Dating and Relationship Advice – 7 Things Nice Guys Do That Girls Mistake for Flirting

things guys do that girls mistake for flirting

Nice guys do lots of things for women out of the goodness of their own hearts. But that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s trying to flirt with you!

Nice guys don’t always finish last. Many times they don’t care if they are first or last, because they are more concerned with others than themselves. That’s because they have manners, and that’s what nice guys do.

I know it might be hard to understand that there really are just some nice, good guys out there. No, they don’t all live in the south. They are everywhere!

Anyway, let me reiterate the fact that if a guy is nice to you, it does not mean he wants to sleep with you. I mean, he might, no doubt, but it’s very important to remember that there really are just some great guys out there in the universe, who were raised properly, and know how to treat people.

7 signs he’s just being a nice guy, and not a flirt

Check out the ways nice guys continue to confuse girls everywhere, by simply being nice and gentlemanly in all that they do.

#1 Nice guys holding doors for you. This might be a shocker, but just because you breathe the same air a guy breathes, does not mean he’s flirting with you. Just because you might be walking into the same entrance as the dude in front of you on your way to work, and find that the dude happens to pause, and motions for you to go ahead of him, all the while holding the door for you, does not mean he is in love with you.

He is however just a human with really awesome human common sense. It’s called manners people, go and get you some. He’s just a dude holding a door for you, and if you were to turn around to see him holding the door for you, you would probably find him still holding it for the other ten people walking up, including other women. Who knew! [Read: How to read mixed signals and turn it into love]

#2 Nice guys smiling at you. We all know the whole bitchy resting face look people have. But did you know that people have the capability to smile, and that smiling is way easier than frowning, and probably even easier than walking around with bitchy resting face? If a guy smiles at you, it does not mean he wants to get with you.

It simply means he’s probably a happy little fella, who has no problem spreading his happiness out into the world and being a really nice person. If a guy smiles at you, stop being so vain and thinking he wants you. [Read: 7 reasons you’re not being approached by guys who like you]

#3 Nice guys buying drinks for you. I know most people probably assume that if a guy buys you a drink, he’s just trying to get you home. Although this might seem hard to understand, it’s true. Some guys literally just have the manners and kind heart to want to buy you a drink, even if you don’t even know him.

Think about the random strangers paying for other strangers in the Starbucks drive-thru that went viral. It’s an act of kindness, and doing acts of kindness not only make you feel good about yourself, but it makes others feel good too. Who wouldn’t want to be in a complete feel-good environment?

So remember, just because a guy might buy you a drink, alcoholic or not, does not mean he is flirting with you or trying to hit on you. It literally just means he’s offering to pay for your drink. Now, if he were to invite you over to his table or offer to keep you company, then that’s when you’ll know if he is indeed flirting with you.

#4 Nice guys complimenting you. Have you ever had one of your girlfriends tell you that your hair looked great, or they liked your shoes? Yes, of course, you have. And unless your friend is a lesbian, then your friend wasn’t giving you the compliment because she wanted to get in your pants. Perhaps she wanted to borrow them, but not get “in” them.

Just like girls, guys are allowed to compliment you without it meaning they are flirting with you. Why wouldn’t you want a guy to tell you he likes your shirt, or hair, or whatever compliments his kind-hearted soul wants to give you.

Take it, enjoy it, bask in it, and maybe even take a selfie secretly, to remember just how great you looked. But, take those kind words, and remember that he’s not necessarily flirting with you, just because he pays you a compliment and notices you. [Read: 15 sure signs he likes you but isn’t into you]

#5 Nice guys letting you cut in lines. If you’ve ever found yourself standing in a long line at the post office or grocery store, and the guy in front of you kindly offers for you to cut in front of him, it’s a great feeling. It’s a feeling that makes you feel like a winner, and it might also tempt you to do a double-take at the guy who just let you cut.

Although these moments may not happen all the time, when they do, it’s important to remember that there are still men with manners out in the universe. Just because he let you sneak in front of him, does not necessarily mean he wants to get in your pants and likes you.

He’s a stranger! He doesn’t even know you. And even if he does want to know you, he’ll start that off with a conversation while you’re in line. If he just lets you cut in without talking to you afterwards, then he was just being really nice.

#6 Nice guys offering seats up for you. When you find yourself on a crowded subway, train, or bus, and a random guy taps you and gestures that you can take his seat and he’ll stand, it’s very cool of that guy. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when a guy offers his seat up for you to sit down, it’s definitely a sign that he was raised properly and has manners.

Just because a guy decides to let you sit down and take his spot, doesn’t mean he wants to do you. He’d probably do the exact same thing for an elderly woman, if she were to have gotten on at the same time.

#7 Nice guys being touchy-feely talking to you. If you know a guy who always touches you when talking to you, it probably annoys you a little bit and also makes you think he’s in love with you, because why else would he always want to touch you? I don’t mean a creep who gropes you and makes you feel uncomfortable, but I mean the guy who maybe sometimes pinches your shoulder, or touches your arm, or always gives you a hug immediately when he sees you as his way to say hello.

[Read: 15 essential relationship tips for single ladies]

Some people are just very touchy-feely when they talk, just like some people always talk with their hands. This doesn’t mean he loves you and is flirting with you.

I know we live in a world where it’s very easy to be jaded and not believe that there are still good guys out there. And sometimes, we can’t help but think that, if a guy is being nice to you, he obviously is only doing so because he wants something from you.

Newsflash: It might mean he’s just one of the beautiful souls walking around our universe, who are there to remind you that when these random acts of kindness happen to you, you should restore your faith in humanity.

Sure, there are users out there, but that’s life. Some people suck and are only nice to you for certain things. But there are also really awesome people in the world with good manners and good intentions, and it’s important to always remember that.

[Read: 13 charming ways to be more approachable]

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “The time is always right, to do what is right.” Maybe the guy being nice to you just so happens to know that no truer words were ever spoken.

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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IBS Gal – Part 3

But then as I lay there staring up at the pop-corn ceiling, I began to think: Why did she do that? Why the meat lovers skillet? Dang it, super hot Louisiana girl, why did you have to eat the whole skillet when you knew you had IBS? What a selfish thing to do. The more I thought, the more it occurred to me how selfish she was. After deeper reflection it seemed she had used me for a free meal. And in that moment, the yellow/greying walls seemed to be more aged. The flaking lead paint seemed to make the air thick and difficult to breathe. And that single, old, 1970’s incandescent light bulb, hanging there like a single bull’s testicle, out-of-place and missing its partner in crime, casting more shadows than light in this ghetto, 1950’s built apartment unit. I contemplated what had gone wrong in my life to be on a date with a smoking hot girl, with a super kind disposition, but who was also batshit-insane and had robbed me of my Friday night with all her stupid IBS crap.

And then, just then, when it all seemed pointless, somehow, I realized how truly filthy and utterly disgusting her room was and how sad the situation really was and I fell in love with her all over again. The anger disassociated in a solution with the powerful buffers of empathy, love, compassion, and righteousness. I knew what I had to do: I had to fix it for her. Had to make it better. Had to give her something positive and beautiful in her mess of a life. Had to be her knight in shining armor. But what? How could I, a mere mortal, show her my pure, unadulterated love and prove myself to her?

My mother. My sweet mother was the answer. My mother gracefully came to my mind in the form of a sweet memory. Yep, that was the answer and the only answer: When I was a kid, and got a bad grade on a test, or was bullied, and didn’t feel like living life and let my room go my sweet mother would quietly clean it for me. She would swear like a sailor and throw hard plastic objects at me and beat me for other things but in these situations she would also clean my room lovingly. And I knew I had to do the same thing for my date, for this girl that I had known for less than two weeks, and had spent a total of maybe 6 hours with- I would sanitize and organize and make her happy by cleaning.

All of a sudden, this possible government housing apartment, this worse-than-south-central LA-projects apartment seemed to naturally brighten up. I sprang from the bed and started cleaning. Started with the trash. And threw it in the bin. Then organized things into piles. Then pushed her bookcase back to parallel to the wall (it was perpendicular and just sticking out in the middle of the room when I entered.) I organized her books, and made all the knick knacks organized and a safe distance from the edge of their shelves where they had previously been dangling. I remade the bed, taking great care with the corners and eliminating wrinkles.

Then…there was the laundry. There were two piles: One obviously dirty, and one possibly clean. I put the dirty in a pile in the corner of her room (there was no laundry basket, no hamper). Then I had to make sure the clean pile was actually clean, and I had to make sure there were no “unmentionables” as Hank Hill called them. So I got down on my hands and knees and looked really closely for any stains. I started sniffing the air, motioning my hand in a circular motion towards my nose to see if her clothes would rile up my olfactory system at all. So far so good, but I had to be sure. So I gingerly teased out a pair of jeans from web/pile, and held them close to my nose. Good gosh: Southern sunshine, laundry detergent, and womanly goodness was all that smelled. I needed a greater sample size, so I went for an innocuous white tank top. Same great clean smell. I fist pumped the air, so happy. Then I separated out the pile, cautiously looking for bras and panties all good. I then started folding like a madman, as time was running down. I finished and gently laid her folded, clean clothes at the foot of her mattress.

I sat on the floor again. And waited. 10…5…1…0…-25…-45…-1 hour. I was tired and knocked on the bathroom door. “Hey are you ok? Do you want me to go to the store and get you some IBS medicine? Can I do anything for you?” She responded, “No no, that’s ok, I’m done.” All of a sudden the toilet flushed and she hopped up and opened the door even though she hadn’t even finished buttoning up her daisy dukes.

As she was finishing fiddling with her jean shorts, she looked beyond me, peering into the bedroom and started SCREAMING: “WHAT THE HELL MAN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MY ROOM IS CLEAN NOW!!??” She was pissed. I once again was incredulous and said, “Dude, you can barely function. You just quit/got fired from your Discovery card job, your apartment is a mess, unsanitary and unfit to live in really, you are in massive pain from IBS, can’t afford to see a doctor and don’t have health insurance. So the one way I thought I could brighten your day was to clean your room, a loving act, nothing more, nothing less.” She looked at me quizzically, as if I were some quixotic idiot trying to administer leafs of stimulating BS. She then said, “WELL YEA THEY’RE CLEAN CLOTHES BUT WHAT IF I HAD UNDERWEAR IN THERE, HUH??!!”. I said, “Yea exactly, I thought of that already, and that’s why I checked to make sure they were clean and that there wasn’t any underwear in there.” She was confused and said “You checked? What do you mean you checked?” I logically answered “I inspected the pile, I looked closely and then sniffed it, and just kind of peeked around to make sure I didn’t see any before I started folding. if I would have seen any I would have stopped and left the pile on the ground.” She then just kind of grunted and yelled “You shouldn’t clean my room and touch my stuff.” Fair enough I conceded.

I said I was done then, and that she needed to think about the night, her behavior and listed everything that she had done that was inconsiderate and understand that everything I did was with a pure heart and nothing but her best interest and trying to actively show her love. I apologized and walked out. We then went on a second date.

Actually we did! We talked on the phone, she apologized for the first date. We kept talking for a week and she invited me to her place.

We went for a walk, and she was super flirty and fun to be with, and then went up to her apartment. We were up there and she sat down on her infamous couch, and slinked her legs over my lap, laydown, pulled my head in and started kissing me. As we were kissing, her phone started buzzing. She checked her phone, said her friend was at the hospital and that she had to go. She sounded way different from she had the entire night, and seemed really nervous. I asked her questions about her friend and the text which she evaded. We hugged and said goodbye, and then stopped talking after that.

Four years later I went to my friend’s house and was walking up the stairs when Miss Louisiana popped out of a room. We both were surprised to see each other. A guy came shortly to their home and picked her up. We talked before he got there. She said she “contracted fibromyalgia” and that she was sick. She looked depressed. She was engaged to the guy. They left for that night for a date, and I never heard from her again. She got married 3 weeks later, they had been engaged for 3 months. All I could think when meeting that guy was, “you poor, poor man. I feel so sorry you’re marrying her.” I know that might sound cold but she really had some difficult issues and basically seemed to be just as much a mess as 4 years before.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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