we have to find someone else.

But the story isn’t over yet…

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday at 8am & 12pm EST.

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