I got a text from Summer out of the blue that her boyfriend Jax is breaking up with her. I just saw them a few days ago at the salon and they seemed perfectly happy. I asked her why and she says that he decided to break up with her because she cheated on him. (See: Summer – Night Shift Girl)
“What? When? Did this happen recently?”
“No a year ago.”
“Was it just some romance or all the way cheating?”
“All the way.”
“How did he find out?”
“He went through my phone and found a group text.”
Okay, I’m going to stop here. I’m a big fan of discretion in any relationship. You have a password for a reason. Privacy. You don’t go through your partners phone. Ever. You need to trust the person you’re with. If you find out your partner had sex with someone else you have some immediate decisions to make. Can you live with it? Do you confront them about it? Do you dump them right then if you’re that insecure in the relationship? So many choices.
I would say most people can’t handle what transpired and sexual cheating is a deal breaker. But let’s examine this. I’ll give you my opinion on this subject and then you make up your own mind. You’re either in one camp or the other. It’s like you love going tanning because it makes you look good. Or, you think it’ll give you skin cancer and you’ll never go near one of those places.
I once told my ex girlfriend Michelle, the following scenario. (See: Michelle – 2007 to Present – A Brand New Day) I loved Michelle very much and I know she loved me. I know our relationship didn’t work out simply based on time and logistics but you can go read her series and see how that played out. We’re still friends. She’s the only one who survived of all the ex girlfriends. I don’t even speak to my daughter’s mother anymore now that she’s been cashed out.
If sMichelle was angry at me or even if she wasn’t and she had the opportunity to jump into some strange she could do it. You can’t stop someone from cheating on you short of chaining them to the radiator. It’s all trust. You create and exclusive bond with a loved one and you have an agreement to be loyal to them. Do I think that’s good? I do. But human sexuality is more fluid than people want to believe.
Men are wired to want to spread their genes around. It makes for a healthier species. That’s just anthropology and good science. That’s also man-made selection. The more we mix it up the better chance we have for survival because we breed out a lot of diseases. Our imperative as Homo sapiens is to have sex with a bunch of different people. It’s fun and it feels good.
Let us remember, that we share 96% of our DNA with chimpanzees. Yea, we’re just smarter hairless monkeys. If I build a car and use 96% Toyota parts and only 4% Ford parts that car, no matter what you call it… is a Toyota.
I told Michelle that if she was on a business trip somewhere and she happened upon Richard Gere (Showing my age here) at the hotel bar and they were drinking and they ended up going back to his room and he fucked her I’d be okay with that.
I know that sounds crazy but let’s take him out of the equation. Just some hot young guy because she was drunk and horny and maybe mad at me for whatever reason. Or not angry with me. It just happened. Right place, right time and boom they had sex. As you’re reading this, that’s happening somewhere in the world right now. That’s how common that activity is.
If she never told me about the one night stand and didn’t catch a sexually transmitted disease… we’re good. Because I never knew about it and she could live with it.
But if she came home and told me because she couldn’t live with the indiscretion, I’d ask her the following questions:
“First of all… what was it like to fuck Richard Gere???”
“Second… do I get a run at Alessandra Ambrosio?” (Kidding)
“If you guys aren’t in love and he’s not texting you, or flying you to New York for more sex or there’s no flowers and dinners and sex in the future, we’re good.”
“No, it was just one night and I’m sorry.”
Michelle loves me and is my girlfriend. She lives with me and we do all of the day in and day out activities that couples do. She slipped for one night and she is truly remorseful about it. She loves me. We’re a couple. We have each other’s hearts. We’re in love with each other. Richard Gere isn’t coming to my sister Janice’s annual holiday party. (Although that would be fucking awesome!)
Do you see the dynamic here? One indiscretion doesn’t destroy years of real love and companionship. We built that and it can be altered by geographic and other relationships with other people but can never be torn down.
You can buy sex. I can literally go to an Asian massage parlor or go on Backpages and pay money to have sex with a woman. But as the Beatles once said a long time ago: “Can’t Buy Me Love.”
You can’t buy love. You can have enough riches that would make Solomon blush but you can’t pay someone to really love you. Rich dudes are surrounded by hot tail but come on, that cash just got them babes. I can’t imagine Melania actually loving the piece of shit personality of Donald Trump. She settled on the lifestyle. He’s an enormous loser and this country has made a giant mistake but I digress. This is a dating blog not a political platform for my views of America’s folly.
Jax should have manned up and addressed it with her and made a decision. Could he live with the fact that his beloved girlfriend allowed another man to penetrate her holiest of holies? They’re young, so I’m thinking jealousy and sexual recklessness runs deep in these kids. I remember being young and if my girlfriend cheated on me and fucked another guy I probably would have lost my shit and dumped her. But maybe not. I don’t know. But I’ve been on this planet for half a century and I’ve seen it all. I have rich perspective in regard to relationships, love and sex.
So Jax should have dealt with the problem then. He isn’t allowed to pull the gun out and shoot her a year later for her indiscretion. He should have dumped her then if he couldn’t live with it or forgave her and let it go. You really have to forgive people. You can’t live with it and keep drinking the poison. You must forgive. Really forgive. You can’t half do that. You have to go all in. Forgiveness is the key to you clearing your mind of all the garbage you’re carrying around in your head. Don’t let anybody live rent free in your head. Your mind is too precious for that shit.
But here we are a year later. He’s been carrying this around with him. That’s a problem. He let that resentment simmer and smolder and now he’s pulling the trigger.
Wrong, childish, behavior. But they’re young people. It happens. The young mind doesn’t really know what path to take. It’s all desire, passion, and chemicals firing. Some people wish they could go back and do it over. Fuck that. I’d rather live and learn and gather the wisdom to bring me peace in my middle-aged life.
So their broken up and she’s sad.
But you know what? He’s been texting her and now they are meeting for dinner. They’ll be back together within days. It’s a stupid cycle. But again… they’re young. They’ll hopefully learn the way. But for now this is how it is. Familiarity and settling.
Summer is actually more of the man in the relationship. He’s the sweet girl. Taking care of her. Putting up with her shit. But now that I’ve met them both Summer is clearly in charge. Women don’t really want to be in that role. I believe in empowering women on all levels but at the end of the day they need their men to be MEN.
Strong figures they can love and respect and admire. Those kind of men make good parents and companions. Just ask my daughter Lorelei and my girlfriend, Cherie.
Ask Michelle too for all I care. She’ll agree.
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