Phicklephilly Advice – Dating Etiquette

Hello Friends! I’ve been writing phicklephilly for over a year now and I’ve shared plenty of dating stories. I’ve decided to add a few new things to the mix. I’m going to try to write a dating advice series at least twice a month on phicklephilly. If anyone has any dating advice ideas for a blog post please share it with me. Thank you all for your continued support!

Here’s the first one!

When you start dating, following a few rules of thumb will help you be more successful. It’s tempting to avoid restating the basics, but the truth is, we all forget them from time to time. Dating is about two people coming together to get to know one another and find out whether they are compatible, then enjoying each other’s company and eventually forming a close bond. During this process, there are some important guidelines you should remember:

  • Dating should always be fun, and it’s as much your responsibility as it is your partner’s to ensure that it is. When you’re dating, make sure you do everything you can to make the time you spend together enjoyable.
  • Eye contact is crucial, and it’s good etiquette to give your date as much of your attention as possible. They should feel like they are the only person in the room. Do not use a date as an excuse for general partying.
  • Always be courteous and complimentary. Your date has made an effort to look nice for you, and your negative opinions and comments are unwelcome at this stage.
  • Never ogle your date. It’s rude, and it proves that all you care about is the other person’s physical appearance. This will turn a woman off faster than almost anything else.
  • Always show up for a date, unless you’ve given notice and let the other person know you have to cancel. Standing someone up is not acceptable, and it shows contempt for your prospective date by wasting their time. That kind of arrogance is detestable.
  • Always be on time, and never keep your date waiting. If your transportation is unreliable, plan ahead and leave early so you can be there when the other person arrives. Being late shows a lack of respect for your date and illustrates how disorganized you are.
  • Never be flashy or extravagant. There’s no need to attempt to impress your partner with your wealth and importance. It shows no taste whatsoever to throw your credit card around and order expensive champagne, unless you’re only after cheap thrills and don’t care how it makes you look in front of the person you’re trying to get to know.
  • Smoking excessively during a date is bad form, unless your partner also enjoys chain-smoking. In general, smoking in a restaurant will do nothing for your image and shows crass disregard for others.
  • Don’t be arrogant on your date, and try to avoid talking about politics and/or religion in the early stages. You may be very opinionated on certain topics, but that does not mean you’re right, or that your opinions won’t offend the person you’re with. Arrogance makes most people feel uncomfortable, so avoid it at all costs.
  • Never argue or be rude to others during your date — it simply is unacceptable. You’re trying to show the other person your best qualities, so arguing about the tip or whether the wine is chilled enough will make you look like a fool.
  • Be a good listener, and don’t talk your date to death. Listening shows interest and the ability to compromise. If your idea of a date is talking about yourself and your opinions all night, then do the world a favor and stay at home alone.
  • Dress well. In this day and age, there is absolutely no excuse for looking shabby. Dressing poorly shows laziness and will do nothing to make you look good. Furthermore, it shows a lack of respect for your date, who has more than likely made an effort to dress nicely.
  • Make an effort to be clean and smell good. Make sure you’re clean-shaven (where applicable), freshly showered and smell nice. It costs you nothing except a bottle of good perfume/cologne and some soap.
  • Never swear or use bad language. It will make you sound like an idiot. If you want to find the person of your dreams, you must treat them with respect.
  • Never discuss your other dates or how many people you’ve slept with. It’s rude and shows you have no class.
  • Even if you don’t like your date, don’t be quick to give them a hard time. Your partner is human and, like you, deserves to always to be treated with respect. You can still have a good time hanging out with someone you’re not attracted to, so treating them badly just because they’re not your type is unacceptable. Rudeness is not allowed.
  • Never tell lies on a date to get someone into bed or to try to make yourself sound good. You will be found out, and then you will be rejected. Tell the truth, or avoid a subject if necessary.
  • The man should pick up the dinner tab on the first date, and it’s probably a bad idea to discuss money at all at this stage. Many people feel that financial discussions are crass and lack sophistication.
  • Make sure your date feels comfortable at all times, and never do anything that might make them uncomfortable. Also, a man should always make sure his date gets home safely in a cab or by other means.
  • Never try to sleep with someone on the first date. Sex comes later. If you sleep together too early, chances are it will be over before it began.
  • Be as entertaining and witty as possible, and never rely on getting drunk as a fall-back plan. Drinking too much on a date shows that you have no respect for your partner and makes a mockery of the whole situation.
  • Call when you say you’ll call, and never leave someone hanging. If you didn’t have a good time on your date, don’t falsely promise anything or leave the door open. Doing so shows great disrespect for the other person, and it’s much easier for everyone if you’re honest about how you feel.
  • Never pretend to be single when you’re not. Telling your companion late in the game that you’re taken is very inconsiderate. Date only when you are single.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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Giselle – Blue Nile Diamond

I met this lady on OkCupid. Blue Nile Diamond is her handle. I don’t know her real name yet. But I had to write about her because she seemed interesting. Here’s her profile.

61 years of age, and lives in Philadelphia, PA

Straight Woman, Single, 5’7″ Fit

My Self Summary

Just wondering about interesting friends, here.

This is canarydiamond’s other profile. If you read them both closely you will notice neither says much of anything except between the lines.

Looking for inventive, untethered original being with keen interest in self reflection interested in creating one of a kind experiences over and over.

You can read about bluenilediamond at canarydiamond’s page

I am mythological, timeless, and gentle.

What I’m doing with my life

Very mindful moment to moment at figuring out how to be creative. Violinist, gardener, inventive with spices and natural ingredients literally and metephorically.

I’m really good at

  1. Living vibrantly in the moment.
  2. Tolerating being alone when no one is available to share amazement.

The first things people usually notice about me

Smile and gracefulness

Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food

A favorite quote from the Dalai Lama: “All the world’s major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. Nut the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion all together.”

Favorite Frank Zappa quote: “Politics is the entertainment division of the military industrial complex.”

Some books/authors Murikami, Eugenides, Patchet, Uncommon Knowing and books about practical nueroscience. New Yorker. Classics.

Documetaries. “Art” films, Theater – Pig Iron, Classical music you can hear without amplifiers, American Roots Music, Singer Songwriter, jazz. Mostly vegetarian but can be visitarian – eat what’s around without fissiness although I am not a fan of all the proccessed food. Outdoors. I like the outdoors. Don’t have a TV. No interest in beer and sports except sometimes October baseball, because the expanse of green groomed earth like a triangle crop circle of harvested chreography, beneath a deep sky of autumn blue above 40,000 people dressed in red and navy, participating in a legacy of simple joy they learned from their families surrounding all that, with lake Erie beneath the horizon, jus makes me all smiley for a awhile.

Six things I could never do without

Sincerity, Loving, Kindness, Humor, The outdoors, music.

On a typical friday night I’ll am

Doing Boleos maybe. Argentine Tango sometimes. No typical Friday Night.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I am always lagging behind my thoughts – Le Clezio

You should message me if

You have the pre-requisites for a freindship/dating. You emphasize live interatction. You are a gentle but strong, svelte, agile aesthetically sensetive preson seriously/absurdly happily interested in creating a sense of brilliant subtlety with a pratner in an ongoing experement of energetic kindness.

Long distance pen pals – probably an ocean or at least a mountain range away.

You can manage the practical aspects of everyday life with out getting ruffled most of the time, oh dear human you.

Nay on mustaches, beards.

Looking for

Single people, located anywhere, ages 35-99 for new friends

 

And it ends there. That’s her profile. Sounds eccentric but a really nice lady, right?

 

So she reaches out to me and here is her first message to me on OkCupid:

“I just want to meet you. At last, no logistics. I work in the Wellington and have been on Rittenhouse Square for the last forever.

My mother died 16 months ago. She was amazing and I’m doing well. However, my sister-cousin double dared me, suspecting I was circling the drain, to take an improv class. I want you to know I passed 101 but flunked improv 210. It was me against 11 men age 19 – 28, one white US born, one belgium, and 9 others of various backgrounds and hood-dom that continuously dropped references to martial arts films and dry witted cartoons, (I haven’t had a TV in 20 years) I need a defibrillator every time I had to find the second beat. They all may have flunked. Who knows? The teacher was a pretty serious taskmaster! Also, I’m convinced I’ve seen you stand in line at La Colombe although I just made that up. It’s the reason I have two profiles here – That’s for hello story. There’s quite an age range between us so I’m up for being a pal (the cluck old Hen recording on Canary Diamond’s page) and I’m moving to New Zealand in the fall for a year so if you’re up for meeting a neighbor friend and perhaps helping me engage with a human, perhaps a good friend of yourself even better, outside a psyciatric office (I understand there is an improv group in Chinatown that can use me…) office you would be doing the City of Philadelphia a great virtuous deed. Oh, most people only flunk 201 once. I flunked it twice. Went on to sketch writing but decided to postpone it for a trip engaging with flightless birds as well as making Jon. 20th disappear (fly over the date line at night) checking out New Zealand since I’m going to move there for a year anyway. It must be oracular – planned it starting 5 years ago.

Anyway – would love to meet you and buy you drinks until I look like my photos. Wait… what…? Seriously, if you can make me laugh I will buy you lunch or dinner write it off as a tax deduction. I wrote off the improv stuff because I was checking it out thinking geriatric improv or couples improv would be a great way to keep off the grim reaper of divorce. I just need to figure out procedure codes to get insurance that pays for nothing to pay. I will bring my ukelele if you dare me and sing you a song Merle Haggard’s first wife wrote or something you inspire on the spot (that sounds suggestive but it wasn’t meant to be)

I’m in the Rittenhouse office Monday’s the neighborhood Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesday nights. Otherwise I live a mile into the woods 30 minutes outside the city with two Southern Vultures (Natasha and Quincy) and their newborn. I will give you the vulture cam link if I figure out how to set it up. Getting close.

I hope you are well and your creative nuerons are firing swell. I can teach you how to hypnotize yourself to give up inhaling burning dead vegetable matter if you like or if you don’t, never mind.”

All up,

Gis

 

There it is. That’s what she opened with. Not, “Hi!” or “Hello.” Like most women. She sounds a little bit crazy, but so interesting that I should meet with her, right?

Stay tuned…

Nah, fuck that. I’m not ever going to waste my time on that crazy broad.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

 

Cherie – Chapter 3 – First Date – Part II

Happy New Year!

Let’s get to Part 2…

Has our hero finally met a live one? Will this date work? Will it turn into anything? Based on his track record, it will probably go down in flames. Let’s see what happens…

It’s still raining. I ask her if she has an umbrella. She says while she was driving down here she realized that she didn’t. We leave the restaurant and walk toward Rittenhouse Square.  Even though the rain is falling, there is an arts and crafts fair going on there. We share my umbrella. I love this. It’s a classic romantic moment.

That is such a part of me.

We stroll the show, walking close together. Stopping inside of some of the tents to get a longer look. We make it about half way through and we decide we’d like to chat some more under some sort of shelter. The rain isn’t a bad thing. It forces us together. We have to find someplace to continue our date and be comfortable. I notice she is very easy-going. She would have pretty much gone anywhere I wanted. I could just tell that.  I like that in a woman. Not that I need to control everything, but just an agreeable laid back girl is choice. No drama. Low maintenance. Because I’ve had the opposite and it is a fucking nightmare.

The rain falls around us in Rittenhouse. But we’re together… and the storm draws us closer.

We cut through the park diagonally, headed back to Walnut Street. I remember she mentioned that she liked coffee so I suggest we duck into the Barnes and Noble. They have a Starbucks upstairs.

We literally got the last two seats. Kismet! I ask her what she likes. Just a regular coffee, cream and extra sugar.

Extra sugar.

“Aren’t you already sweet enough?”

She smiles. “Oh you…” So she relaxes and I get in line. I glance back and I think she maybe checking her phone. I realize neither one has pulled out their goddamn phones all afternoon. It’s a glorious feeling. It’s like dating in the 80’s but without the ridiculous fashion and bad haircuts.

I bring her the coffee, and I have a small mocha frap. I’m not really into coffee but those frappachinos are like desserts for adults.

We chat and learn more about each other. At one point I even doodled a little picture of her on a napkin. She put it in her purse. We confirm that we definitely want to go to the movies soon. Something scary or suspenseful.

I’m down. I love we’re already planning future dates. I tell her I’m not really a sports guy, I’m more of an arts guy. But I do the love the exchange of power in watching live sports.

I think I know one of the things people love about sports. It’s the one form of entertainment where you truly never know how it’s going to end. There are no spoilers in sports. She says she’s very sporty. She played basketball and ran track in high school. Oh, did I mention that I had a chance to see her well turned calves? We were on the escalator and I was behind her and, I looked. You can see were the calf is like a smooth fist with the indentation. That’s muscle. Cherie’s lean and fit. I’m sure the rest of her legs are pillars of chocolate sinew. (Note to self: Start eating better immediately.)

She doesn’t seem to care that I’m not a sports guy. I’m getting the vibe that she digs me. I noticed it a little earlier, when we handed off the umbrella. There was some gentle hand contact. I reached across the table at one point and touched her arm. Her skin was so soft. No resistance to my touch. She said her name is Arabic. Swahili in origin. It means: Truthful. (her real name, not her blog name Cherie)

She said if she wasn’t into me she would have split hours ago. It’s funny, when you feel it, it just works and it’s easy. You want to spend more time with that person. You want to remember details. You want to make plans to see them again. It’s automatic. I’ll make note of that going forward here. This blog is really helping me!

We have very busy schedules but that’s a good thing. Plus, she doesn’t live around here. I told her right now Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays work for me. I told her I would like to see her next Saturday but I promised to go to our shore house with my sisters and clean it up. She said she had to work next Saturday anyway. She said that maybe she could cut school and call out sick from work next Monday and then we could have the whole day together. (Cue up: “Walkin’ on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves.) I told her I didn’t want to jeopardize her grades or her jobs. She said she realized that, but she knew when and how she could do it without missing anything major. I said she could come down and we could do lunch and an afternoon matinée.

She liked all of that.

God, I like this girl. Smart, chill, nice, and easy-going. So we’ve been together for about 5 or 6 hours now and I haven’t even looked at my watch. We decide to wrap it up and call it a day. I help her on with her jacket.

She notices.

We come out of the bookstore and she realizes that she has no idea where she parked. I told her I have a good sense of direction. I can see she’s a little embarrassed. I tell her not to worry. We’ll go back to the restaurant and if she can show me which way she approached and how many blocks I can find our way back to her car.

She goes “I can’t believe I don’t know where my car is.” We get about 100 feet from the bookstore and I say: “Did they happen to give you a little ticket when you gave them your car?” She stops dead. Yes! and digs in her bag producing a ticket. 1925 Sansom. I know just where her car is. Right across from the Shake Shack on 20th.

It’s still raining. I’ve got her covered. I think at this point my arm may even be around her. It’s good. We get to the lot and she gives her ticket to the attendant. He says is it the silver Honda? She says, “It’s the blue Saab.”

Impressive. I’m not going to ask about the Saab.

She pays the attendant. (Look! A wallet came out on a date! Take a picture!) She gets her keys. She’s about to go. She moves in for the kiss on the lips. They are full and soft. Oh… I like this girl. She thanks me for the brunch and the coffee and the laughter and conversation. I’m happy. I say, “one more” and I kiss her again. Nothing too much. Just the same gentle way she kissed me.  I hold the umbrella over her sweet head as she enters the Saab.

I smile at her and she smiles back and waves through the soaked windshield.

I turn and head south down 20th street. I light a celebratory cigarette and pull deeply upon it. I really like this girl. I hope I can sustain this because it feels really good.

I wait until 9pm to text her. I tell her that I had a lovely afternoon with her and that I trust she made it home safe and that I hope to see her again soon. She got back to me 3 minutes later, and thanked me again and said it was an afternoon filled with fun and laughs.

She also said that she too is looking forward to seeing me again.

So it’s on.

I’m smiling as I write this and I’ll keep you posted. I hope I get to spend more time with this lovely girl.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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Happy New Year!!!

“The space between despair and orgasm are hard to fill.”

Happy New Year!!!

2017 was an amazing year and I’m sure 2018 will be even better!

First and foremost I want to thank everyone who reads, likes comments, (love the comments!) and especially follows phicklephilly. Your support has helped me create this work and your words and voices continue to inspire me and propel me onward and upward. I’ve met some really wonderful people on this journey.

I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now with no end in sight. I’m hoping that by the time you read this, Phicklephilly the book will be available on Amazon.com. I see it as the first in a series of books, and hopefully a TV series on Netflix.

One big difference in 2018 is that I’ll publish all new original content, Monday through Friday! The other change will be that I’ll be adding some stories from my past. I want to resolve some things and also have some interesting and funny stories to tell.

There will also be another series premiering entitled, Wildwood Daze. It’ll chronicle some of my summers at the shore and some other interesting things that will lead into my next series.

Later in the year I’ll be adding a series highlighting the two years I spent Los Angeles, CA. I’ve been thinking back lately and they were some wild times in my life. (One I wrote recently, is hands down the funniest thing I’ve ever written for this blog.) So you’ll get to see what a 19 year old phicklephilly was getting up to in the early eighties in L.A. It’ll be called, California Dreamin’. (Based on the level of content I’m generating now, it may not premiere until 2019.)

I’ll still keep phicklephilly rolling with lively dating content, but this year I’ll be adding a few new things. Monday’s will usually belong to whatever romantic series I currently have running. Tuesday through Friday will be friends, family, celebrity sightings, dating and Sun Stories. I’m also compiling a collection of weird, bizarre, and funny online dating profiles I’ve come across while using these sites. That series will be entitled: Tinder Moments. Those will come out on a monthly basis. We’re bumping Tales of Rock to Sundays to free up Fridays for more Phicklephilly content, and last but not least, I’ll host my friend Jad’s blog, Sensuality, Sex and Something Else every Saturday.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll even find a nice girlfriend this year! Fingers crossed!

I wish you all health and happiness. Keep an open heart. Forgive and go forward!

Love,

Phicklephilly

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly