Dating and Relationship Advice – 5 Things To Remember When You Feel Like You’ll Never Get Over Someone

Breakups are a universally terrible experience. In my most memorable breakup — and a moment I truly wish I could forget — I literally got rug burn from dropping to my knees and begging someone not to leave. Yikes. I’ve also woken up in the middle of the night from having elaborate fantasies designed to get my lover back, such as building an elaborate papier-mâché sculpture of my heart in front of their door, and then leaving a hammer on their threshold so they could smash it to pieces IRL. When you feel like you’ll never get over someone, remember that you have agency over how you respond to what you are handed in life. Breakups are no exception!

So you can lie awake at night, seething at your ex and drafting numerous text messages telling them how horrible they are/heartbroken you are/devalued you feel as a human being, and so on. Or you can channel all of that rage, fury, and heartbreak into carrying out the best revenge plot of all: becoming so wildly successful and happy that you forget all about them. When it feels like you’ll never get over someone, the best way to move forward is to start thinking about the future.

But if even that is too hard, here are some other things to remind yourself:

1. Don’t Give Your Energy To Someone Who Isn’t Even There

Being angry or sad about someone, or even thinking about someone who isn’t there at all, takes a lot of your emotional energy. It’s only natural for your ex to pop in your head as you’re moving on, but if you spend time actively dwelling on what they are doing and who they are seeing now, you’re only taking more of your reserves away from yourself. Channel that energy into creative projects while grounding yourself through meditation so that you are able to hold onto your strength for yourself.

2. Healing Is Not Linear

The most frustrating part of a breakup for me are the days when I get sad about my ex all over again, for no reason, even though I’ve been doing so well at not thinking about them, focusing on myself, and attempting to move on. At those times, in my vulnerable state, it’s hard for me to not start beating myself up about how much I’m wallowing about them. This only creates a cycle of self-harm. If you need to be sad, be sad. If you need to be angry, be angry. Give yourself permission to feel the feels and let them out so you’re not holding on to anything when you are ready to date again.

 

3. You Have To Want To Move On For Moving On To Happen

If you don’t want to actually move on from your ex, you’re going to find a way to keep them in your heart and trick yourself into thinking they are coming back. You’ll read your horoscope and all signs will point to them. You’ll hear songs that will remind you of them, and you won’t change the station. This behavior is all because you want to keep them in your life, even if they resemble a ghost. But ask yourself: Why do I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me? Remind yourself that you are deserving of all of the love and tenderness in the world. If that person isn’t giving it to you anymore, oh well. You’ll find those qualities elsewhere.

4. Make Room For New Experiences To Fill Up Your Cup

A breakup is definitely a major loss that can send you through the stages of grief. And while it is OK to feel sad, be sure that you don’t get so wrapped up in your losses that you forget to have fun in the meantime. Hang out with friends, take trips, and find new adventures to remind yourself of all of the beauty that is in the world, waiting for you to embrace it!

 

5. You Don’t Have To Date If You Don’t Want To!

After that most difficult breakup of mine, I remember feeling all of this pressure to date. Really, that pressure was coming from within. I was telling myself that I should be seeing other people, should be moving on, should be dating, when, in fact, I just wasn’t ready and that was fine. If you need to wait a year to date again, wait a year. There are plenty of other pursuits for you to engage in besides dating, and you might even find that dating yourself for a while replenishes you much more than meeting other people. Investing in yourself doesn’t mean that you’re holding out for someone to come back to you. It means you’ve already found your soulmate, and — surprise! — it’s you.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly          Facebook: phicklephilly         Twitter: @phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – 7 Signs You’re In A Really Strong Relationship

1. You are both able to freely express yourselves in the relationship.

You always give each other the platform that you both need to express yourselves.

You are both always made to feel like you can be completely honest with one another.

You don’t censor each other and you never hold anything back because you always want to promote openness in the relationship.

 

2. You both give each other space and independence.

You always respect each other’s individuality and you would never want to overstep your boundaries.

You are both a loving couple, but you both still make sure that you have your individual lives going on.

 

3. You don’t feel the need to make the relationship any different than what it is.

You don’t force yourselves to adhere to whatever standards society may have set for you.

You know your relationship well and you are perfectly comfortable with how you do things as a couple.

You care more about how you see one another than how others would see you.

 

4. You always make it a point to approach the decision-making process as a team.

You never treat one another for granted.

You always make it a point to tackle life as a team.

You make important decisions together because you both feed off of each other very well.

 

5. You promote harmony and balance in the relationship.

You both understand that a relationship can never be one-sided.

There can’t be a surplus of love on one side and a deficiency of affection on the other.

It must always be an equal exchange of love and intimacy in the relationship.

 

6. You have a deep trust and respect for one another.

There is a profound sense of respect that you have for one another which leads to the both of you establishing a good dynamic overall.

You trust one another well enough to always be confident in each other.

 

7. You don’t hesitate to be physically and emotionally intimate with one another.

Intimacy is important and you never hold back.

You never miss out on an opportunity to tell one another that you’re in love with each other.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly          Facebook: phicklephilly        Twitter: @phicklephilly