Let’s talk about “R” — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

It would seem I have been rather amiss in telling Y’all about “R”……Boy I love that word…Y’all”, even when I got back to Aussie land to live I am going to continue to use the word Y’all!! Anyway, let me tell you about “R”, I met him on PoF probably over 3 months ago and […]

via Let’s talk about “R” — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 7 Relationship Maintenance Tips for Healthy Couples

The question of what makes a healthy couple has been the subject of much research, writing, and theorizing. Through her years of experience as a couple therapist, Dr. Ellen Wachtel has come up with the seven qualities that she believes make for the kind of relationship we all strive for, or wish we had.

The following seven tips have been adapted from Wachtel’s book, The Heart of Couple Therapy: Knowing What to Do and How to Do It.

 

Tip #1: Aim to make your partner feel good about themselves.

It’s not the responsibility of one partner to build up the other’s low self-esteem or lack of self-worth, but for those with a generally healthy sense of self it’s important to engage in behaviors that build one another up.

Being mindful of how often you’re criticizing your partner, and aiming instead to engage in positive reinforcement and authentic compliments can go a long way. Criticism is likely to slip out every so often, but it shouldn’t be the dominant form of feedback you’re giving or receiving.

 

Tip #2: Do things together that you genuinely enjoy.

While “date nights” are popularly offered as a tip for struggling couples, Wachtel says the pressure and obligation of forced time together every week can zap the fun out of what’s meant to be enjoyable.

Instead of obligatory date nights, try coming up with things that you genuinely enjoy doing together, and do more of those.

 

Tip #3: Have a healthy competition around who can say “yes” more.

For the most part, healthy couples get along well. No two people will agree one hundred percent of the time, but those who are a good match for one another are generally in agreement on day-to-day activities as well as bigger or longer term plans. Wachtel suggests that couples aim to say “yes” to one another’s ideas as often as possible.

Of course, this should not apply to situations in which one partner feels unsafe or as if a boundary is being crossed, but shifting to agreeability in areas where it’s appropriate and safe can have significant positive impacts on improving a relationship.

 

Tip #4: Communicate your love physically.

As relationships mature, affection may give way to avoidance of physical contact, particularly if there has been a betrayal or other life event that has caused a couple to grow apart.

For those who may be in need of some ice breaking, Wachtel suggests starting small and in private. Put your hand on your partner’s arm or back when you walk past them, or commit to giving them a kiss in the morning or before bed at night.

 

Tip #5: Validate each other.

Security is a key component of a healthy relationship, and emotional security is a key part of feeling safe. Practice listening to your partner when they are distressed without giving in to the urge to fix, solve, or evaluate things.

No feeling is invalid, so even if you don’t agree with your partner’s point of view, you can always say, “I hear you,” or “I can understand why you would feel that way,” or “I can tell this is really hard for you,” when they are upset. Unconditionally validating your partner lets them know that you are a safe ally, and are on their side. This can work wonders in terms of establishing a secure relationship.

 

Tip #6: Stay interesting.

Even as time passes, Wachtel says that healthy couples are concerned with being attractive to one another. This isn’t only about physical attractiveness, it applies also to intellectual and energetic attractiveness as well. If you wouldn’t talk for hours on end about drama between coworkers to a friend, what makes you think your partner is interested in hearing it?

Wachtel suggests that couples make efforts to stay interesting to one another. Bring new ideas and perspectives, consider talking about things that are genuinely engaging to your partner, and in general, act like you care what they think.

 

Tip #7: Drop the perfectionism.

In The Heart of Couple Therapy, Wachtel reminds her readers that even the healthiest couples are not perfect. It’s simply not realistic to expect that all of our needs will be met one hundred percent of the time. Unrealistic expectations can be toxic to relationships, so leaving space for imperfection is an important part of having a healthy relationship.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

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Tales of Rock – The King’s Obsession – Part 1

Elvis could have any woman. So why was he only able to form relationships with virginal girls?

The scene was set for a night of heavy passion, as Elvis Presley welcomed one of Hollywood’s most beautiful young actresses into his suite at the exclusive Beverly Wilshire Hotel.

Then 21, Presley was the biggest heart-throb in the U.S. and his date on that September night in 1956 was 18-year-old Natalie Wood, the Oscar-nominated star of Rebel Without A Cause and a wild-child with many previous lovers.

Realizing the publicity value if the two got together, Presley’s manager Colonel Tom Parker had arranged for them to meet earlier that day on the set of his movie Love Me Tender. For Wood the attraction was instant, but less than 20 minutes after entering Presley’s bedroom that night, she stormed out of the door.

‘What’s the matter with your boss?’ she asked his hangers-on. ‘He’s all hands and no action. I thought he was supposed to be king of the sack, but he doesn’t want to do it with me.’

Elvis Let's play baby

 

Never lonesome: The King lapped up attention from his young female fans

She should not have taken Presley’s lack of ardour so personally. As a disturbing new biography of the ‘King’ suggests, the 18-year-old siren was simply too old for Presley. Shockingly, he preferred girls who were barely more than children.

Most famously there was his future wife, Priscilla Beaulieu, who was just 14 – ten years his junior – when they met in September 1959. Although sexual from the start, their relationship was portrayed as a sweet and innocent triumph of love across the age divide. In fact, it was just one of Presley’s many unsettling liaisons with minors in the years following his rise to fame.

‘He was fascinated with the idea of real young teenage girls,’ said Lamar Fike, a former member of his entourage. ‘It scared the hell out of all of us.’

Such behaviour had its roots in Presley’s dysfunctional childhood, beginning the moment he was born in Memphis, Tennessee, on January 8, 1935, an identical twin whose brother Jesse died in the womb.

His mother Gladys, having lost one child, was smotheringly protective of the other. Even when Presley was an adult, mother and son shared a secret language in which ice cream was called ‘iddytream’ and milk was known as ‘butch’. When she died of hepatitis in 1958, a 23-year-old Presley was so distraught that he tried to throw himself into the grave after her.

Priscilla Beaulieu in 1960 she later married  Elvis Presley

Young fan: Priscilla Beaulieu in 1960, aged 15, the year after she met Elvis

Gladys’s controlling influence left Presley emotionally stunted. A man-boy who looked to others to take care of him until the day he died, he was insecure when it came to adult matters.

This was most obvious in his relationships with women. Fearing that he might not measure up to their expectations, Presley became ever more paranoid about his skills as a lover – hence his fascination with virgins who would not demand full-on sex and could not compare him to other experiences.

Even as his fame grew, and he embarked on relationships with an endless parade of beauty queens – which Colonel Parker ensured were exploited for maximum press coverage – Presley was on the look-out for young ‘cherries’ as he called them.

Among the first was Jackie Rowland, 14, whose mother Marguerite took her to see a Presley concert in Jacksonville, Florida, in 1956. They were thrilled to be invited backstage, but Marguerite became concerned when Presley took Jackie off to a side room.

A few minutes later she opened the door to find Presley teaching her daughter to ‘kiss in a grown-up way’. Unabashed, he asked Marguerite if he could take Jackie to a bar, promising to take good care of her, but she had seen enough.

‘No sir,’ she told Presley. ‘My little girl is under-age and she is coming home with me.’

Before she left, Presley made Jackie a promise. ‘When you grow up, you are going to be mine.’

Elvis Presley

Love Me Tender: Elvis wed Priscilla in 1969 after pressure from his manager

But within months, she had a rival for his affections in a harem of three adolescent girls, including a petite dark-haired beauty named Frances Forbes. She was 13 when she began hanging around the gates of Presley’s home on Audubon Drive, in a fashionable suburb of Memphis.

‘He didn’t pay any attention to me then, but when I was 14, he noticed me,‘ she said. ‘Fourteen was a magical age with Elvis. It really was.’

Along with her friends Gloria Mowel and Heidi Heissen, both also at that ‘magical’ age, Frances was invited to private pyjama parties in Presley’s bedroom.

During these sessions, he taught the girls how to put on eye make-up the way he liked it – heavy on the shadow and mascara. The evenings would continue with much tickling and kissing, which often went beyond friendly play-fighting.

‘He’d get serious and you’d just push him away,’ said Gloria. ‘But I think if he had really pushed, I would have done it.’

Although he continued to see the trio, Presley’s appetite for such encounters was such that in 1957 he asked his agent Byron Raphael to begin procuring more girls for him. There was no shortage of choice, with hundreds desperate to meet him wherever he went.

Though Presley boasted that he liked sex ‘hot and heavy’, Raphael confirmed that he was far more interested in heavy petting than anything else, particularly when it came to his ‘cherries’.

He recalled one evening when he brought three young girls into Presley’s bedroom. Soon they were all naked, but Presley stayed in his underwear, kissing and fondling them, and eventually falling asleep with his arms around them, as his records played in the background.

Read Part 2 next Sunday, July 29th at 8am!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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