Dating and Relationship Advice – 4 Signs Someone Is Jealous Of You (And How To Fix It)

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.” – William Penn

Nothing feels worse than achieving a goal or becoming successful in an endeavor and discovering that the people around you don’t feel proud or positive about it – but rather, they feel jealous. A person’s jealous feelings can cause them to act unkindly towards us, especially in the face of our own achievements or success.

Psychologist Steven Stosny says that jealousy “makes you think the same thing over and over and the more you do that, the less reality-testing you do. Emotions all have an illusion of certainty, and jealousy makes you certain of your perception of the world.”

Everyone has felt this unpleasant emotion at least once in their lives, and most likely much more than that. It seems much harder to deal with when other people feel jealous towards us, though. After all, we can control how we feel, but we can’t control other people’s emotions. Recognizing the signs that someone is jealous of you can be the first step to fixing it.

HERE ARE FOUR SIGNS SOMEONE’S JEALOUS OF YOU

1. FALSE PRAISE

When someone is jealous of you, they’re often the first to give you a compliment that sounds sincere, or seems to be dripping with passive aggression. However, you’ll find that these people will be rolling their eyes the minute you leave the room.

They would rather pretend they’re not jealous than address the issue. One way to turn it back around is to give them sincere compliments when something good happens to them. It may help them see that you’re a genuine person, and help curb their jealousy.

Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., says, “Short of becoming indiscriminately wary of others’ praise or flattery, it’s only prudent to consider whether they might have a hidden agenda in praising you. That way you can minimize the possibility that their seemingly trustworthy compliments aren’t really some sort of two-faced con.”

2. THEY GOSSIP BEHIND YOUR BACK

Jealous people will always find a way to talk about you behind your back. It’s not fun, and the things they say can be malicious and hurtful. The best way to deal with someone who does this may be just to confront them directly.

As author James Clear mentions, “… negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you’ll run right into it. You’ll get blocked by negative emotions, anger, and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is focused. Criticism and negativity don’t prevent you from reaching the finish line, but they can certainly distract you from it.”

Since jealous people don’t tend to be outwardly confrontational, talking to them seriously about what they’re doing may be enough to get them to rethink their behavior, or to get it to stop entirely.

3. THEY’RE COMPETITIVE

Jealous people tend to be highly competitive, because they always want to be the one reaping the success or as clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg says, they are “either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority.”

While it can be tempting to take them down a peg, refuse to make the competition unhealthy, or even refuse to participate. If they try to argue with you about a job promotion, just simply tell them: “It isn’t a competition.” Refusing to play into their game will make them less likely to try to continue to one up you.

4. THEY HATE YOU

If there’s someone you know who hates you for no conceivable reason, they may just be jealous. This one is hard to deal with, because we often don’t like to be hated for no reason. You may feel the urge to show this person that you’re entirely likeable. But, there may be nothing to do about it. If you can’t charm them into liking you, it may just be best to cut them out of your life. You don’t need that negativity, and they’re most likely working themselves up hating you for no reason. The best way to fix it is to let it go.

Final thoughts…

Dealing with someone else’s jealousy can be a tricky situation. You may feel the desire to just tell them off. But, dealing with a jealous person in a non-confrontational and positive manner is ultimately better for both you and the other person. They may feel a lot of self-esteem issues that they need to work through, and getting upset with them won’t fix or deal with their jealous tendencies. Knowing the signs of a jealous person will make it easier to fix and handle in a positive and productive manner.

 

Did this help? I’d love to hear your feedback on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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My Young Life: Bitter? Table for One.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve loved music. I was always there standing in front of the record player playing air guitar before anyone even coined the phrase “air guitar.”

I thought about writing this piece for a long time, but was too busy with all the dating content. But now it’s 2018 and things have changed in my life, so like I said at the beginning of the year I’m going to add more content about other parts of my life and childhood.

I’m going to take a different approach to this piece. I’m going to write it in terms of how I think about the story in my mind. The way I see it is as an interview. Someone who is interviewing my parents about their decisions. We’ll call him Bob.

This is something new for me but here goes:

1970

Bob: “Thanks for meeting with me today. I see your son over there really loves music. Look at him jamming out on his imaginary guitar and tapping his foot as he listens to that song on the record player.”

Parents: “Yea, he loves rock and roll music.”

Bob: “You should get him a guitar and give him lessons.”

Parents: “Nah, we’re going to buy a huge upright piano and pay for lessons for his sister Janice for a few years.”

Bob: Is she musically inclined as well?

Parents: “She doesn’t appear to be.”

Bob: “Why not for him?”

Parents: “He isn’t disciplined enough to take guitar lessons.”

Bob: “Okay. Anything for him?”

Parents: “Probably karate lessons.”

 

Let’s jump to 1979

Bob: “How’s it going?”

Parents: “Good.”

Bob: “How’s Janice’s piano playing going?”

Parents: “We sold the house with the piano in it. She never plays it. But there is a piano at our shore house.”

Bob: “Does she play that?”

Parents: “No. Actually some weird girl she hangs out with plays it more than she does when she comes over.”

Bob: “What about your Son?”

Parents: “He joined a band in Philly as their lead singer. Then he got his hands on a cheap electric guitar and taught himself how to play by listening to his records, and reading music books. He’s even started writing his own songs and the band plays them.”

Bob: “Impressive.”

Parents: “But we’re moving the family to the shore so that’s the end of his band.”

Bob: “That’s sad.”

Parents: “Not really. He met some guys and he joined their band as a guitarist. They play around in Wildwood and they play some of his original compositions.”

Bob: “He did all of that on his own?”

Parents: “Well, we bought him a Marshall amplifier.”

Bob: “So can you admit that there have been some missteps in the parenting department?”

Parents: “No.”

I’ll be writing some more about my musical journey on phicklephilly. I guess the lesson here is, you can do anything you put your mind to. I’m pretty sure Janice only took all of those lessons to please my father. But I remember I was sitting on the floor playing my guitar to “I Want You” note for note by the Beatles.  He came in and said I had surpassed him because he could only listen to music, but I could make music. That was one of the best compliments that he ever paid me.

Another time I was jamming out in my bedroom and it was loud distortion metal guitar playing. I went out on the deck to smoke a cigarette and one of our neighbors who was just a renter gave me an earful, about how I was disturbing the peace and how he was going to get a petition to have us thrown out of the neighborhood. When my father found out he went over to the guy and tore him a new asshole. That guy died a year or so later.

So that was pretty cool.

Bitter? No. I’m just telling my version of a series of events in my life. I forgave everybody for everything over a decade ago. Why drink the poison hoping they all die? You only end up consuming yourself with hatred. It’s a waste of your precious time. Don’t let anybody live rent free in your head. Besides, my parents goodness outweighed anything negative they ever did.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday at 8am & 12 pm EST.

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