Dating and Relationship Advice – When Did All of the Sexual Rules Break Down?

I’ve been asked a question recently: When did all the sexual rules break down? The rules that have governed humanity for thousands of years, if not longer. The sexual norms that set the moral boundaries between people; between men and women, children and adults? When did they all finally break down and fall completely apart?

The person who asked me this was deeply concerned over what seems to be the complete overhaul of traditional sexual behavior in our society. I had to agree with her, it is true that little by little in our lifetimes we’ve witnessed sexual behavior being fundamentally changed if not torn apart. And this is a huge concern for many. And more important, it is a concern for the next generation. It’s a concern about the future of our society. After all, there isn’t anything more basic, more intrinsic to being a human being than our sexuality. Yet our society treats it as if it is an optional piece in the puzzle of what makes us human. A piece of us that isn’t simply the gender of men and women but a complex combination of sexual orientations so vast that the acronym for it changes by the month. And personally I find this to be disorienting if not outright confusing. I honestly can’t keep up. I don’t understand how anyone can. And I’m left asking the question: Is this a sexually healthy thing to do?

In psychology there is hardly anything that competes with the damage that can be done to people more than sexual abuse. The #MeToo movement echos this. I feel the wave of public figures being exposed for targeting underlings working for them with sexual aggression and manipulation is a gigantic step in the right direction.

This is a good thing. It is informing our culture that there is a line about sexual conduct that we won’t cross. Things like respect for the person. The concept of common human decency. Or of treating others as you would have them treat you. The Golden Rule. No one likes to be abused or treated badly especially in sexual ways.

This is especially true when it comes to the sexual abuse and exploitation of children. No matter how undefined people’s sexual orientation may be, our society still draws a line with the kids. Amen! I hope it’ll last. But I’m not too confident it will last too long.

I raise this issue because kids are being sexualized at younger and younger ages. The internet has offered sexually explicit material that children can very easily get to. Is it any wonder that women are being treated as sexual objects? Or worse yet young adolescent girls feel they need to sexually objectify themselves to be noticed or wanted. How does this fair for the future if our children don’t get the chance to first understand what a healthy sexual relationship is before they are exposed to unfiltered porn? How does this fair for our future if our children aren’t given a chance to be children?

Again, I’m glad the sexual objectification of women and their harassment is being confronted in the national media. We are long overdue for a national conversation about this. I hope it gains some long-lasting momentum. We desperately need to start drawing some clear lines about how far things like this can go. But more important, I firmly believe the more we address this issue about sexual abuse the more we will also end up having to address the issue of our children. I am completely convinced that these two are inextricably tied together.

We need to think of what kind of future we are building for our children in this national discussion. What kind of foundations we are laying down upon which they will build their own future. There’s no doubt about it, a porn saturated one would create a very dark and bleak world. Porn doesn’t cultivate healthy relationship building. It tears them apart. Our media sexually objectifying young adolescent girls doesn’t help in this regard either. It doesn’t encourage their self-respect as a person but instead does quite the opposite, it undermines if not outright denigrates it.

We are in a very desperate need for a very long national conversation on sex, sexual harassment and the sexual objectification of women, girls and children. I’m glad the conversation has finally begun. Let’s keep it up and make it a long one.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

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Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1979 – Moving the Family to North Wildwood

My father was fed up with living in Philadelphia and wanted to get out of the city and out of the Provident National Bank in center city. My family was focused on getting my sister Janice into Franklin Marshall because she was a good student.

I remember it was Janice that drove my mother and other two sisters to the shore that summer. With Janice out of high school and in college, Dad decided to move the whole family to the shore house. I liked living in Philly. I was in a band called Renegade then. (See: Renegade – My First Band) All my friends were there. I liked that I was going to be a senior at Frankford High next semester.

But all of that was ending for me. I would vanish from Frankford and end up taking my Senior year at Wildwood High School. I knew no one. Wildwood is a resort/retirement community. The place rocks hard from Memorial Day through Labor Day, but then it becomes a ghost town. At the time I knew what anxiety was. I had it since I was a small child. But I would really get to know what severe depression was very soon.

They didn’t give a shit about my life because I was always a poor student in school and was a nobody. So After 11th grade we moved to Wildwood NJ for good. I had to leave my band Renegade behind and all of my friends, and move to the shore.

My father had no coping skills so ripping his son from his peronal and social life meant nothing to him. Everybody had to be hunky dory and happy with his move. His dad died, (My grandfather) and left him enough cash to build up on the shore house and it was beautiful. (Biggest house on the block)

But after the summer at the shore, Janice went off to college. My dad was all teary eyed losing his love and I was left to take my senior year not knowing anyone in a town that was dead during the winter. It’s a resort town. There is NOTHING going on there in the winter. They turn the traffic lights off and roll up the fucking sidewalks. This is a perfect dark depressing environment to be dropped off in. Yea, that will work out great. But as long as Dad is out of Philly and has his family all set up down there, he’s all set.

I remember falling into a depression after the summer and my father ripping me a new one because I wasn’t on board with where I had been sent. God forbid anybody would put a chink into daddy’s plan. He always hailed himself as a planner. It was just his mad OCD and anxiety that made him so insecure that he had to control everything because he was never the favorite beloved son like his brother Jack. He was forced to man up his whole life. He worshiped his father like he was Superman and his dad never gave two shits about him. Brother Jackie was the smart one and Dad was just the elder that had to handle all of the shit his mother was to cowardice to do. He was the one that had to go to his father and tell him that they weren’t coming back from the shore because they were getting divorced. I have this guy completely mapped out. My sister Janice loves and worships him, but I know the real deal.

Fuck. I didn’t think I was going to go there.

(Update: This opinion of my dad as a diety has changed for Janice.)

 

 

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