Dating and Relationship Advice: There Are 4 Good Reasons to Leave a Relationship — And 1 Really Bad One

Breaking up is the worst.

And not just because it makes you sad and regretful once you do it, but because deciding whether to part ways in the first place takes so much mental and emotional energy.

So here’s a framework that can help make the decision a little easier. It’s based on advice from Linda Carroll, a marriage therapist (and Courtney Love’s mom).

Carroll appeared on an episode of the “Art of Charm” podcast to talk all things love and relationships and shared four reasons to leave a relationship immediately:

 

1. Your partner is abusive

It doesn’t matter whether the abuse is physical, verbal, sexual, emotional, or financial, Carroll said. You need to leave.

Carroll added that even couples with major issues could figure out how to make the relationship work — but in the meantime, you should “get away and move away and protect yourself.”

2. Your partner has a character disorder that manifests in lying and jealousy

Carroll specified that this was a red flag only if “it’s constant — it’s not just a bad moment.”

Again, she said that if your partner is really committed to overcoming these issues, it’s possible to make the relationship work. But in the meantime, you should get some space.

3. You’ve done all you can do and it’s just not working

“It doesn’t mean that somebody’s bad,” Carroll said. “Maybe you got together because you were needy or you didn’t choose well.” Or maybe, she added, what worked for you at age 22 doesn’t work for you at age 40.

The point is that relationships take effort — but there’s only so much effort you can put in. At a certain point, it might be time to cut your losses.

4. You just know, ‘deep in your gut’

When you “just know” you need to call it quits, Carroll said, it’s not a “panicky” feeling.

It’s not that intense feeling of “I can’t stand this person!” that you get when they’re chewing too loudly. It’s also not that dramatic feeling of “I’d rather be single!” that arises when they tell the same story for the billionth time.

“You know, for your own reasons, that you really are done,” Carroll said. “It probably less to do with the other person than with you.”

couple fighting annoyed complainHere is one very bad reason to leave a relationship: Your partner is an ordinary person.

If you don’t feel madly in love every day, or if the things that made you fall in love are now annoying you, that’s not a definite sign that you should break up.

In fact, other relationship experts seem to agree that sometimes being miserable, bored, frustrated, and/or angry is part of the deal when you get married. (The same logic probably applies to long-term relationships, too.)

As one marriage educator put it, “There will be times when one or both” people in a relationship “want out and can barely stand the sight of each other.”

Bottom line — and we know this is annoying — no one can make the breakup decision for you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice: Eight Wallet Friendly Date Ideas

Apparently dating is for the emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially ready. Emphasis on financially. Dating costs money but that doesn’t mean it has to break your bank. There are different activities you can enjoy with your partner that will leave you both happy and your wallet smiling. Fancy dress up and expensive dates are lovely but they certainly can’t be an everyday thing, sometimes all you need is to get back to the basics with that special someone in your life.

I have a list of 8 different ideas that I think you should try out. You know I recommend nothing but exciting things so make sure you try out at least one of them; you can thank me later!

  1. Picnic. You can do this from anywhere actually, just let your creative juices flow. Picnic on the back of a truck, the balcony of your house, at the local park or depending on how daring you are; on a roof top. I suggest you try out a sunset picnic which can later turn into a star-gazing date. I’m such a romantic, I know!
  2. Movie. Alyways a good move for the gent that isn’t a good talker or lacks game. You enjoy a film for two hours and you don’t have to talk!
  3. Coffee. It’s winter this part of the world and any date that guarantees to keep you warm is more than welcome. Cake at my favorite coffee place is USD3 a slice for any cake of your choice and coffee is USD2. It will give you a chance to enjoy as many cups of coffee as you please because the cake slices are huge and one cup of coffee will not do justice to it.
  4. Cook. Nothing like a home cooked meal made with tender loving care. The plus side of cooking together is that you and your partner get to bond and have some intimate time together. Instead of spending a lot of money eating out you can get your favorite ingredients and prepare your favorite meal plus dessert!
  5. Ice cream. Now this is the best date idea ever because ice cream doesn’t cost much. You will just have to make sure it’s a sunny day so that you get to enjoy the beautiful weather together with your ice cream and get to take a nice stroll together and hold hands. When was the last time you did that?
  6. Fun Run. There is always a run of sort taking place. Just so you know, I host Fitness In The Park events every month and they are FREE. Exercise will give you a chance to challenge each other and also release those feel good hormones. And, I read somewhere that exercise and great sex are best friends
  7. Drinks. Become a mixologist for the night. Take a trip to the liquor store and get your rite alcoholic beverages. Instead of going out on that Friday night stay at home and experiment with different alcohol mixtures. Make sure you create a music playlist that will have you dance the night away. The great thing is that if you pass out you will be in the comfort of your home.
  8. Comedy. There is no excuse not to go for something that will leave you in stitches. Comedy is a sure way to look at life from the fun side and if you two are trying to bring some laughter back into your relationship this is a sure way to forget about the fighting and get some humor into the mix.

I hope you try out these ideas and let me know how they work out for you. By the way, the ideas are open to both men and women. Ladies, surprise your man with one of these dates sometime soon and men, if you have not been taking out your girlfriend perhaps this list might help.

What activities do you get up to in your area that don’t break your budget? I would love to hear them.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am &12pm EST.

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