Dating and Relationship Advice – How To Use Psychology To Get Over Your Ex As Soon As Humanly Possible

There are reasons why a person finds it difficult at first to give up their habit. One of the reasons may be because everything around them reminds them of their bad habit which they want to give up. It could be:

1.  Tea or coffee breaks during work when he or she used to light a cigarette.
2.  The store he or she used to buy cigarettes
3.  Friends who they hang around with who are also smokers.

 Identify the anchors preventing you from moving on from your ex.

I made the comparison with quitting a bad habit because it generates the same feeling as what someone suffering from a broken heart is going through. People suffer because they keep on thinking about the person that dumped them. Right now, there are many things that cause you to think of your ex and it’s this constant remembering of your ex that is one of the reasons why it’s hard for you to move on ….and fall out of love with them.

People, in their mind, naturally develop associations or anchors between two events if those two events happened at the same time. This is also known as classical conditioning. When one association occurs, a person’s memory of the other thing will be immediately triggered.

Just like with our example of someone giving up smoking. They would, at first, find it tough at work during their break because he or she used to have a cigarette during that time. They would have already associated their work breaks with lighting a cigarette. This association would cause him to miss smoking more than what he normally would.

It’s the same scenario as relationships and trying to move on from a broken heart.When you go to a place you and your ex used to visit together (like the movie theatre or a park etc), this is what happens:

– You remember him or her.
– And all the memories the two of you had together at that place.

Your subconscious has already “associated” the place with your ex and this causes you to think of them, causing you pain.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 8 Phrases You Should Never Use If You Want A Relationship To Last

Open communication is something that every relationship should be based upon. We should be able to communicate freely to our partner without holding anything back. Yet more often than not, we wish that we could take back some words.

Usually, those words are spoken when we are angry and we can’t prevent them from coming out of our mouth. And the thing with those words is that they can hurt your partner more than any actual physical wound. While physical wounds heal after a certain time has passed. wounds inflicted by words can never heal entirely.

For that reason, we should be careful with what we say even when we feel exasperated. Even if they were unintentionally uttered, those words can cost you happiness in your relationship or even risk that relationship entirely.

So even at your angriest, avoid using these phrases:

1. Shut up.

Sometimes while arguing you just want the other person to stop talking or stop shouting so that you can say something too. But saying shut up is very aggressive and it shouldn’t be used so loosely. It’s better to use, “Can you please be quiet,” or, “Can I say something now, please?” is a better alternative. It’s not always about what you say but how you say it.

2. You’re an idiot.

Aiming at your partner’s intelligence while fighting is just a trigger that causes deeper and more profound problems. It will show that you don’t value your partner. Criticizing and looking down on your partner can be destructive for your relationship. It might start off with tension at first and make it harder and harder to reconnect afterwards.

3. You have to.

“You have to,” sentences are reserved for children and pets and should be banned completely from adult conversation. You are not your partner’s boss or guardian so you don’t have any need to show your authority. Always find words that treat your partner with the respect they deserve. Relationships are about equality.

4. My ex would never…

Bringing up your ex is never a good idea. Comparing your ex to your current partner is even worse. Even if you didn’t think anything of it, bringing out the ghost of an ex’s past can make your partner think that you still have feelings for or some unresolved issues with your ex.

5. Your mother is so… or your friend is so…

Regardless of whether it’s their mother, father, family member or a friend, you should never criticize them. Just by being important people in your partner’s life, they deserve respect, even in those moments where your anger speaks instead of you. You would never allow someone to talk trash about the important people in your life now, would you?

6. You shouldn’t feel that way.

People feel what they feel. Feelings can’t be influenced and by telling somebody not to feel a certain way you are not helping. You always have to have an understanding of other people’s feelings. Don’t disregard them just because you might not understand them.

7. If you don’t like it, find someone else.

Or, “If you don’t like it, just leave.” The ‘if you don’t like it’ phrase suggests that you will only do things your way or no way and leaves no room for compromise. The other phrase suggests that you are ready to end it. Ending a relationship shouldn’t be mentioned unless you really mean it. It’s not something that you can take back, so make sure you are 100% certain of what you are saying there. You might be breaking somebody else’s heart with words like that.

8. I don’t care.

Being in a loving relationship means caring always, no matter the situation. So if you say that you don’t care, it might have a different meaning in your partner’s head than it has in yours. While you might say it thinking that you don’t care about the certain issue that you are discussing, your partner could interpret it like you don’t care about them or the things that are important to them.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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