Dating and Relationship Advice – 18 Common Gestures From Men That Are Warning Signs – Part 2

9.He Changes The Subject So That You’re Always Talking About Him

Nobody likes spending time with someone who’s utterly self-absorbed. While it’s bad enough for a casual acquaintance or a friend to act that way, it’s a totally insufferable trait in a partner. Often, narcissists like this start off seeming totally normal. They show an interest in your thoughts and feelings and seem to genuinely care about your opinions. However, once they have you tied down, it’s a whole other story. You end up acting more like an emotional caretaker than a partner. Everything is about them: your actions, your feelings, even your thoughts are overwhelmed by their need for attention. They see you as nothing more than an emotional servant of sorts. If you try to bring up your own thoughts or feelings, you’re labeled selfish and accused of not caring about your partner. These kinds of partners are toxic influences and have no place in the life of a happy person. If you’re in a relationship like this, the damage done may be irreparable.

8. He Turns Down Intimate Time Whenever You Suggest It

While romantic relationships aren’t all about the physical aspect of things, having a healthy intimate relationship is still pretty important. It brings an added sense of closeness to a couple – and it’s pretty enjoyable, too! If a physical connection is lacking, you’re basically just best friends who hang out a lot. If your partner consistently turns down intimate time for no apparent reason, it could be a sign that the romantic element of your relationship is in trouble. The first step is obviously to talk to your partner about it; it could be that a specific issue is going on that’s affecting this area of his life. The relationship might not be doomed if you can find a solution to the issue or even just a compromise. However, a prolonged ‘dead bedroom’ situation could spell the end of your time together.

7. He Flinches When You Go To Hold His Hand

It might sound like a pretty basic and unimportant gesture, but hand-holding is a surprisingly intimate act. It’s soothing, sweet, and a simple way to make someone feel appreciated and loved. Let’s face it, it’s probably the first physical milestone that all couples pass, and it becomes second nature after a while. A sudden unwillingness to engage in hand-holding could be a sign that your partner is having doubts about your relationship. If he won’t even give you this simple gesture of love, is he going to make the effort to care for you in other ways? If physical contact apparently makes him that uncomfortable, does he really want to be romantically involved with you any more? It’s an issue that you should definitely address before his behavior towards you escalates into an even colder territory.

6. He Constantly Puts Other People Before You

Finding a balance between prioritizing your partner and looking out for the other people in your life can be tricky. How do you make sure that you’re not neglecting your significant other in favor of your friends, or vice versa? Unfortunately, it’s very hard to spread your time in a way that pleases everyone. However, that doesn’t mean you can totally ignore your partner to please your friends. While prioritizing a friend in need over your girlfriend is necessary sometimes, ditching her for your pals shouldn’t be a constant occurrence. If your partner is constantly leaving you behind to focus on everyone else in his life, it’s worth considering how much you actually mean to him and whether the relationship is worth salvaging. The harsh truth is that if he isn’t spending any time with you, he most likely just doesn’t want to. You deserve better than that kind of apathy.

5. When He’s With You, His Body Is Always Tense Or Hunched

A tense body often reflects a tense mind. If your partner’s body language suggests that there’s something negative occupying his thoughts, it might be time to address it rather than let him bottle his feelings up. Common signs of this are being twitchy and nervous, being unable to stay still, and frequently getting lost in thought. Likewise, having closed body language could indicate that your partner wants to hide their feelings or negativity from you. However, it’s always better to let frustrations and anxieties out before they escalate. Staying silent could lead to a huge blowout and a potentially relationship-ending argument. If it seems like your partner has unresolved tensions that he’s not expressing, try to coax him into sharing what’s bothering him. It’ll minimize the damage that such frustrations could do to your relationship.

4. Where He Once Would Soothe And Reassure You, He Now Criticizes You

Nobody likes to be criticised. It bruises the ego and makes us question our validity and worth. However, it’s even worse when harsh words come from someone who once supported us, or from someone who claims to love us. Sure, we all need to have our flaws pointed out to us sometimes, but if your partner seems to do nothing but tear you down, something is seriously wrong. This is especially the case if criticism comes after you’ve asked for reassurance or emotional support from your partner. In happier times, your partner may have gladly provided soothing words to placate your anxieties. However, if all they do is criticize you for getting upset in the first place, your relationship is probably on the rocks. Your partner should be there to raise you up, not bring you down even further.

3. He Kisses You With Closed Or Stiff Lips

That’s right: even the way he kisses you can provide a clue to the state of your relationship. In a healthy relationship, a ‘hello’ kiss should be soft, sweet, and welcoming. It should last for a reasonable amount of time: your loving partner will want to savor the feeling of his lips on yours. He’ll pull you close, turning it into an embrace rather than just a quick peck. However, things will be markedly different if the relationship is turning sour. The kiss will be brief, cold, and emotionless. His lips will be closed and stiff, and he’ll make as little contact with the rest of your body as possible. This lack of intimacy and general hostility is a major sign that he’s checked out of your relationship. He’s trying to generate as little affection as possible, decreasing the amount he gives you until he finally leaves you. It’s better to nip something like this in the bud: if you see the initial signs that his kisses are becoming more emotionless, have a frank talk about how happy he really is in the relationship.

2. During Arguments, His Body Language Is Practically Threatening

Acting aggressively or threateningly towards a partner is never acceptable, but it’s especially concerning when you’re in the middle of an argument. It can be terrifying for the object of the person’s rage: what if the altercation becomes physical? How far can their anger go? It also suggests that your partner simply cannot deal with disagreements healthily, something that can only spell bad news for the relationship. If you can’t trust your partner to listen to your concerns without totally blowing up, it’s time to re-evaluate your situation. Even subtle incidents of belittlement or frustration can be a sign that things are deteriorating between you. A loving partner simply wouldn’t treat you like that. At even the slightest sign of an anger issue in your significant other, have a frank discussion about the problem. It’s better to deal with it when it’s minor than wait until the situation escalates and becomes dangerous. Even small actions like finger-pointing, aggressive hand gestures, or stomping around can turn into something more sinister if left unchallenged.

  1. When You’re Out, He Walks Way In Front Of You

When you’re out for a walk with your partner, you’d expect to spend your time side-by-side. You might hold hands, walk-and-talk, or point out your beautiful surroundings. Whatever you’re doing, you’re likely to present a united front. The happiest couples often take synchronized steps or even mimic each other’s walking style! While this kind of closeness isn’t for everyone, it’s certainly a lot healthier than your partner totally ignoring you when you’re out in public. A major red flag is your man choosing to walk for out in front of you rather than by your side. He’s literally leaving you behind! He’s making it very clear that he doesn’t want to be in your company and is almost treating you like a stranger. This kind of behavior can cause serious self-doubt to creep in on your part. Is he embarrassed to be seen with you? Is he so sick of you that he can’t bear having you next to him? It might be time to ask him these questions rather than obsessing over them alone. Opening a dialogue is way better than letting hostility fester until the relationship is fatally damaged.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts in regard to this subject!

 

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Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1979 – Starting Over

I was working as a busboy at the Dolphin Restaurant for the second summer in a row. One season as a Pool boy at the El Morro Motel was enough. Greek owned restaurant. Solid food. Nice hard-working people. It was what it was. I was in love with one of the waitresses named Therese. (Pronounced: Terez so it’s even hotter.) She had killer legs and was one year older than me. She had a boyfriend that was in college so basically to me she was dating a grown man. I could never compete with John. Therese was always so nice to me. I would joke around with her sometimes. She was totally cool with my dark sense of humor because she knew I was a good guy that was in love with her. I’d make cracks like:

“Wow, sorry to hear about John in that boating accident.”

“What? He wasn’t in a boating accident!”

“Oh, right… that’s next week.”

—————————————————————————

Spending all summer in Wildwood was every kid’s dream. I was 16 going on 17 just like that Liza Von Trapp girl.

Two blocks from my house was an arcade called Botto’s. We fucking lived in there. The owner was a guy named Joe Botto, a retired Philly cop. He was a cool dude considering 90% of his customers were a bunch of kids. He liked us because we were nice respectful boys for the most part. It was a pretty simple setup. Walls lined with a juke box that played 45’s, (Google it youngsters) Pinball machines, and video games. (Galaxion, Pac Man, Space Invaders, etc.) In the middle of the room was a pool table. I spent many a happy hour in that wonderful place. Obviously no cell phones back then but there was a payphone outside. If I wasn’t home, at the beach, working, or up the boardwalk, the only other place you could find me was at Botto’s. I’d be hitting free games on a pinball machine called Flash. That was my favorite machine of all time.

Sometimes there’s be some little guys in there. Eleven and twelve-year olds. We were like their idols. But I knew guys that were twenty and twenty-one and they were my idols. It’s just a pecking order in young men. We gave the little guys nick names, Chicken Man, Snappy Organs, and Slim Gonads. Chicken Man is a name I came up with. It started one day on the beach. I’d be hanging at the beach with my friend Tony, and this little skinny blonde kid would run up from the ocean and tackle him. I have no idea in regard to the origin of this ritual.

Tony would jump up, grab him and tackle him in the sand. Toss him around and roll him in the sand. He called it, “Shake and Bake.” I don’t know if they still have Shake and Bake but back then there was a cooking product named that. You buy a bag of this premixed seasoning, throw some chicken parts in the bag, shake it and then bake the chicken in the oven sans bag. Very popular.

So when this kid would do this to Tony on a weekly basis, it became a thing. Soaking wet he would jump on Tony, I’d yell Chicken Man is here! Tony would tackle him back telling it was time for “Shake and Bake.” The kid would so covered in sand he looked like a skinny little chicken right out of the bag covered in seasoning. He was a nice kid and it was all good fun. Just boys doing horseplay. I don’t remember the kid’s real name, and apparently that nickname stuck with him his whole life. (In and endearing way) Because to this day I hear my family still refer to that guy as Chicken Man.

The other kid in this little crew was Snappy Organs. I don’t remember what his real name was either. But I do remember him being a bit hyper and known to be short-tempered at times. So he’s be snapping out about some nonsense so I just started calling him Snappy Organs. I have no idea where that came from, the organs part. Maybe something I saw on Monty Python.

The third kid, Slim Gonads. I think his name was Frankie Breslin for some reason. He didn’t have a nickname like his other two buddies and asked if I’d give him one. I just looked at him and said: Slim Gonads. Just like that. No idea. He was skinny and gonads is a funny word. He was like: “Cool! GO-Nads!” Like it was some sort of sporting cheer or a war cry. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that his nickname literally translated to: “Slender testicles.”

While we’re on the subject of kids, there was another kid that we used to see around. He was super pale so he looked way out-of-place in a summer resort town. He always wore a hat like his mom didn’t want her baby to burn. They must have also had money because he was the only kid that rode around on a Moped.

He cruises by one day, and my friend Tony is like, “There goes Don on his Moped. Look at those big lips. Hey! Steven Tyler! Ha ha ha! Slurp! (Oh, yea, that was Tony’s laugh: Ha ha ha ha…then he would slurp. It was fuckin’ weird)

Don just looks at him and keeps on rolling by.

“I wish I had a Moped.”

“No you don’t Tony. Mopeds are gay.” (Everything was gay back then)

“Why?”

“You either ride a motorcycle or drive a car. There’s no in between. Having a Moped is like dating a fat chick. Sure they’re both a lot of fun when you’re on them, but you don’t want you friends seeing you on them.”

“Point taken.”

————————————————————————

One day before work I’m blazing through a game of Flash at Botto’s. Snappy Organs comes in and stands next to the machine to watch me play.

“Didn’t you say you played guitar?”

“I did.”

“Do you want to start a band?”

“With you?”

“No. I know some guy from the neighborhood and he plays guitar too. I told him about you. He’s in some other band right now and they kind of suck. I think he wants to do something else.”

“Well you tell him to come here and meet me and we can chat.”

“Cool! I will.”

“Hey Snap. I racked up a few free games on here. I gotta go to work. They’re yours.”

“Really? Thanks!”

I head off to work thinking about that last transaction. I know Snappy will come through and set it up. These kids are super loyal to us. Let’s see who this guy is and what he’s all about. Who knows? Could be the next phase of my musical journey.

I walk into the restaurant through the back door. One of the cooks is standing out there smoking a fat joint. He offers but I pass. I wasn’t a huge fan of weed back then. That, and I have to work! I can’t be high busing tables! I’ll be giggling and thinking everyone’s staring at me!

I put on my little apron. I walk through the kitchen and out the swinging doors. It’s early. Before the dinner rush. The people plow in here. Eat and then head to the boardwalk. It all happens from 6 to 8pm and then it’s over.

Oh, there’s Therese. She smiles. God, I love her.

I know… I’ll write a song about her!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am &12pm EST.

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