Personal sabotage at it’s finest!!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

I had thought that once I finally got laid the sexual tension would dissipate…However it turned out not to be the case! If anything it had become even more consuming and I was in two minds as to how I felt about it. I was hoping that once I had satisfied my primal urge for sex I could get […]

via Personal sabotage at it’s finest!!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Tales of Rock – Ozzy Osbourne Snorted What?

Ozzy Osbourne is one of the most controversial figures in the history of music. He has sold over 100 million albums and helped popularize the genre of heavy metal. Ozzy has been addicted to drugs for most of his life and experimented with a wide variety of substances. During his career, Osbourne has been involved with two separate incidents in which he bit the head of an animal. In 1981, after signing his first solo record deal, Osbourne bit the head off a dove. In 1982, he bit the head off a bat that he thought was plastic while performing in Des Moines, Iowa. After decapitating the bat Ozzy had to be treated for rabies.

In 1982, Ozzy Osbourne got drunk and urinated on a cenotaph erected in honor of those who died at the Alamo in Texas. He was arrested for the act and banned from the city of San Antonio for a decade. In 1984, Ozzy joined Mötley Crüe on the road and the tour has been called one of the “craziest drug- and alcohol-fueled tours in the history of rock and roll.” During their time in hotel rooms, Ozzy and Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe underwent a competition to see who could be the most extreme. After Sixx set himself on fire, Osbourne responded by snorting a line of ants off the pavement. After he snorted them up, some of the ants came out his mouth. The event was highlighted in a book written by Sharon Osbourne. Many accounts say that the ants were fire ants, but this is not confirmed.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Crazy Dating Stories: Faye – 2014 – Pussy Control

“This was getting weird…”

Let me start by saying that I was really only looking to hook up. I had just been dumped by my girlfriend so I figured that online dating would be a reasonable option. I went on Tinder and had been talking to a girl for about two days before agreeing to meet her.

Faye had told me that she used online dating because she was suffering from depression and was on medication that made it hard for her to perform. (Dryness and non orgasmic) She decided that it was easier to meet men this way than to meet up in person and then have to explain when they started getting physical. She went on to tell me though that she “had a good feeling” about me and that I was “exciting” to her despite her medication. Okay. I was cool with this and decided to go over to her place to see if we really did have chemistry since we both seemed to be looking for the same thing (a hook-up).

When I got there, she was waiting for me in the living room and we started making out. I could tell that she was getting a little aroused but was having some issues and so when she said that she knew what would “help” and that it was in her bedroom…I willingly followed.

Walking in I couldn’t help but notice her bed…surrounded by cat condos.

Lots… of cat condos.

Some structured to be as tall as I was. I knew she had cats but I assumed she meant one or two and that they were just hiding when I came over. Nope. She had nine (or ten?). Which all came out from under the bed when we sat on it. And all went to their perches on the cat condos to watch us (after rubbing against her and being petted quickly). She then proceeded to start making out with me again. I was massively creeped out. I like cats (I’ve owned them in the past)…but having them watch me urinate freaks me out much less watching me have sex.

I excused myself openly admitting that this was too weird for me and left. She followed me and begged me to give her another chance and “help” her. I left. For the next few days she messaged me asking me to come over and saying that she had “made progress” with me.

I blocked her after receiving a photo of her nude, on the bed, surrounded by the cats.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                            Facebook: phicklephilly

Miscellaneous Stories: Trying to get the book Phicklephily published in 2017 – Update

Happy Holidays one and all!

I finished the book back around the end of October after working on it for a year all the while working on my blog.  thought once I uploaded it I’d be published. Not so and much to the disappointment of myself and my followers. For that I am sorry.

We’ve had several setbacks and challenges. Apparently it’s not a few keystrokes and downloads and you have a book on Amazon Kindle. There are so many things that can go wrong in the production of a completed book.

I don’t know what went wrong. It’s a large tome and I’m sure there are a miariad of technical glitches that can prevent the production of a usable book on their system. I think of all of the people that have helped me along the way. I think of the guys and girls working at their jobs everyday to feed their families and pay their bills that work at Amazon Kindle. At this moment there are people making their living trying to get my book live on Amazon. For that good work, i am grateful.

I’m a patient man and I know the first is always the hardest. Once we break the seal on this one, I think the next books will be fine. I have so much more to produce.

Here’s where we are right now. I got this email today.

 

Amazon.com (kdp-customersupport1@amazon.com)To:you Details

Hello,

I hope you are enjoying your day so far!

I can see my colleague, Amit, is personally following this case for you. Rest assured, I have let her know of your response and he will give you an update as soon as possible!

I hope everything works out for you. I wish you all the best with your upcoming books.

Have a lovely day!

Regards,

Shravanthi 
Kindle Direct Publishing
http://kdp.amazon.com

See how nice they are? I love that. Manners!
And then this one also came today:
Amazon.com (kdp-customersupport1@amazon.com)To:you Details

Hello,

I’m following up with your request regarding your book status.

I see that your book is now moved from Blocked status to Draft status and available for further editing.

I’ve checked with our technical team and they had found few errors in the file. 

They have corrected the KPF file and updated the manuscript of your eBook “Phicklephilly”

I’ll be sending you the corrected file through a different email address, kindly upload the updated and corrected file and your eBook will under go review process and will become “Live” after the review process.

I hope this helps.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

I’m just stupid happy that there are people sending me emails talking about my book “Phicklephilly!”
Lovely people! I want to work with Amazon! I really think these guys are trying to get my book published. Attentive and respective! Qualities lost in this country!
Then I got this one!

Hello,

As promised, please find the corrected KPF file of your ebook “”Phicklephilly”(ASIN:B077663QPL)” that you can re-upload.

I hope this helps.

Regards,

Amit Phillora

Kindle Direct Publishing 

 

I love Amit! I called a few weeks and spoke with the man myself. He’s on the case trying to get my book published live on Amazon. I don’t even know this guy and out of the million authors out there, this guy is doing his job and really helping me.

I applaud you Amit, and thank you!

Let’s get phicklephilly published before the end of 2017!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday trough Friday at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Sun Stories: Summer – 2016 to Present – Night Shift Salon Girl

“How did 4 go from Dirty to Available and none of
us even touched it?”

In the Spring around April/May it’s our busiest time of year at the tanning salon. We absolutely have to have two people working at night. It gets so busy that one person just can’t handle it.

With all of the weddings, proms, graduations, formals, and people taking vacations and getting their “base” on for the summer we get inundated with clients.

So we need to hire somebody to help us out.

Summer, was that hire. I loved little Haley from last year. I’ve written about her. (Haley – 2016 to Present – Lightning in a Bottle) She was great. A fast, efficient worker who could move the clients and stay on top of our other duties.

I wished we could have gotten her back, but she had already secured a part-time job at a restaurant in town.

Summer has been a client of ours for over 2 years. She’s been coming here to tan since she was a freshman at Temple. Achilles suggested that we approach her to work here for the busy season. To me she was just another girl who came in here and did spray and UV tanning, but I suppose Achilles saw something in her.

He finally got a hold of her and got her schedule and it was a match. Monday through Friday, 3pm to 8pm.

You know when you have that co-worker that you really like, and they leave, and then they’re replaced by that new person, that you know will never be as good as your old co-worker?

Well that’s where I was. I’m sure we’ve all been there. But here’s the thing. I love little Haley. She’s great.

But Summer? She turned out to be amazing.

When I started at the salon it took me a week to learn everything. I had to have Achilles stay with me while I worked for days. I was so nervous about what I was doing and it felt like it took me forever to master all of the jobs and tasks of the place. I’m not kidding. I’m a smart guy, but I’m sure Achilles felt like he was dealing with someone who had fetal alcohol syndrome!

Summer? Crushed the whole place in two days.

Originally, Achilles was just going to have her run around and clean beds, but on day one she was learning the system, and every aspect of the job. By the end of the week this brown-eyed blonde was selling lotions and up selling clients to the premium packages.

I was very impressed and so was Achilles. Just a brilliant hire.

Summer told me she never had a job before. She just wanted to show her parents she could earn her own money while in school. She’s a finance major at the university. She also wants to learn Chinese so she can do international finance when she graduates college. Yea, this chick is smart as a whip.

She did such an excellent job we want to get her back again after the summer break is over. When we add the fitness area, we’d also like her to work there as a trainer.

The customers like her. She’s really fast and efficient. She’s got the personality that this place needs, and she loves tanning. She’s comfortable discussing any aspect of UV or spray tanning. She sometimes likes to do the darkest bronzer on herself just to be that dark. And since she goes to Temple, she knows a lot of our clientele already. They’re her classmates.

I came in once on a Friday, and was looking forward to working with her that night. I’m coming out from the back and I see Trish instead of Summer up at the counter.

“Where’s Summer?”

“She took the night off for her birthday.”

I actually started feeling angry that I had to work with Trish instead of Summer. That’s how much I liked working with her. (She just turned 20 and took the night off to celebrate her birthday)

Sounds like the perfect employee right? Comes in early. Stays late. Good attitude. Can stay two steps ahead of what’s going on at the salon. Just a dream employee.

Apparently, she’s also a whiz in school. All A’s and B’s. She has a heavy course load but she works her ass off studying and passing her tests. She’s like the perfect kid.

Or is she?

 

I think I was working with her the first week when she told me this story.

She was out one night in the city with her friends. They all carry fake ID’s these kids now. I don’t mean those shitty laminated fake State ID’s from my generation. The stuff they have now looks like the real deal. The technology is just incredible. They pay around $80 for what looks exactly like a Pennsylvania Driver’s License. It has all of their info on it but the only thing that’s different is their date of birth. By all accounts they are 21 years of age, the legal drinking age in this state.

When I was growing up and down at the shore in New Jersey, the drinking age was 18. I think that’s fair. I really do. They have since raised it to 21, and it’s probably that number everywhere now.

What I don’t understand about this law is, you can vote, buy a gun, work in porn, and serve in our country’s military all at the age of 18. But you can’t buy a beer.

It’s bullshit!

Anyway, All of these kids have these high-tech, fake ID’s now that really look exactly like the real deal and they are all getting into bars and nightclubs to party out. I’ve seen these fake IDs. Haley had one and showed it to me last year. Looked like it had been issues by the DMV. Really good.

So Summer tells me that she and her friend were out the other night bar hopping and just doing what college girls do. After awhile they end up down at Sugarhouse Casino. Summer walks in and of course she gets carded. The security guy looks at her ID and looks at her.

“Is this ID real?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“One moment.”

He goes in the back and what we’re assuming at this point he is running it through some sort of scanner.

He comes back out flanked by two security guards and the police. They tell her the ID is a fake and that she’s under arrest.

“What?”

Now normally if kids get caught trying to use a fake ID at a bar or nightclub and they’re discovered, they are turned away and/or the ID is confiscated. But this is a casino. A state regulated organization.

Attempting entrance to a casino with a fake ID is a felony that can carry with it a large fine and jail time.

Yea. This honor student could go in the can and end up with a felonious criminal record that would ruin her chances of ever having a career in the financial industry.

That is some serious shit.

I can’t believe she’s told me this terrible tale. I feel so bad for her because I really like Summer.

So she lawyers up. I tell her to wear something nice and demure to court, and act really, really sorry for what she did. Show real remorse. (Or at least put on her best performance of pretending she’s sorry) She thinks the charges are crazy and is still acting repugnant about the whole thing but agrees with me.

Her court appearance comes up and I tell her to text me when they reach a verdict.

I’m worrying about her all day. I’m praying that they won’t throw the book at her. She’s a young girl with no priors. Not even a parking ticket. She’s a straight A student, and she didn’t even get in and buy a drink or drop a single quarter in a slot machine. She simply attempted to enter the wrong place with a fake ID. I know it’s wrong and so does she, but we’ve all done it.

The text finally comes after 2pm that afternoon.

“You were right! $200 fine and a class. No felony. No jail time!”

What a fucking relief. I’m so happy for her. I hope my favorite employee and “little outlaw” has learned her lesson. I’ll write more as things happen in her life.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: Phicklephilly

 

Crazy Dating Stories: Morgan – The Morning After

Another tale of one man’s journey through the dating scene in Philadelphia, searching for true love.

I have been doing online dating for a while now, meeting some nice women but nobody with whom I “clicked” in a while. This particular girl was interesting: cute, single (never married), witty, and intelligent, as well as very flirty in a seductive way, twenties; in short, the whole package. We’d never met, though because she lived an hour away, and neither of us was keen to drive the whole way, and there was nothing interesting in the middle.

One Saturday night, I was just chilling at the batcave, so I was online by 7:30. Soon after I logged into the dating site, aforementioned Interesting Girl messaged me, and we began chatting. It turned out she that she had been stood up by a date. She invited me to drive to her locale for dinner and a movie.  Netflix and chill? Ok! (Oh please, I don’t do that.)

But I did.

After some hemming and hawing (Once I’m home, and down to the T-shirt and shorts, I’m done), I opted for the “What’s the worst that could happen?” route and jumped into a Zipcar and headed out around 8:15, making record time and arriving by 9pm.

I called her from the parking lot, and she buzzed me into the massive building in which she lived. Navigating the labyrinth of hallways, I arrived at her door and knocked. Out stepped a woman who fulfilled every promise her pictures held and more. She was such a knockout. Brunette, brown eyes, gorgeous slamming body, lovely legs, twenties, and incredibly sexy. She was wearing a light top and a short skirt and heels. My eyes are watering. She’s so beautiful. I want her.

I didn’t notice at the time that she had closed the door behind her. We trekked back to the parking lot and hopped in the car. She insisted on driving.

“You drove all this way to see me!”

She was so beautiful, I seceded.

We set off for one of the few restaurants still open in her area after 9pm.

The conversation in the car flowed… Unfortunately. Over the course of the next 20-30 minutes, she did most of the talking – and managed to tell me the following:

  1. She is not, in fact, “single (never married)” as it says on her profile – she is divorced.
  2. Her divorce is not, in fact, finalized, but will be soon – so technically, she is “separated (still married).”
  3. She still has some feelings for her not-yet-ex.
  4. In fact, they still see each other occasionally.
  5. He lives in his parents’ basement. (What?)
  6. She suffers from depression, or as she put it, “Sometimes I don’t know why I exist.”
  7. About a month ago, when she was feeling particularly low, she went to visit her ex to have dinner and watch a movie.
  8. Her ulterior motive, she told me, was to seduce him.
  9. Her motivation for that motive was to get pregnant, because she thought that a baby might give her life a purpose. (What?)
  10. To that end, she had quite a bit to drink – they both did – and she neglected to use a condom She doesn’t like birth control because of what it does to her complexion. (I get that.)
  11. Soon after, she drove home (still drunk, and still depressed).
  12. Arriving at home, she flopped on the couch next to her roommate.
  13. The roommate is her cousin.
  14. Her second cousin, really.
  15. This cousin was released from jail (assault and battery) 2-3 months prior; it seems he has a bit of an anger problem.
  16. After she told him what she had done, and he argued that she needed to go – now – to get the “Morning After” pill, so she didn’t conceive; she rebuffed him and said she would sleep on the matter. She went to bed.
  17. When she awoke the next morning, her cousin was lying in bed next to her.
  18. Naked. (He fucked her)
  19. Waking, he said, “Guess you better go get that pill now, huh?”
  20. She did.
  21. The cousin still lives with her; that’s why she slipped out the door so deftly.

Needless to say, I was stunned. Horrified. Unfortunately, she was driving – so I couldn’t very well say, “Let me out here please, crazy lady.”(Or… as my man Church would have done… jumped out of the car at 70 miles an hour, and rolled down the embankment.)

We soon arrived at the restaurant, and the rest of the night was very pleasant all things considered: We ate, had good conversation (about anything but the items above), she drove me back to the apartment, we had sex, which was spectacular several times, (Yes condoms. A thousand times yes) and then I high-tailed it out of there quietly under the cloak of night.

The next time I saw her was at a fund-raiser; she was on the arm of a friend of a friend (whom I knew from being in that friend’s wedding with him). She smiled, and gave me a hug, and I grinned at her new beau as I shook his hand. Either he knew what I knew and didn’t care, or he was in for a hell of a story some day.

So let’s recap:  In the span of a 25-minute car ride, this girl told me that she was divorced (not single), had unprotected sex with her ex-husband in an attempt to get pregnant (without telling him her motivation), then been raped by her cousin – who did so to convince her to get the “Morning After” pill in order to not get pregnant.

Will I ever meet anyone ever again that isn’t completely fucked up?

I don’t know. But maybe I’m paying for my sins.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly