Andrea – Clowning Around

I met this girl on tinder. She seemed cute enough and the conversation wasn’t as stale as the other matches I had so we decided to meet up over coffee.

The day of, I go to pick her up at her house. I knock on the door and she opens it.

She was, to say the least .. not really like her pictures. She was a little bigger and her face didn’t even look the same. I’m already disappointed but I’m already here and it would be rude to back out now. So she gets in my car and we start driving to Starbucks. On the way there, we talked in the car for a bit and it becomes apparent to me that she is an “XD RAWR so rand0m” type girl. But again .. I’m already here. .. (Yea, I don’t get it either)

We get to Starbucks and she gets me to order for her because “I just can’t handle that right now”. (ok …)

We sit down and I’m already counting the minutes until it wouldn’t be rude to call it a night. We start talking, well, I start talking. The most I can get out of her is yes, no or a slight laugh if I tell a joke. From talking to her like this, I find out she’s actually only 22, her profile said 27. Not a huge deal but I wouldn’t have gone out with her had I known that before. (Or would I…?)

Eventually I ask her what she does. IMMEDIATELY, in one breath she screams out I’MSOGLADYOUASKED I’M A PROFESSIONAL CLOWN WANNAHEARMYCLOWNLAUGH HHOOOOOOONNKKKK HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA.

I am mortified, the entire coffee shop turns to look and she is oblivious to it. Suddenly she is no longer this weird shy girl. She starts telling me all these stories about her clown adventures. This goes on for probably 8 minutes. Everyone around is looking and obviously listening in on it (not that they had much choice). She then tells me LOUDLY how her boss and one of her coworkers propositioned her for a three-way. She goes on to say, “Yeah I thought about it, but he’s 60 and I was 17 at the time so I decided not to. Plus we were doing a child’s birthday party at the time so it might not have been appropriate.”

As soon as she says that, a girl in the corner of the coffee shop lets out a stifled laugh. My date notices and goes beet red. I suggest maybe we should call it a night because I had an early meeting the next day. She saw through my lie but went with it. A few minutes later I realize tomorrow was Sunday. I drive her home, awkward silence follows for the 15 minute drive.

We arrive, I stay silent and don’t get out of the car. She sits there for a bit not saying anything. I go ” Soooo..”. What follows next is 100% true. She said this. I can’t ever forget it. She blurts out, “Wanna come inside and have clown sex while my cats watch?”

Yeah .. she said that. I stay silent for about 10 seconds because I don’t know what to say. I eventually say “I uhh, dont have any condoms, sorry”. She gets the message and leaves. I hightail it out of there and never spoke to her again.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

Research shows that the first impression is formed within 7 seconds of meeting somebody. If you have a job interview, the manager can make a decision about hiring you in just 30 seconds. Avoiding the common mistakes that ruin this first impression could increase your chances of finding a job, a friend, a client, or a life partner.

I collected some common blunders that can make you appear rude, bored, selfish, and annoying in the eyes of a person you meet for the first time. Read this list through to the end to find out how to avoid errors and use your 7 seconds wisely.

1. Weak handshake

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

Limp handshakes can be a real killer of the first impression. Research shows that people with a weak handshake are judged as being shy, anxious, less open, and lacking any ability. Another common mistake people make is holding the other person’s hand for too long. If you want to succeed, give a firm handshake and follow the two-second-rule.

2. Wrong hand position

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

Mind the position of your hands while sitting. You can put your hands in your lap, but don’t put them in your pockets because it will suggest that you are hiding something. If you put your hands on the table, don’t squeeze your hands too tight or put your palms down, it could indicate that you want to control the interviewer.

Also, while placing hands on the table and loosely folding them is an appropriate and even preferrable position in the Western world, this gesture would be considered rude in Japan and India.

3. Chewing gum

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

If a person sees you for the first time and you are chewing gum, they might think you are sombebody that is immature, childish, and somewhat lower class. Chewing gum is a bad idea at a job interview. However, in less formal circumstances, people chewing gum are usually evaluated as more friendly and approachable.

4. Avoiding eye-contact

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

Eye-contact is a powerful tool for making a good first impression. Research shows that people maintaining eye contact while talking and listening are often judged as more confident and intelligent. People avoiding eye contact, on the other hand, are viewed as less sincere, less attractive, and more anxious.

5. Playing with your hair

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

While women have been shown to touch their hair up to 18 times a day, playing with hair can send the wrong signal to the person you’re sepaking with. While it’s often used as a flirting technique, it can also indicate anxiety, low self-esteem, stress, and discomfort. When playing with hair becomes repetitive and obsessive, it can even signal an impulse control disorder.

6. Wrong conversation topics

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

There are some taboo topics which won’t help you make a good first impression on anyone: health problems, money, religion, ex-bosses or ex-partners, politics, or personal life and problems. Try not to focus the conversation only on yourself and don’t forget to listen to the person you’re speaking with.

7. Invading personal space

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

Physical space is the distance you make between you and the person you’re speaking with. Researchers distinguish four levels of personal space. The distance between you and the person you’ve just met at a formal meeting should be about 4 to 12 feet. If you approach the other person too closely you may seem aggressive, while standing too far away shows you aren’t interested.

8. Making distracting noises

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

Any random sounds you make, like tapping your foot, tapping your fingers, or cracking your knuckles may be annoying and distracting to others. Tapping can indicate nervousness, irritation, or impatience, and can also suggest that you are lying or trying to irritate others. While cracking knuckles can help you relieve stress, it’s one of the top most annoying sounds, according to a survey conducted by The New York Times.

9. Frequently checking your watch or cellphone

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

The average person checks their phone 110 times a day! Yet, it’s very impolite to check your phone or watch during a conversation. It shows that you are not interested in the other person, that you are bored, and that you have better things to do. Research shows that even having your phone on the table next to you reduces a conversation’s quality and engagement.

10. Forgetting names

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

It is embarrassing if you forget a person’s name, especially if this person remembers yours. To avoid this, immediately repeat the name after the introduction like: “Hi, Anna! Nice meeting you.” Don’t use the excuse that you are terrible with names, if you are interested in the other person the name will stay in your head.

11. Being late

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

When you arrive late, you give the impression that you are unreliable, bad with planning, don’t value others’ time, and lack commitment. Try to manage your time in a way that you won’t be anxious about being late and won’t need to rush. Even when you arrive on time but had to run before that, you won’t be centered and focused enough.

12. Bad attire

12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

Statistics says that 55% of the first impression is based on your appearance. Some studies show that your appearance, height, weight, hair color, and amount of make up can influence the size of your paycheck. If you meet somebody for the first time try to be conservative and neutral in your choice of clothing, be polished, and don’t use heavy perfume.

Do you recognize yourself in any of those descriptions? Which of these points would ruin your opinion about a person with no hopes of improvement? Which points should be added to this list? Share your opinions and experiences in the comments.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Sun Stories: Sasha – Chapter 2 – The Black Silk Stockings Incident

So Sasha returns to the salon. She is hands down one of the most beautiful women that has ever set foot in this salon.

I refered to her as my #1.

She loves to tan and I upsold her to a premium package but she feels like she gets more tan in the Cadillac. (That’s powerful but a non-premium bed) These girls are so picky.

She left for a while because she wanted to take a break from tanning. If you leave you can’t be my #1 anymore.

But one day the beautiful Sasha returns to the salon. I’m delighted to see her. I love beauty. I know I’ve always been a beauty addict. She looks marvelous as always. I welcome her back and tell her I’ve been horribly unfaithful to her and she has lost her spot as my number one. It’s all in good fun and we laugh it off.  But there’s a part of me that is serious. I miss my queen. I made her my number one in my head and she left us.

“How are you? I’ve missed you Sasha.”

“I’m having a shitty day and I have a hole in my stockings.”

“I’m sorry. (intrigued by any talk about her legs) They seem okay.”

“It’s high up on my thigh, but their ruined.”

I make lists and rules for the salon and it’s all in good fun. Sasha gets it and knows it’s all just a fun game. It’s a fun way for me to fuss over these girls and create a little competition. They all have fun with it and it makes the place like a lively club.

I do love Sasha in a classic phicklephilly way.  Just me being charming to a gaggle of gorgeous women I adore being in the presence of.

But when I converse with Sasha she actually ruins the false dream I create for her. They always do. She seems shallow and high maintenance. She’s really into tanning. I love that. The beautiful addicts. Addicted to anything that they think will make them prettier. They cling to everything they can to hold onto the only thing they truly possess that has carried them through their entire lives.  Beautiful DNA lottery winners that have skated through their lives sliding down the rainbow of their own genetic beauty and have had everything handed to them. Please don’t misunderstand me here. I get it. I’m a beauty addict. I love them all. I don’t care what’s going on inside of these lovely vessels.

She says she struggles getting her face tan. She’s not happy about the premium package I totally gave her a deal on to help her. She feels like a different bed works better because it is hands down the strongest bed in the house. I don’t care. Sasha’s paying for the premium package and using a lesser bed. Give the people what they want. Whatever works.

Sasha reveals to me that she is 112 lbs and 23 years old. She’s a spectacular, lean Persian beauty and her mom works in local TV in Boston. This chick is a genetic miracle and born into money. Her face is lovely. Her hair is black and even though her nose is crooked, she is a perfect beauty. She has almost no bustline. I like girl with small breasts because they appear more youthful. Her body is lean and her legs are incredible. So I adore her on just the leg aspect. If you’ve been reading this blog you know I am leg obsessed so I would date a girl with an average face if she had a good landing gear and means of propulsion.

While waiting for the sunbed she wants she also tells me that in high school she was 140 lbs. Fat she says. A bigger girl. Who knows what was going on there but on a girl of her stature that’s chunky. She says in High School she was a bad girl and fooled around with a lot of boys because she felt ugly.

Okay, overweight and low self esteem and your mom was smoking hot. I get it. The blog isn’t going to write itself so I’m all ears.

She’s been with the same boyfriend since she was 17 years old.  She now works at an IT Recruitment firm here in Philly with a bunch of girls that tan here. There is one girl who is in my top 5 that brough them all in and she’s gorgeous. I love her too. I can be at the back of the salon without my glasses and I know when this chick comes in just from the slender shapely legs that I see with my special leg targeting super power. Believe me, when it comes to legs, I have a super power. I can hear the rustle of stockings from 50 yards away!

I love stockings and hose. They encase and cling to a woman’s legs to make them look better and keep them warm. Any leg wear and anything related to women’s legs drives me nuts and makes the dopamine drop like mad. I love it.

Anyway, she and the boyfriend live together here in Philly. He goes to Penn and she works in recruitment. They’re both from Boston. So he’s in school and she’s working. So the obvious move financially was to get a place together. They’ve been together for 4 years.

She tells me that if they get married, (Which seems inevitable) she wants a 3 carat diamond ring. She even shows me a photo of the ring she wants. I start to hate my number one. (Former number one)

A ring like that costs anywhere between ten grand and twenty grand. That’s insane. What kind of woman would put that much emphasis on a stone that is in a created market by the DeBeers family.

Most natural diamonds are formed at high temperature and pressure at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers (87 to 118 mi) in the Earth’s mantle. Carbon-containing minerals provide the carbon source, and the growth occurs over periods from 1 billion to 3.3 billion years (25% to 75% of the age of the Earth).

It’s the hardest mineral on the planet but marriage is a complicated and fragile experience. Half of them fail and the wedding business is a billion dollar industry. I’m starting to hate Sasha. She’s a vacuous foolish girl who has watched too many Disney movies and grown up in a place not based in reality.

Think of the pressure this is putting on her man. I tell her he’s going to have to find and incredible career out of college to become that level of debtor to buy her a stone on a ring that could slip off and fall down a sink forever.

So pretty but so superficial. I find that behavior empty and gross. So pretty on the outside. Ugly and stupid on the inside.

Can you imagine a guy dropping $20K on a fucking ring for a girl with no tits and working at a recruitment firm? And she’s a shitty person. She’s just really pretty. That’s it.

Run, dude. But that poor sap can’t believe that he finally gets to fuck the hottest girl in the room. Run, dude.

Sasha tells me if they ever move back to Boston she’s going to get a roommate and they will live separately I ask her why if they’ve been together for so long. She says she doesn’t like the idea of them acting like they’re married and not actually being married.

But they’re doing that now. It’s just tradition and ideals at this point. That would be expensive and stupid.

I can see all of this insanity from where I’m sitting now at 55. I’ve lived through every nonsense relationship tradition you could probably imagine. It always ends the same.

I look at Sasha and I’d love to fuck her back to the stone age, but that’s it at this point. She has officially lost her superficial silly title as the number one babe at the tanning salon.  (I know it’s just a game, but we gotta have some standards here people)

Somehow when she’s sitting there and we’re chatting and we’re getting into work stuff she says the phrase:

“I’m not going to be a pussy about it.”

Me with six 5 star Yelp reviews has to embrace my fallen number one using the word “Pussy” I have to do this. We’re close enough now.

“Sasha. It’s funny that people use that word as being soft or weak.”

‘I know, right?”

“I hear that phrase a lot and I’ve given it some thought.” I say this as the older statesman of the tanning salon in Rittenhouse. I’m the guy that the girls listen to in regard to which bed, lotion, exposure time and program they should adhere to be beautiful now.

“What are you thinking about that?”

I love that we’re going to have this conversation. I’m going to risk it.

“When men say things like, grow a pair of balls, or sack up, they mean be a man and be hard. Be brave and stand up for yourself. But in reality, the testicles are the most fragile part of a man. If you strike or kick a man in the balls he will fall to the ground and actually feel broken and nauseous from that. You can basically take a man out by hitting him in the balls. They hang outside his body in a bag and aren’t even strong enough to be inside his body to manufacture sperm. Fucking weak. One swift kick and we’re down. On the other hand, pussy is strong. Stronger than balls. A pussy can take a solid pounding and is strong enough to push out a baby.  A human being. Pussy is mighty.”

I know I risk being fired for this view.

“I totally agree with you Charles, and think about that all of the time.”

I love that Sasha think about how strong her sweet pussy is all of the time. I would like nothing more that to test the tenacity of her vagina. But I digress.

This is as intimate as I’ve ever been with hot, shallow, Sasha and I offer the Sweet and Sexy hot bronzer. She accepts it after hearing of its effects and actually like the idea of me giving it to her for free.

This is so fun! I love this tanning drama!

She comes out after her session and looks a little red. I tell her rosy complexion is the tingler activating the melanin in her skin to make her darker. She likes that. She tells me she had micro blading done on her eyebrows. I don’t know what that is, but apparently it’s something that will make this already perfect girl more beautiful.

Microblading, also known by a variety of names such as embroiderymicrostrokingfeather touch and hair like strokes, is a form of permanent makeup that provides a means to partially or fully camouflage missing eyebrow hair with the appearance of simulated hair using fine deposits of cosmetic tattoo pigments. Over time the strokes can blur and fade and will need to be refreshed.

Sasha tells me she has to protect her eyebrows from tanning while she is microblading. I wish I had come up with a nonsense product that people felt like they needed their whole life.

No. I could never do that to another person because that’s a lie. Sasha is beautiful and fucked up, but I’m here to serve her.

She comes out a little rosy from the lotion.

“Look. It worked. You look darker. Amazing.”

“I do right?”

I touch her forehead and arm. She’s red. My fingers gentle touch leaves a white impression then returns to red/brown. She’s happy with the results and I am the therapist. I am the one that delivers the tan. The beauty, The thing they all crave and don’t really need, but this is a business and it’s what Achilles and I do now. (See: Achilles – The Bronze God)

I notice her lovely legs are bare when she comes out of the booth.

“What happened? Won’t you be cold?”

“I told you I ripped a hole in my stockings today.”

I watch as she throws a black cloth wad into the trash.

“See you Thursday and thank you for everything!”

Off she goes.

I slowly walk her to the door and wave goodbye.

I watch her bound down the steps. Her shapely lean legs flexing as she makes her way back to Walnut street.

I turn back to the trash. That’s Sasha’s black sheer stockings that encased her lovely legs all day in the trash. The ones with the disappointing hole.

Well, off to the dumpster out back.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 9 Things The Happiest Couples Do For Each Other Without Being Asked

Small gestures can have a big impact.

In a healthy relationship, people tend to give love and support freely and frequently. They don’t wait for a special occasion to show their appreciation. They genuinely enjoy doing nice things for one another “just because” ― no prompting necessary.

We asked relationship experts to tell us what kinds of things, both big and small, happy couples do for each other without being asked. Here’s what they had to say:

1. They check in with each other. 

“Whether it’s a ‘hello’ text or call to ask, ‘How did it go?’ the happiest couples reach out. They call to say, ‘I’m running late,’ or ‘We just landed,’ or ‘Do you need me to stop at the store on my way home?’ The message: I’m thinking of you. The result: A feeling of being connected, being a key part of each other’s lives.”  ― Winifred M. Reilly, marriage and family therapist and author of It Takes One to Tango 

2. They give each other compliments.

“This doesn’t have to be a lovey-dovey compliment about being the best wife in the world, but even an offhand remark recognizing someone’s contribution, like ‘great dinner!’ Although some couples do well without positive feedback, the majority of people like at least a little bit of verbal recognition for their contribution, and happy couples are free with positive feedback.”  ― Samantha Rodman, psychologist and dating coach

3. They surprise each other with a card, just because. 

“Giving your partner a card that says ‘Thinking of you’ or ‘Thank you for all you do’ is such a sweet gesture. It will make him or her feel special and it’s a great reminder to you as well of all you have to be grateful for. An added fun touch would be to leave the card somewhere your loved one will happen on it. My husband loves to leave cards for me in the refrigerator. I often leave his cards under his pillow.” ― Susan Pease Gadoua, marriage therapist and the co-author of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels

4. They act generously, instead of keeping score. 

“Generosity is something freely given as a gift, with nothing expected in return. When a relationship feels secure, it is easy to want to offer more than your fair share of tasks or thoughtful gestures to show your love for your partner. Whether moving their clothes to the dryer for them or going on their favorite hike again, highly fulfilled couples tend to maintain great satisfaction from being thoughtful and generous toward their partner rather than scorekeeping.” ― Kari Carroll, couples therapist

5. They speak openly about their thoughts and feelings.

“When partners feel that it’s like pulling teeth to get each other to divulge any thoughts or feelings, a relationship can feel very lonely. Happy couples may not communicate constantly on a deep level, but they do it frequently enough to feel that they really know one another.”  ― Samantha Rodman

6. They surprise their partner with their favorite food. 

“We all know that food is nurturing and helps people feel connected. But when you go out of your way to bring home a special food you know they will love, it’s a wonderful way to put ‘I love you’ into action. If the favorite food is a meal that you make — rather than, say, a pint of Haagen Dazs — you’ll undoubtedly get even more points.” ― Susan Pease Gadoua

7. Or with a freshly washed car. 

“Regardless of whether you do the washing yourself or take the car to a car wash, when your partner sees their squeaky clean wheels on the street or in the driveway, he or she will likely be very grateful.” ― Susan Pease Gadoua

8. They’re in the habit of saying ‘thank you.’

“Despite the mundanity and complacency that can develop within a long-term partnership, a sure way to keep the fire alive and burning brightly is to watch your partner beam when you regularly notice and point out their contributions to your life. People want to be reminded they are of value to you, and secure couples understand that this should be frequent. Although you may assume your love to be understood, in reality, acknowledging your partner’s efforts and contributions consistently builds an even deeper connection.” ― Kari Carroll

9. And ‘I love you.’

“And they do it when it’s unprompted, unsolicited, and unexpected. In many relationships the ‘I love yous’ come more from one partner than the other. Typically one leads and the other follows. Too often I hear the excuse, ‘I don’t want to overuse it.’ In happy relationships, both partners initiate saying it and they mean it when then do.” ― Kurt Smith, therapist who specializes in counseling for men

If your partner doesn’t do all of these things, don’t fret. Relationships are a work in progress, and if you’re not getting what you want out of it, you should ask. You aren’t a mind reader, so you can’t expect your partner to be one either.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Kellie – Feminist Sex Tornado

Next Monday I’ll resume the Cherie series. I just needed to gather some material! So here’s a story from a few years ago. 

THIS STORY IS NSFW!!!!

I met Kellie on OKCupid and we chatted back and forth for a while. She even asked for my number and we chatted on the phone a couple of times before meeting up. We talked for over an hour one night and I’m usually not a phone person, so it seemed like we got along very well. The one downside was that she was an ultra-feminist.

Now let me just say that I have nothing against feminists or feminism. I’m a feminist as well in that I believe in equality and want all my female friends to have the same opportunities as me as a white man. I also can get on board with all the ‘don’t blame the victim’ stuff — I get it, there are plenty of reasons women can’t feel the same level of safety as me when walking home alone at night and it makes me sad and angry because these are my friends. BUT there’s a certain point where a line is crossed and just everything you say makes me cringe. These are not feminists but SJWs (Social Justice Warriors)and they are so annoying. I’m not going to get too much into the politics of it but after hearing her say a few things on the subject that sort of grated my nerves, I told her there were a few things that we might not see eye-to-eye on but that we probably had the same core values. She was cool with this (at first) and said she didn’t mind when people disagreed with her and she found it more interesting to speak with someone like me — who disagreed on some things but was basically not a scumbag — as opposed to talking to someone who was a ‘yes man’.

Fast forward to the date. We meet up at a restaurant and right away I’m attracted to her. Our plans are to go to the museum afterward but I really don’t feel like it. We have a couple of drinks with dinner and are getting along pretty well. We’ve both had a few drinks at this point and the vibe is more one of ‘lets keep the party going’ rather than ‘lets go look at art’ so I suggest we go get more drinks at a club. She suggests we get some wine and go back to her place for a game of monopoly. I try to talk her out of the monopoly game but she insists that we play monopoly. Not wanting to be a stick in the mud, I oblige. We go dutch on our dinner/drinks (which I hella respected her for insisting upon) and grab a cab to the wine store and then to her place.

We’re hanging out drinking, her place is nice but there are a few weird things like fridge magnets of penis’, which I actually think is funny and cool. Then she pulls out the monopoly board and takes the lid off and there’s a huge knife in it. She starts laughing and I laugh along nervously. She said her mom put it in there as there was no space or something last year when she was travelling. OK cool. The knife is put away and I relax. We’re drinking wine and playing the board game and she’s making eyes at me. This is going well.

Now this is the kind of girl who thinks it’s rape if you are in a relationship and you ask your partner more than once for sex if they say no the first time. I’ve been in relationships with girls who had a higher sex drive than me and have been on the receiving end of this. Sometimes it’s annoying but I never felt I was raped. So I was not planning on making any moves on her after we both had a few drinks. I wanted this to go somewhere for the long run and didn’t want to get physical right away anyway. I get up to use the bathroom but apparently I had to do something with the door to get it to close and she got up to show me and we start making out in her hall. She’s a great kisser and a red-head and we get along so well so far, I am very turned on.

We go back to the game for a bit but eventually we end up on her bed and clothes start coming off. I tell her I don’t want to sleep with her as we’ve both had some drinks and I’d like her to be my girlfriend one day. This puts her off, she says it’s too soon to say that and to be fair, she was probably right but I was drunk and smitten. She says for me to either take her pants off or we can go back to monopoly, it’s up to me. So I take her pants off. I slide my fingers inside her and feel this weird thing inside there. I’m like WHAT THE FUCK? Pull my fingers out and am like “uh…what’s that?” She starts laughing. I guess she forgot there was a diva cup in there. But she’s cute so no big deal. She goes to the bathroom and removes it but the mood is kinda gone, so we make out a bit more and decide to go grab some pizza. I’m getting tired by this point, so I go home but we make plans for her to come to my place in a couple of days.

Fast forward to my place 2 days later. We’re Netflix and chilling, more wine. One thing leads to another and we end up in my bedroom after about an hour. She is CRAZY in bed. It’s like a sex tornado. But she doesn’t want intercourse, which is OK. She is sucking my cock, giving a hand job, grinding me, sucking my cock again, it’s like a whirlwind. She asks for me to go down on her and I dive right into her fiery box.

Afterward we go back to Netflix and are cuddling on the couch. I suggest Ex_Machina as I think it might interest her because I thought it was a cool movie with some feminist undertones. Well she was offended that there were so many naked women in it and she ended up going on this rant and I was disagreeing with her on some points. Soon she’s telling me that she can’t see me again (in a very condescending way) because we just don’t see eye-to-eye on things and she can’t respect someone who thinks X etc… and I have a lot to learn about women.

At this point I’m a little annoyed but not too broken up about it because in the long run I could likely not stand listening to her Tumblr meme like beliefs on a daily basis. I call her a cab and we never speak again.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – If a woman has THESE 14 qualities you should never let her go

EVERYONE gets to an age where finding a long-lasting relationship feels more important than flings and holiday romances.

Now, scientists have pinpointed the qualities that men should look for in a woman they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

Compiling years worth of studies on love and relationships, Business Insider has narrowed down the 14 most appealing qualities of women that men should look out for. How many do you check off?

She’s smarter than you

It’s always good to have someone that can challenge you intellectually, but studies find an intelligent partner can be so much more than that: it could protect you from dementia in later life.

Lawrence Whalley, professor emeritus of the University of Aberdeen, researches dementia. He says: “The thing a boy is never told he needs to do if he wants to live a longer life — but what he should do — is marry an intelligent woman. There is no better buffer than intelligence.”

She’s honest

This one is hardly surprising: honesty is the foundation of any strong relationship. And studies have confirmed that men want to have an honest woman by their side when they look for a long term committed relationship.

She has a positive outlook

Being around positive people is good for our mental health, and negative people will rub off on us. So it’s no wonder studies have found being with a positive partner is better for men’s health. Remember: the glass is half full.

She compromises with you

Psychologists of the UCLA studied 172 married couples for 11 years and came to a simple thesis – it’s all to do with compromising.

“It’s easy to be committed to your relationship when it’s going well,” said senior study author Thomas Bradbury. “As a relationship changes, however, shouldn’t you say at some point something like, ‘I’m committed to this relationship, but it’s not going very well — I need to have some resolve, make some sacrifices and take the steps I need to take to keep this relationship moving forward.”

The study found those willing to compromise more lead a happier relationship.

She laughs at your jokes

A big part of a relationship is having a similar sense of humour. When we know our partner finds us funny (i.e. they laugh at our jokes) we feel confident and positive in the relationship. But studies find it’s more important for men.

In 2006 a study by psychologists of Westfield State University, confirmed this suggesting that having a partner who thinks they are funny is more important for men than for women.

She has an open heart

A study by the University of Westminster suggests that women who are open, loving and able to talk about their feelings are seen as more attractive.

She supports your goals and pursues her own

It’s all well and good supporting your partner’s goals and motivating them, but studies find men prefer women who have their own goals and who aren’t dependent.

She has a good relationship with her parents

It’s commonly said that if you want to know what your partner will look like in 30 years, look at their parents. And studies show a good relationship with her parents can mean good things for yours.

Researchers of the University of Alberta studied 2970 people of all ages and saw a clear correlation between the relationship to the parents in their teen years and how their love life was going later on in life.

She’s kind

Science says that the keys to a long and happy relationship are kindness and generosity. In an interview with Atlantic, Psychologist John Gottman said a characteristic of a happy partner is that: “They are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully.”

She remains calm in fights and calms you down too

Everyone has arguments in relationships, but two hotheads competing against one another can blow things out of proportion.

Researchers of the University of California Berkeley and Northwest University followed 80 couples for 13 years and found that relationships last longest if the woman can calm herself during a fight and then calm the man down. Interestingly, the effect is not the same if the man is the one to calm down first.

She does foolish things with you

Studies find relationships last longer if the couple has the same idea of fun. So essentially: if she’ll party with you, go to festivals with you and loves the same comedians as you, you’re on to a winner.

She has a life of her own

Space apart is important for any relationship, and it’s been proven by a long term study of the University of Michigan. “When individuals have their own friends, their own set of interests, when they are able to define themselves not by their spouse or relationship, that makes them happier and less bored,” author of the study, Terry Orbuch, said in an interview with The Wall Street Journal.

 

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Tales of Rock – Jimi Hendrix’s Guitar Got Him Kicked Out of the Army

In a lot of ways, Jimi Hendrix’s 13 month long stint in the Army in the early 60’s was a lot like his later music career, by which we mean he spent most of it playing guitar, taking drugs and sleeping till noon. You may notice that all three of those things, while undeniably rock and roll, are generally things the Army frowns upon, which is why Hendrix was eventually discharged for, among other things, masturbating in a toilet.

Before we talking about anything else we feel it’s important to reiterate that nothing in that opening paragraph was made up and that yes, Jimi Hendrix was once busted jacking it something fierce in a dank-ass porta-potty by a man in military fatigues. While most normal places of employment would consider catching an employee stroking the sausage on the shitter a fairly understandable reason to fire that person, the U.S. Army apparently felt differently and forgave this transgression and dozens others during Hendrix’s short military career.

Along with overlooking him going to town on his dick while he was supposed to be on duty, Hendrix’s commanding officer didn’t seem to mind all the time she regularly found him sleeping on the job or sneaking out to go drink in bars.

While Hendrix was certainly punished for his thousands of mistakes, reports from his time in the Army note that virtually nothing seemed to deter his behavior and that he seemed thoroughly disinterested in serving his country. Which isn’t all that surprising when you consider the only reason Hendrix joined the Army in the first place is because he was given a choice at 19 of going to prison or dicking around in the Army for 3 years when he was caught stealing cars. In fact, when you think of it like that, it almost seems like Hendrix was intentionally acting out in the hope he’d get kicked out of the Army early, kind of like the plot of Police Academy with more guitar solos.

According to his official Army file, while it was a culmination of his dozens of antics that eventually resulted in his honorable discharge from the Army, yes the guy who polished his penis in a toilet was discharged from the military honorably, his commanding officers cited his constant guitar playing as a major contributing factor.

In fact, Hendrix’s obsession with playing guitar was such that one senior officer, Captain Gilbert Batchman, wrote in his official discharge letter that he genuinely suspected that Hendrix simply couldn’t function properly while thinking about his guitar. Which we’re wholly inclined to agree with considering how Hendrix literally carried a guitar with him wherever he went and once carried a broom around for a year as a child pretending it was a guitar when his family couldn’t afford to buy him one.

In the end, after just 13 months of what was supposed to be a 3 year stint in the military, Hendrix was discharged because it was agreed by everyone that they guy who slept on the job, frequently wandered off without permission and slapped his junk around at inopportune moments probably wasn’t “Army material”.

 

 

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